


Black honey

by Allenthewookie



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Animal Death, Blood, Body Horror, Cannibalism, Creepy, Dark Comedy, Drug Use, Gore, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kidnapping, M/M, Religious Cult, Slow Build, Southern hide, Threats, Victim Blaming, Violence, Witchcraft, but with trains, farmer boy hide, lots of swearing, lying lots of angst, maybe some fluff, momma's boy hide, sexually stuff sometime, smut smut mofos, switching POV, witcher kaneki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-10-06 08:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 55
Words: 92,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10330289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allenthewookie/pseuds/Allenthewookie
Summary: Hide really fucking hated the North. One because of all the snow and Two for the stories he’s heard of the Witcher that eye glows red like blood.





	1. Let's make a deal

He’s been riding on this train for about a good solid 7 hours and he’s already tired of it. Feeling stiff and annoyed that he couldn’t move around much in the cart he was assigned to.

Heading north was something new for him. Growing up a southern country boy he only knew of stories of the north. How during the colder months (which were at least November to February to him), made the land covered in snow, how some would say it’s like a “winter wonderland.” 

He didn’t even know what the hell that might. All he knew that during the colder months the crops would die more often then if the bugs ate at them.  
But he has also heard of horrible stories of people being frozen in the cold with nowhere to go, or how people went missing in the forest trying to look for food to feed their families.

He doesn’t let that discourage him through. 

The only reason he’s actually going up north is to find medicine for his sick mum. She’s grown ill in the past months. The doctors in and near his town don’t know how to help her. But one day when he was helping out in the local tavern, he was cleaning bottles when a man with long black raven hair and many tattoos came up to him.

(flashback)  
“I heard that you’re mother is sick, is she not? And if so I might be able to help you two.” he said this as he picked at his nails with little interest in the actual conversion at hand.

“How do you know my mum’s sick? I haven’t seen your face around here before and that’s saying a lot for such a small town.” I say with little humor in my voice so not to seem worried that this man knows of my business.

“My apologies, I’m being rude. My name is Uta. I’m a traveler you see so not be worried. I was walking through and heard many talking about how it seems no doctor can cure your mother’s ailment. But I have heard of a plant in the northern country that can heal any disease or illness.” lifting his gaze from his nails to finally land on me.

He never answered how he knew it was my mum or me but with saying of this *mysteries* plant I need to know more.

“A all healing plant you say? Well I would like to know more about it but I don’t think that information is free, is it Mr. Uta?” quirking my eyebrows at him. No man nor women would give away such information especially something as valuable as a *all healing plant*.

He gives me a toothy grin and before he spills anything meaningful out of his mouth he ask for a shot of something strong. I almost forgot I was working in the tavern. I grab the cheapest bottle of vodka we have. I don’t know what kind of money this man has so I guess cheapest is the best way to go if you don’t know.

“I need nothing from a farm boy with a sick mother on his hands but if I tell you where to find this plant will you do me a favor? Of course it will be nothing to hard for any man of your age to do.” his voice tells me nothing. A melody with no hint of lying nor truth. Just words coming from a hole in his face.

I can’t let my mum be sick for so long. In this day and age people will died just because they cut their foot on glass. I can’t risk her. She’s the only family I have, the only mum I’ll ever get to have in my life. And with that I will do anything to protect her.

“What is the favor? Mr. Uta.” 

“Oh it’s really nothing, just that you give this to a person I know.” As he says this he holds up a letter in his hands.

It seems simple enough but maybe too simple but I still have to do this. For my mum.

Looking over the letter in his hands it looks nothing like a letter I’ve never seen before. It’s black with a crimson red wax seal on it. Trying not to dwell on how creepy it looks I nod my head to silently tell him I’ll do it.

“That’s my boy! After your done here I’ll give you a map with directions to the plant and some to my good fellow. Maybe some extra money for your troubles.” He almost looks pleased with himself. As if I just made a deal with the devil.

He’s sliding out the door but I yell out to him that he’s left his shot of vodka here.

“I don’t drink! Keep the money and it’s for you my friend. You might need it!”

Those words put a twist in my gut like a knife but I don’t question it. I take the shot of vodka and it burns. 

Maybe I did make a deal with the devil, but I can’t look back now.

(Flashback ends.)


	2. A Southerner in northern country

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide gets somewhere but not far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed it so it's first person point of view. Sorry guys I'm a mess.

After 4 more long and drawn out hours on the train I finally get somewhat on my way to deliver Mr. Uta letter. And closer to getting that magical healing plant for mum.

Getting off the train was fine.

Until the wind and freezing cold slapped me hard enough to make me take a step back in the warm comfort of the train. Shaking my head, trying to re-focus, reminding myself that I only have so much time left. That mum only has so much time left.

With that thought I grab my suitcase with determination. Giving myself some courage to once again step back into the crude weather of the northern country. Pulling at my coat to somewhat shield myself from the frost that creeps into my clothes.

Looking about on the train station to see if I can find shelter somewhere.

Spotting a tavern not far in the distance. Seeing it reminds me of mum. How she would work in their local one from time to time to make more money if the crops weren’t doing to great that season. Seeing her being lively and energetic with customers. Pouring drinks like she’s been doing it for years. It’s hurts to know she might never be that way ever again.

“Damn it!” I say snapping myself out of that depressive thought, I start to gets moving so I don’t freeze my ass off and died before I can actually get anywhere.

Stepping into the tavern was not as welcoming as I thought it was going to be.

It seems like as I was fully inside everyone stopped talking to stare straight directly at me. Well shit did I smell or something? Did I actually step in shit while making my way in here? Damn everyone is making me pretty fuckin nervous and it’s only been about 5 minutes after I got off the train.

Well maybe northern people are really different from southern people.

Smiling weakly I waddled my way to the bar.

Taking a set on a very uncomfortable stool. Like really uncomfortable, even more uncomfortable then that time I slept on the roof of my house when I was a kid to get back at mum for eating the rest of the homemade pie the neighbors made for my birthday. Like shit that was his pie and she ate the half he was saving for morning. Well anyway….

After shifting around a bit on the stool I call over the barmaid. 

The first thing I noticed is that she looks younger then me. Her hair is a somewhat ash blue. It curls around her face just barely. Giving it a kinda unique charm. It also hides half her face, covering her right eye. She’s maybe 5 feet at least. With a slim figure I wonders why a girl like her is working as a barmaid.

"What would you like sir?” she says sounding a bit annoyed in her voice, probably having to deal with too many drunken fools trying to get a grab at her.

“Oh uh.. Well I’m not from around here and I would like to know where I could find a motel to stay in for the night.”

She takes a long pause look at me. Up and down I can feel her heavy gaze on my body. Damn it! Why does everyone have to stare at me! I’m not that hot come on guys!

“I can tell that. No one around here has tan skin like yours nor such a thin jacket in the middle of November. Only and fool with a death wish or a southern would dress so light in this weather.”

Oh.. well that was a little mean.

“Hahah yeah.” play it off man, be cool! “I’m from the south so I guess you got that right. My name is Nagachika Hideyoshi, but please just call me Hide.” I lift my hand to greet the little miss but she just ignores it, ouchy my feelings.

“Well hello...Hide. If you're looking for a motel to stay in then there's one about half a block from here. I would hurry too night is about to fall and -”

“And ye don’t wanna be catched by the Witcher! Southern boy!” some drunk yells from his table. Witcher? What the hell is that? I’ve heard of magicians and the craft of their magic but a … Witcher?

“What is he talking about?” I ask the barmaid with pleading eyes to get somewhat of an answer but get none. But lucky enough for me the drunken fool hears my question and staggers his way to me. 

Taking his arm around my shoulders and almost making me slip off the damn stool as he puts all his dead weight on me, fuck he’s heavier than my mum's prized pig!

“HAha! Southern boy hasn’t heard any stories of the Witcher? YA must sleep like wean baby that just suckled from his mother bosom!” What the hell? Jesus Christ that’s gross I’m a grown adult I don’t need that. I don’t want that image in my head annnnnnndd it’s too late it is and now I’m scarred for life.

I try to laugh off that fuckin picture in my mind with little disgust as possibly. “Well no.. But do tell what this *Witcher* is if you don’t mind sharing with the group.” When I say group I bring my gaze to the barmaid and see she’s not pleased with my sarcasm. But that doesn’t stop him from yelling in my ear first.

“Well some say that the Witcher could be Satan himself! Lurking in the northern woods waiting for anyone to come into their home and make a deal with them! The Witcher is heard to be 300 years old with a eye that glows crimson red! Taking lives like it’s a hobby of theirs. People finding bodies in the springtime with strange cravings in their flesh and sometimes limbs missing from their corpses! And -!” The drunk goes on but I find myself not listening anymore. Thinking back to the map Mr. Uta gave me. It tells me that I still have to go into the forest more north from here. Realizing this kinda makes my blood go cold.

Not a magician I think to myself. No magicians does such things to humans or at least that I’ve heard of.

Looking at the barmaid for any type of comfort in this wonderful conversion but once again get nothing.

Then she opens her mouth. “It’s closing time and all of you have to get out in 3 minutes or I’m shoving you out. So be wise with this warning.” I’m looking at her in disbelief. I’m also pretty sure all the color drained out of my face and into the floor as she said those words.

As I’m walking to the door I hear the barmaid yell for me. Swinging my head around she throws something heavy at me. Oh it’s a winter jacket. OH!  
“Stay warm you southern fool or you’ll die for sure…. Also my name is Touka.”

“Well it was a pleasure to meet you miss Touka, and thank you for the jacket.” I say with a small smile on my face. She doesn’t say much more but just yells at me to get the hell out already.

And so I step out into the pitch blackness of the northern country.


	3. Darkness in a white wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide tries to get to one single motel. One single fuckin motel

As I pull on the new coat I received. I make my way outside. Trying to remember the directions the barmaid (that I now know her name is Touka ), told me so I could find the motel near by. 

Even in my small town we had lights so we could find our way around at night on the dirt roads but this is almost ridiculous! Only the lights for the tavern’s sign and train station is all I’m really going to get.

Looking around I see a lot of snow has fallen, like way more then I would really like to see. In the time spent in the very charming tavern and warm welcoming of the northern people. It’s snowed about 3 feet. Good thing I’m wearing my boots or I would of been getting a bad case of frostbite on my tiny toes.

Making my way through the town I finally spot the motel I was told of.

I can’t say it looks really nice. Looking more worse for wear probably after so many years of snowstorms hitting it. But it’s a roof over my head and maybe a warm cot to sleep in. So I can’t really complain much.

As I stomp through the snow to the motel I notice a darker shadow lurking in the distances. I don’t think much of it at first. I really don’t want to anyway. I try my best not to dwell on it specially after those stories of the so called northern Witcher. Of course they’re just stories it doesn’t mean any of the crap is actually real.

Emphasis on “real.”

I keep on plowing through the snow trying my best to ignore the thoughts of the Witcher stories.

It’s not until I hear a slapping sound. It’s not like someone is getting slapped by another person oh no I really wish it was, maybe it would tone down my anxiety for a second. But it’s more like a wet slap. Almost like a butcher slapping a bloody piece of meat on the cutting table to serve to his customers.

That gives me more chills then the cold weather that’s nipping at my body.

I’m almost at the front door of the motel. Snow is falling faster and it’s getting harder to move through the thick of it. As I reach for the nob of the door the wet slapping sound is getting louder, as if it was happening about 20 feet away from me. And I could swear I hear something like .....chewing?

You know like chewing? But more lip popping and open mouthness.

I’m not a brave person, I’m really not. When I was a kid cows even scared me in the right lighting. But this is something else. I can’t really just let this slip past me. Like who knows? It could be even a cute stray dog eating plain garbage.

So I turn to make my way to the other side of the motel. Careful not to make much sound if it is a dog (don’t want it to be scared away). As I’m rounding the corner I see something dark stained in the snow. Dear god is that blood? … O-h OH my god I think it’s blood! Fuck, fuck, fuck no!

With this I stumble back on the snow and fall right on my ass. This of course making lots of noises. I hear the chewing and wet slaps stop and I’m about to piss my pants. I didn’t sign up for this scary bullshit! My young heart can’t take this man! 

Before whatever is having their gross-fucking-midnight-snack I’m hauling ass back to the door of the motel. I grab the door and slam it hard behind me.

The person behind the desk (who I presume is the manager of this establishment) is looking at me with dull eyes. I try to flash my award-winning smile to somewhat comfort more myself than anything but I’m not fooling either of us.

“Ah .. ah um. Hello! I was wondering if there’s any rooms available open tonight?” As I stand to fixed the wrinkles of my coat to look somewhat professional and not like some street punk.

“Yes, we do have rooms open. Would you like one up stairs or one on the first floor?” He said while opening a little address book for me to sign in.

“First floor is fine with me, thank you.”

He hands me the keys to my room and tells me, my room is the last one on the right.  
As I close my door to my room I flick on the lights. And I’m very surprised to be greeted to a nice looking room. A twin sized bed with a desk next to it. Even a bathroom in it! That’s pretty fancy and also relieving to know that I don’t have to go outside to find a bathroom during the night.

I untie my hair and put my coat up to hang on the back of the door. Feeling too emotional tired to take off anymore of my clothing. I slump into the bed once again thinking back to the stories the drunken man had told me in the tavern. How the Witcher was a crazed monster who used black magic and tricked the unluckiest of people.

God it’s only been a day in the northern country and I already want to leave this damn place.


	4. Don't go near there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why does everyone gotta make Hide antsy

I wake up before the sun can even shine upon this frozen tundra people call a town. I take this chance to finally take a bath and clean myself of the cold sweat and fear that’s been coding my skin for the past two days.

While I’m waiting for the bath to full up I unpack my bag to get fresh clothes. Picking out a plain white button up with a under shirt and grey slacks. As I’m doing this I realize that I have little to none “winter” clothes. I guess I’ll just have to layer up.

Walking back into the bathroom and turning off the bath water. Slowly stepping into the hot water I feel a rush of relief. The hot water of my skin feels pretty amazing. I haven’t had a bath in such a long time. Me and mum just have a shower in our home. And when that wasn’t working we just filled a bucket of water and used a cloth to clean ourselves. 

Soaking in the tube got me thinking. It’s almost time for sunrise and I need to make a plan to actually get shit done today. If the map Mr. Uta gave me is right I still need to go up north more so I can find this “friend” of his and give them the black letter. Mr. Uta told me his “friend” (if I can remember this person's damn name give me a second mhmmmm ….Mirumo Tsukiyama? Yeah yeah that’s him) Mr. Tsukiyama lives far up north in a mansion.

Like who the hell lives in a mansion so far up north? It must be a pain in the ass to get food or anything for that matter. But I guess anyone who lives in a mansion must have enough cash to spend for extra services. Well it’s really none of my business how this man spends his money, all I really need is to talk to his son Shuu Tsukiyama. Mr. Uta told me Mr. Tsukiyama knows nothing of this “all healing plant” but his son knows many things about it.

Before my mind can wander any farther. I step out of the tub and grab a towel to dry myself off. Making sure that I really dry my hair so it won’t freeze right after I step outside. It’s growing pretty long now, long enough so I can tie it back so it’s out of my face when I work.

Getting dressed was easy enough but now before anything I needed to get food into my system. Maybe the tavern would have somewhat okay food, and maybe I’ll get to see miss Touka again. She seems like a real hard ball but kinda of a softy too. But I don’t think I’ll ever say that to her if I ever want to live pass my 21 birthday.

Grabbing my coat and suitcase, I lock the door behind me and head off.

Making my way to the front desk I don’t see the manager anywhere or anytype of staff for that matter. I stand there next to the desk for a solid minute before I get kinda anxious. No knowing what to do with the door key. Should I just leave it? No that would be kinda rude of me just doing that, and what if something happens to the key? I can’t let that be on my fragile conscience!

I see a small little golden bell and a piece of paper under it that says “Please ring if of need of any type of service.” Oh that’s easy enough I guess. So I ring it about two times because more of that would be kinda rude and I’m a sensitive guy and don’t want to be yelled at for getting someone’s attention. Just because I’m a farmer boy doesn’t mean I don’t have any feelings!

After ringing it I hear little footsteps coming my way. A frail girl with chestnut hair greets me with a weary smile. Wow this girl is younger than Touka! Is this town so small that they just let tiny little girls run the places? I’m kinda digging that actually.

“Uhm … Can I help you … sir?” she looks at me kinda like everyone else has been doing in this town. I’m kinda getting used to it now, there is only so much things people can do until it starts getting old.

“Ah yes, I was just returning this key of the room I stayed in last night.” I say, trying to cast my award-winning smile.

“Oh …. Thank you for returning it.” she says as I hand over the key for her to take.

“Oh! Also do you know anyway to the…...the .. Oh! The Tsukiyama mansion by any chance?” I say trying my best not to stumble over my words.

“Yes, it’s more north of this town. There should be a dirt road that goes on for about 4 miles. Then there will be a folk in the road you should take a left then you should be there before night fall.” Wow that sounds like a lot of walking better eat enough food and get enough clothes so I don’t died before I get there hahah.

“Thank you very, miss……?-”

“Hinami” she says.

“Well thank you very much miss Hinami. You really helped me out here, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you!” I say and it seems like she’s embarrassed by me saying that because her face get’s a little red.

And before she can really say anything else, I’m walking out the front door. The cold air hits me like a sack of bricks and I’m already not having a good time. Well at least it’s not snowing but by the looks of it, it snowed most of last night.

I’m walking back to the tavern to try and get some food into my stomach. I didn’t get to eat anything last night because 1. Touka kicked everyone out, even me! I’m kinda good looking I should of gotten some food I still would've paid for it. I’m still a growing boy! And 2. Because after that thing that was having it’s gross-ass-midnight-snack scared me enough to not want to eat anything  
.  
I push open the door and thank the lord of the country that no one is staring me down like yesterday. Like really I can’t handle people staring at me, it’s not good for my youngster heart. I make my way to the bar and see that Touka is once again serving people with a somewhat tired look.

I wait until she’s done serving and then wave her down.

“And what would the southern boy what now?” She said with a tiny bit of humor in her voice. Yeah you can’t hide it from me I know I’m a charmer.

“What kind of food do you guys serve here?” I say with a wide smile slapped on my face.

“Food that you can eat.” She said with a dull form of a poker-face.

“I’ll take it!” I say and she tells me the price and I gladly hand over the money so she can get started on my meal.

As I wait for my meal I’m thinking about that thing again from last night. Maybe it was a fox or some type of wolf eating another animal? That would call for the blood and chewing sounds. Or it was the Witcher! Fuck, damn it thoughts! I thought we were trying to comfort ourselves not put me back on being an anxious mess. Well anyway I don’t have time to be a big wimp. I need to deliver this letter and get that plant! And when I do that I can finally go back home and make mum better again.

Geeze I miss mum too, I really hope she’s doing okay without me.

Touka comes back with something that I hope is mashed potatoes and gravy. I thank her anyway even if it looks like re-vomited food. Still gotta be a nice person even if things don’t look the way you want them too.

When I’m halfway finished with my re-vomited food (which is not all that bad might I say), Touka speaks up.

“So where are you going now? It’s not like anyone comes here for the landscape or the people. Specially in this time of year.” She says dully as she picks up a glass to start drying it off.

“Well I just have some business with specially gentleman more up north from here. After that I’ll make an extra stop back here to show you my charming face again.” I say with humor coming out of every pore of my body. But as I said that Touka kinda gave me a strange look. Probably not from me showing my face to her (kinda hope it’s not from that I don’t want to creep her out), Not much from her whole face but more with her eye’s.

“And who might that be?” She raises her eyebrows at me. Damn I can kinda see how she's a barmaid now. She’s easy to talk to. Not super friendly yeah, but just comfortable enough to be around.

“Ah this friend of mine gave me a letter to deliver it to this Mr. Tsukiyama fellow. I don’t know him myself but I’m doing it because my friend is doing something for me too.” I know I lied about Mr. Uta being my friend but it’s not really important.

She stops wiping the glass and sets it down gently on the counter. Turning her whole body towards me, carefully like someone would move towards a scared wild animal.  
“I don’t think you want to meet this “Mr. Tsukiyama” fellow Hide.” She’s looking me dead in the eye’s and I’m getting the feeling I shouldn’t ask this next question but I’m gonna ask it anyway because I’m a dumbass.

“What do you mean by that? Do you got some type of dirt on the poor guy?” I try to bring back humor into this conversion. Because the air is too tense to even cut with a knife and I’m choking on my breathe.

Her eyes sharpen at me. As if the words that she is going to speak need to be heard with full seriousness. “That family is just not good news Hide. I don’t think you’ll be safe going there at all, specially since you don’t even know the lay of the land.”

I give her a weary smile. “They can’t be that bad Touka. I just have to give Mr. Tsukiyama a little letter and then I’ll be gone, nothing too hard for a southern boy like me can’t do.”

I guess saying that just makes her pretty pissed off. Making her whole body language stiff and with eyes like a raging bull. If I wasn’t so nervous I would tell her she’s quite beautiful.

“That family isn’t normal Hide.” she’s shaking her head now. Almost as she’s trying to shake out a image from inside her mind.

“Well they can’t be that bad Touka, right? Like what could be so bad about them?” I say hoping it’s nothing big because I really need to deliver this letter and talk to that guy’s kid.

“They pray to the Witcher Hide. They kill people for the Witcher. And they eat people like food to be like the Witcher.”

I only have three things that come to my mind when I heard this come from Touka's mouth is.

What.The.Fuck.


	5. Did anyone hear me cry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hide just wanted a plant for his mother. Not this running bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys just wanna say it really mean a lot for the kudos and hits. It means a lot to me!

“What do you mean that they ‘eat people like food to be like the Witcher?’ That doesn’t make since Touka. The Witcher isn’t even real.”

When I stumble out my words her eyes drift away like she’s trying to hide some sort of truth. My god I really hope she’s just being shy and it’s not going to be something that might make me shit my pants.

“I can’t say if the Witcher is real or not Hide. All I’m really saying is that, that family is dangerous and you shouldn’t go anywhere near there if you value your life. “ She says with a low voice.

I smile. It’s kinda nice that she’s somewhat concerned with my well being or at least that she might lose any other customer to help her pay. “I’ll take your warning Touka.” I say finishing my meal. “And I must thank you for being very honest with me. But I need to do this Touka, I can’t just leave here just yet.”

Touka looks at me with somewhat warmer eyes. “Well I can’t make you do what you don’t want to do.” She shrugs. “ I can’t change people who don’t want to be changed. That’s just forceful.” 

I’m somewhat taken back by her words. Left with how I can feel that she’s talking from experience and not just slipping words from her rose color lips. It plagues me with a type of hollowness that fills my chest with a dull pain. At such a young age Touka has learned this sad truth that no matter what we can’t change people unless they want to change themselves first.

“Thank you Touka, I really do mean it. I appreciate that you care but don’t worry fools like me can’t die that easily.” I try to reassure her but I don’t think I’m doing a great job at it.

“Well whatever. Just don’t come crying to be me when they cut off your arms and use them for a fancy side dish.” She says and the only thing that scares me is that I can’t let if she’s being sarcastic or serious.

After I say my goodbye to Touka I walk out the tavern's door. Back into the northern cold and snow. At least it’s not snowing right now. And with the sun high in the sky I welcome it’s warmth that embraces me. By the look of things It must be late morning now with the hustle and bustle of the small town.

I remember what that little girl (Hinami was her name) said to me in the motel. She said I need to follow the dirt road lending out of the town for about 4 more miles up north. And then there should be a folk in the road, and that I should take a left when I meet it.

“Fuck” I whisper to myself. This is going to be one hell of a walk

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I hiss under my breathe. It’s been snowing about non-stop for an hour now and the road is getting harder to see. Crap! I was only about halfway to the folk in the road when this shit storm starts.

And I thought I left the town about late morning but it seems that it’s gotten a lot darker out. How the hell did it get so damn dark and so little time! That doesn’t make any sense! Fuck!

Okay, okay calm down Hide. Your a farm boy damn it! You can do this! You’ve delivered baby cows and pigs. If you can do that you can do this!

I’m a little more than halfway now to the folk in the road. So if I just hurry enough I might make it before the snow covers everything in it’s path. It’s somewhat kinda easy to see if anything comes for me. Unless it’s white of course but none the less every animal I’ve seen so far is pretty easy to spot out of the white blanket of snow.

Even when I did see a animal they just run away from me. So I guess that’s good? But I’ve always liked animals a little more than people. Why? Because animals kill other animals to survive, people kill other people for blood. Or many other things but I’m not really in the mood to actually think of all the different reasons people kill other people.

As I’m having this internal monologue in my head I think I see something way out in the distance. Why I can see it? Because it’s big. Bigger than any type of animal I’ve seen in these woods. Yeah, yeah I know it could be a some type of bear or a moose but moose’s and bears don’t normally stand up right….. Well at least I don’t think so.

I try to look for it in the distance but it’s already gone. Maybe it really was some type of animal looking for food.

I move along trying my best to make my way through the fluffy snow. But it’s getting really hard now. It’s about up to my knees and I don’t think the snow is going to stop anytime soon. I guess that just encourages me a little more to get my ass moving so I don’t end up being covered in snow and dying out here alone while my mum dies waiting for my return to come home.

Wow. That was some great encouragement giving Hide.

While I try to block out those really depressing thoughts I once again see something in the distance. But now it’s only closer to where I walk. I’m getting kinda of freaked out now. Specially how it’s so dark and I don’t really know where the hell I’m going but maybe if I walk faster I’ll be able to get to the Tsukiyama mansion in time. 

Now picking up more of my pace I can somewhat see that thing again in the distance. It’s still pretty big like I thought but maybe being bigger in this snow will slow it down more. So that’s good for me at least. It’s not looking in my way either, but it does almost looks like it’s looking for “something.” And hopefully that “something” is not me.

And me being the dumbass I am. While trying to look more carefully at the thing I lose my footing and fall. Making a (I wouldn’t call it a girlish shriek but who knows.), loud noise and when I look up I can see once again that thing has now stopped looking for whatever it was looking for. But is now staring straight at me.

I hold my breathe. Almost thinking it can somewhat hear my breathing from the distance that we are at.

The first thing I notice is that one of it’s eye’s looks like it’s bleeding. Maybe it got hurt trying to get food? But as I stare back at it for a little longer, it’s seems more like it’s glowing a crimson red.

Oh hell no, I’m not gonna stick around to see if it needs any of my help. Sorry but I did say I’m not a brave person. And this is a good explain of how not brave I am.

I get up so quickly I almost lose my footing again but I balance it out. I’m getting so tired but I can’t stay here any longer and if I do. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. 

So I run.

I run as fast as I can in this knee high snow. My breathe is so erratic. It’s making my lungs squeeze for more air as I semi-jump step to somehow make myself go faster in the snow. But I don’t think it’s working.

I can hear that thing coming for me. Not by it’s breathes but more like by it’s clothing rushing against itself. It’s faster then I thought it would be. I guess I was wrong about being bigger in snow and how it would slow something that big down.

I’m running for my life. I’m running, I’m running, I’m fucking running! I don’t want to die here! I have so much stuff to do in my small tiny life! I just wanted to get that plant for mum! I just wanted to see her smile again! FUCK! I just need to keep running!

As I’m running for my fucking life. I feel my foot slip on some hidden ice under the snow. I fall face first and feel my head hit sometimes hard. Oh that hurts, fuck it feels like my brain is banging around in my skull. I flip over on my back and touch my hand to my head. Blood? Yup it’s blood. Everything is fading to black so slowly. It’s almost beautiful with the snow falling from the grey sky. As if time is slowing down to show me my last seconds of my life.

I feel tears burn in my eye’s and my conscience is slipping. That thing comes into my view and I’m praying to some older, wiser, being that would hear my cries. But all I see empty skies and a demon looming over me.

And as I fall into blackness I tell the the demon “ I just wanted to help my mum smile again.”

The last thing I see is that glowing bloody eye.


	6. A home that doesn't feel like home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide is awake and he's not enjoying it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey guys! Thanks for everything! I'm really glade you guy's like this story I'm hoping to make it long.

_“Hide, Hide! Come here and help me with Amy! She’s giving birth and I need extra hands over here!”_

_I grab a bucket of hot water and a few towels and rush to the barn where mum and our female cow named Amy is._

_“Okay Hide I need you to gently pull on this rope that is connected to the calf's legs, okay Hide? Do you understand!?” I nod my head up and down to tell mum I’m ready to do it._

_After pulling and stopping about 15 times the young calf is out of her mother. Mum is helping the baby calf, cleaning out her nose so she can start breathing properly._

_“Hide help me bring her to her Mother. Amy needs to see her new baby girl!” Mum is always excited about births. No matter human or animal she always get’s really happy about it. I don’t know why, maybe because it somehow reminds her of giving birth to me. She always said I was a beautiful baby._

_As I walk over to the calf I pick her up in my arms. She’s so warm and alive, there's really nothing more truly amazing then feeling something warm and breathing under your touch. I know that sounds so weird but it feels so calm and grounding to me. To know that there can be so much beauty in this sad world._

_I’m lowering the baby calf next to Amy when I feel something wet drip down my arms. The air starts to fill with a stench I can only define as a 3 day old rotting animal corpse left in the summer sun to bake. I gag on the air._

_“Mum? …. Mum I think .. something’s not right here. I -” I turn around but mum is gone. Facing forward again I’m not even holding the baby calf anymore. But what I find is grotesque and a deformed animal._

_The new born baby calf has somehow fusioned with it’s mother. Mouths on top of one and another, tongues black as the night hang over their lips. Their eye’s all blood red and glowing, staring me down. The once was normal baby calf legs are bent in odd and misshapen ways. Placed on Amy’s back and sides. Their melting into one being. One whole body mass and it’s disgusting. Making me dry heave, spitting up bile and fluids from my empty stomach._

_They groan and whimper in pain._

_They call out to me “Hide” they say in unison. Their words echoing off in a disbursing way. “It’s so quiet, Hide.” My throat closes when I notice their voice. It’s…. It’s mum’s voice. My god, oh oh god! “This is where I end Hide. You couldn’t make it on time and I’m dying. **I’m dying Hide! Don’t you care Hide? DOn’T yOU cARE HIdE?** ” _

_I want to scream so much but my throat won’t let my voice come out. Keeping my words caged in my mouth. I do care mum! I do! Please! I’m going to get the plant and save you! Just wait a little more!_

I jerk awake from my horrifying nightmare. Sitting up slowly and shakily. Wiping the cold sweat from my forehead and tears from my eyes. My vision is somewhat blurry so it’s hard to see my surrounding. As I blink a few times my vision comes into place.

I’m in someone's house.

***I’m in someone’s fucking house.**

I don’t like the look of things at all. Not that I’m a person with much taste in home furniture but I just don’t feel right here.

I’m sitting next to a fire place on the floor. I look around and see that it must be night because the only light source is the fire next to me. Figures since it was getting better dark when I was walking. Yeah I remember walking but not meeting anyone……… Oh no. As I try to recall my memories of before and the only thing that comes into my mind so fast is that “eye.” That fucking glowing red eye.

I try to get up but my head is swimming. Dizziness and slight pain makes me fall back down into my tiny bed of pillows and quilts. Putting my head in my hands to try and regain myself. As I try to do that I hear a door open and my blood runs cold in my veins. I don’t even dare to wait and see who picked up my sorry ass (or who kidnapped my sorry ass), I lay back down in a hurry and throw the quilts back on myself.

Whoever opened the door is getting closer to where I lay. The heavy footsteps give a terrible creaking sound on the wooden floors.

Their getting closer! Damn it Hide you need to make a move! Before they make a move on you! Trying to give myself encouragement once again, seems like not the best advice but it’s the only thing I got. Thinking hard I might as well go with a polite way with this person, who knows they might actually be nice. Or they could fucking kill me and harvest my organs to eat or sell. But like I said who knows right?

I slowly sit up once again to finally meet my “white knight in shining armor” to put it in a lighter mood. But once again I’m scared of what I see.

Long black cloaks cover their body, even some parts drag on the floor behind them. Black fur slung over their shoulders while necklaces of animal bones and tiny skulls litter their neck. And when my eye’s land on the mask it stops me from speaking right away. It’s a huge ass ram’s skull with two very big horns curling by it’s sides.

I’m really too shocked to speak to this person as I look at them. But I need to thank them for getting me here and keeping me safe (well I think I am). By the look of them I can’t tell if I’m in the clear of not having my organs harvested and sold off.

But let’s try and be calm and polite with this situation.

“Uh.. Hello, hm thank you very much for helping me out and stuff but I have to leave soon. I was supposed to deliver an important letter so I really need to get going.” I say staring at the floor with a weak smile. I really don’t want to look at them straight in the eye’s so the floor is where my gaze is going to be.

“Try it.” They say.

I can’t really tell if they're being sarcastic or not and I don’t really want to find out if they are. But I can’t just sit here and dilly dally with Mr. Ram head all day.

“Oh okay, Well I’ll just take my coat and leave. Thank you once again Mr. or Mis-?”

“.......”

Great. Silence. Amazing. Fine.

I grab my coat and pull it on. Mr. Ram head is still staring me down and it’s getting pretty fucking uncomfortable under their gaze but I’m leaving in one piece so that’s a plus. I make my way to the door (or the only door I can see), and try to open it but it seems that it’s stuck on something. I put all my weight into the door and I finally get it open. Only to see that the snow has now gone from knee length to waist deep.

Well fuck. That’s a problem.

“You may stay as long as the snow falls but you will do as I say and listen carefully, do you understand?” Wow, wow, wow now. I didn’t think that they would let me stay but follow “what” kind of rules do I have to follow?

I turn around to face Mr. Ram head but my eye’s still cast down. Shifting back and forth on the ball of my heels I say “ Well that sounds really great.”

Silence once again great.

I lift my eye’s to see if Mr. Ram head has heard what I said but all I get is one glowing red eye looking back at me. How can someone’s eye glow red in the first place? That’s not normal, well to me at least. Wait a minute. I remember someone telling me something important about a glowing eye. My head is pretty fuzzy right now so it’s hard to remember but it’ll come to me.

“Um .. Okay that sounds understandable. Thank you once again for taking me in Mr. or Mis -?” I say once again but still no name and more painful silence.

I walk my way back to the fireplace and sit down on my little spot of pillows and quilts. Thinking maybe it won’t be so bad. It might even be a little fun getting to know Mr. Ram head.

Then I remember what was so important about a glowing eye. Specifically a “red” glowing eye.

The northern Witcher has a glowing red eye. The northern Witcher is heard to be like the devil himself. The northern Witcher is heard to eat human flesh and use black magic to make deals that bring nothing but dread.

I’m sitting on the Witcher’s floor in the Witcher’s house. And I just made a deal to follow their rules.

**What the fuck have I just done.**


	7. What's in this again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide get's to know a little more of Mr. Ram head but still scared shitless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. If any of you guys have question I do have a tumblr: http://glitch-boi.tumblr.com/  
> And I actucally had to do some searching for this chapter like I did last chapter for the cow thingy.
> 
> But please enjoy!

I’m internally freaking the fuck out here.

I’m trying my best to keep myself calm while thinking of a way outta here. So far I really have literally nothing and I thought I was a little more creative than that.

I bet if Touka was here she would laugh pretty hard in my face and say “ _I told you so_.” I wish she was here. Maybe she would think of a way out of this or even better she wouldn’t of gotta herself in this shit mess.

Well she’s not and it’s just me and the northern Witcher alone. In their dark little house with no light but the fire place.

Fuck what have I gotten myself into.

I’m too anxious to go back to sleep and even if I wasn’t I bet I would wake up with my inners splayed out. Or worse.

In the living room (or I think it’s the living room? It’s big enough to be one), I haven’t moved away from the fireplace but the Witcher has gone to do something in another room. I think I hear chopping? Dear Lord save me! I don’t want to be chopped into tiny cubes nor even my blood used as broth! I don’t even taste good! Maybe I said I did a few times to be charming but that’s not the damn point here!!

As I’m soaking in my anxiety I hear heavy footsteps creak on the floor. I look up but fear crushes my lungs and the airflow is hard to keep breathing in and out. So I keep my eye’s strain to the floor to somewhat help me stay calm and breathe.

Fuck, fuck I can’t start freaking out more now or Mr. Ram head might kill me instead of letting me stay until the weather passes. (Or they just said that so they can skin me alive and use my dry flesh as a blanket.)

Fuck I never really help myself out with this thinking shit.

A horrible screeching sound pulls my mind from collapsing on itself. I’m somehow relieved that now my focus is on something other than myself. I look where it’s coming from and I see that the Witcher has pulled out a chair to a small dining table. They set a bowl in the middle of the table.

“I made food that you can eat. You haven’t eaten for a while I presume.” Mr. Ram head tells me. Well fuck. I hope I don’t die if this bastard poisoned it. If so, God please look over my mum.

“Uhm thank you very much.” I stammer out as I start to walk over to the table.

I pull out the other chair at the table. And take a seat. I notice it’s all wood. All hand carved wood too. I wonder if they carved it all? That’s pretty impressive for a whole table and chairs.

“Oh I’m hideyoshi nagachika but please do call me Hide. What’s your name?” I try once again to find out this person’s name and if they don’t tell me, then they can just deal with me calling them Mr. Ram head.

Well if I actually call them that I do believe I won’t live for another 10 seconds and I do want to live for a little while longer. Well at least until I can get that plant for mum.

“Well Hide do tell why you were in my forest?”

Well first kinda rude dude. And second who the hell owns a forest? Like I think it would be a lot of money and this person (not trying to be a judgy person here) doesn’t look like they can up and buy a whole forest if they wanted to.

I try to keep my focus on the bowl of food to help me along to say actual words and not just make noises at this Mr. Ram head.

“I actually told you before, not to sound rude but I have to deliver a letter to someone more north from here.”

“Mhm okay ** _Hide_** ” Shit the way they say my name doesn’t sound good. Breathe Hide, Breathe! I try to think of a way to make things lighter but then they say.

“So why do you have business with the Tsukiyama family? I’ve never seen you before not even in the town near here. So how could you know of them?” Fuck it’s just like what Touka said. The Tsukiyama family prays to the Witcher. So maybe the Witcher looks over them? Like an angel but the angel uses black magic and looks like god damn monster.

I’m trying my best not to run to the door and get the hell out of here. I really am.

“A friend of mine did me a favor so I’m just doing one for them back. Is that so bad of me?” I ask hoping this interrogation would just stop so my young heart can take a rest.

I can feel them staring me down in my seat. Their heavy gaze is intense but I can let them just toss me around! Come on Hide! Eye contact never killed anyone before! (well maybe not yet of course) I’m still trying to work on that self doubt.

“No I guess not but I can tell you're a southern Hide. And you're just new around here so I’ll tell you a few things.” Oh okay- OH GOD.

They jump onto the table with so much force I almost fall out of my chair. Grabbing the front of my shirt to look me dead in the eye’s. My heart is ramming against my chest with speeds I couldn’t think were possible.

“Okay Hide First things first this is my forest and mine alone got that?” I nod my head up and down. “ Good, good. Okay you never go outside at night and If you do then no one is going to find your dead corpse nor care that you died like a damn fool in this frigid forest. And last thing is you’ll do whatever I say as long as you're stuck in this house. Do you understand Hide?.” I keep nodding my head even thought all I really want to do is just run away as fast as I can so I can never see this person again. Because this person scare me.

No they don’t scare me. They fucking terrifie me.

“Great maybe now you’ll actually survive living for the next few weeks here. But let’s make no promises alright Hide?” They say as they throw me back into my seat while jumping off the table.

I’m shaking. I’m shaking so violently that I can’t even sit right in my chair anymore. The image of their seething eyes still burn into my brain. That one singular eye glowing far brighter than any star in the sky. How their breath smelled like the last seconds of my life. How I almost thought they put me to rest on the other side but came back to curse me in the afterlife.

Lord what did I do to bring this upon myself?

I think they see how distressed I am because they walk away for a few minutes and bring two tea cups in their hands.

“Here.”

They gently put down a cup in front of me. The steam that rises from the glass smells pretty good. So without thinking much into (for the first time in a while) I curl my shaky fingers around it and bring it to my lips. The taste is sweet like honey but the aftertaste is something I can’t quite put my finger on it. I wonder what it is.

As I quietly sip my tea I’m feeling better already. Hell I feel better then I’ve been for the past few days. This is fucking great. I can just stay here and then leave to get that awesome plant Mr. Uta was telling me about. Then I can get the fuck outta here and go help mum out. Hell yeah.

“Your talking out loud Hide.”

I’m what? I’m talking in my head. How the fuck does this Ramed faced fuck know what I’m thinking? Oh my god they're using magic! Shit! Shit! Stop thinking Hide! Your gonna get yourself killed!

“Hide your narrating out loud.”

“No I’m not. Stop using your voodoo magic to get in my head fucker.” I spit out.

“Okay first stop being ignore fool and listen to me -”

“How about not.”

“I guess I deserve this. I did put blue lotus in your tea to calm you down but now your just annoying.”

They did what to my tea?

“YOU POISONED MY TEA! NOoOO you damn bastard how am I going to help my mum when I’m dead!!” I cry out.

“I didn’t poison your fucking tea Hide. You're just getting the high effects of the blue lotus flower I put in your tea. You're just high Hide.”

I don’t deserve this boodoo bullshit.


	8. Monachopsis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide get's out and about but then things get somewhat heavy.

"Mhmm.” I groan as I dig my face farther into the pillow. Why is it so warm and comfortable? How is that? I’m in the north it’s not supposed to be warm and nice. It’s supposed to be cold and bitter like the snow that covers its land. Well whatever it’s warm right now and that’s all that matters.

The sound of birds chirping makes me open one of my eyes. Seeing what time it could be.

The once was poorly lit home is now full of strains of sunlight. Their not many windows here but there's one 10 feet from me and one that I can barely see hiding in the kitchen.

It looks like early evening from my guess but I could easily be mistaken.

Suddenly my focus is thrown when my ears pick up a squeaking sound coming from near me. What the hell --

“You done sleeping?”

As I turn my head to see who it is. Of course it’s none other than Mr. Ram head watching me sleep from a rocking chair.

Who the hell does that to someone? Like I get that maybe you have a lover and you just like watching them sleep for a while that’s fine. But this person has not even asked how I feel nor treated me well since I was brought here (kidnapped me here? Well that up for later decisions.) So you can see how a guy would like a little respect before some Ram headed Witcher start creeping on me.

“Well y -”

“Good because we have work to do. Get your clothes on and we’ll leave soon.” Mr. Ram head say as I was just barely beginning a reply to them.

So as I get up from my little bed on the floor I notice something. I’m missing some of my clothes.

Oh uhm …. Wait what? I look back down to my body and see that I’m only wearing my underwear.

WHAT. THE. UNGODLY. FUCK.

“Mhm excuse me? why don’t I have my clothes on?” Breathe Hide, in and out through your nose. That’s right good in and out like a big kid. Great come on we need to stay calm in this not calming situation.

“Of course you don’t remember.” They say.

“I gave you tea last night with blue lotus in it to calm your nerves so you wouldn’t cry or faint like some of your kind does so often.”

My kind? Do they mean humans? Is this person not a human???

“And in some of the effects of the herb can cause a “high” feeling on the mind to relax the person who drinks it. You on the other hand were very bold. You said quote on quote wanted ‘to show this Ram bitch who they were messing with.’ So you took off your clothes to show me your muscles.”

My god did I really do that? Like the hell I don’t remember a thing! I hope they're telling the truth about that and didn’t take off my clothes to look upon my innocent body.

“I’m deeply sorry about that. I didn’t mean to call you names or anything. That was very rude of me to do.” I say my apology and get it over with. 

“It doesn’t matter to me. Just get your clothes back on so we can get going. “ They said with a annoyed sign

I grab my clothes to get dressed as fast as I can.

I wonder where we’re going. They said I couldn’t leave until the weather passed. So I’m a little confused right now.

As I pull on my pants I ask “Where are we going?” And like always my somewhat important questions to not get answered.

I’m halfway finished dressing myself when Mr. Ram head finally made a reply.

“We’re going hunting.”

I wish I never even asked.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Fuck it’s cold.” I curse under my breath as I look under another trap with my half numb fingers.

Well I guess Mr. Ram head meant by going hunting is me checking old traps while their off somewhere in the woods gathering more food. I asked if they needed my help with that but they think I’m too “untrustworthy” to be holding any type of weapon.

It kinda hurt my feelings that they’d think I would try to hurt them. I know that I live on a farm and have killed animals to get food on the table but I would never try to hurt another person. I just don’t really believe that no matter how angry or upset someone gets with another person you should never lay your hands on them. No matter what.

No matter the angry you hold in your chest, how it boils and burns like a grease fire on a dry night.

No matter the sadness and loneliness that corrupts your mind like a dictator and it’s followers.

No matter how sweet the revenge seems to be.

The guilt that you’ll feel will last until the very day you die. And you’ll look back in regret wishing you could’ve been a better person and sorted it out.

I don’t need that on my conscious. Because if I did, I don’t think I could live with that. I guess -- 

“What are you doing?”

“OH MY FUCK.” I jump back and see Mr. Ram head standing right next to me. How the hell did he get so close to me without making any sound? Was I just so deep in thought that I just didn’t notice.

“Please don’t do that!” I beg. 

“I don’t think my young heart could take more of that! And specially with your uhm … mask on.” I say, trying not to sound mean to them but come on! I don’t think anyone would really enjoy seeing that big ass ram skull suddenly popping up next to them.

“Perhaps, but it’s better for you if I keep my mask on.” They say with no real interest in the conversation and rather looking on how well I’m checking their traps.

I wonder what they mean by that? I remember that they said something along the lines of making a comment that sounded that they weren’t human.

As I’m overthinking again Mr. Ram head started walking back to the little home he lives in.

“We’re done here for today. It’s beginning to snow again and we need to head back if we don’t want to get caught in the storm. So gather the rest from that trap and follow me.”

Curious, I speak before my mind can protest.

“How do you know it’s going to be a storm?” I say. 

Soon regretting it as the Witcher stops in their tracks without turning around.

“Because the smell in the air is changing too fast for it to not be a storm.” They say plainly like it was the most simplest thing in the world.

I finish up and start to jog-semi-jump to keep up with them in the snow. And once again I can’t keep my mouth shut and have to ask.

“Well if you know what a storm smells like. What does it smell like in normal people words? How does it feel to smell storms?” I say in a humorous tone to try and joke but I don’t think their getting it because they just ignore me.

Well fine then be that way.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
We got back just in time as the snow was starting to fall faster, and faster on us.

As I’m pulling off my wet coat and clothes I feel something thud against my back. I turn around to see that some clothes have been thrown my way.

“Your clothes are wet and will make you sick. I don’t need your germs around my home so these are some clothes that you can wear for now until your own clothes dry off.”

“Okay, ow my heart dude.” I say as I put my hand over my heart to show how much that hurt.

They don’t say anything more and take off their cloaks and fur shaw. Lining them up next to the fireplace to dry. I notice that their not that big under all those layers. Actually their smaller then me. About maybe 5’ 2 at the best.

Trying not to stare at them for too long. I quickly put on the clothes they gave me. A normal black Long-sleeve shirt with a pair of silky white pants. I’ve never wore anything that’s made from silk. It must of cost quit a bit to get them.

I walk my way to sit at the dining table while Mr. Ram head walks from the kitchen to sit next to me.

Holding two cups of tea. GREAT.

I really don’t want to be drugged again.

“No I didn’t put anything in your tea if you're thinking that.”

Oh god I think their reading my mind.

“Also I’m making food so don’t worry I won’t starve you to death. You just have to wait until it's done.”

“Oh geez thanks for being so caring.” I say as sarcastically as I can

We fall into a silence that’s not too bad. Nothing that’s suffocating but still not as comfortable as I wish it to be.

Then someone had to say something.

“Hide.”

“Yes?” I say.

"To answer your question from early. A -"

“ - A storm feels like an inexplicable sharpness that hugs my ribcage like it’s been trapped in iron maiden. The storm making infectious whispers in my ear to warn me of the tragedy it will bring upon any one who is near. It’s not really a smell Hide but a knowing of death is making it’s way here.”

I guess I finally got one of my questions answered.

But now I don’t know how to feel about the words I heard from this person, this being that I’m supposed to fear. How the sadness seems to drip from their lips and not from tears. How long has this person being living like this?

I need to know how they can live like this and not burst into hot tears.


	9. The dim light of sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide just wants some fire wood so he doesn't die
> 
> While I was writing this I was listening to Nine Inch Nails song called "And all that could have been"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much. Sorry I kinda late with this one. I have classes and I just get tired a lot but thank you all for the great feed back.

We haven’t talked for about 2 hours.

Or more like they haven’t talked while I was trying to get them back to talking about something, really anything.

“Please dude I didn’t mean to try and make a joke about how you do things. I’m just curious about stuff that you do, that’s all.” I say with a sign as I dig my spoon around my plate of food.

“You know it must be a pain to wear that mask all the time. It doesn’t look comfortable at all. I also bet that you look great under it too.” Saying with a wink and a great smile.

But they don’t say a single word to me.

Until -

“I have to leave soon to do some business. You’ll stay here and watch over my home tonight, understood Hide?” They said as they stand to grab their now dry clothes near the fire.

“Oh yeah sure, but didn’t you say to not go out during the night?”

I say as I gaze at them as they pull on their cloaks and fur shaw.

“I did but only for you Hide. Not me.”

As their walking towards the door they turn around one last time and say “No matter what you hear or what you see outside do not go out Hide. Just don’t if you value your life.”

And just like that they shut the door and leave me in this empty house they call a home.

With only my thoughts on how I don’t think I’m going to sleep easily tonight.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sit in front of the fire trying to keep warm.

It’s starting to go out and I have no idea where Mr. Ram head keeps their firewood.

I guess this calls for an adventure around the house to see where the hell the firewood is and why it isn’t near the fucking fireplace.

I look around to see if there's a candle holder anywhere and spot one on the dining table. I grab it and bring it close to the fire to light it. Pulling it back to not burn myself.

Okay if I was a thing of firewood where would I be?

Checking the kitchen first should be the easiest and safest place to look. So here we go, lord give me strength.

Seeing other candles around the room. Lighting them to make the room brighter and things more visible. So I don’t know, accidentally step into a knife or something.

Yeah you never know. Better safe than sorry.

Looking through the the bigger drawers in the kitchen but finding no sign of firewood nor anything good burnable.

So on to the next room of doom.

I haven’t actually gone this far into Mr. Ram’s head home before. I’m getting a little excited about this but yet a little “I’m gonna shit my pants if anything comes at me” kinda feel.

What a time to be alive. Oh what a time it is.

I move to the hallway to see if there are any other rooms.To my surprise I see three at the end of the hallway.

What the hell? I could be sleeping on a bed and not the hard ass floor near the fireplace. Well at least the fireplace was warm. And thinking that if there are beds in one of those rooms of course.

Which one should I go into?

Left, right, middle?

I know a solution.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe catch some eggs before they go. If the hen can’t keep her flow, barns. Will. Have. To. Go. And. You. Are. It!

OKAY! Door on the right here we go!

I grab the doorknob and turn it slowly. I don’t know why I’m so nervous it’s not really like something bad or horrifying is going to be on the other side, right?

I open the door to see nothing but a bed, a bookshelf, small desk table with open books and tubs scattered about.

Mhmm not what I was suspected but I might as well take a look around while I’m here.

Taking a step inside the room I notice how frigid the room actually is. Almost as if it’s 15 degrees colder.

How the hell can they sleep in a place so cold? Well whatever I’m running on time and I need to find more firewood before the fire goes out and I freeze to death.

I look to their desk next.

But I can’t read what’s on the paper. Nothing but weird writing and symbols I’ve never seen in my life before. I flip the pages to see if I can find something I can read and I land on a page that shows a graphic drawing of a grotesques human being eating the flesh of a women.

The hideous human having limbs far too long and skinny for it’s normal sized body. It’s eye’s are pure white while around it’s sockets are dark as the night. It has no clothes on so you can see how sickly it looks in all it’s glory. Seeing it’s bones poke out through it’s chest making it seems to be starved for too long. But it’s stomach. Bloated outwards.

The woman's face in the drawing is harder to look at.

As her neck is getting bitten into she’s ……. Smiling.

Her eye’s hold no light, no hint that she’s alive nor dead. Her smile doesn’t even look real, just the sides of her face curling upwards in awkward fashion.

I notice now that they're both naked. Nothing in sexual way just the nudity makes it to be more powerful message.

Having the woman almost loving lying across the deformed human as it digs its teeth into her neck. Her bloodied body seems to shine in the drawing with so much detail with the gore, I could’ve mistaken it to be real.

Her right hand gently places on the cheek of the monstrous human. As if they were lovers.

As I’m still engrossed in the drawing. I look up to see a poem written for the picture.

It’s something I can finally read yes!

I’m reading it out loud. Saying it over and over again but I’m not liking the taste which is building up in my mouth as the words fall from my lips.

It reads.

**_“In my nothing. You were the only thing that was might to be,_ **

**_So take this tainted body and let us be free,_ **

**_In this life we hold so much tragedy so please pray for me,_ **

**_In this light as you devour me,_ **

**_I want you to run away and be free of the world that tortured you and me,_ **

**_but you know, you’ll never be free with me._ **

**_So take me, take me._ **

**_Because I was never might to be.”_ **

I finish reading it over again but it still doesn't really make a lot of since.

While I was reading the poem it seems like the drawing as changed.

Now the woman’s upwards gaze on her monster lover is staring straight at me, like she can actually see me. Her dull unlight eyes now scream with pain and heartache. Face flushed and twisted, tears streaming down her red cheeks. Her once was relaxed body now struggling against the ugly humans teeth sinking into her neck.

I shut the book fast and push it away from me.

That picture was not like it was before! I know it wasn’t! I didn’t change the page so how could it do that!

I grab the candle holder and decided that I’m all good and done with looking in this room now.

I turn to walk out the door but stop dead in my tracks.

The Witcher with no ram mask but still fully clothed is staring me down.

Eyes like an flammulated owls. The flesh of their face smooth and creamy white, while the sockets of their eyes are toned 2 shades darker. Their hair medium in length and white as snow.

They walk closer to me as I’m frozen in a state of aw. So close that our faces are almost touching. I can feel their breath on my skin.

“You shouldn’t been in here.” They say blowing out the candle light as I’m taken into the darkness.

**“You really shouldn't of been in here.”**


	10. I like your flammulated owl eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide get's caught in Mr. Ram head's room
> 
> I have a tumblr:
> 
> http://glitch-boi.tumblr.com/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys I hope you like this chapter it's a little short but I still think it's somewhat good.

Before I can tell them anything or give any type of excuse. Their picking me up by my shirt. Lifting me off my feet and into the air. I can even hear the seams of my shirt began to rip by the force of their grip. 

Dear lord I totally forgot that this small being has the strength of four bulls.

“Hey dude I know I’m in your room and you're probably pissed but I was just lookin -”

As I’m trying to tell them why I was in here in the first place. I’m being tossed into their bed.

While gracelessly landing on their bed I hit my head right off the wall.

“Ow, fuck dude!” cursing as a plague of pain goes through my whole skull.

“Aw did that hurt? I’m sorry I didn’t think I was that strong. My bad, I thought a “strong” southern boy like you could take it.” They say sarcastically.

It’s still pitch black in the room but the window next to the shelf let's tiny strays of light shine in from the night sky.

Rubbing the back of my head to somehow dull the throbbing pain. I look up to see Mr. Ram head is now standing at the edge of the bed. As I’m about to say once again that I’m fucking sorry for coming into their room and being an ass of a guest but then their moving onto the bed, or should I say more like crawling over.

What the hell is happening? How did this happen? Like I’m not totally complaining about it but like you just throw me pretty hard. Like the fuck dude you can’t really just do that.

As I’m trying to not have an internal crisis of what’s happening I feel something put pressure on my hips. I pull my mind from whatever I was thinking about and move my focus to turn to the small white haired person who is now straddling my hips.

Ohhh wow, wow, wow, WOW. I didn’t really see this happening at all. I’m  really nervous now. Don’t get me wrong I was nervous before but now I have a very cute and very deadly person straddling my hips.

I didn’t imagine I would die like this. 

“Hey -- hey dude mhm what are you doing? I’m real sorry ab -”

“Shut up for a second and give me your hands Hide.”

I don’t say another word and bring both of my hands into theirs. They start to relax themselves on me and it’s getting really uncomfortable on how they dip their weight to one side to the other.

OH GEEZE

Their looking at my hands with great intenseness and it’s really kinda freaking me out here. Flipping them over to look at the backs and the front palms.

They let out a heavy sigh like they’ve been holding the air in their lungs for far too long.  “Well good news. You didn’t get any of curse on you but to make sure I need to -” saying as they stop short to lift themselves off of me to reach for a jar on their desk.

After getting the jar they relax themselves once again on me.

I’m really hoping they don’t notice what’s happening to me because I’d like to keep all body parts intact before I leave this place.

As they lift off the lid of  the jar I can smell it so fast I think I burnt some of my nose hairs off.

“My GOD! What the hell is it that???” I pinch my nose to save myself from this fucking gross ass smell. It’s worse then five day old vomit! Why do they have a whole jar filled with this stuff??

They look at me with board features by my reaction to the smell. Not looking so pleased they cup their fingers and scope out some of the mystery jelly in the jar. 

I gag on the air because it’s too fucking fowl to stand.

They look at me one last time before they take the mystery jelly in their mouth. Oh dear Lord that’s really gross! I think I’m gonna puke!

But their face shows no sign of disgust nor unpleasantness from the jelly.

They pull my hands away from my nose and bring their face closer to mine. Before I can even say I need my big boy space, their lips are on mine.

Their lips are soft and smooth which is a surprise to me. I don’t mind it at all at first but then they deepen the kiss and before anything great could happen I taste then mystery jelly on their tongue and I’m pulling the fuck BACK!

They grab my head to keep me still while they shove more jelly into my mouth with theirs.

I DON'T LIKE THIS MAKE OUT SESSION ANYMORE! 

I’m trying my best not to swallow the damn stuff but it’s getting harder to breathe with this ASSHOLE SHOVING THEIR TONGUED FILLED JELLY DOWN MY THROAT!

And with defeat I swallow it and finally push them off of me.

“What they hell was that for !!?” I also practically scream as I’m trying my best to wipe the taste off with my hands.

They roll off of my hips to sit beside me on the bed.

“That was binding spell with protection ingredients. You should thank me Hide. I might have just saved your foolish fucking life.” They say in a smug voice.

Saved my fucking life? They almost ended it by 1. Shoving horrible jelly that I have no idea what the hell is in it down my throat. 2. They almost suffocating me with their mouth! 

Like if it wasn’t for the jelly I might that let that go on, but that’s NOT WHAT HAPPEN ISN’T IT?

Whatever. Fine. Great. Amazing.

“Saved my life? What with those fancy words and terrible jelly? I think I could’ve died either way.” I try and say in a equally smug tone but I think it falls flat when I see it doesn’t faze them.

We don’t say anything for a while and I almost think they fell asleep but they re-screw the jar and place it back on their desk. 

“Why don’t you have your mask on?” I ask.

I remember them saying that it was to “keep me safe” but I guess that’s not relevant anymore who knows.

“I didn’t think you were going to be in my room so I took it off. It’s not like I sleep with it on Hide.”

Well shit I kinda feel bad now.

“Yeah about that I’m sorry that I was in your room I didn’t mean to go into your privacy. I just wanted to find firewood for the fireplace.” I say in a apologetic voice.

They sigh, seeming more tired than anything.

“Did you not check next to the dining table?”

“Who the hell keeps their firewood next to the dining table?” I look at the with my eyebrows rashed.

“Well it’s not like I have a lot of ‘guest’ coming over on my daily schedule now is it?” They say. Pulling and twisting their hair with their fingers.

“I guess not.”

The silence comes again but not as uncomfortable like before.

It feels kinda nice.

The wind is making the house creak and moan but it’s not in a eerie kind of way. More like the house is old and has memories that I might not ever get to know those memories. How little my life might actually be to this person sitting next to me on their bed.

My heartbeat is making me unsettling to aware of how alive I am.

How I only have so much here.

How mum and everyone I meet has so much time to live and be happy. And how that’s not always going to happen for everyone.

How little our existence really is.

“Oh wow okay Hide I can feel your self-doubt from here. Maybe lighten up a little.” They say.

I’m looking at them now. In the darkness of the room, with the early morning light coming through the window.

How their eye’s are so big with hints of sadness in their iris. How tired and drained the features in their face look. I’m staring and I know it but I just can’t pull my eyes from them.

“Kaneki.”

"What now?"

“Kaneki. Hide"

"Hide, my name is Kaneki."


	11. Your a deer in headlights: Locked down and paralyzed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide just wanted to find Kaneki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so much thank yous to all the people who have liked and comment on this story! It really means a lot!

I’m kinda shocked by the sudden turn of events.

The once was Mr. Ram head has finally told me his name and I’m pretty proud of myself for earning the privilege of knowing that. Like 10 point for you Hide, hell yeah.

After learning Kaneki’s name he kicked me out of his room and told me to get some sleep.

So walking back to my place on the floor and also finding more wood to put on the fire. I lay down and try to get comfortable with myself.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

20 minutes later and I still can’t get to sleep.

I’m just still overwhelmed by Kaneki’s face and actions. Seeing him for the first time was terrifying in the darkness and just about scaring the living daylights out of me was equally bad. But looking back on sitting next to him on his bed with the morning pink dusk coming in from the window.

It made him seem strangely beautiful.

Not really saying that Kaneki’s beautiful or anything, also not saying he’s ugly or unattractive. Like if he kissed me again WITHOUT the jelly I wouldn’t mind.

What the hell am I doing with my life?

I still have to wait until the weather clears to go up to the Tsukiyama mansion and get that plant and -

Wait a minute.

Kaneki is the northern Witcher, and the Tsukiyama family (or what I heard from Touka) are supposed to worship the northern Witcher. So maybe Kaneki can come with me to the Tsukiyama mansion and help me not get brutally eaten by them (if they really are cannibals).

I also wonder why they are (if they are) cannibals for Kankei? Like why eat human flesh for another human being? It doesn’t make a lot of sense for me, but a lot of things people do in this world doesn’t make a lot of sense for me.

There’s only so much we can connect with one and another.

And sometimes there's things we wish never to connect with in people.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I wake up in a cold home.

No light from the fire, no creepy rammed headed Witcher watching me sleep. Nothing.

The fire is out and doesn’t look like it’s going to come back to life if I simply put more wood on it.

I look around to see if Kaneki is anywhere near but I find no trace of him.

I’m kinda worried. Like I know I get worried a lot for no reason but this is actually something to get worried over. And I’m getting worried.

First I need to get a fire going to heat this house up again then I can go find Kaneki.

Walking towards the dining table to get more firewood I spot something on the floor. It’s not a puddle but more like something dragged across the floor. Streaks of the liquid run from the dining table all the way to the hallway towards Kaneki’s room.

I’m not having a good time, not at all.

I lean down to aspect the liquid more closely. It’s pitch black in color and shines like motor oil in the evening light. I probably shouldn’t touch it but it’s not the first time I told myself that.

I dip my index finger into the black goop. Bring it up to my nose to smell it but it doesn’t smell like anything but it’s sticky like tar.

My god I think it is tar.

Why the hell is tar all over the floor?

What the fuck is happening? 

Well I guess better figure it out before things go to hell.

Hahaha literally. 

Okay that wasn’t really funny.

Anyways……. I don’t think it would be a great idea lighting a fire with tar all over the place so better let that be last on the list and finding Kankei first on the list.

So I follow the tar tracks to the hallway leading to Kaneki’s room. The farther I go from the dining room the more tar I see lathering the floor boards.

This is getting really crazy. How the hell is tar all the way in the forest in the first place? I don’t think Kaneki even has a use for tar? Or maybe he does? Who’s to say?

Damn it! Get focused Hide!

I make my way to Kaneki’s door. And notice the door is also covered in the shiny black tar. I’m not liking where this is going.

Because of the events of what happened last time I knock on the door to see if anyone is in there before I just go walking in like I own the place.

No reply.

Just silence

I guess that’s the “okay” to go in.

I grab the door carefully turning the handle. Gently, gently twisting the knob just in case Kaneki is in his room and might be sleeping in this crazy ass mess happening out here.

As I’m opening to door I pray to the Lord that it doesn’t start squeaking. And to my comfort it doesn’t. Thank God.

I finally open it all the way and find no one is the room.

“What the fuck?” I curse under my breath.

There are still two other rooms but with the freaky book from last time I don’t want to take my chances and have something latch itself on me. And on the other hand I might find Kaneki.

Mhmm…..

A demon latching itself onto my innocent body or finding Kaneki?

I was never a good one with great decision making skills.

So I guess I gotta go back to basic again.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe catch some eggs before they go. If the hen can’t keep her flow, barns. Will. Have. To. Go. And. You. Are. It!

Kaneki is the winner.

What a surprise.

So now that I’ve gotten to go in the right room I guess left is the answer.

I grab the door only to find that it’s locked but luckily for me I know how to pick a few locks. I silently thank my neighbor's oldest son who is the one who taught me this trick. The reasoning was weird but I kinda like it now that I think back to it.

He said “Hide your gunna die one day. Hopefully know where soon but ya might as well learn some ‘real’ tricks before lady death takes you out. ”

He was a little strange but had some really good points on things in life.

I dig around in my pants and find some pins to use. I get to working on the lock and after about 2 minutes I hear a satisfying ‘click’ and the door slowly starts to open.

I poke my head just a little bit into the room see around.

It’s almost pitch black in the room. No windows to bring light in, no candles to shine their fire in, just nothing. I open the door a little more to see if I can get more light into this room.

I notice that this room is way bigger then Kaneki’s room. Hell I would even say it’s almost as big as the dining room. Leaving the door open for the light I start to walk in the room.

There’s nothing really special or anything that stands out in here. Just a large table with more books, chalks, jars (fucking gross I bet too), herbs, and lots of other things that I have no idea what they are.

As my focus comes off the table I’m staring at something dead in the face.

OH MY GOD IT’S A DEmo - oh wait it’s just me.

The fuck! That was fucking scary!

Well good thing though Kaneki’s not here and still might think I’m kinda cool.

I really hope he thinks I’m cool.

Damn it Hide! Focus!

There's a huge mirror right behind the table. And it’s taking up the whole wall. Almost like the whole wall is the  mirror.

I haven’t seen myself in a while. My hair looks even longer than before or it could be that it just looks that way because I haven’t tied in back in a while.

My normal tanned skin looks 2 shades lighter making me almost look sickly. At least my eyes don’t look as tired as I feel.

As I keep on staring at myself in the mirror I notice I’m sweating. That’s funny I don’t even feel hot or clammy. I wipe my brow to cast away the sweat but it looks like I’m just sweating more.

"What the fuck?" I wipe my brow again but nothing. I untuck my shirt to wipe my whole face on it but find no change.

The longer I stare the faster the beads of sweat roll off my face. Making it look like I’m taking a shower with my clothes on. I bring my face closer to the mirror to make sure that there's no water coming from it and find nothing once again.

After I rubbing my eyes a few times I notice that my eye color has changed. No longer dark amber eyes but bright fluorescent yellow.

“What the fuck? That’s not right.” I say as I bring my hand up to touch the mirror. But finding that the mirror is not a solid thing anymore. As if the surface is more like water. Sending ripples throughout the length of the mirror.

Looking back up to my reflection.

Only to see a horrifying black human shape in the mirror. Black long hair floating as if it were in water.

Taking a step back to get air into my lungs. I don’t know if I’m breathing or not but it feel as if I’m suffocating.

I’m disturbed by the creature in the mirror. No features to look at . Just a solid black figure with blinding yellow eyes.

Oh hell the fuck no.

As I’m going to walk out of the room here and there. The beings arm launches out of the mirror and grabbing me by the wrist. It’s slimy black fingers curl around my wrist with deadly force.

It’s tugging me in.

I scream.

I scream for Kaneki, for my mum, for God, for anyone!

**ANYONE TO SAVE ME! DEAR CHRIST!**

It’s tugging me into the mirror.

And I don’t know if I’m going to break free.


	12. Can you feel their evil ways?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide is trying to fight off mirror monsters and trying not to go insane with everything's bullshit

I’m struggling for my fucking life.

This creature from the mirror isn’t letting go. I have tried to bite it’s fingers, take a book and mashed its hand, twists it’s nails off. But only fail for it to grip harder into my wrist. Feeling its fingers wrap so tightly around my wrist I thought the joints would of popped out of it’s socket already.

I scream at it to let go, for it to know I have no value in its life.

“I’M SORRY BUT MY HUMAN FLESH HAS A HORRIBLE AFTER TASTE SIR! I KNOW THERE’S A LOT OF ANIMALS OUTSIDE YOU MIGHT LIKE BUT YOU HAVE TO LET GO FIRST!” I scream at it and try my best to reason with it.

“ALSO I’M NOT A VIRGIN SACRIFICE SO I KNOW THAT’S A NO GO, RIGHT? I’VE HAD TONS AND TONS OF SEX WITH WOMEN AND MEN SO THAT MUST MAKE ME TASTE BAD! RIGHT??!!” I yell out.

I keep screaming for Kaneki but no cute owled eye boy comes my way.

Fuck is this how I’m going to die?

I’m going to fucking die and I didn’t even get the plant for mum yet! I only went up here to get that for her! I JUST WANTED MUM TO GET BETTER! DAMN IT!

As I’m trying my best to deny death's hot slimy grasp I hear footsteps near the door.

I whip my head around to see the beautiful face (YES MY BEAUTIFUL SAVIOR'S FACE) of Kaneki the northern Witcher!

“KANEKI!” I scream my lungs out.

They look at me with no worry nor confusion but I’m pretty sure it’s more like “ _how could this dumbass get himself in this mess._ ” I’m sure he’s thinking it.

As I’m still struggling with the being in the mirror, Kaneki slowly makes his way over to me. He pulls off his cloak and fur shaw letting it fall to the floor over him. Bringing his hand on the beings arm.

Suddenly Kaneki grabs the beings arm with a force that makes it screams. The piercing cry is loud enough to leave me dizzy and falling back on my heels. Without thinking much of it in the moment. I come out of the daze and realize that I’m free.

Holy shit I’m free!!! FUCK YES! I get to live another day! I get to see mum again and get that plant for her! 

As I’m happily hugging myself for being alive. I look up from the floor to see Kaneki staring back at the creature in the mirror. He’s still holding the creatures black slimy arm.

The being isn’t struggling in his hand anymore. Their just staring back at each other in a eerie way. I’m afraid to speak up and ask kaneki what the literally fuck is going on but maybe that’s best kept for any other time, huh?

Kaneki slowly puts the creature's arm back into the liquefied mirror. Stepping away from it but then the creature slaps its two hands black hands against the mirror from the inside.

Calling out in a chilling voice I wish to never hear again.

 

**“Ĭ͍̺̮̝̞̖̻͍͋ͅT̩̺̺̦ͣ̄̆ ̲͎͚͔̜̤͂͋͋͒͐ͤw͕̗͋̓̎ͅI͚̾l̖̘͓̀̈̍̈L͎̜̭̏̿̉̿͌ ̗̰̱͍͙͈͉̇ͪ́̾̀ͭͣ͗̑t̟͉̰͎̥̠͓̋̈́ͥ̍ͪE̳̳̿ͯ̀̌̏ͩ̅ȃ̬̘̬̈͑̇ͪ̓̚R̦͎̮̜̹̉͗͋̃ͮͫ̓ ͇͕͓͉̒̑̀̇͛ͅy̦̭͓̥̳ͯͭO̘̫̙̹̱͉̜͎͚ͫ̇̓̏͑̅ͣ́u͉̝̥͇̤̮̬ͪͨ ̲̹͆̅͐͂͊̌ͨ́ͨẢ͈̒ͬͧp̼̝̊ͯR͎͔͔̬̪̥͔̒̉͌͒ͣ́ͤt̝̗̰̲̤̽ͩ̓ ̮̦̬͚̮͋͑i͇̼̠̣̮̩ͥ̾͒̉͑ͯͯN̼̣̙̪͇̫̟̈̋̑̏ͪ̓͊̓ ̪̣̤̬͓̭ͧͤͩͣ́ͧ̿ͥͅt̰̫ͮ͐̈̂̚ͅH̫̹̥͇ͯ̈̐̑̐̄ͤ̋È͔̣͈̳̮̳̩̍̉ ̠̺̗͕̐̿ͫ̿̌e̷̛͚̲̼͉͓̣̭̠̥̹̗̩̙̤͚̩ͣͦ̓̅͆̆̃͒N̴̨̻̝̮̫̣̱̱̱ͮ͐̒̿̈́͐͟͝ḑ̤̲̬̫̩̫̻̳͙̆̃ͮ̽ͫ͑̋̏̾̌ͫ̈**

 

**“y̘̬̪͚̖̝̓ͨO͎͎̫̥̹͔͂̊̅̋̓ͦU̹͚̺̣̯̯̍ͨͦ̆̎ ̺͔̺̦̟̽̑̎̀̓͋͛̔k̘̬̳͈̝͊̈́ͭͬ̑̔̚N͈̺̮͎̘͓̺͌͋͗̐O̳̫͖̻̱̭̮͋̓͆̒̿ͯ̚w͙͙͙͖̰̫̲̙̻̄ͩ́̓ͭͣ͐ͬͦ ͈͓͚̟͖͚̖̠͐ͮͦ͆̇͌̐̃i̹̟̹̞̳͇̭̽̽ͫ̿T̩̮͍̮̠͓̰̰̍̚ ͧ̍̑d̬̫̫̦̣͎̲̤ͬͭ̆ͪŎ͓͖̜͔̐ͪ̏̉n̗̠̹̞̱͖͍ͤͥ̑̏̍'̬̱ͯ̾̃̈́ͤT͔̜͍̼͈̭̏̇̉͑̋̐̋̽̚ ̻̝̝̦̲̓̐y̮̠̭̿͒̈́̄̂Ō̘̟̦͉̪̮̃̀̆ͅŭ̼͈͓͙͈̠̯̎ͥ̈?̦̖̱͚̤̳̯͕̲ͣ̒͒̌̿͆ͭ̃̇ͪ͂ͨ͊͛̑ͥ̀͊**

 

**ķ̣̹̝̬̻̺̱̹̺̼̫͓̭͕̼̺̪̘͇͢A̴̶̠̠̗͍̹̺͙̖͎̱̬̫͔͖͔̪̖̬̞͘n̴̶͈̩̮̭̼̯̝̬̕͠E̴̷̢̛͈̥̱͚̞̻̖̦̮̬͔̩͍̥͇̠͚̰̞k̘͎̯̟̜͍̣̗̠̗̦͝I̙̠̦͚̙̟͉͓̣̺**

 

I swear I see Kaneki’s eyes move to me for a split second. Before letting his gaze fall back to the floor I almost thought he looked pained with regret with the words that escape from his lips next.

“I know.” He says.

I’m to stunned from all of “THIS” to realize Kankei is now picking me up off the floor.

“Oh HEY buddy! Uhmm I think I’m fine no need to cradle me in your arms. I’m prett --.” 

“Just shut up Hide.”

And like that my mouth is sealed for now.

Kaneki wraps one of his arms under my legs and one behind my back. Holding me in a bridal style as he walks out the door and slams it shut.

I can’t really tell if he’s pissed about the mirror thing or just annoyed that I went into another room of his without him knowing.

Either way I’m not looking forward to being yelled at or having my death come soon by the hands of this man.

But we don’t travel that fair. 

Kaneki only walked to his room. Thank God because I thought he was really going to throw me out into the cold northern weather outside and not let me back in.

Instead I’m again thrown onto Kaneki’s bed.

And once again do I hit my head off of the wall.

“OKAY FUCKING OWWWW!” I say in a high tone while taking both of my arms over my head to somehow shield it from the already stinging pain.

As I’m consumed by my aching skull I feel the bed dip in.

“Hide I need you to let out of your head and give me your hands now.”

“And why should I do that?” I ask.

“You just tossed me **AGAIN** into your bed and you're not evening saying sorry Kaneki! That’s mean!” I whine.

He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds and then come closer to my side. Placing a gentle hand on my leg.

“Okay Hide I’m sorry that I tossed you like a rag doll but I really need to check out your wrist right now okay? I need to make sure nothing real got on it this time.”

This time? What like the weird jelly and magical fancy words? God I hope it’s not like last time.

I pull back my hands only to see that my left wrist is completely black in color. From the side dip in my hand all the way to my fingertips is total blackness.

“I’m gonna die.” I whisper to myself.

“Hide your not going to die. Just me your wrist so I can fix it.”

I hand over my wrist to Kaneki and he doesn’t looked pleased with it. Furrowing his brows as he moves it from left to right.

“Okay Hide I want you to stay calm as I explain to you what's gonna happen okay?”

I nod my head in agreement.

“Great. So you have really two options here.” 

Oh only two? what a deal.

Kaneki goes on “You can leave your hand like this forever or I can use something to fix it.”

As I begin to open my mouth Kaneki stops me.

“But Hide if you do wish for me to fix it. You would have to do a deal with me which means that it’s another binding spell like the one I did on you last time.”

“And what kind of deal are we talking about?” I ask.

“Nothing great really. I’m not going to use a lot of magical on you. That would just be wastefully on my part.”

“Oww Kaneki that hurt my feelings.” Saying sarcastically and giving him my best ‘hurt’ face.

“Yeah well I’m just taking a guess that you prefer having all your limbs intact and living a full life yes?”

Shit that’s not where I thought this was going!

“Yes I like both of those things.” Nodding my head up and down.

“Amazing like I can read your mind.” Oh God I hope he can’t! I need my head space! Shit! Shit! Shit!!!!

“No Hide I’m not reading into your mind.” 

“Oh thank God.” I let out a heavy sigh.

“So what do you have to do now? I really hope it’s not more mystery jelly because no offense but that stuff is disgusting.” I say in all seriousness.

“No I just have to make a potion to pour over your skin to relieve the poison that’s infected your skin cells. ” Kaneki says as he moves off the bed to grab a book from his desk.

“Is it gonna hurt?” I ask Kaneki.

“Who’s to say?” He says before leaving me in his room alone.

It’s gonna fucking hurt I can sense it.


	13. I'm just somewhere else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide's waiting and weird things happen in the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support and great comments.
> 
> I have a tumblr: http://glitch-boi.tumblr.com/
> 
> if you wanna ask any questions

It’s been one hour and it doesn’t seem like Kaneki’s done making this “position” yet.

After he left me in his room for about 20 minutes I thought “hey maybe I can go see if he’s actually coming back into the room and didn’t just leave me there to look at my disguising blacken hand.”

I was apparently wrong.

When leaving Kaneki’s room I noticed that none of the tar that once was covering the floors are there anymore.

I just brush it off because maybe Kaneki cleaned it up before saving me.

Wait a fucking second….

Did kaneki really clean up all that tar and just ignore my screams for help?

Well that does kinda sound like him.

Anyway --

I walk into the dining room to see Kaneki is already at work with the “position” for me.

Dumping all kind of things into a huge pot in front of him.

I have no idea if I should say something to him about the mirror creature and what the actually fuck was happening in there. But I choice to stay quiet and just sit next to him for awhile at the dining table.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“ _ Wake up Hide.” _

_ I hear mum’s voice. With it’s soft and delicate tones I can tell she probably wants me to get eggs for breakfast but I just really want to sleep right now. _

_ I just feel so exhausted. So tired _

_ “Oi! Sleepyhead! you got to start the day my young man! Come on! Let’s get go.” She says in a more serious tone now. _

_ I flip over to press my face deeper into the pillow, trying to drown out the noise of mum’s voice. I’m not mad at her I just feel so tired. I don’t even know why I am. _

_ “Hide Please wake up.” I hear mum say. _

_ Okay I guess that sounds good enough to get me out of this bed and get to working. _

_ I turn over on my back. Only to see that my room is still dark from nightfall. _

_ That’s weird. It doesn’t even look like the sun is going to rises anytime soon too. Why would mum try to wake me up so early? _

_ Thinking about mum. I take a look around my room to see where mum is but she’s nowhere to be found. _

_ Mhmm maybe she just popped her head into my room and then just left after I didn’t respond to her. _

_ Now I kinda feel like an ass for doing that to her. _

_ I sit up and pull the sheets off my body, rubbing the crust out of my eyes. I call out for her. _

_ “Mum I’m awake now!” _

_ Waiting a second more for her to reply but nothing comes. _

_ Just silence. _

_ “Mum!” I call out again but get nothing. _

_ Maybe I was still dreaming? Probably was I guess. _

_ Letting myself fall back into my bed and pull the sheets back on my body I hear my door creak slowly open. _

_ I flipping my legs over the bed and sit up again to see if it’s mum but it’s nothing.  _ **_AGAIN_ ** _. _

_ “Damn wind.” I curse. _

_ As I’m going to get up and just see where the hell mum is, I feel something ………. almost breathe on my ankles. _

_ I stiffen for a split second but then remember that mum likes to feed and bring in the stray cats once and awhile. It’s probably one of them. _

_ Sighing I get off the bed and bend down to see the little fella. _

_ “Hey little kitty how are you? How’d you get in my room?” _

_ I look for the cat under my bed but it’s so hard to see in this darkness. _

_ So I stick my arm out under the bed to see if I can feel for the little guy. _

_ After a second of not finding anything but dust bunnies I think I just scared the little guy more by doing that. _

_ I’m pulling back my arm as I feel something brush against me. I’m not gonna pull the damn cat out like a asshole, so I just might as well just wait for them to come out. _

_ I put some room between me and the bed and start the wait for this little guy to come out by themselves. _

_ As I’m waiting for the cat I start to hear voices? Like I can make sense of them but I guess you could call them more of mumbling then someone actually talking. _

_ I gaze out of my open door to see if mum is talking to anyone but find the hallway just as dark as my own room. _

_ Mhmm maybe I really am half asleep? _

_ But the mumbling seems like it’s getting closer, and louder. _

_ Looking around to see where the hell it’s coming from. I just don’t remember mum letting anyone come over last night. And I’m pretty sure if she did I would remember something like that because I would've teased her about it. _

_ I’m starting to get a little nervous now. _

_ More time passes and the mumbling sounds just start getting closer and closer with violent ups and downs in the tones. _

_ I’m trying to figure out where the hell those noise is coming from! _

_ They sound like they're … coming from my bed? _

_ What the fuck? _

_ WHAT THE FUCK! FUCK! _

_ THE MUMBLING IS COMING FROM UNDER MY FUCKING BED! _

_ I don’t hesitate calling out to whoever is under my bed. _

_ “Get the hell out of my room now or so help me I will drag you out of this damn house.” _

**_“Ī̺̻̹͘ ̰̟̥̰̜̗͐̽́̐ͪ͛̊͘g̜̘̭ͤͦ͆̆Ú̢̖͕͇̮ͫͪ̈͐ẽͮͬ҉͙̱̯̺͈S̻̗̘̠͑͌ͅs̶̖̪̜̗̖ͨ̏̌̆ͅ  y̝̮͔̗̮̠͜͜Ǫ̟̫͉̜̪̪̼̞̞u͏̢̖̺͙͚'̩̙̞͕͕̗̤̯͘Ļ̛̬̝̲̯̦̝̦̩̟l̬̜̻̱̼͇̝̱ h̶̛̞̠̯͓̱̥͓͝A̶̧̺̼̮V̲͙̦e҉̻ ͏̵̖̫͉̹̞t҉̧̺̪͢O̴͓̺͍̘  c̨̞̳̮̖̮͕͍͎̞̯͖̼̺̰̘̝̜͞O̸̷̷͉͚͎̫̼̭͎̥̟̜̪͇͎̜͇̕͜ͅM̷̧͖̜̖̞̜͎͖̤͜͢E̖̻̺̯͙̪̰̮̙̘̳̠͇͙̫̯̘̠͢͞͞ ̛̳̫͈͇̫͘͝ͅg̢͍̣͙̬̣̪̥̞̗̮̠̠̲̟͝ͅȨ̸̛͔̞̭̤̺͉̹̪͍̺t̵҉̶̬̰̱̺̳̦̳̤̬̝͉̺̜͙  ṃ͑́̽͂̇̄̈́͘Ę̤͎͖̮̬͍̹ͭ̂͊̈́ͧ͟ͅ ̷̳͉̘̬̟̭͓͍̅̂ḅ̷͕̬͑͂̓ͅͅI̮̮̻̹̟̊̈̒͑͝͡G͎͍̊ͪ͒ͥ̽ͥͫͣͩ͝ ̫̞̤̮̲ͣ̌̂͋̄ͬ͜B̡͚̳͍̰̼͊ͩ̎̄ͮ̔̅̚͡ö̎҉҉̬̼͈̳̘͈̩Y̷̆̓̔͒͛ͤ̔̚͏͎͈̗.”_ **

 

_ I think I just shit my pants _

_ Damn it Hide! Stay strong! _

_ Trying to re-compose myself I stammer out a reply “Ho- how about you just come out of under m- my bed and leave.” _

 

**_“ī̷̖̦͖̥̜̩ͮ͌F͎̱ͩͥͫͪ̔ ͎̖̥̫̻͋̂ͫ̈́ͤ̏̌͊y̯͈̩̞͉͖̝͐̀͛o̷̦̙͈̘̼̞͑͒͠U͗͞͏̡̪̤͓͎̬ īͥͮ͌̈̒̒ṋs̳͈̙͇̝͇i̠̼̥̥s̫̯̩̼̭̖̄ͅt̫͔̖̺͛̏ͦ̽ s̷̡̮͔̫̪̲̈́͂ͪ̆ͫ͠Ơ̶̠͔̪̣̜͍̬̺̱̩͔͎̼̗̻͉̹̈́̇̿̌̉ͩ̄͌͊ͬ̔̄̋͊̀̿ͧ͡͡ Hͤ͑ͪͦ̒̈̂͆̍҉͓͎̠̮ì̷̷̧̡̡͙̻͙͙͚̠̩̥͇ͭ̂ͭ͐̽ͬ̾ͥ͐͐̌̒̐ͦD̛ͬ̏ͮ̌̇͐̉͐̈͑̓ͪ͗̿̂̾̉̍̚҉͇̯̜̖̭̰͠ệ͉̯̺̪̳͎͕̙̜ͪ̿͂͒͒͛̾͗̕͠ͅ.”_ **

 

_ The owner of the voice slowly starts to crawl her way out of under my bed. Body long and slender, bending in odd ways as she moves towards me. _

_ Her hair dark as a plum. Long and spiralled over her face and lower back. Water dripping from her naked body, black and inky in the darkness _

_ I’m frozen. _

_ I can’t move. _

_ I can’t fucking move! _

**_MOVE! DAMN IT!_ **

**_“H̢̩̤̭̳̘͓̠̻̱̤͓̥̟̜͕͠I̶̴̻̦̰̬̮͕̪̠͚͈̝̟̝͘d̞͓̻͙Ę͚̮̩̺̹̫̘̺̼̭̞̕._ ** **_**”** _ ** _ She whispers to me. _

 

_ “ _ **_H̼̳̯̰̖͉͟͝i͓͠D̥̳̘̠̞Ḛ̴͈̬ͅ, ỵ̩̦͕̩̫̜̩̤̱͘O̧̹̻͎̠͚͜͜U̷̧͍̘͍̱̯̳͔͡ ̛̻̘̯͚̥͈̯̲̼͍̤̩̳̖̕͡k͓͚͚̳͙̜̫͔̯̳̣͢͞N҉̧͏̩͎̖̤̼̗̙̪̻̦͕̺͖͕̕O̻͈̤̮̟̳̩̦̭ͅw̸̫͚̬͓̙͈̦̞͔͝͡ͅ w͖̭͉͒͊ͯḦ̨̌ȁ͙̫̠̫͔̲͐̊͆̾̓̄T͕̼̗̰ͧ͛̌̈ ̃ỉ͋̇͏̘ ͟Ḻ̙̣͖̣̣ͧ̏͌ͯi͉͎̬̭͕͍ͣ̾̐̕K̸̪̟̙͕̋é̱̩͝ͅ T̸̺̘̼̱̞͓͍̠̫̰͌́̏ͩ̄͘Ḫ̵̨̪͈̟̥͖̭̱̅ͯ͛̒ͭE͌͊̆̍͏̰̠͚̖̜͔̠̕͜͞ m̜̞̔͋͂̏̓̇ͤ̏O̧̬̟̮̲͑̎S̳̪̿̏͢͞͝t̰͇͕̳̫̯̠̤̆̔̾͝ a̴̳̮̲̯͈̱͖͡b̴̢̮̤̳̱O͍̫̞͕͓̲̯͈̥̩̱̭̠̱̼̕͡U̵̵̮͓͖̠T̵̛̻̗͉̱͕̺̞̦̩͈̱̭͓̤̦̞͔͠͞  h̛͙̹u̷͇̩͎̺̼̼̘M̳͎͜͝A͈̘͕̘͓̕N̜͝ͅs̴̖̮̪̞̱͎̘̕͜?̛̠̠”_ **

 

_ She’s right in between my legs now. Frozen. She just comes closer to me. Feeling her breath slip off her lips. Her odd and mangled body gives no warmth as it presses against me. Only cold as death. _

_ I don’t want to hear her answer! I don’t want to hear anymore from this monstrous woman! _

**_“̶̳͍̫̣̓̅̊͌͟ I L̯̠͍ͭ̉̌͗̎̈́͘͞o̞̗̙̻̬̳̝̎̽̽ͥ͂ͭ̂̇ͣͅV͓̱͙̮̤̬ͨ̾͗̔ͤ͒̎̀Ẻ̷͕̺ͩ͡  w̅̍ͯͫͤ̉́ͫ҉̟̙͈̖̱̖̝̤̝̭̝͍͇H̴̢̭̥̝̹̮ͦ͑͌̑ͯͦͭ̎̿ͬ̾̓̇͌̐ͯͅA̡̢̹̰̱̻͔̯̹̜̝̗͓̯̜͚͖̫̳̥ͧ̍͂ͦͪ͛̈́̆̾ͪͩ͘͟T̷̩̯̬̘̳͈͛͌̈́ͩ̊̀̆̉̓ͫ͌̄ͭ͑̑͟͟ c̕͜͞͏̗̝̫̠̦O̖͚̜̙̗̥̺̳̻͡N̛̰̪͎̠͔͚̩̤͇̻̲̙̥̕ͅş̶̨̹̝̗͉͚̺͍͕̪̫͕̮̲̘̞̳͔͟͢ͅU̷̢̢̮̞̺̬͎͞M̶͎͖̪͔͈̠͇̪̝͓͈̬͟͡E̩͉͓͉̟̘̕͡͡͡ͅŞ̵̶̛͇̪̯̬͉̺̙̥̙̺̣͙͓̤  Ţ͕͎̹̞̦̱̲̔̇ͭͭ̀ͬͪ̕͘H̨̹̬̦̰̠̯͖̲̮̲̻̘͔̫ͯͨ̋ͩ̀̔̇̋̈̓̏̿̏̍ͭ͋ͤͮ̆͝Ẹ̶̡̪̰̝̹͍ͣ̃ͣ͆ͨ͌̇ͧ͐̎̈̀ͪ̈́ͫ͢͡͝ͅM̴̵̨͉̯̱̜͔̞͚̲̰̪̞̲͙͖͇̪̄ͪ́͛ͪͧ̎ͧ̈ͥ̽ͩͣ̀ͧ̚͟͡.”_ **

  
  
  


**_“w̵̶̡̥̝̮͍̪̱̯̟̯̪̱̭͈̭͙͕̰̦͓H̨̧͕̯̠̻͈͔̼̱̜̩͖̮͇͘͝ͅͅA͜͏̘̫͉̲̥̺̩̱̬̘͖ͅŢ̶͏̞̻̣̦̙͎ E͚͉͍̭͙͗̀͂̃͂̅͋ͫ̚͘̕A̶̞̜̥̯̤͔̤̖̰̳͚̲̐͑̄̅ͦ̈́ͦ̊̓̏̎ͭ̉ͨͭ͐̎ͧ͞T̴̶̠̫̭͇̣͕̜̠̳̜͙̖̳̥̋̏ͬ̋͌͗ͧ̔̍͂̇̅̌͊͆͝͠Ę̤̝͓͇͎͕̫̤̞͙̺͔̙͍̞̽͗͐̉̈́͐ͫ͌͂̍̊̎ͬͬ́͘͡͡Ş̛ͦ͒̆̈̾͒́͐̒͘͏̤̹͉̠̳͕͔̩̗̠͙̯̞͚ Tͦͥ͋̀̎̔̓ͬ̏̂̈́҉̠̖̠̮̲̼̗̝̬̬̲͔̖̲͙͢͡H̷̨͚̻̻͈ͬ̓ͤ̑̄͗̐ͨ̀̃̓͘͜͡ẻ̶͎̙̲̩̠̝͇͙̻̠͈̬͎̽̈̓̑̏ͪ͑͆ͫ͑̆̇͗͜M̸͚̩̜͇̳͈̯̤̱̗͖̤̭̝̰͍̜̻͌ͧ̈̄̑̂̀͜ A͓̱̯̲̬̙̬̫͈̺͎͕͖̳̱͎͔͚̱̅̆ͫͪ̐̏̏ͭ̈̏ͤ̋ͩ͊͂͊ͪ̌L̴̢̧̰̲͇̩͕̺͔̜̠̦̮͓̣̠̺͗̃ͣ͐͗ͧ̈́̃ͬ̈́́̽͘͢ͅͅI̴̱̟̠̥͖̬̼͙̺̤͓͔̼͚̫̠̫ͤͮ̏̋͠͝ͅV̦̰̟͙̖̪̪͕͇̦̱̙̝̯̺̻̣̿̍̽̈́͛͟ͅE̡͔̜̺̖̯̦̤̞̺̪̻̱͚ͪ̑͋̍ͤ͋̀̈̋̈́ͯͦ͒̍͟ͅ.H̵̙͎͕͉̙̀͒͗̍ͪ̆ͪḭ̸͎͇ͨͦ̓ͥ̎D̩̻̻̜̻̝̻͓͑̈̐̂̿ͧ̃̈Ȇ͛ͥͦ͂̒̃̽̚҉̥͍ͅ.”_ **

 

“HIDE WAKE UP!”

Gasping awake. I shake violently, I look around frantically to see where I am and what’s happening.

I now realize that I fell asleep at the dining table and Kankei is gripping my shoulders with a worry in his eyes I haven’t seen before.

“Hide are you alright? You're sweating through your clothes.”

I look Kaneki in the eyes and nod my head to insure him that I am somewhat okay and not shaking in his touch like a frightened animal.

“Are you sure Hide?” He says looking me over with eyebrows raised.

I start to zone him out and notice more on how close he is to my face. How big his eyes are, how lovely they are. How smooth his skin looks.

“Hide are you even listening to me? Hide I’m worr--”

“Your truly beautiful Kaneki.” I say out loud before I can stop myself.

What I see is truly amazing.

Kaneki slowly digest my words and suddenly becomes beet red. I supposed shocked with my words.

That’s really kinda cute.

He pulls away from me to turn his face away from my gaze.

Now I think he’s trying to hide his face from me.

“S- shut up Hide. I’m done with making the potion. So go to the bathroom and get ready to get this over with.”

Fuck I’m so ready.


	14. misfortune of bath water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide gets in the bathtub but he only wants to do is get the fuck out.
> 
>  
> 
> notes at the end

“Kaneki do you even have a bathroom?”

I ask because to be honest I seriously don’t know if he has one or not. I haven’t seen one at least so maybe I’m not wrong?

He stops from cleaning up everything and sets down the things in his hand, slowly turning himself towards me.

“Yes Hide I do. But answer me this. Where have you been going to take a piss this whole time?”

Now I just feel too embarrassed to answer him.

“Hide where the hell have you been going to the bathroom?” He asks again in a more demanding tone.

Guess I have no choice but to answer him or he’ll just try to pry the answer out of me….. Wait that doesn’t sound too bad actually.

No Hide. Stop that! Just answer the question at hand!

“Mhmm I’ve just been going outside actually hahah……..”

“So let me get this straight. You’ve been going outside in the waist deep snow to take a piss and you just somehow never even asked me if I had a bathroom?” He ask.

“Yes sir!” Saying as loudly as I can while bringing up my hand to salute him.

“Amazing Hide. Truly amazing.” He shakes his head while going right back into what he was doing before.

I don’t think he’s amazed.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I gotta say, Kaneki has a pretty nice bathroom. Like for having a eerie and kinda scary home the bathroom is the less creepiest of all the rooms I’ve been in. And to note that the bathroom was the other door I didn’t go in near Kaneki’s room and the horrifying mirror room.

I guess the lock on the mirror door was a signal not to go in it. Who wouldna guessed right?

Anyway the bathroom.

It’s super clean which really throws me off (no offense to Kaneki but the kid is always kinda dirty looking but that’s probably because of how he just goes out in the woods all the time.). It also has a bathtub and a toilet which blows my fucking mind because how much money does Kankei have to really have both a toilet and a bathtub? I’m a little jealous here not gonna lie.

So Kaneki said to fill up the tub and get in it. Seems simple enough I think.

Wait a darn pickin second…

Does he mean to get naked and then go into the tub? Or does he mean to get down to my underwear and then get into the tub? Or even have all my clothes on and get in the tub?

Fuck.

See this is why I should ask and not wait until the very last second to have a little crisis about not having clear instructions for this shit.

I guess I’ll just go with my underwear no real biggies I guess.

Before I start to get underdressed I turn on the tub. Turning the knobs to find a good amount of hot water to fill the tub. Waiting for it to finish I start to take off my layers of clothes.

The jacket that Touka gave me, my white button up, socks, and lastly the pants.

As I’m finally down to my underwear I see my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I’m doubtful hesitant to go anywhere near the mirror but it’s a different mirror so it can’t be that bad. Right?

I look even worse from last time I looked in the mirror.

My complexion has now turned to a sickly pale olive tone, not evening showing my once tanned skin anymore. Making my dark eyes stand out against my sickened face. The dark lines under my eyes have now turned to full on bags, forming a dark lavender color around my sockets.

My sun kissed hair almost looks grey in the dim light of the bathroom. God I look so old now, like I’ve grown 15 years older in only 4 weeks. I guess that’s what stress and nightmares do to you.

Turning away from the mirror.

I grow tired by looking at myself in such a state. I can’t imagine how Kaneki looks at me everyday and still wants me around. Still wants to help me out even though I really have nothing to give him in return.

Fuck, come on Hide.

Overthinking is not good for one's self I know this. It never helps in the moment nor for the future events. Overthinking is in a way a poison. Once taking a sip from the bottle, it will slowly eat away at your core. Infecting the whole body until it’s no more.

Jesus I need to stop thinking and just go in the tub.

Stopping the water I lower myself into the bathtub. I can feel myself relax as my body hits the hot water.

Hearing a knock on the door and a “May I come in?” I call out to say it’s alright and to come in.

Kaneki opens the door and closes it softly behind him with his foot. Having his hands too full with the huge bowel he was busy with early.

“Good you're not fully naked.” He says while setting the bowel down next to the tub.

Great I did something right for once.

“Okay so this is what’s gonna happen Hide. I’m just going to pour this ‘stuff’ into the tub and no matter what I don’t want you to get out until I tell you to, got it?” He says while looking me dead in the eyes.

“Wow Kaneki it surely doesn’t sound like you're going to burn me alive while doing that.” I hope he can hear the sarcasm in my voice.

He doesn’t even smile at my comment! Not even a tiny grin at best.

Now I’m a little disappointed

He gives me no warning when he dumps all the liquids contained in the bowl into the bathtub.

As the vile liquid touched my body a sudden alarming, unholy feeling of pure piercing pain shocked me so fast I jerked out of the bathtub, but only be pushed right back into the agonizing water.

I heave in the air. Trying to fill up my lungs to focus on something other than the profound burning cold my body is going through.

“Hide you have to stay still and let it soak into your body's pores. If you don’t stay still it will only hurt you more in the long run.” Kaneki’s saying this but I’m so concerned that the murky liquid is searing off my flesh as he speaks.

I must be shaking because Kaneki’s grip on me only grows tighter.

Fuck, fuck! It hurts so much!

I yank again to lift up out of the water but Kaneki’s hold is greater than all the strength in my body.

“OKAY! hahHAH OKAY Kaneki I think it’s good now! I’m healed! ALL BETTER!” I yell into his face. I can’t seem to care at the moment as my body is completely aflamed.

Kaneki let’s go of my shoulders and sets his hands behind my head. Gripping tightly on my long strains of hair giving me a split second of pure terror as I think he’s going to dip my whole face into the acid water. But only to be lunge forward into his face.

He pushes his lips onto mine. Feeling shocked by the sudden kiss I groan into his mouth. Still in horrible pain but now more distracted than before I try my hardest to stay still while I have this moment with him.

Kaneki takes his fingernails and gently scrape my scalp as he works his way deeper into my mouth.

I’m starting to feel out of breath as he evolves his tongue into the kiss. I can’t seem to find a reason to really care about that now as I press forward into him. Liking the way he tilts his head just right to form perfectly against mine. Loving the way he inhales sharply as I slip my tongue against his.

I’m so indulge in this kiss that I don’t think I feel the pain anymore.

No more searing flesh, no burning frost on my skin. No more anything but the hint of heat that’s creeping up on my face from the wild fire that comes from Kaneki’s face. 

Only soft tender lips and wet tongues in soothing harmony. Dancing together in somehow a way we only know.

I can’t deny that I didn’t wished that time right here right now stopped so I could feel this alive for a little while longer before things came cashing back into realities blinding white light. The ugly reality of mum dying, of how much time she has left in this world. The reality of how I have to talk to a bunch of cannibals to try and save her life. The reality of how little time I have left on this world. How time feels too little and somehow too much.

That this embracement from Kaneki feels so right to be here.  To actually feel somewhat right in this world.

Because what I feel is that in this moment it seemed that I’ve finally done something right for a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys sorry it took me a little longer to write this chapter. I've been kinda busy with classes and other adult stuff. But thank all of you guys for the comments and kudos!


	15. You give me warmth like no other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff after the kiss, nothing too big.

Kaneki pulls back first. Leaving me reaching for more of him but surely after that he’s ripping me out of the tub and wrapping a towel around my frail body.

“OH fucking ow.” I swear under my breath. The texture of the towel is harsh and stings my bare skin. Jesus it’s like I’m a newborn infant again. Well actually many would argue that I still am very much a infant in many ways.

Instantly coming out of my thoughts I feel a bit more airy then before I went into the bathtub.

Looking down in the space between me and Kaneki and the towel. I see that I do not have my underwear on anymore.

Well that’s a little weird. When did-

WAIT A DARN TOOTING SECOND!   
  
WHERE DID MY UNDERWEAR GO???? I’M BUTT ASS NAKED! AND IN FRONT OF KANEKI! THIS IS NOT HOW I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

I look back to the bathtub to see if they're in there floating somewhere but see nothing but murky water.

Oh my God I really hope Kaneki didn’t see anything when he grabbed me out of the tub. Like geez this is embarrassing now. I was already embarrassed by stripping down to my underwear but this is so much worse!

Before I can get any words out of my mouth Kaneki speaks up first.

“Hide your probably wondering where your undergarments went and I can insure you they dissolved in the bath water. So no need to worry so much. Being naked is fine.”

“How the fuck did my underwear dissolve in the bathtub?” I ask before I can really filter out my languge. But concern about my wellbeing is a little greater now than being polite.

“The potion I made had a lot of cleansing protection in it. It’s not uncommon for clothes to dissolve because of the filth that clings to it.”

Well shit he could of sounded a little less plain as day and maybe tried to be a tiny bit more scared for me because of that crazy ass magic that just ate away at my underwear in less than 20 minutes. LESS THE 20 MINUTES PEOPLE!

I slowly shy away from Kaneki’s embrace to somewhat keep my dignity. “Oh okay then so what do I do now? Do I have to wash off the after effects of the potion? Or ??”

Kaneki shakes his head. “No you don’t have to Hide. Your body is ‘purified’ now.” He puts his hands up to do finger quotations on the word purified.

What the hell does that supposed to mean?

He continues on anyway. “Just take a look at your wrist now.”

And I do look at my wrist. It’s completely normal again. Totally normal skin tone, no weird smell, no redness of the skin, not even the scar on my upper arm. From that one time when I was 12 and broke my arm from wrestling to hard.

“Holy shit! That stuff actually worked! Thank you so much you magical man!” I dive forward and squeeze Kaneki into a bear hug.

Kaneki tenses under my hug and my imminent action is to jump back to give this man his personal space but before I can do that he hesitantly puts his hands on my back. He’s incredibly warm to the touch. Making me nestle my face into his neck.

I realize that maybe I’m taking this hug a bit too far. Or maybe I can stay like this for a little while longer with him but cruel fate is making my towel slip a little lower out of my comfort zone on my hips and I pull back to fix it before we’re both embarrassed. 

Or that I’m just embarrassed and also naked while Kaneki is somehow perfectly fine it.

Yeah not gonna let that happen.

Yet.

Kaneki let’s out a sigh of relief, rubbing the backs of his hands in a nervous way. “And maybe take a look in the mirror too. You look healthier than before, less tired and fragile looking and more alive and breathing…… looking.”

“Oh okay ha!” I move to the mirror to see if he’s actually right and I don’t look like totally shit anymore and he’s right! I look so much better than before! My eyes don’t have that tiredness that seemed to soak into my face, my skin looks 10 times healthier and feels as soft as a newborn's head.

I’m really speechless right now.

And I think Kaneki sees how ecstatic I am. Because the dullness in his eyes show the faintness of light in them and it’s so captivating and beautiful I wish I had one of those new things called cameras that I was hearing about before I left town. Their supposed to take an image and somehow copy it on a piece of paper.

I want to have a thousand copies from these cameras of this moment.

That sounds kinda stupid when I think of it.

Well if I said it out loud it would but I still think it would be nice to have.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After that terrible bath Kaneki left to prepare dinner for me (and hopefully him to). Saying it would take a while so I should re-dress and make a fire to warm up the place.

Leaving the bathroom and making my way into the dining room I grab some firewood and matches, and start making the fire. As I’m doing that Kaneki comes out of the kitchen holding a single plate (of which I think is food for me). The plate holds a tea cup, and  holding another tea cup in his opposite hand.

Placing the plate down gently on the table while setting the teacup down as while. He pushes the plate of food towards me.

“Why don’t you eat anything?” I ask in curiosity while shoving some type of meat into my mouth. Maybe it’s deer meat? Bear? I can’t even tell.

Kaneki takes a sip of tea and holds it in his hands, not looking up to meet my gaze.

“I just can’t eat the same foods as you Hide.” He says firmly.

“Like you don’t eat meat? I heard of people who do that but I think it’s a little more nutritious for your body and all --”

“ **Hide** .” He says finally bringing his eyes to meet mine.

Oh shit I think I over stepped my boundaries with this.

“Yes?” I say in response.

“I can’t eat any ‘normal’ foods Hide. No meat, no fruits, no vegetables, no cheeses or milks, nothing. I can only have special herbal tea’s.”

But that makes no sense. How can he even be alive right now if he doesn’t eat food? That’s just impossible! But I’m not going to push the matter because it seems that he is getting a little heated about it.

So I finish my food and Kaneki sips his tea in silence.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Finishing eating (also drinking tea) Kaneki takes my plate to clean it up. I asked him if he needed help with that but he said quote on quote “You’ll just make them more dirtier than they are right now.” End quote.

Fine I didn’t even want to help do the dishes anyway.

So what I do with my time is toss another piece of wood on the fireplace and lay down on my makeshift bed.

I close my eyes and try to find sleep but it seems that footsteps growing closer near me doesn’t let that happen.

I crack open one of my eye’s to see that Kaneki is hovering over me.

“Hey dude do you need anything? I know that you don’t need any help with the dishes but what else?” I try to tease him a little.

“No I don’t need anything. I’m done with most of the chores but I wanted to ask you…….” He goes quite. I think he’s kinda nervous right now.

Wow, it’s nice to not being the nervous wreck for once.

“Yeah Kaneki?” I reply.

“Uhm ……… Would you like to sleep somewhere more comfortable than the floor?” He ask. Shifting from side to side.

“What you have another bed and just never told me? I kinda feel hurt that you made me sleep on the floor this whole time.”

“No hide I never had another bed. Fuck I’m just trying to ask you if you would like to sleep in my bed………… With me.”

What? Wait what! OH MY LORD!

Oh geez now I’m back at being the nervous wreck here.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Hide be cool! Be cool with this!

Act natural with this!

I scramble on my feet to stand up and fix the wrinkles on my clothes. Wiping the probably no dust off my pants.

“Yes, I would very much like to share a good solid bed with me and yourself here, together.”

Nice one Hide.

Nice one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks again for all the comments! I really enjoying hearing from you guys!


	16. True beauty does not fear the ugly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just cute stuff?????

I can’t fucking believe I’m in a bed with the northern Witcher or a.k.a Kaneki or a.k.a Mr. Ram head or, or a.k.a the cutest and scariest person I’ve ever meet in my whole life.

Also Kaneki told me to go to the bathroom before coming onto his bed. And with that comment I literally thought he might I was gonna piss on his bed but after a few seconds of my confused and hurt face he told me it’s was so I wouldn’t have to move over on top of him in the middle of the night to get to the bathroom.

I go to the bathroom and wash up just to satisfy his concerns about my bladder situation.

And I guess that makes more sense now when I think about it. But I was terrified that Kaneki actually thought I would piss his bed, like no dude I’m 20 years old. I’m a fucking big kid now dude.

Now that I think about it. The bed might be a bit cramped with the two of us on it but it’s totally better then laying on the floor, so no real complaining from me.

So I guess I’m taking the inside of the bed and Kaneki is taking the outside of it.

But jokes on him I actually like the inside of the bed!

Okay calm down now. It’s time for bed and that means sweet, sweet sleep. And this time I get to sleep next to a scary cutie who could possible kill me with his bare hands. Still I get to sleep next to him so that’s a plus.

Not the killing me part. But the sleeping next to him part……... 

“Hide get in the bed already. I’m getting tired of standing here waiting for your ass to stop spacing out so just lay down so we can sleep.” 

Whipping my head around to see Kaneki standing right fucking behind me. I practically scream in his face. After a few second of gripping my chest to somehow calm my rapidly beating heart. I look up back to him.

“Oh Kaneki, I’m so sor -”

“Wow Hide, did your balls ever drop as a child?”

Did he really just ask that? Or are my ears deceiving me? I think I heard right by the smug look on his face.

“YES kaneki. My balls did indeed drop as a kid. You know just sometimes when people you know kinda SNEAK UP on me I scream a little higher then other people.” I info him.

He doesn’t look too impressed with my response.

“Okay whatever Hide. Lets just go to bed I’m tired.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It’s been almost an hour after Kaneki shoved me (hard to! Not like a cute little playful shove but like a fucking bull shove.) onto his bed and told me to go to sleep as he laid beside me.

But I can’t fall asleep like this!

My face is smushed up against the wall and I can feel how warm Kaneki really is. He’s back is so close to mine. I swear he’s like a fire in this fucking freezing room, It’s crazy. It kinda makes me want to wrap up closer to him to just regain more heat from his body.

Not to sound creepy or anything. I’m a perfectly normal human boy and I hope I stay that way for the rest of my life. Dear God I really hope I stay that way.

Well whatever things happen from time to time. Anyway what happen early has been bugging me a lot. 

Why did Kaneki kiss me?

In no way did I not like it, it’s just that why did he do it in the first place? Maybe it was because I was having a hissy fit about the ice fiery bath and Just wanted to calm my ass down. 

Yeah that’s probably it.

……………

Fuck it! I need to know!

I shift a little bit to be laying on my back.

“Hey Kaneki you still awake?” I whisper quietly.

Nothing but silence.

Well at least I can’t say I didn’t try-

“Yes Hide?” I hear a quiet voice from the other side of the bed.

Shit I didn’t really think I was going to get a reply.

“Uhm you know about earlier? In the bathroom?” Trying my best not to sound too tense as my voice comes out.

I feel Kaneki roll over to face me but I’m too nervous to actually turn and face him.

“Yeah I remember you having a hiss fit about the cleansing. And what about it?” He ask.

I’m glad he still has a sense of humor right now. It eases my sharply beating heart from exploding right out of my chest as I try to stammer out the few next words.

“Okay fine, you know when I was having a ‘hiss fit’ and trying to get out of the bathtub?” Keeping my eyes strained on the ceiling to focus on something other than the words coming out of my mouth.

I hear him hum in repose.

“A-and when you kissed me…” I let the words slip from my lips as they hang in the air in complete stillness.

Seconds turn to a few minutes and I know I fucked up.

So I guess I just have to play it off and try not to fuck it up more.

“Yeah I’m sorry about that Kaneki. You didn’t have to do that but did it for me anyway to calm down. I feel kinda bad that you had to do that for me. I know I’ve been just intruding on your home and everything but I’ll pay you back for the stay and food --”

“Hide.”

“I know I know. I’m taking up a lot of your time and supplies but don’t worry I’ll pay you back soon. I’ll also be out of your hair soon too because I know it must be hard--”

“Hide wait a sec-”

“Shit sorry dude I know you're trying to get sleep and I’m just keeping you up, fuck damn it. I’m sorry dude I’ll just stop talk-  “

“ **Hide** .”

Kaneki grabs me by the shoulder as I’m still laying down. Staring at me dead in the eyes, once dull and grey now angry and fiery with one glowing crimson red.

Is it me or is It getting harder to breathe?

“Hide just listen to me for a second and just be quiet okay?” Kaneki says as he hovers sitting up beside me.

“Okay.” I say.

“Hide you just spoke.”

Shit! I already messed up.

I just nod to tell him I understand not to speak until he’s finished with what he has to say.

“Alright Hide first of all you're not ‘intruding’ on my home. If you were I generate you that 1. You would be dead from the many things that you’ve already touched in my home. That if I did not fix would of killed you. 2.  I’m the one who brought you into my home so if I really didn’t want you here I would've left you in the snow to freeze to death. And 3. If I wanted you gone. I’d would of already kicked you out.” 

He pauses for a moment to see if I have anything to say but sees I’m still processing this information. So he continues.

“And maybe the reason I kissed you was to shut you up and to ease the pain you were going through.”

Fuck I knew this was a mistake to ask him. Damn it I should've said anything ----

“Or Hide, it’s because you're the first person to show me some compassion and emotion rather than trying to kill me in my sleep and burn me at the stake.” He stops, as if hesitant to not frighten me away.

“Maybe it’s because I have someone to come home to.” He looks at me with soften eyes.

No glowing red, no anger, no threatening demeanor. Just captivating eyes that show so much raw emotion it makes me want to cry. 

I’m stuck on what to do.

No words could say how much I’m feeling right in this moment.

So I do the next best thing.

I slowly sit up, meeting Kaneki at eye level. He’s eyes show so much vulnerability and fear of being rejected it’s hard to feel this is the same person that people tell other people to fear for their lives.

I bring up my hands gently to cradle both sides of his cheeks. Feeling the smooth skin underneath the palms of my hands.

I slide myself closer to him. Noses barely touching, giving him room to say ‘no’ if needed so. But the ‘no’ doesn’t come.

“Hey Kaneki.” Feeling his breath on my lips as I speak.

“I think you're worth waiting for.” I say as I close the distance between us.

Kissing him is something I never knew I needed in my life until this moment.

And I hope with every fiber in my body it never goes away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY people! I'm here once again to give you the dose of Hide being a nervous mess and Kaneki making stuff somewhat better?


	17. There's no hiding what is real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time has passed but what's going to happen in this moment?

It’s been 2 weeks since me and kaneki kissed and told each other our feelings. Gotta say it’s been pretty fucking amazing.

Well we still do the exact same thing everyday but with more touchy feely action going on or just doing things in a different light.

If Kaneki and me go out into the forest to get more food we still separate during that part and I’m still stuck with picking up traps but! After that when we get back to the cabin I get help out making my food for dinner or other meals even though Kaneki thinks I quote on quote “Can’t cook my way out of a bear’s nest.” 

Like what the fuck does that even mean in the first place? But most of the time I laugh my ass off anyway because the way he says them is the best. Kaneki tries to be all serious about it but I just end up on the floor with tears streaming down my face.

Or, or we’ll be not really doing much because of the snow storms, we’ll somehow end up tangled up in each other. Giving messy kisses and warm embraces, whispering sweet words into each others ears. I’m normally the one ending up with a beet red face after that but I can see Kaneki has a dust of pink on his cheeks too.

I just feels right to be near him.

Right now I’m getting washed up in the bathtub after a long day of hiking all over the forest to get some more food. It had been snowing so hard I almost thought my hands and feet were going to fall off over how cold it was. Of course nothing to compare to that crazy ass cleansing Kaneki had to do to me.

Just thinking of that makes my skin tingly a bit.

Jesus that was just a agonizing moment but I still got a kiss from Kaneki so that just makes it better in the end.

Soaking up the heat from the water to try and relax my sore body.

Inhaling the aroma from bath water. It smells really fantastic. Kaneki put this herbal leafy stuff in the water saying it won’t hurt me but I was super skeptical about it at first. Then he threw some of the water in my face and asked me if it hurt. I asked him back if it indeed hurt, if I could get a kiss.

Unfortunately I did not get a kiss but it was still worth seeing Kaneki get flustered over my bold comment.

while I’m in deep thought over how the past few weeks have been slipping by. I guess I didn’t hear tiny footsteps make their way into the bathroom. Because as I slowly gaze up to the ceiling I see Kaneki just looming over me from right beside the bathtub.

“FUCK! JESUS KANEKI” I scream splashing the water everywhere.

Relaxing after my mini heart attack. I realize that I’m still very much naked. Shamelessly I look around to see where the hell I put the damn towel but only to see that I put it too far away to simply grab it and cover myself.

Fuck! Fuck Hide! Think of something quick!

I shoot my hands down towards to cover myself quickly.

The greatest plan B I might’ve ever had in my life.

“ h-hey dude what’s up? Need the bath before bed?” Asking calmly. I’m trying my fucking best not to show how nervous I am right now while holding my junk.

He just looks at me for few long seconds (which feel more like minutes then anything). Slowly blinking as if he’s trying to pick out why I’m so uncomfortable in this moment.

“I wanted to tell you I need to go out for a while. Not right exactly but later on in the night.” He doesn’t sound quite happy about going out but I guess I would be the same going out in a snow storm.

“Why do you go out in the middle of the night? I’m really not trying to be nosey here but that’s pretty dangerous going out in this kind of weather Kaneki.” I ask, concerned.

Like I know I get worried about a lot of things but this is Kaneki and I don’t want to see anything bad happen to him.

He shifts a little bit, from one foot to the other.

It looks like he’s hesitant about telling me why.

Before he can open his mouth I open mine.

“Hey Kaneki, it’s alright if you don’t want to tell me right now.” I tell him in a soft voice.

“I’m not going to pressure you into telling me about your livelihood right now. I really just want you to know I’m here whenever you need my support. I care about you. I just want you to be safe that’s all.” I inform him.

The way his shoulders lower in relief makes the air seem like it was squeezed right out of my body. Leaving me hollow and pained to know it weighed that much on his mind.

Fuck I want to kiss him.

Lost in my thoughts once again about how amazing this person is. I almost don’t quite catch what Kaneki says.

“What? I didn’t hear you sorry.” I tell him.

“Can I come in the bath with you?”

Haha that would be amazing if he actually wanted to. Like hell yeah I wish.

……...

Wait……………………..WAIT WHAT?!

I swear I can feel all the blood in my entire body flow straight to my face. A flaming my cheeks and probably making me look as red as a fucking tomato.

Great here comes tomato Hide holding his junk naked while the person he likes the most in the world ask him if they could bath together.

Try not to blow it.

“Uhh s-sure if you want to…...” I say looking around the room to somewhat avoid making eye contact with him. I can’t really help it. Like Kaneki just asked me if he could come in the fucking bath with me! I’m nervous damn it!

“Well Hide. I want to know if you want me in there with you. Of course if not that’s fine I --”

“NO! NO! I mean yes uhh” Pausing I try to find the right words to say. “I would very much like to have your company here in this beautiful bathtub Kaneki.” Nailed it.

I look back to him only to see him glaring at me. I think he’s only staring at me to see if I have any doubts if I want him in the bathtub with me or not.

Or I could be wrong. I’ve been wrong many times before.

But he slowly starts to nods his head in agreement. He begins to steadily take off his many layers of clothing. I whip my head so fast to the side to give him some privacy as he undresses that I think I actually hurt my neck.

“Hide can you open your legs to make room for me.”

Oh sweet Lord have mercy on me.

Keeping my hands where they are I open my legs for Kaneki to lower himself into the bathtub with me. But not to my knowledge I didn’t know he was going to be sitting right fucking in front of me!

I turn my head back forward only to be met with a full head of white hair and the smooth pale skin of Kaneki’s back.

He’s not leaning onto me so I guess I can move my hands away from ’myself’ for now.

But as soon as I do that he fucking slides back onto me.

I inhale deeply through my nose and try my best to calm myself down.

Because DEAR LORD! OH MY GOD! WHY!?

“Hide I don’t really care if your naked. It's a perfectly normal thing to be. I’m naked too right now just try to relax I’m not going to do anything. I promise I won’t.”

I find some sort of relief in Kaneki’s words.

So I try not to mess anything up.

We don’t talk much after that.

Surrounded in silence with a few single beats of hearts coming in and out. We deluge in each other’s body heat as the bath grows cold.

After about 4 more minutes Kaneki says he needs to start getting ready to go out. I let him get out of the tub first and dry off.

He hands me a towel before I can get out of the tub myself.

I thank him and then he just leaves.

I guess it’s time for bed at least.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I wake up from my sleep to head to the bathroom to take a leak. I guess I should've done that before I went to bed. Kaneki was somewhat right about doing that.

Talking about Kaneki he’s still not back yet. But when these things happen he normally doesn’t come back until very early morning and it still looks like late night.

I just really hope he’s okay.

Moving through the hallway I stop after a few steps.

I can hear noises coming from the kitchen.

Maybe it’s Kaneki? Could’ve he came back because he got whatever he needed to do done? Fuck yes.

Now I get to cuddle him in bed.

I start to walk towards the kitchen but I notice I remember ‘this’ type of sound. It’s just like the one I heard when I was leaving the tavern that night to go to that hotel I stayed in.

The same wet slapping sound of raw meat.

I see that some candles are lit in the kitchen too. So it must be Kaneki right?

I turn the corner and what I see chills me to the very core.

Kaneki. On his hands and knees is eating a person. A full fucking grown human body. Kaneki looms over this body with blood thickly dripping down his face. Just plain gore smeared all over him and his clothes. He rips and tears into this human corpse with little effort, as if he was tearing a simple paper in half.

I try to gulp in a breathe of air but I can only gag on the taste and smells of which the human corpse gives off.

I step back but my foot hits an old piece of wood and it makes a loud squeaking sound.

Fuck me.

Kaneki whirls his head so fast my way I almost thought he broken his neck. But he just stares.

He stares at me with that one glowing bloody red eye.

“ **_Hide_ ** .”

Oh fuck me sideways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping to move this little story arc onto the tougher stuff and get a little more exciting about things.
> 
> Thank you all once again with all the support. I can't say in words how much that means to me.
> 
> Also I think the song "Window frames" by Paulson is a good song for Hide


	18. Nothing haunts us like the things we don't say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys I edited the fuck out of this chapter and went back to add things in the end or what was the end.
> 
> After Kaneki get's catch after his meal
> 
> Kankei wears a nice robe, Hide gets weird and awkward.
> 
> They have a chat and a story. also might be gory for some people this chapter.

“Hide, please let me explain **_this_ **.” Kaneki says as he stands from the floor, stepping over the mutilated corpse.

I can feel the bile creeping up my throat, the sour taste letting me know this is not another nightmare.

But fuck, I wish it was another nightmare.

Swallowing down the acid in my mouth. And putting on my bravest face I know to have. I need to hear him out first.

I need to hear him explain this. Because this is not normal.

This isn’t fucking normal at all my God.

I nod my head up and down to tell Kaneki I’m going to listen to what he has to say about this situation.

I’m not angry at him, I’m really not. I’m far more worried about why he’s eating an actually person in the first place. I need to know what drives a man to eat the flesh and inners of another person.

When Kaneki sees I’m not making a run for the door he looks so physically relieved it almost pains me to see that in him.

“Hide can you just light the fireplace and I’ll clean up uhh …… ‘this’ and myself. Then I promise you we can sit down and talk about all of this.” He said as he looks up to me.

I can clearly see the totally effects of me catching him in ‘this’ act in his eyes. How they are glossy and pink with irritation. How much deep inner fear hides within them.

“Yeah I can do that.” I tell him in the softest voice I can push out of my throat without choking on the air that seems to consumes us in this fucking room.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I sit at the dining table waiting for Kaneki to be finished with “cleaning up.”

I’m still so confused right now. So, so fucking confused.

God this is just insane!

On one hand It’s frustrating to see Kaneki so distort and not his cool statues and on the other hand he was just tearing into that person like a wolf eating a baby lamb!

Okay, okay let’s not think into that territory. Kaneki is still the sarcastic  cutie who kissed me in the bathtub and let me into his bed.

He’s still the same guy that saved my life. So I owe him that much to just sit down and try not freak the fuck out. Listening to what he has to say is the best thing I can do for him right now. And maybe for me to get some answers.

Kaneki makes his way to the table, drying his hair with a towel in his hands. Wearing a black silk robe that just barely drags on the floor.

Where the fuck does he get some of this shit? Like first the forest, then the bathtub and toilet and now this gorgeous robe?

What else? A damn town? Can’t say I wouldn’t be surprised.

“Sorry to take long…” He says as he pulls out a chair and takes a seat across from me.

“No it’s fine you had to clean up and ….. do other things.”

Wow great making it less weird Hide.

As the silence comes again it’s suddenly harder to breathe in the air. If it was more denser and unbearably to take in and out through my lungs.

Damn it man!

You need to stay calm and get through this shit! For fucks sake do it for Kaneki at least!

Sweet jesus I’m right. I differently can do this for Kaneki.

“Kaneki-”  “Hide-” We speak in unison.

Well that was kinda funny.

Not so much funny in a ‘haha’ kind of way but in a ironic way.

Because we’re both awkward messes right now and either of us know how to approach this situation at all. We’re both so fucking scared of what the other has to say. It’s like we’re similar in some ways but so different too. I just can’t help but think that’s the funnest shit ever.

And I start to laugh so hard I think I’m shedding tears!

“Why are you laughing?” Kaneki ask in a dull tone

He doesn’t sound angry at me for laughing but my guess is he’s more wondering how the hell can I laugh at a time like this.

“Because it’s so fucking ridiculous Kaneki!” I say while wiping tears from my eyes.

“Because you don’t really need to explain anything to me. Yeah I would like to know what’s going on but I don’t think it’s going to change anything really. Nor is it going to change my feelings for you anytime soon.” I tell him.

I want him to know that ‘yes’ this is, on so many levels fucked up. That ‘yes’ I was so terrified to see him dig into that dead body like it was the best meal of his life.

But I need him to know that I’m not leaving.

Not like this.

He seems to be processing my words one sentence at a time. Trying to make sense of it all. I guess that might’ve been a little much for him to hear. Shit I really hope I didn’t hurt his feelings by--

“Hide.” Kaneki states to me. Pulling out of my train of thought.

“Yes sir!” I salute to him in my chair.

“Thanks you Hide for saying ….. All of ‘that’.” He says with the tiniest smile on his lips.

Good. It almost seems that he’s in a better mood than before.

“I also think you’re being too nice here Hide.”

Well fuck.

Kaneki continues “You just saw me eating someone Hide. Most people, _‘normal’_ people don’t do that but you seem to get that very much. I’m still going to tell you why I did that and why I’m still going to eat like that for the rest of my life. Hide if you want to leave after I tell you why you can I-”

“Okay, okay I get it Kaneki. But **LIKE** I said I’m not leaving. Even if you eat human testicles I’ll probably still stay and kiss you after you ate them too, just for good measures.” I say winking at him.

“Hide that’s fucking gross.”  Kaneki says with a disgusted face.

“Well excuse me for trying to show how much I care you.” I say with a heavy sigh and place my hands on my heart to show how hurt I am with Kaneki’s comment.

“You're so dramatic Hide it’s totally not even cute.”  He turns his face away to avoid my eyes.

That’s cute.

“Anyway back to what I was saying before Hide. I’ll tell you an old story that no one has heard in awhile. So if you feel the need to tell me to stop talking just tell me and-”

“Kaneki it’s fine. You can start telling me if you want.” I tell him before he can go on a  long ass tangent.

“Okay Hide.”

“Okay. I’ll tell you.”

“I was a kid once, it’s actually kinda funny to think back to that time now that I remember it.” He starts. “I didn’t have much as a kid but I had my family at least during that time. Me, my father and mother. All together living in a shabby little town that is most likely gone from existences.” Pausing to take a breathe.

“My parents weren’t the loveliest people but they did try their best with keeping a roof over my head and food in my stomach, so I can’t complain. My father was a doctor and my mother just did house work with me around the home. But when I was 5 years old my father came down with an illness that struck hard and fast and with no warnings. We didn’t have the money to pay for a doctor so we had to use what we had. Herbs and old medical books.”

“I would seat next to him night and day, giving him special herbs that I heard to have good qualities with healing. But it seemed to have no effect on him. His fever just got worse and he just grew weaker and weaker as the days went by.”

“When I was out getting more herbs for father, I overheard people talking about a nymph who lived in the lake not far from the my town. Saying she had powers of great healing and magic like no other being in the north. I believed what they said. I shouldn’t have fucking believed them.”

“One day before morning light could even start to rise. I went out of my home go see this ‘magical nymph’. Walking around the forest so early in the morning was dangerous in many ways but I had to do this. I had to meet this nymph to save my father. Stumbling onto the lake was the easiest because of how big it covered the land but finding the nymph was harder. I was almost about to leave after an hour and just give up, I really was Hide. I should of fucking left when I had the chance.”

“But then she appeared. Out of nowhere gliding through the water like it was clouds in the sky. With Long dark plum hair and feverish red eyes, I couldn’t look away if I even tried. She asked me why I was near her lake, I told her I needed her help to heal my father from his illness. I begged her before she could even deny.”

“She told me she liked my spirit, how it glowed with the purest light as if God had blessed me when I was born. So she said she would help me. I was so relieved to know my father would be saved by this being, by this goddess. I asked her what I needed to do but she only said to tell her my name and what town I walked from. So I did. I’ll never forget the way she said my name. Like it was honey on her tongue. Slow and thick. But I swear it looked like her mouth was jet black, darker than other color I’ve ever seen in my life. Somehow my name on her tongue was now looking more like black honey then anything else.”

“That day I was walking back, I saw that the sky was darker than before. Almost as if it was night was already upon us. Reaching the town only worried me more. There was no sound, no people walking and talking about nonsense things, there was nothing but emptiness.”

“I started to run to my home, fast as my legs could even go at such a young age. Running through the town I saw that every animal was lying motionless on the ground but my gut told me to keep on running until I hit home. So that’s what I did.”

“I slammed my front door open and screamed for my mother and father. Checking every room in the small house but finding no one anywhere. Then I remember I heard my father's coughing coming from the yard. Opening the back open was a mistake I wish I didn’t make.”

“As I opened the back door I saw my father’s body hanging from a tree with many different metal wires wrapped around him. The wires went around his wrist, ankles, and finally neck. Blood dripping from every corner of his naked body making his sickly white skin stand out in a horrifying way. He’s eyes were gone too, only black pits left.”

“He called out to me that day. He called my name and screamed for me to run far away but I didn’t listen to him. I didn’t fucking listen to him Hide!”

“As I was frozen in front of him something pierced me by my side causing me to fall forward into the dirt. It was the worse pain I felt in my life back then. Holding my side I somehow new I was bleeding. I looked up to see my own mother holding the kitchen knife in her hands. She was screaming so loudly at me, making no sense of what she was saying. Screaming that I was the one to bring this to them, that I was to blame for this dismay.”

“Saying the only way to save herself was to kill me instead and bring peace to the land once again.”

“I was crawling away calling out for my father to help me but I knew he was already dead. Crawling was so hard, I could only go so far with all the blood I was losing. My mother grabbed me ready to stab me in the heart . Eyes with angry and hated pouring out of them. I thought I was really going to die that time. Until my mother was tossed into the air like a rag doll and flicked back to the ground again. Probably crushing every bone in her body because it sure sounded that way."

“Rolling over to see who had done such a thing. Such a thing to my family, maybe even to my town, and to my whole world. And being greeted by fiery red eyes and disgusting plum purple hair. I screamed into the air. I just screamed, I knew no one was going to save me. I just wanted to scream at how stupid I was. To actually think this was going to work out for me.”

“That fucking nymph made her way towards me saying I could make a deal with her. Saying I could keep on living if I just agreed with her on a ‘deal’. At that time I was just so scared, so scared of everything and anything in the moment Hide. So scared to die so young that I did it. I agreed to her deal.”

“After I told her yes to the deal something happened. I --I can’t really define it but sh- she went into me. Into my body. At first she was so close to me I thought she was just going to seal the deal with a kiss but she just fucking grabbed my jaw. Opening it so wide I thought it was going to snap in half like some type of wishbone. Then she ripped off her damn fingers with her teeth, fuck it was so disgusting how they ripped and torn from the flesh of her hand.”

“Then she even told me, gave me a damn warning saying I couldn’t go back after this. I should've of not took the fucking deal damn it! But I just wanted to live! Fuck! Is that so bad to want to live a little longer??”

“An-anyway I begged her to do it. So she did. She threw her fingers in my mouth and told me to eat them, to swallow her freshly torn fingers. I couldn’t do it at first by she forced my mouth shut until I did. After finally doing that I fell to the ground in agonizing pain. Feeling as if my body was being pumped with watery fire. And as I was rolling in pain through the mud she bent down and told me ‘welcome to the new world’.”

“Saying that from here on I had to eat the flesh of man and women to survive. That I was no longing the human I once was. That the person I was died already when I came to her in the forest.”

“Now she follows me wherever I go. I can’t run from her nor can I hide from her. She is apart of me if I want to or not. She was the creature in the mirror Hide. She is no nymph of any kind and to tell the truth I have no idea what she is. But all I know is I can never eat human foods and drinks again but I can drink herbal teas that's the best I can do it seems.”

“So that’s it Hide."

"That’s my story of how I came to be.” 

"what was the deal you made with this 'nymph'?" I ask purely curious and hoping I'm not stepping over boundaries here. This is the most I've hear him talk about.... really anything. Fuck I'm not such a great person about these things. You know like talking. Because talking about serious matters and laying things on the table for others to see. Is something I was never good at.

Still I want to help in anyway. I want to help Kaneki if he needs me.

"The deal was I could die there, just like my father strung up on a tree or keep on living in this world while becoming something inhuman in the process. She told me that it wouldn't be so bad in her eyes. I should've know of course she wouldn't see it as 'bad' in her eyes but I was out of choices here Hide. And I took the one that didn't have me die in that moment." He looks away almost disgusted with the words that just came out of his mouth.

I can't blame him.... I just can't. Even if I wanted to blame him in the first place I wouldn't be able to do now.

"Do you know why this 'nymph' did this to you? Like why would she do this? It just doesn't add up to me Kaneki." Saying to him as if he might not even know.

"You did nothing to her in the first place! You just wanted help your father that's all." I look at him but only see him looking down at his hands. Staring at them with such a revolting look I almost thought they would start rotting away.

"Hide I - I just don't know why she did it. I've asked her so many times before but all she does is stay fucking quiet. I've tried Hide, I've tried so hard through these years to get just one answer from her. Just one. But no I can't even have that." He balls his fist in his lap. Trying to contain the emotions that come up inside of him. 

Shit I think I've asked to much for one night I guess.

Now to try the good old Hideyoshi Nagachika charm.

"Hey hey sorry dude. It's just been a long, long night and I think you could get some sleep. I at least got some but I don't think you got any, so what about us going to your bed and just laying down and try to relax a little for the night?" I say leaning into the table and giving him my best smile. Maybe throwing in a little wink to for good measure.

He finally looks up at me again. Thank God.

He looks so tired again, so drained of life and color.

But it makes me feel warm to see his tiny smile when I ask him to lay with me.

Even if it's tiny it's still something. And that's all I'm asking for.

"Alright good looking let's get to bed and have a nice rest." I stand and reach out my hand for him to grab onto.

"Hide your fucking ridiculous." He says but still reaches for my hand.

I guess not everything someone loves is unreachable.

How I can tell?

I can tell by the way his hand fits into mine. That's how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys! Sorry about kinda being late. This is one of the longest chapter I've written so far.  
> Also I've been busy and stuff also been kinda sad about things so it's that too.


	19. I'm so scared to want you, but here I am still crawling back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and kaneki try and sleep but things happen

Hearing what Kaneki had gone through left me with a sense of how I really don’t know much about him. Like the illusions people have of him.

How they see him being this horrifying monster who kills for fun and makes deals with the devil for personal gain are all lies.

Lies that have probably isolated him for most of his life.

I guess you truly don’t know someone without knowing the secrets they hidden from you.

But fuck!

I want him to know that I am here. That I am not going to leave just because he had (or still has) no control over what happened (or happening) to him. Fuck I’m not great with feelings. Well actually I’m not great with a lot of things but! I still want to help, help in anyway I can. For Kaneki I wish he could forget the horrors that lay within him.

Anyway!!

Looking at him sleep is something I want to remember for the rest of my life. How his white eye lashes slightly curl against his cheeks. How his chest moves up and down in a steady rhyme showing that he’s alive and well. 

That’s he’s here with me.

“Hide can you not stare when I’m trying to sleep?”

“SWEET MOTHER OF JOHN!” Jerking up from the bed. “Damn it Kaneki! Can you like at least tell me you're sleeping or not instead of scaring the crap out of me?” I breathe out.

Fuck my heart can’t really take anymore of this scaring and popping out shit. Like I’m gonna die from this one day I fucking bet it.

Actually no bet because I have really no money for betting things anyway.

“Sorry Hide didn’t know I was supposed to tell you about my sleeping habits. Also if you did crap your pants you need to get out of my bed now or I’m going to drag you out of it.” Kaneki says in a serious tone. I kinda like it how he tried to be big and tough but really he’s just a huge softy who can’t really take compliments.

“No need Kaneki I did not crap my pants mind you.” I inform him while pulling up the blankets to cover him a little more. He’s still wearing that fucking robe???

“Oh okay good because I couldn’t tell by your smell if you did crap yourself or not.” He throws those words right back at me.

Even if that did hurt my feelings I’m still laughing.

After a few seconds I finally calm down from the laughing high.

“I like your laugh.” Kaneki says. “It has a wholesome quality to it that tells me you truly enjoy what’s being said. It’s like a laugh that can’t lie.”

“That might have been the nicest thing you’ve never told me Kaneki!!” I say while scooting closer to him to give him a good old fashioned bear hug.

He doesn’t move away from my touch but comes closer to me as well.

We lay in his bed holding each other in our arms. I place my head above his. I can somewhat smell his hair. Smelling as if he bathed in the forest trees and it started to rain.

“Hey Kaneki?” I whisper.

“Yah ide?” He whispers back muffled by my chest.

“I don’t really think I could ever forget you and I want to be the last person who cares this way for you……... Shit ok I know that sounds really bad also kinda like a threat. But! What I’m really getting at is that your it.” I pause to take a breath and relax a little.

“This is it for me Kaneki. Because I- I need you in my life and I hope you're fine with that.” Fuck! I stammered! Damn it now I probably don’t even sound cool to him at all. He's probably just going to just laugh in my fac-

“Hide look at me for a second.” Kaneki says as he moves to lift his head from my chest.

I look down at him and it seems that I’m swallowed up by his eyes again. Once both a cool shade of grey now the left eye is a flamed, glowing in the darkness of the bedroom. As if an amber from a fire.

Making my body feel as I’m soaked in warm light.

“Hide it did sound weird not going to lie but I understand what you're talking about.” He breaths. “But I can’t promise you, you're going to be happy with me Hide. I can’t promise that bad things won’t happen to both of us. And I can’t promise that I’ll be able to give you the life you want.” He tells me with a serious face.

I can see the walls already starting to rebuild themselves in his eyes. Ready to shield himself from rejection that might happen.

Well I’m not going to let that happen.

No fucking way.

“Hey Kaneki did you know that one time when I was really little I told my mum that I was never going to let her go near any guy again?” I ask him, shifting on the bed to lean my head into my hand.

“No? Hide that doesn’t make sense I’m trying to tell you-”

“And I’m telling you that you're kinda acting like little kid me right now.” I say interrupting him.

“Oh and how is that?” He asked quirking his brow at me.

“Well when I told my mum that I would never let another guy come near her. She did agree to it though but little did I know it was really fucking hard work keeping her away from any guy in my town. Not saying she was like ‘that’ but I saw that every single guy was a threat to her heart so keeping her locked in the house wasn’t any better in the end.” I say fixing a strains of hair out of Kaneki’s face.

“What my point is that no matter what Kaneki, people are going to get hurt one way or another. Even if you try so hard to prevent it and lock them away to keep for yourself. Either of you are going to live life happily.” Telling him this while bringing one my hands to interlace with his.  Fingers fitting together perfectly, warming each other.

“Sometimes getting hurt can bring people closer in the end and I know that sounds super shitty but it happens in this world. And what happens when people get hurt is that we come together and help each other out. It’s what makes us human Kaneki, not anything else we do defines us as much as the feelings and emotions we have.” Finally finishing my little rant and placing small kisses on his knuckles.

He doesn’t respond right away and he doesn’t have to. I just hope my feelings got across to him that’s all.

“Hide?” Kaneki softly breathes.

I pull back from his knuckles to look up to him in the eyes. How they look so warm now, no fiery burn to them, no sadness or loneliness.

My God I can feel the air being stucked out of my lungs. And it’s intoxicating.

He’s just so fucking beautiful.

He starts to leans into me. So I lean into him as well. Slowly letting his eyes flutter shut as he places his lips on mine. Feeling him breathe out of his nose, slightly tickling my skin. I take my hands and place them on both sides of his cheeks. Slipping them to the back of his head, letting my fingers smooth through his white locks.

He moves to sit on top my hips, placing one leg on either side of me. His robe is just long enough to still cover himself but giving a oh WOWZ!

I try to keep my eyes on him. Giving small kisses to me as he lets his hands move to my neck. I can almost feel his pulse on my skin. Feeling the energy move through him like electricity, feeling how alive he is.

“Fu-fuck” I moan under my breath. Like shit I should really try and control myself because now he’s putting more weight on my hips and it’s starting to get too warm for comfort.

Kaneki is the one to pull back first.

“Hide if this is too much for you, you can just tell me to stop and I’ll-”

“No no, oh God fuck no Kaneki. I am totally fine with this happening. As long as you're okay with this happening?” I ask him letting my hands fall to either side of his thighs, giving him a little squeeze.

“I’m very okay with this Hide.” Kaneki tells me. Letting his hands be placed on my stomach. Pushing himself back on my harder hips.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! OH GODS.

I’m in so much trouble with this beautiful human.

And I’m absolutely fucking loving it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey once again guys I'm here to bring you a new chapter. This one is a little shorter then most ones but I hope you guys still like it!
> 
> I have a tumblr if you want to ask things : http://glitch-boi.tumblr.com/


	20. How long does it take to fall in love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys I got what some of you wanted ✧٩(ˊωˋ*)و✧
> 
> It's somewhat sexy time!

I tighten my grip on his thighs, letting them wander up slipping my fingers under the black silky robe to feel the skin hiding underneath.

I still can’t believe he's letting me do this.

This breathtaking person who I mind you that was almost ripping at my throat not to long ago, is letting me touch him.

I’m so damn lucky to have him.

So fucking lucky.

It’s not just because it’s an intimate touch, it’s more of opening yourself up to being  **_‘touched’._ ** Almost making yourself valuable, trust the other person to treat you with care and not turn around and pour aid on your fragile skin.

So to touch Kaneki in anyway (intimate or not) means he’s opening up to me.

Opening up for me to be in his life.

I don’t feel like I deserve that.

Fuck, I don’t feel like I deserve him.

But swallowing down my depressive thoughts I continue with modding my fingers to every square inch of his pale skin.

Skin that’s white as untouched snow.

Skin that’s warm as a southern night in summer.

I learn up, bringing myself to meet him at eye level. Putting my head in the curve of his neck. Littering his skin with messy kisses.

I move my hand up to his back an-.............wait a second?

“Kaneki are you?...........Not wearing any undergarments?” I ask but I’m pretty sure I already know my answer. Not saying I’m not liking this, fuck no I love this. But I just want to see if he has a reason.

“I normally don’t wear any when I’m getting ready for bed. Also I’m already wearing a robe so I thought that would be enough.” He tells me in full confidence.

.”Yeah that makes sense.” I nod my head in agreement.

“What? Do you wear undergarments to bed Hide?” Kaneki ask as he dips his fingers under the seams of my pants only to lift them up and snap them back down to my stomach.

“Hey nothing’s wrong with wearing underwear to bed Kaneki. Just because maybe you're always like a fire wearing little to nothing is good enough for you. I guess if I was that hot all the time I would do the same.” I pout in response

“Oh so you're saying I’m hot now? Hide I’m touched you like my face so much, but I do think we were in the middle of something.” He says with the most shit eating grin I’ve ever seen him wear.

Well he’s not wrong.

So I lean up to meet his lips with mine. Starting off with simply kisses and slow touches. Then as we grew more heated, the kisses were more deep with tongues and teeth, touches were more fast and feverish.

I pull away first. “Hey- can I…….. Can I take off your robe?” I ask hoping I’m not pressuring him into anything. “It’s okay if you want to keep it on…… I would understan-”

“Okay.” 

Wait what.

WAIT WHAT?!

As the scene in front of me unfolds. I’m somewhat taken back. Not of course by Kaneki being naked, I’ve seen tons of people naked before (no I’m lying I haven’t seen tons of people naked actually, I’m a lying sack of shit please don’t hate me).

But from the darken lines that seem to form some type of symbol right at his belly button to below his navel…….. HOLY LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME!

I quickly move my gaze back up to him but it seems that he already knew I would see this tattooed symbol on him.

That I would see this side of him.

“Oh fuck me…” I curse under my breath.

“That’s the plan.” Kaneki answers me back.

“Wait! I didn’t mean it like that! Shit well not saying I wouldn’t want that to happen but fuck! It doesn’t sound anyway romantic!” I pause trying to redeem myself.

“I’m sorry Kaneki I’ve just……... never done anything like this before.” I say shamley.

“What? Have sexual encounters with men? That’s fine Hide I can help you thoug-”

“No Kaneki” I interpret him.

“I mean I haven’t had any…… uh types of sexual encounters with anyone before.” Fuck this is so embarrassing, so, so, so fucking embarrassing to say to him. He probably doesn’t even want to-

“That’s fine Hide.” He tells me like it’s plain as day thing to say.

Is it a normal thing? Normally the guys back home would think it’s weird to still be a virgin if you're over 16. Have they been wrong this whole fucking time???

“Wait, wait what? Are you saying nothing is wrong with being you know…..? I ask stupefied by his quick response to me..

“A virgin Hide? Yes it’s perfectly fine still being a virgin. And not to be mean but I couldn’t care less if you were one or not. It’s a thing humans made up to idolize the ‘purity’ of a so to speak ‘untouched person’. Nothings wrong with being a virgin and nothings wrong with not being one Hide. Just do what’s comfortable for you and not someone else.”

My God.

I don’t deserve how truly amazing this man is.

Coming back to realize that Kaneki is still very naked on top of me I think it would be best to remove my shirt as well. So leaning up a little I slip off my shirt easily. Tossing it somewhere into the dark room.

Fuck! I forgot it’s still fucking cold in here!

Without thinking much I grab onto Kaneki instantly to regain warmth from my chilled skin.

“Thank you, Kaneki. Thank you so much for being so fucking warm.” I whisper to him.

As we hold each other, Kaneki’s hands draw up to my back. Rubbing small circles. Soon turning into sliding his fingertips along the grooves of my spine.

Shivering from how light and fucking ticklish his fingers are along my back. I think he felt me shiver because now he's just doing it fastest! 

HE’S A FUCKING SADISM! 

I KNEW IT!

As I’m clapping myself in my mind a high five Kaneki fingers pull me from my thoughts. Moving his slim fingers along my sides, using his nails to trace and lightly scratch at my skin.

I turn my head and lean into him again. Letting my lips just barely brush against his, pulling back as we’re about to kiss. Trying to get him to follow me. Seeing how much he wants me like I want him.

To be trustful I can’t be the only one getting teased here!

“You're cute when you try to be cool Hide. But I think we both know  you're not but thanks for trying to be for me.” Kaneki whispers on my lips.

I’m not even hurt by that.

He pushes forward. Connecting our lips in a hungry way. And as he moves his hands along my skin, he runs his fingers over my nippels.

I moan into his mouth, unable to contain myself. Smiling into the kiss, he continuing to slowly rub, fuck almost painfully slow rub my chest.

I can feel him getting hard against my bare stomach. Fuck, fuck I don’t really know what to do but I guess going with my gut might be the best option I have here. Fuck I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.

Moving my right hand away from his back I bring it down to his shaft. He exhales heavily as I run my thumb over the head. Smearing the precum over the head in small circles to make more lubrication.

“Hide wait a second.”

“Shit!” I remove my hand so fast I almost smack myself in the face.

“Sorry did you want to stop? We can do that I don’t mind-”

“No no Hide your doing great. I was just going to ask you to go into my desk and get something.” Kaneki informs me.

Oh thanks God I thought I fucked up.

“Ok-okay yeah which side drawer?” I ask him.

“Just the one closest to you. There should be a small jar in there.” He tells me as I lean forward and pull out the drawer to find just what he was asking for.

“Is this it?” I ask just to make sure I didn’t grab the wrong one. It’s not like that has EVER happened before I think bitterly.

“Yeah that’s it, thank you.” He takes the small jar and opens it. It doesn’t smell bad at all, wow who would've fuckin known. 

Actually it smell pretty good, almost like freshly picked vanilla beans. But that’s kinda weird because I heard they only grow in southern hot environments. Maybe I’m wrong, I’ve been wrong many times before.

“If you can, could you put some of ‘this’ in your hand. It’s more enjoyable this way.” Kaneki says as he hands me the opened jar.

I dip my fingers in the jar and rub the cold ‘jelly’? Through my fingers. 

Making them slick and wet between each one my fingers. I move my now lubed up hand back to what I was doing before. Slowly grabbing him in my hands, moving up and down in a steady pace while I start to kiss him again.

He starts to rock forward into my hand, breathing heavily out of his nose.

Fuck! GOD. He’s rocking right on me too. It’s getting harder to breathe as it feels like my pants are suffocating me.

Suddenly I feel Kaneki tugging at my pants. Pulling away from our kiss he pauses for a second to breathe.

“May I?” He whispers to me.

May he what? Like - OHHHHHH shit got it!

I nod my head up and down to tell him it’s okay to take them off.

He unbuttons my pants and slowly unzips them. I slip off my pants and boxes down to my knees, relieving myself and finally being able to breathe.

Kaneki picking up the jar from the side again and putting some of the ‘jelly’? Into his hand. Coming closer to me again, bumping our chest together. He takes me into his hand. Fuck my whole body jerks from the contact and friction from his hand.

I try to remember that I’m also trying to please him here to. So regaining my strength I start to pick up my pace on him. Squeezing around the upper shaft gently and placing my thumb right at the slit to around more circles on it.

Kaneki also picking up his pace. Making my whole body convulsion, shaking with tense muscles.

“Ahh~ Hide.” Kaneki moans against my neck. 

My LoRD!

Feeling his hot breath on my skin almost sends me over the edge. The knotting feeling in the pit of my lower stomach is getting harder to ignore.

Then Kaneki shushes my hand away but only to bring both of our shafts together his hands.

“Oh ahhh-- fuck, kaneki I-” I’m so shocked by that my voice slips out from my mouth. Moaning out in response from the feeling of Kaneki rubbing against myself.

He’s almost squeezing too hard but the pain and pleasure going together I never thought it would feel this fucking good. 

I’m just barely holding myself together as Kaneki cumes on both of our stomachs. 

Letting his eyes land on me, he smiles and somehow he continues to plump both of us in his hand. It doesn’t take long until the knot in the pit of my stomach releases itself.

After all of that we still hold each other in the same position. Coming down from our high and breathing heavily Kaneki leans in again to kiss me.

Not a heated kiss or just a small peck on the lips, no.

It’s a slow and deep.

Some might say it’s a passionate kiss. I would say it’s something far more than words could ever define it.

Just like how words can’t truly define how this beautiful man in front of me. How it would probably take a thousand life times to define him properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey my dudes and girls and people in between here's the new chapter I hope you all like it. I've never in my life written smut before so I hope I did somewhat okay-ish.


	21. Your not a robot, your so lovable, lovable my baby.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they talk about going on adventures

Waking up before Kaneki is still one of the best things I would say I get to do to him. Because most of the time he’s always off doing some type of crazy, insane magic shit that I have no idea what’s it’s about.

But waking up next to him is just something else.

The way he doesn’t have that constant frown forming in his brows, the way he looks somewhat at peace with things in the world, the way he seems to be in a far away land where things might have been better for him.

I still lay beside him in bed. I don’t want to move and disturb him from this somewhat safe haven he’s in right now. So just watching him until he wakes up is the next best thing.

I remember that I still have to ask him about coming along with me to the Tsukiyama mansion. I’m not just bringing him because I’m scared shitless, I don’t know who told anyone that but I just think it would be good for Kaneki to tag along. Also I still have to get that plant for mum so she can get back onto her feet.

Fuck I hope she’s at least doing okay.

I really hope so.

As I’m thinking to myself Kaneki starts to shift around a bit. Slowly lifting up his hands to wipe the grogginess away from his eyes, and as he opens his eye they land on me. He smiles so wide I could swear this wasn’t even the same person from a few nights ago.

But shit it looks so damn good on him to smile this way.

Fuck Hide don’t stare so much! He’ll probably think you're weird drooling over him! AHHHH THINK FAST!

“Ah-hey my guy, how was your slumber this evening?” 

Yes, nailed it.

But after that ‘amazing’ morning greet he just keeps on looking at me like I’m something wondrous. The way he eyes have this sort of softness to them right now makes my heart clench in this unfamiliar tightness.

“Good morning to you to Hide.” He says finally.

And as I’m about to go on and just embarrass myself probably even more he leans forward to place a mess kiss on my lips. I lean into him as well.

Feeling his lips on mine is such as great sensation. The breaths he takes in between each kiss, how he always seems to place a hand on my face in a loving way.

Fuck I’m way over my head into this fucking beautiful being and I can’t help myself but only want more of him.

Kankei pulls away first leaving me whining for him.

“You’ll get more after you take a bath, plus you have bad morning breath too so better hop on that.” He tells me, kissing the side of my cheek before standing up and pushing himself off the bed.

“And I’ll make breakfast if you're okay with that.”

Why the hell would I not be okay with that? Like fuck yes homecooked meals!

Oh…… I get it now.

“Yeah I’m totally fine with whatever you make Kaneki, also can I have some of that amazing tea too if that’s not enough for you to make?” I say in a high pitch tone while batting my eyelashes at him.

The disapproval written all over his face just makes me laugh.

And with that he just shakes his head and starts to walk to the towards the kitchen.

I guess that’s my cue to get my ass moving too.

Hahah that kinda rhymed.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After my bath I walk to the kitchen (fully clothed too). Seeing that Kaneki has also put on new clothes. Wearing long black high waisted pants? Yeah their high waisted pants but they also seem to be some type of velvet material. And finishing off with a long sleeve loose black shirt tucked in.

Everything looks just great on his tiny figure anyway but really velvet? How the hell does he get all this fucking pricey clothes? Silk? Velvet? What next? A fucking diamond suit?

Actually that sounds pretty badass…..

“Hey Hide grab the tea and go to the table. I’ll finish this up soon.” He tells me looking quickly behind him to glance at me and right back to making the food.

I see the two green teacups steaming so doing like Kaneki said I grab them and walk to the dining table. Placing one near Kaneki’s seat and the other one next to me.

Few seconds later Kaneki comes out with a bowl of oats for me. I gotta say I only liked oats with lots of honey but after a while of not having any food at all you get used to the little things you have.

“Thanks.” I tell him as he sits down and starts to blow on his tea to cool.

Hey maybe this is the best time to ask him?

“Hey Kaneki?” I ask with mouthfuls of oats in my mouth.

“That’s disgusting Hide. And yes?”

“Well I actually was wondering if you wanted to come with me to deliver that letter I told you while ago about. It’s more up north from here. I kinda need to get it fast too and I’m totally okay if you don’t want to come and-”

“Where do you need to go?” He says before I can go on a rant.

“Just uhmm…. It’s uh the Tsukiyama mansion.” I mutter. 

Hoping it somehow lessens the weirdness if Kaneki and the Tsukiyama family really do know each other.

Kaneki just sits there for a long few second. Not making a sound not even really moving other than to sip from his teacup. While keeping his eyes on strained on his teacup he opens his mouth but closes it shortly after.

Fuck this doesn’t seem great.

“I know you need to deliver that letter Hide, that’s simple and could be done without much trouble but what do you get in return for doing it?”

Damn it! Kaneki is way smarter than I thought he was but I don’t have a real reason to lie to him.

And also lying is not my best strong suit.

“Well you see my ‘friend’ who asked me to deliver this letter to the Tsukiyama family said that they know of a plant which could help my mum get better. And help her get back on her feet.” I tell him finishing up my food and wiping my mouth with a rag.

Before I could even stop and think about the words about my mum being ill. It seems that Kaneki has gone rigid with my words of an ill parent.

Fuck! Fuck! Look what you did now Hide! He’s a vegetable! Not even the fucking good kind! Do somethin-

“Hide.”

“Yes?” I answer him looking up from the table to meet his gaze.

“You really love your mother, don’t you?”

Well shit I wasn’t suspecting that.

“Yeah I do Kaneki, I really do. She’s the only one who’s raised me right, who taught me not to judge others on looks alone but to get to know them better. She was the one who took care of me when I was a little asshole of son with no help from others. She’s the only one I have left so I want to return all the things she’s done for me up until now.” I tell him.

I could almost feel my throat beging to close by my emotions welling up in my chest. I really do love my mum but it hurts to say it in front of Kaneki. Not because I feel guilty to say I love my mum or anything because of him.

It’s more of how he never got to have that type of love for long. I just feel livid and at the same time so sad that things had to turn out that way for him.

How unforgiving the fucking world can be.

“Okay I’ll go with you Hide, it wasn’t like I’ll let you go anyway into the frozen night just to die and never come back here again.” 

“Wow thanks pal. That makes me feel 10 times better about my chances of living past the next few weeks.” I tell him while sipping my tea in angrily.

“I think we just need to prepare a few days worth of things for this journey though Hide, it could be dangerous. Especially with this type of weather still happening so it would be best to be ready for the worst.” Kaneki says as he leans forward, putting his elbows on the table.

“Are you ready for that Hide?” Kaneki ask me.

Am I ready? Who does he think I am? I’ve gotten this far and nowhere near I’m planning on stopping now.

“Fuck yes, I’m ready.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY my PALS ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ Sorry been kinda off a lot this week and last week but I all hope you guys like this chapter.


	22. That unpleasant feeling in my throat just won't leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENS A LITTLE AND NEW PEOPLE!

After 1 week of pregaming this fucking journey.

We’re finally ready to leave for the Tsukiyama family mansion.

I gotta say Kaneki is pretty great with organizing things. Not just being clean and neat but really thinking through things. Like he thought about how many days it might takes us to get there and if a snow storm happens how we would stay okay through it.

See I just pack shit and go without thinking things through. It’s one of my many downfalls of my personality but I guess it could also be good  in others ways.

Anyway it’s about the ass crack of morning and Kaneki’s telling me to put on clothes faster so we can leave before the sun rises in the sky.

And I know, ‘Hide your a farmer boy how could you not be already ready in the ass crack of morning?’ Well fuck you I actually like to sleep in, so jokes on you!

Okay……….

As I’m buttoning up my shirt and tucking them into my pants I see that Kaneki is almost all ready to go. Suited up in his normal get up (which is not normal but hey you know fashion right?). Black cloaks and fur shawl over his shoulders with little tiny animal skulls littering his neckline.

The only thing he doesn’t have on yet is his famous ram skull mask. I haven’t really seen him wearing it a lot. Only when we really go outside does he wear it.

I still wonder why he has to wear it. It’s fucking huge and looks pretty uncomfortable to wear, probably not even warm if I think about it now.

“Hey Kaneki? I know you kinda already told me a while ago about the whole ‘I wear it for your sake’ but why do you wear that mask really?” I ask grabbing my two layer coat (which Kaneki and I made it together out of my old coat and some extra fabrics he had laying around).

“Mhm? Oh ….. Uh I- I wear it to just hide my face….. from people I guess.” He tells me hesitantly as he places the mask on his face.

Mhmmm I guess I shouldn’t push it on him to answer. If he likes to wear it then that’s totally fine.

Maybe my curiosity with things can get me in more trouble then I would like it to.

Nahh….

“Are you ready now Hide to leave?” Kaneki asks as he grabs the bag from the floor and placing it on his back.

“Hell yes my beautiful love muffin.” I say right back to him.

“Fuck… Hide please .. Just please never call me that again…”

“How about -”

“We’re leaving!” Kaneki yells out, red in the face as he opens the front door and walks out.

I can tell this is going to be a real fun walk.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Kannnnneekkkkkiiiiii” I whine out in exhaustion.

It’s been almost 2 hours since we left the comfort of Kaneki’s little home and I’m 1. Really hungry and 2. Really tired.

I wouldn’t be so tired if we were walking on normal grass lands but noo of course we have to walk through knee deep snow. I guess I also have to count my blessing for it to actually be a nice day out.

The sun is up and shining while the wind is not so furious. Making it quite nice to walk in if it wasn’t KNEE HIGH FUCKING SNOW!

“Yes Hide?” Kaneki calls back to me.

He’s a little farther ahead than me but only by 20 feet. I’m just worn out after walking and pushing through for so long. It’s like walking through water that is solid! It’s crazy!

Wait…. Snow is water….. Well shit now I just feel silly.

“Are we somewhat there yet? I feel like my legs are going to fall off.” I say as he stops for me to walk closer to him.

“Well I know it’s been a long walk Hide so why don’t we take a break and you eat something in the meantime? I know you must b-”

“NOO! We have to keep going Kaneki! I just like to complain a little be to get it out of my system. You know like self care and shit?”

“Self what?” He asked with confusion written all over his face.

“Exactly.” I point at him.

“Well okay…… Anyway if you’re hungry I have dried rabbit meat in my pocket that I made for you to eat. It’s easier to eat and walk with without stopping and cooking something in this type of environment.” Kaneki tells while handing me some from his pockets.

Gotta say I didn’t think he had any pockets with all the clothes on him but he’s just always full of surprises. I nod with a ‘thank you’ and get back to walking with him, nibbling on one of the dried pieces of meat.

“And it not far from now Hide. Probably about 2 more hours tops.” Kaneki reinsures me.

Fine. Great. Beautiful. Wonderful.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It seemed to have been an eternity but after hiking through snow and woods. We finally fucking here. Thank God.

And I was getting really tired, like my legs feel like noodles now.

Well hopefully me and Kaneki can have a seat before we go doing that again anytime soon.

Well I know I’m tired as hell but Kaneki doesn’t even look like he’s putting up much of a sweat anyway. He kept his mask on but still, he's not even breathing heavily it’s fucking insane!

As we grow closer and closer to the mansion we’re stopped by I would say one of the biggest fucking gates I’ve ever seen in my little life.

“What now?” I ask Kaneki.

I’m sure ain’t going to let some stupid gate stop me after walking all the way here in the fucking snow. Also because I need that damn plant for mum!

Kaneki doesn’t even answer me as he steps forward and presses a small red button on the right side of gate. It makes a buzzing sound then suddenly a voice pops out of it!

WHAT THE FUCK???? HOW CAN THAT EVEN BE?? WHAT IS THIS? MAGIC???

“Hello yes?” The voice says.

“OH MY LORD KANEKI! DID YOU HEAR THAT!??? ARE YOU DOING YOUR MAGIC THINGY RIGHT NOW?? I’M GONNA SHIT MY-”

“ **Hide**! Calm down! It’s just coming from that box right here.” Kaneki tells me as he points to ahh yes, a small metal box with a circle of lines carved into the middle of it.

Now I feel like a fool.

“Ahh yes I would like to deliver a letter to the head of the household, please.” Kaneki says as he holds down the little red button.

“May I ask who is delivering this ‘letter’?” The voice in the box ask kaneki.

Kaneki looks at me and I nod to tell him ‘yes tell them my name’. Turning back to the small box, he hesitantly presses the button again.

“Mr. Nagachika and-”

“Actually please call me Hide!” I lunge forward calling out into the small box.

“HIDE!” Kaneki yells at me probably for my sudden actions.

“KANEKI!” I yell right back at him with a smile plastered on my face.

“The Witcher.” The voice calls out from the box. Almost seems like they're annoyed with knowing kaneki’s here.

“Do you mean the beautiful Northern Witcher?” Another voice comes through the small box.

I turn to face Kaneki with a questioning look, my eyebrows raised. Kaneki just sighs with frustration, shaking his head in what looks like disappointment if I could really see his face through his mask.

He just re-presses the button with a annoyed ‘yes’.

“Well, well, well my _Petit bélier tragique!_ I’m glad to hear your here once again but who is this _Hide_ person? Is he a new _chose de viande_ of yours? Mhm?” The new voice says in a way to excited tone.

I’m not really liking how this person is talking about me or Kaneki. But by the look it seems Kaneki is more pissed off by the words this person is talking about me then him.

“ _Tsukiyama_ , _Si vous osez mettre vos mains sales sur lui. Je vous promets que vos deux mains seront dans mon prochain plat à mon repas principal. **Comprenez vous**?” _ Kaneki tells the other mystery voice (who might be this Tsukiyama),something I can’t wrap my head around but I know is that he doesn’t sound happy.

“Oh oh Kaneki, have I hit a nerve? Well anyway I shall tell Matsumae to let the ‘ _both’_ of you in and we can discuss about this ‘letter’ in the dining room my _Petit bélier tragique_.”

I’m not liking whatever this guy is calling Kaneki.

But Kaneki doesn’t seems to be really upset about it and not angry like before.

The gate makes a ‘click’ sound and starts to slowly open.

I got a this weird feeling of a lump in my throat and I’m not fucking like this at all.

 **Not one bit**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey lovelys! I'm back a fucking day later with somewhat progress and french talkers!
> 
> I have a tumblr is you guys want to ask questions : http://glitch-boi.tumblr.com/


	23. Nostos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Kaneki make it into the Tsukiyama mansion

When the gates finally stop moving (fucking magic I swear), we start walking forward. And as me and Kaneki are walking we are welcomed by a slender woman wearing a black tailored suit. I guess this might be the ‘Matsumae’ person that creepy guy was talking about.

She doesn’t look happy to see us or really angry, so I guess that’s a pretty good start right?

“This way please.” I’m thinking this is Matsumae so I’m just gonna be calling them that until otherwise.

Kaneki’s not even doubtful with this person, walking their way without evening stopping to see if I’m keeping up pace. Do they know each other? I know that weird guy on the ‘magic box’ knows something of Kaneki.

Kinda wish I knew what he and Kaneki were saying early. Fuck now I’m feeling a little felt out of the loop here…...

DAMN IT! Hide! Focus!

Kaneki’s in all business mode right now! So that’s probably why he’s being that totally  ‘don’t fuck with me in anyway asshole’ kind of way.

Damn I’m a fucking genius. I should get a kiss from Kaneki when I tell him I figured out him being in ‘badass’ mode to help us get in and out without much trouble.

Anyway I pick up my pace and follow Kaneki and this ‘Matsumae’. Looking around I can already tell this family has lots of money. Like holy shit!

We walk past the main gates into this huge dome. It probably covers most of the front yard if you can really even think this much space can be called a ‘front yard’.

As we enter into the dome, I’m truly taken back from what I see. It’s nothing horrifying or anything like what I’ve seen from the past 3 months I’ve been here.

It’s a glorious flower garden.

Brushes and trees too but more flowers than I’ve ever seen in my life. Coming in almost every color under the sun. The more I look around the dome, the more I see that most of the flowers here are just roses.

I glance up to see if Kaneki is looking around too but he just keeps his head forward, not evening peering at the beautiful nature that’s all around us.

What the fuck? Has he been here before?

I’m not jealous or anything like that but he never told me he’s been here before. If he has I totally could've used info about this place but I guess I never really asked him in the first place if he did.

And as we’re reaching the ending of the dome, Matsumae opens the door for us.

“Oh Thank you.” I tell her as me and Kaneki step through the door leading to a very wide hallway.

“Also please take off your footwear before coming into the residence.” Matsumae tells us. And we do so. I slide off one shoe at a time, jumping in place to keep myself from falling flat on my ass. I grab for Kaneki, he stands still letting me hold onto him for balance as I take off my other shoe. 

And as for Kaneki, he just unties his boots and slips them off like their nothing.

Show off…..

We walk down the hallway until we’re meet with another door. 

Why the fuck does this place have so many doors? What is even the point with that? Well anyway Matsumae once again opens this next door and I say ‘thank you’ and then we go in.

And as I step in, I’m greeted to a truly beautiful dining room.

Everything seems to be bathed in dark red or a pearl white. The floor is made with only I can say might be some type of marble. Somehow making the floor shine against the darkest of reds in the room.

There are only two couches in the room. In the middle of them sets a pearly white table with a small black velvet table cloth laid upon it. As my eyes look back, it seems that only one of the couches doesn’t seem to be occupied.

“ _ Oh! Bonjour!  _ my _ petit bélier tragique! _ ” A man jumps from the couch.

He walks over to us and I notice how fucking taller he is compared to me and Kaneki. About 5’9 I’m guessing here. He wears a dark crimson suit with a silky white undershirt and a smug smile.

“And you must Kaneki’s………… ‘friend’ I presume.” He extends his hand to me. But Kaneki just walks right in front of me.

“Enough  _ Shuu.  _ He’s just here to deliver a letter and ask of you something.” Kaneki tell’s him taking off his mask.

The man’s (Shuu I think he’s name is?) smile doesn’t even waver, it almost seems like it grows bigger as the action between them occurs.

“Ah of course  _ mon cher.  _ Sit, sit please relax, you two must have had a such a long journey in this weather! I’m surprised that you actually made it here.” Shuu says as he gestures us to sit down.

Taking a seat on the couch I think before I speak once again.

“What do you mean? Kaneki’s like untouchable, I don’t think some snow could ever hurt him.” I say.

We sit in silence for a good few seconds before Shuu starts laughing loudly.

“Ohh  _ non non.  _ I might you  _ tête de tournesol.”  _ Shuu points to me.

What the hell did he just call me?

I look over to Kaneki to see if he’s angry with the comment Shuu gave me but all I see is amusement in his eyes. 

What the fuck did he say? I’m getting real tired of this language stuff happening and not knowing what’s going on.

Whatever….

“Anyway what is this letter you have? May I see it?” Shuu ask me.

“Well actually it’s for your father …. Mirumo Tsukiyama.” I tell him, a little embarrassed because he  actually thought it was for him.

“Ahh well you see my papa is out now and will not be back until two days from now. If you don’t mind staying until he arrives back here. I’ll be happliy to give you two rooms to stay in.” He tells us as he picks at his nails.

“May me and Hide talk in private please?” Kaneki ask Shuu but I think Kaneki would do it anyway if Shuu said no or not.

“Of course my  _ petit bélier tragique,  _ take your time.” Shuu says as he stands from his seat and walks to the door. Shutting it behind him.

“I don’t think this is a good idea Hide. Shuu is a ……… unique character. I’m not bothered by being here but I am bothered by you staying here with him near you.” Kaneki says as he puts his hands on mine.

“I’m glad you're thinking about me Kaneki, I really am like holy shit. But I need to give this letter to his father and ask about the plant for my mum. I need to do this for her and put aside my uncomfortableness for now.” I tell Kaneki placing my hand on his cheek.

“......Okay Hide but try and make sure that you don’t stay in a room alone with him for a long time…….. I just don’t trust him alone with you.” 

I lean in and kiss him, trying to make sure that I care about him and don’t want him to worry so much. After that me and Kaneki stand up and walk to the door.

Opening it we see that Shuu is talking lazily to Matsumae. Seeing us Shuu makes his way to us.

“We’ll stay until your father get’s back but after we’ll be out of your hair.” Kaneki tells Shuu in a dull tone.

“ _ Parfait! _ I hope you like your stay in my lovely home _. _ I know I’ll love to get to know you more  _ petite tête de tournesol.” _

I hope I don’t regret this after an hour.

I’m probably going to regret this in an hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey sorry if I'm kinda late with this chapter been super tired a lot. Classes have been sucking the life out of me.
> 
> BUT!! I hope all of you guys like this chapter!


	24. Have you been lonely without me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide gets a suit and drools over Kaneki at the dinner table

After informing Shuu of our stay he told us…….. Well actually only me, to take a bath. While asking Kaneki if he could speak with him as quote on quote “The  _ petite tête de tournesol  _ get’s freshen up.”

So Shuu asked Matsumae to take me up to the second floor to show me to the room I’ll be staying in for the mean time.

I gotta say this guy’s got money.

The room (which I was told is for one person) is fucking huge! It’s bigger then my whole living room back home for fucks sake! And the bed I swear could easily hold 4 or more people on it. And after drooling on how amazing the room is I find that it also has it’s own connected bathroom. With even it’s own toilet! HOLY SHIT!!

Like only in hotels have I’ve ever seen a connected bathroom! 

But fuck man! The future shit is truly wondrous!

I kinda hope or wish that one day I could give mum this type of lifestyle. 

You know so she wouldn’t have to work on the farm and plus the job at the tavern just to scrape by. Don’t get me wrong, I love our home with all my heart but I just think mum deserves a well rested break from all the working she’s done.

Matsumae leaves me to gawk at the room alone.

Saying they’ll be back to leave me new clothes outside of my room to wear for dinner. I thank her as she leaves the room.

So I guess nothing else to do but take that bath.

Going into the bathroom, I start the water. Taking off my many layers of clothing, I notice how soaked they are. Probably because all the snow and maybe sweat (Okay I sweat a lot geez sometimes I really think it’s not healthy to sweat that much) that I gathered throughout the journey up here. 

Seeing the water start to steam as it raises to the brim of the bathtub, I stop before it can overflow. I guess I wouldn’t be a great guest if I just make a fucking mess everywhere.

Even if that would be kinda cool to see that Shuu guy get upset but I’m not that type of asshole.

Well I think I’m not at least……

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Getting out of that bathtub was probably one of the hardest things I had to do tonight (hopefully).

I feel a lot better about getting clean and not smelling like a wild animal that died two weeks ago in the forest. But I actually bet Kaneki didn’t mind me smelling like that. Well I at least hoped he didn’t because you know… I like him and I don’t know what kind of things he likes about a person. 

Fuck what if he likes people who smell nice?? Like shit, I sweat a lot so I must have like a weird farmer kid smell to me right? Damn it! what am I going to do?? I should probably-

“Excuse me Mr. Hide but I have the clothes ready for you.” I hear a voice (probably Matsumae, sounds like them) coming through the other side of  bathroom door.

“OH! Ahh….. Thank you I’ll be right out to get them Matsumae.” Yelling out to them loud enough so they can me through the door.

“Well I shall leave them here for you to get dressed. After that I’ll come back to bring you to the dinner table.” Matsumae calls back to me.

I was going to thank her again but I already hear her footsteps echoing off as she leaves my room.

Grabbing myself a towel and drying myself off. I open the bathroom door to see a small pile of clothes, neatly folded right on the floor.

I pick up the clothes and lay them out of the huge ass bed.

What the fuck is this?

Like really, how the hell am I supposed to put these on?

As I laid out the clothes I see that it’s a nice suit but to tell the truth I’ve only worn one suit in my whole life and that was really just a (somewhat nice but also somewhat old) blazer that my neighbor gave me to wear to show off to the other kids in school.

But this thing looks ….  Really fucking impressive.

It’s a dark maroon colored suit, even the vest is the same color but the only difference is the vest having a black floral lining on it while the jacket has two thick black lines running down the opening of it. Underneath I’m to wear a (almost hard to look at) white button up shirt. And to finish it off a pair of the darkest maroon colored pants I’ve ever seen. Only when I shine them in a weird way into the light I can see the (barely) color.

But other then that, their just nice silk dress pants.

As I’m trying to put myself into this fucking suit I hear a light knock on my bedroom door.

“Mr. Hide are you dressed yet?” I hear Matsumae say on the other side of the door.

“AH! No not yet! Can you like give me about?......... 3 more minutes. And Please just Hide!” I holler back at her.

Damn Hide! You don’t have to fucking yell at the maid? Or butler? ……

Doesn’t matter damn it! Anyway I need to stay quiet so 1. I don’t embarrass myself and 2. I sure as hell don’t embarrass Kaneki.

“Very well ..Hide. I shall just wait out here until you are finished.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After about 2 and maybe half minutes I’ve shoved my ass into this suit and I’m ready to go!

Opening the door I’m greeted to see Matsumae waiting patiently for me.

“Ah I see the suit fits quite well on you M- .. Hide.” Matsumae blushes at the tiny mistake of almost calling me Mr. Hide again.

“Well thank you very much, I’m surprised that you guys knew my size.” I tell her to ease up the mood so it’s less awkward for the both of us.

“Master Shuu is very good at guessing on people’s sizes.” Matsumae shakes it off the small embarrassment that once was there.

“Anyway please follow me to the dining table for tonight's meal.” Making her way down the hallway.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Matsumae opens a pair of huge red doors. “Please go inside the others are waiting for you.”

I nob my head and walk into the room. As I walk more into the room I see Kaneki sitting on the left side of the dining table.

And Fuck does he look good.

With his hair normally covering most of his face. Is now slicked back showing the true beauty of his features. He’s wearing a pure white suit with a black turtleneck underneath. I’ve never seen him wear white before or any other color other than black.

But this is a nice change.

“Good evening handsome, how have you’ve been doing without my sweet face being around?” I smirk at him, giving him a little wink for good measurers.

“Hide.” Kaneki says.

“What? I think I’m good-looking at least. I know you think I’m some what okay-ish looking Kaneki--”

“Hide.” Kaneki calls my name again in a weird manner.

“Kaneki I do enjoy you calling me name out but I’m being serious here! Like am I sexy? Or is it just like a cute way, like an so ugly it’s cute kinda way-”

“ **_Hide!_ ** ” Kaneki almost yells.

“What I was just wondering I don’t have good self-esteem dude I need to know-”

I look past Kaneki only to see fucking ‘Master’ Shuu giving me the most creepiest smiles I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Oh  _ non!  _ Please, please go on  _ petite tête de tournesol.  _ I’ll love to hear what you have to say.” Shuu tells me as he straightens up from his chair.

“I’ll also love to know what kind of relationship you and my  _ petit bélier tragique  _ have.”

I don’t like how he wants to know our relationship nor do I like how he says ‘my’ when he’s talking about Kaneki.

Every passing minute I seem to dislike him more and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my dudes! Sorry been kinda slacking and shit but!!! lol like butts .... shit sorry I've just been busy with somethings. I hope you all like this chapter!


	25. I'm trying to aim a balance of the terror of being alive and the beauty of it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's dinner time everyone!

I take my seat (or the only other chair, which is unfortunately across from Kaneki. Now making Shuu the ‘head’ of the dining table and me more closer to him then I would like) at the table.

“So what are we going to have for dinner?” I ask Shuu.

I remember what Touka said about them, how their cannibals. But I can’t say I wouldn’t be shocked if they really are….. You know cannibal.

I know that Kaneki eats people but he kinda has to, to survive and live. I don’t know if it’s the same with Shuu and he’s family but he just gives me a ‘different’ vide.

“Ah! It’s going to be a surprise but I did ask the chef to make something especially for our ‘guest’ tonight.” Shuu tells me in a tongue and cheek kind of tone.

Why does he have to sound like that?? Like all the time too?

I glance at Kaneki to see if he knows what the fuck that actually means but he’s only looking at Shuu with I would call a ‘death stare’.

But I could  also call it Kaneki’s normal stare. If I was really being honest here.

“Oh okay then…” I say out loud.

Glancing down to my dinner plate, I try and put my weariness on something other than myself in this moment. Fidgeting with the table cloth between my fingers to somehow ease my fiery nerves.

I remember my mum taught me that trick. When I felt anxious or angry, she would always tell me to feel a texture or rub something in between my hands and fingers to calm myself down a little. Most of the times it worked but right now she’s not with me helping me through my anxiety.

But Kaneki’s here.

I move my gaze forward, away from my dinner plate to see the man sitting across from me.

I didn’t notice that he was looking at me.

Fuck can everyone tell I’m this anxious?

Hope not, because that’ll sure as hell just make me more of a sweaty-anxiety-ridden mess.

I also notice that Kaneki doesn’t have his normal ‘stare’ to him. No worry in his eyes that tell me ‘yes hide you should be a fucking mess and on high alert’. No rage from Shuu’s comments or my nervousness.

Just this softest that makes his intense silver eyes seem like their tiny bits of warm water droplets of rain on a hot summer’s day.

Seeing them cools me down, easing my fried nerves once more. Actually feeling myself relax under his gaze. Shoulders unhinging from up high near my ears to normal shoulder height again.

And as that was happening, suddenly the two double doors slam open.

“FUCK!” I scream.

Jumping in my chair so damn high I actually hit the top of my thighs underneath the stupid fucking table!

Biting my tongue as the pain from the impact runes through me, trying my hardest not to curse up a storm in front of Shuu and Kaneki.

As I’m rolling in agony, I hear Shuu starting to laugh in glee.

“AH! Oh! _ Petite tête de tournesol _ ! That was marvelous! Truly a wondrous reaction I must say!” Shuu practically barks at me.

I satel down in my seat as I turn to face what the hell came through those doors so fast.

And to my surprise it’s just the fucking food.

I screamed like my balls never dropped in my whole life because of food.

Fine. Great. Beautiful. Whatever.

“Ahh~ Thank you Matsumae for bring the food. I must say I loved your entrance. It was  _ gracieux _ ” Shuu says to Matsumae as she walks over with a cart full of food.

Well I hope it’s food at least………

Matsumae hands out our plates one at a time.

First with Shuu, second with Kaneki….. And with me being the last one.

Matsumae puts my plate of food in front of me and I smile to thank her as she does.

Looking down at my plate I see what ‘looks’ like  sausage. But as I stare at it, it’s way darker than any other sausage I’ve never seen or eaten before. It has a dark-hued to it, almost making it look black with it’s glossies of the geases that glazes it.

Underneath looks like there's potato salad and…. apples?

Hey it’s free food, and I’ve only been having plain stuff with Kaneki. So this might actually be good.

Before I start digging in my food I look over to Kaneki to see if he’s actually going to eat anything.

Looking more closely at his plate of food. I see he only has the sausages……… Wait a darn second!

Kaneki told me he can’t eat ‘normal’ foods so why is he going to eat that? Does Shuu know about Kaneki’s ‘diet’?

Or are we eating fucking people right now?

AM I BEING SERVED FUCKING PEOPLE MEAT RIGHT NOW??????

Rushing my sight back at Kaneki to only see him cut a sausage in small bits and lifting a piece to his mouth, taking it into his mouth I watch to see if his facial features change anyway possibly.

But nothing happens… not a damn thing.

No coughing, no choking on ‘bad’ taste or even a disgusted face.

Not anything! 

I look down at my plate once again and I can only imagine the stuffed inners of a person's belly being shoved into a meat grinder as they howl out in torment. 

How the crunch of their bones bend until they break, being the only sound that will leave their body that’s not cries for help.

My god I think I’m doing to be sick!

I start to gag on my spit and Kaneki looks up from his plate to me in a face with only concerned features.

“Are you okay Hide?” Kaneki ask looking at me with raised eyebrows.

I try my best not to gag on the mental images of people being deformed and mangled in inhuman horrifying ways.

“Is the food not to your liking  _ petite tête de tournesol?”  _ Shuu questions me, dabbing a napkin to his mouth.

“What is ‘this’ anyway Mr. Shuu?” I question him back.

“Oh! My apologies. It’s boudin noir with potato salad and roasted apples.  _ Boudin noir  _ means blood sausage in french.” Shuu tells me resting his elbows on the table, intertwining his fingers.

I inhale sharply through my nose with finding out this informationen.

I almost wish I didn’t ask.

Actually I wish I didn’t fucking ask at all.

“Hide.” Kaneki calls my name.

Ripping me from the desire to vomit my leftovers out of my knotted stomach. I turn my head to face Kanek.

“Hide I know I told you about a lot of things but ‘this’ what I’m eating right now is different from what’s sitting on your plate right now.” Kaneki tells me in a weighted tone.

Shuu looks back and forth between me and Kaneki, in slight confusion.

Then I think he finally gets it.

“OHHH!  _ Non non petite tête de tournesol,  _ What is on your plate and my plate is just ‘normal’ blood sausage. But what my  _ petit bélier tragique  _ over here has uhm .. how you say a ‘unique’ dish in the same ready made manner.” Shuu notifies me.

“I do believe you have gone to the small town far from here, yes?” Shuu ask of me.

“Yes I have but what does th-”

“Well I can guess many have probably already told you of how my family is a bunch of .. what do they call it nowadays? Kaneki you know the word don’t you?” He ask Kaneki.

“The word is cannibals Shuu. Don’t ask me things you, yourself already are aware of.” Kaneki snaps back.

“Ahh yes thank you very much but Hide I want you to know that my family unlike Kaneki over here are not ‘cannibals’, and never will be.”

“Then what do you guys do? Like what are you guys?” I ask, probably once again not going to like the answer get.

Shuu slowly stands up from his chair. Stepping one foot at a time, making his way over to me. His presences seems more intense than before. As if his cologne was made from pure fear, taken right out of my body and coated on him.

He leans down to my eye level, putting his hand on my shoulder. It’s like a terrible beast hiding in human skin. Walking around until the right moment it reveals itself to dig into something innocent.

Something sweet and soft like a untainted sin.

“I guess you could call us……” He pauses, whispering close to my ear. The breathe from his lungs makes my skin prickly like the icy winter winds.

And I’m not liking it one bit.

“Call us killers~ Hide.” He barely places his lips on the shell of my ear.

I’m not fucking liking this one bit and I want to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey my pals! HOws it going? Anyway sorry again for kinda lagging behind but I'm here at least right?


	26. Frission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner takes a turn and someone leaves the table unsatisfied

“Shuu.” Kaneki calls out across the dining table.

Making Shuu slowly back off my fucking ear, thank God, (like fuck I almost thought he was going to lick the damn thing). But he's stays very close to me.

“I want you to back off of Hide now Shuu. He’s not your little fun toy to play with here. Also I would prefer you not scaring the shit out of him, and like you said his my …….. ‘ _ Amoureux _ ’.” Kaneki informs and reveals to Shuu (and kinda me but I have no idea what “amoureux” means anyway so I’m pulling shit out of my ass here, maybe ? Friend? I’m not good with this guessing shit man).

I turn to look up at Shuu and what I see is unbelievable.  Shuu actually looks for the slightest bit shocked by Kaneki’s words. Gradually standing up, straightening his suit from the invisible wrinkles that seem to occupy it.

“Oh…  _ Pardon Mes actions étaient juste pour lui faire peur un peu Kaneki. Rien de plus que de simples jeux de tête juste pour un peu amusant, mais je vois que je devrais peut-être le faire un peu.”  _ Shuu explains to Kaneki in a language that I still have no idea what their saying.

“Mais suis-je encore amusant? Il est très charmant que je pourrais dire à taquiner _. _ ” Shuu giggles when he speaks this and it’s not making me any less anxious because I swear I heard a question come out of his fucking mouth.

Kaneki looks at me with the straightest fucking face I’ve seen him wear and beings to open his mouth.

“Oui, vous pouvez, mais seulement un peu Shuu. Il est assez fragile quand il s'agit de taquiner.” Kaneki tells Shuu while still looking dead at me across the dining table.

What the fuck did he just say????What are they both saying?!! Why do they play in this secret language which I know they know I have no idea what it means when they start flapping their lips.

Shuu makes a humming sound in agreement.

Walking back over to his seat to finish his meal.

Is that it? Did Shuu just tell me his whole damn family are murders and we’re just gonna roll with it? I think the hell not.

“Wait a second here!” I say abruptly making both Shuu and Kaneki pause in the middle of their ‘dinners’.

“How are we just going to let this be?? I’m sorry Mr. Shuu and I probably have no right to say this in your household but what the actually fuck!” I blurt out loud, making Shuu almost spitting out his red wine.

“Pardon quoi?!” Shuu ask nearly choking on his words as he tries to swallow down the wine.

“I mean you just told me your whole damn family kills people! Why? Like how hell!? Ho- How can you just do that and not even bat your eyes at it?” I question in frustration, gazing at Shuu making sure he understands the rage that raises in my eyes, that burn in them.

I know I’m jumping too fast on him right now but I feel like if I leave it here. I might not get to say my true feelings to him anytime again.

Shuu sets down his wineglass and dabs his mouth, delicately with a red napkin. 

“Je vois maintenant que mes taquineries sont allées un peu trop loin. Okay ‘Hide’, I see that what I said must've triggered a how some might say ‘a moral responsibility’ to question my family's actions. To blame us, to punish us, or to justify what sines we committed.” Shuu says in a restrained tone.

“But I must ask, why do you feel that way? I-”

“I feel that way becaus-”

“Do not interrupt me Mr. Hideyoshi.” Shuu states at me. 

I shut my mouth fast enough to make a clapping sound with my jaw.

“As I was saying, I wonder why you feel that way? A feeling to blame us for what we do in our business. The fact that you just meet me and ‘yes’ maybe you did hear things about my family. And ‘yes’ some of it might be right but have you no conscience to make decisions for yourself?”

“Do you need the influence of others to help better your judgement on people you know so little about? To answer you ‘no’ we don’t bat our eyes when we kill. We don’t because it’s a normal thing here. It’s a normal thing in this world to kill or be killed. And I’m pretty sure our dear Kaneki over here knows too well of that.” Shuu retorts at me with eyes that seem to question whose side I’m on.

Whose side I’m on? I’m on my own fucking side damn it! I just want to get this plant for my mum and have a good life!

I raise my eyes to look at Kaneki for back up but I’m thrown for what I see.

Kaneki looks like a stone in his seat. Not moving a single muscle in his body as the conversion has been going on. Like a stone statue, he seem cold and distant with porcelain skin. Not even a frown on his face, not even a slight feature cracked into his skin, nothing.

Nothing until he lifts his head to truly face me.

I’ve made a huge mistake.

I really fucked up this time didn’t I?

Kaneki’s eyes are so glossy that I almost think that their’ve been soaked in clear oils. Their so irrigated that it makes his silver eyes inflamed in a sea of reds.

Kaneki suddenly stands from the dining table. Bowing a little to Shuu (for some reason I have no idea why?) before abruptly leaving the dining room through the double doors.

I really did fuck up.

“Hide..” Shuu says bring be back to him.

I completely forgot he was still in the room.

Kinda hopped that he wasn’t now.

“Kaneki is …. How should I say this in a nice way? Uhm Kaneki is a very tormented person. It might not seem that way to mostly everyone around him but he is and the views of people he trust and few he actually cares for are very important to him.”

“I was just trying to make a point to you Hide. About you needing to get to know people before you start pointing fingers at them. I’m well aware that you know about Kaneki’s special ‘diet’. I’m also aware of you two’s relationship here, so what I was doing was to make sure you knew that not everything is in black and white in this world. It’s full of greys of all types shades. And sometime it takes time to look at them in the right light to know not everything is okay and that’s sometimes alright.” Shuu says as he finishes his dinner, in between mouthfuls.

Oh God I’m such a fucking fool. Such a fool, fool, fool.

Damn it Hide you need to find him and apologizes for being a fucking BIG DUMMY!

“Shuu I’m so sorry about that but before I can say more I need to know where-”

“He’s staying on the second floor in room 202.” Shuu says as he reads my fucking mind. Like how the hell can so many people do that?

“Thank you Shuu!” I yell at him as I run to the double doors and open them. But before I can really start running Shuu calls out for me, I turn to him.

“What!?” I say in a hurry to get out and find Kaneki.

“Just make sure to listen to what he has to say before you open your mouth, I think it will turn out better if you do so.” He tells me with a messy grin.

I nod at him and run through the doors.

I’m coming Kaneki!

Just please wait for me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey everyone !!! I all hope you like this chapter! Sorry it's been kinda on and off with updating. I just want to put all my time into really thinking stuff through with this story so it takes me a little longer then normal.


	27. I wish I didn't make mistakes so I could live gently with myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk and Talk

I’m running up the stairs as fast as my medium sized noodle legs will take me.

As I’m reaching the top of the steps, I miss my fucking footing and trip. Falling flat on my face.

“FUCKKKKKK!!” I yell loudly probably enough to worry a few or maybe none in the household from my hollering and screaming.

Rolling over to my side. I cradle my face in my hands to somehow relieve my throbbing face.

“Holy fucking baloney that hurt.” I swear under my breath. Trying now to keep my voice down but the pain is making it hard to do anything at this moment. Pulling back my hands from my face I see that there's blood.

Oh…..

OH NO! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! NO NO NO NO!!!

There’s a lot of blood coming out of my nose. Red crimson blood slipping down my chin, probably covering most of my the lower half of my face.

Amazing ….. Just amazing, it’s just my luck that I fall while trying to find Kaneki in this way too big house! Like who needs this much house! And now I’m losing even more time as I’m grumbling and moaning with blood all over me and not looking for Kaneki! I can’t even-

“Hide?”

Snapping my head to the side, I’m stunned as my eyes fall on Kaneki’s little white locks peeking out of some random room door (most likely it’s his room but who knows right?).

Damn it! Now he’s gunna see how uncool I am! FUCK I WISH I WAS COOL!

“HIDE!” Kaneki yells.

I’m guessing Kaneki sees the blood caked on my hands and face now. I gotta say I’ve never seen Kaneki sprite faster in the whole time as I see him run towards me. Not even when we were hunting, like we were catching rabbits and deer for fucks sake!

“Hide what the hell happened?” Kaneki says as he kneels beside me on the floor.

“Did Shuu do this to you? I should of know not to leave you alone in a room together. Le fils de pute va apprendre à ne plus me jeter avec moi.” Kaneki’s talking so fast I almost miss what he says before he goes back into talking in that foreign language.

“Okay cowboy, calm yourself before you have a heart attack and listen to what I have to say okay?” I tell him.

Nodding in agreement to hear me out I inhale and exhale heavily to get reduce  some of my build up anxiety out of my system.

“First off thanks for caring for my safty, really appreciate it babe. But no Shuu did not give me ‘this’.” I juster to the liquid red covering my face.

“I was just being stupid and was running up the stairs.”

“Why the hell were you running up the stairs?” Kaneki ask giving me a look that screams ‘that was pretty fucking stupid of you hide.’

I stand from the floor, wobbling a little but Kaneki comes closer to my side and grabs me, letting me lean on him for support. He starts to move slowly towards to his room. Taking it easy, step by step so that I don’t make another mess of myself again.

Realizing that I never answered his question, I guess now would be the best time.

“Oh and why I ran up the stairs was because I wanted to apologize to you about how I acted at the dinner table.” I say lifting my head up and pinching my nose trying to stop the bleeding.

“You don’t need to say sorry to me Hide.” Kaneki says under his breath while opening his bedroom door.

“No I do. I was being an asshole and I didn’t take your feelings into account or try to look at things in a different point of view other than my own selfish views.” I say as he sits me onto the bed steadily.

After setting me down, Kaneki walks into his own bathroom (like holy shit does every room have it’s own bathroom to it? That’s fucking insane!). I hear the faucet running then stop seconds after with Kaneki walking back out with a small towel and cup in hand.

Taking a seat next to me he dabs the towel in the cup.

“I’m going to clean the blood off of your face but if you're not comfortable right now with me doing it, you can do it yourself if you want.” Kaneki tells me as he hold the wet towel in his hand.

Why would he say that? Why would he think I would be uncomfortable with him doing such a simple task for me?

Fuck I really did fuck up this time.

“Kaneki I don’t mind you doing anything for me. I actually feel more uncomfortable if you ask weird questions like the one you just said to tell the truth.” I say unpinching my nose hoping that he can hear me clearer now.

He doesn’t say anything to me, not even a slight hum in response.

He gradually takes the towel and starts to wipe away the blood that covers me.

So I continue.

“I just wanted to say I am sorry Kaneki. I really am. I was wrong and I know I hurt your feelings and don’t get me wrong I’m not apologizing because it’s just you. I’m apologizing because I was so far in my own little perfect world that I didn’t want to see the other things that makes up the true reality of everything we live in.” I utter in frustration.

Kaneki just keeps on wipping up the blood from my face. Like as if he’s trying to wipe away the awkwardness of this situation we’re in.

Well I don’t want that really.

I want the awkwardness of this because I hurt him.

I hurt him and I need Kaneki to know that it’s not okay for me to just do that to him. It’s not alright for people to walk over him and just let it be. 

Of course Shuu is a different story but still!

I don’t want Kaneki to feel like it’s somehow okay for me to just hurt him because we’re close. Be it emotionally or physically I don’t want that.

I want truth and a morning giggles that light up the dusky bedroom.

I want warm touches and wholesome talks about everything and anything.

I want him to need me like the body needs air because I need him.

“Rabbits die when they are lonely.” I blurt out loud unconsciously.

“What?” Kaneki pulls back the towel to look me in the eyes.

“Rabbits die when their lonely Kaneki. And I’ll probably die if you leave too. Okay maybe I wouldn’t die but what my point is that I’m saying I love you and would like to have you in my life for a long time.” I say thinking that it was going to sound better out loud but I’ll roll with it anyway.

Kaneki just stares at me.

Staring at me with those big oval eyes that shine like stars in the darkest of night skies.

When did I fall so fast for him?

Was it the first second? First week? I can’t even tell you when I did.

I guess it’s kinda like sleep in a weird sense.

Some people can fall asleep right away while others stay awake until hours later wondering when it will come to them.

“W-what did you just say?” Kaneki stutters with the words coming out of his mouth.

“Well to sum it up.” I say gently taking his hands in mine, interlacing our fingers.

I bring up both hands and kiss his scarred hands. Placing one kiss on every single knuckle his hands own.

“I’m saying I love you Kaneki.” I tell him with a tightness in my chest. Like the words are not enough in this moment to tell him how much I care.

He doesn’t pull back but the sound he makes is not a whine or a gasp. It is something indescribable.

Pulling so roughly on my heartstrings I would of imagined they would of snapped just by hearing that.

He’s eyes become glossy again, red and irritated but this time they overflowing with the emotion, tears streaming down his pink flustered face. Biting his bottom lip to keep in the feelings that might be case of fear but slowly releasing it to open his mouth.

“You know Hide.”

“I’ve never really liked myself until you came along.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry that it's kinda been taking me longer to do chapters I haven't been doing well. BUT I'm still trying to get this stuff out to all you beautiful people!


	28. Let's go outside and make another deal that might kill us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somethings happen but we get somewhere

Right when those words have slipped from his bruised lips I could feel my heart shake with such feeling I hardly know what to do with myself.

So I do what I could only do.

Kiss him.

I take the towel from him to clean up the little blood that clings to my  sweaty palms. Tossing it back to the desk on the side of the bed. I also take the small cup from his hands and place it on the desk as well.

Finally settling back in front of him I lay both of my hands on either side of his cheeks. Smoothing away any stray tears with my thumb, making sure there aren’t any more littering their way down his face.

“Kaneki I want you to know that everyone has flaws in them. And I am also a very, very flawed person. I sweat too much, I say things before I talk a lot which can be good and bad give or take. What I’m saying is that some people are more flawed than others. But that doesn’t mean they're any less perfect in their own magical way Kaneki.” I say to him, leaning my forehead on his.

I’m guessing his silence is just him taking my words in (or I could be highly wrong who knows).

“Hide….” Kaneki breathes softly.

“Mhmmmm?” I hummed in response.

“You're not really great with words you know that?” He says with a slight smile formed on his lips.

“I know that Kaneki. It’s one of my many flaws you tiny forest dork.” Sighing as I kiss the tip of his nose.

He doesn’t even pull away as I kiss him like that. But instead he lets out a small (dare I say?) giggle. It’s one of the cutest sounds I’ve never heard in time I was born up until now and I must hear it for the rest of my life because I’m hooked.

God when did I fall so hard for this beautiful boy?

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I didn’t go back to my room last night.

Me and Kaneki just sat in his bed for hours talking about anything that came into our timeless minds.

Until Kaneki thought it would be best for us to get some sleep.

And he was totally right about that too.

I hadn’t known how tired I was last night until I undressed myself and layed my head down and just fell the fuck to sleep.

It was pretty great.

But the only thing less great about this morning is waking up to no cute white haired boy sleeping next to my side.

But the blinds are drawn to the side letting in light to seep through the room. Making it unbearably bright for my delicate fucking eyes.

I really just want to pull the covers over my head and hide for the whole day butttttttttttttt I should start moving and get ready for the day. So throwing off the blankets I’m suddenly reminded that I’m only wearing my boxers under here.

I whine, missing the warmth from the comfortable blankets but I still need to go. So I cartwheel off the bed (which was one of the best cartwheels I’ve ever done and no one was here to fucking see it, bullshit I say) in a hurry to scramble my way into the bathroom to take a bath.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After taking another wonderful bath, I towel myself off and walk back into the bedroom.

I guess I should look for my clothes that I wore yesterday so I just don’t walk around with a single towel on my waist.

Looking throughout the room I have come to amazing conclusion.

MY FUCKING CLOTHES ARE GONE!

I’ve looked under and over the bed, through the million fucking pillows, the floor, even the side desk in case someone thought it would be best idea to shove a whole suit into a small desk!

Well I guess I got no choice but to run for it.

Meaning I’ll have to run almost butt ass-naked to my room (which I have no idea is because Kaneki’s room is not the same way as mine).

Before leaving, I clean up Kaneki’s bed so I don’t look like some slob.

Even though I am indeed a slob.

But no one needs to know that.

Anyway………..

Opening the room door I peek my head out to see if anyone is out in the hallway. To my relief no one is present in either side of the hall. I guess this is my que!

I open the door slowly to make sure it doesn’t make any type of sound (which it doesn’t thank the fucking Lord) and shutting it the same way but before I make my dash. I look again both ways of the hall to make sure no one is around to see me actually doing this.

The view is clear! Time to run!

Making a dash down the hall I look around to see where my room could be. But only finding that none of these rooms are mine! DAMN IT!

Wait! I remember there are two sets of stairs! But that means………

I have to go down the stairs…….

In this towel…….

Great.

I run to the edge of the hallway that makes a corner to the stairs. Looking over the edge I don’t see anyone but I hear voices down the stairs, not so good for me. But they're far enough away I can tell that at least.

So oh so carefully I start to make my way down the stairs. Staying close to the walls not to make any unwanted squeaking sounds on this dangerous journey that I dared to take.

I’m about less then half way down the stairs when the voices get louder and it’s easier to hear what their saying.

“Kaneki I can tell you I don’t have this plant you're looking for.”

Is that Shuu? Why would Kaneki want to talk to Shuu when he could of been in a bed with me? Hahaaha nah…….

Wait plant?

I pause in my tracks to keep on listening.

“Damn it Shuu. Hide’s only here because he needs this plant for his sickly mother. If you tell him you don’t have it I don’t know how to help him. Yes I could use my ‘skills’ but you know what that could do to her, don’t you?”

What the hell? Shuu doesn’t have the plant? But Mr. Uta told me he would! Like what am I going to do now? That was the whole point in coming up here and delivering this stupid letter!

“Kaneki yes I do know what would happen, but just because I don’t have it doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t have it.”

“So who would have it?”

“...”

“Fuck Shuu don’t give me that look just tell me already. It seriously can’t be that bad.”

“ Ce sont les jumeaux  .”

“Shuu you have to speak up louder I literally can’t hear you.”

“ _ Ce sont les jumeaux _ .”

“The twins?”

“Yes, Kaneki the twins.”

“Well this isn’t very good Shuu. You know they hate me, let alone would do anything to help me.”

“Who doesn’t hate you Kaneki?”

“That’s true.”

“WHAT! I DON’T HATE HIM!” I yell out loud jumping from the last two steps onto the first floor.

………………..

Seconds later I have seen my mistake here.

They just stare at me with no surprisement in their eyes, almost like they suspected me to do this type of shit.

I almost feel offended by that. 

“I just felt like that needed to be said because Kaneki is great.” I say while trying to cover up my embarrassment.

“Why do you only have one towel on?” Shuu ask me with his eyebrows quirked my way.

“Because I couldn’t find my clothes.” I tell him.

“Did you check the closet Hide?” Kaneki ask me.

“There was a closet in your room? I didn’t even see it, wow now I feel really stupid like I really didn’t see any closet, that’s crazy how I didn’t see it after looking for that long 2 minutes.” I mutter along getting distracted with the irony of there actually being a closet in Kaneki’s room and now I stand in front of him and Shuu almost completely naked.

Ohhhhh that fucking irony.

“ _ En tous cas _ , Hide how long have you been standing on my stairs? Did you hear our late conversation already?” Shuu asking me while always starting off with flapping his lips with that fancy language.

I still want to know what they hell they say when they speak like that!

“Well to be truthful I was ‘WALKING’ down the stairs when I heard you say you didn’t have the plant I need which is a big problem for me but then saying something in that snazzy language of yours. Then Kaneki said something about twins?” I turn my head to Kaneki to see if I got that right and to my relief I get a nice head nod in response.

“Yeah so that’s when I heard kinda everything, well not everything when you talk in that another language I can’t tell what your saying at all.” I say trying to be truthful with Shuu. I didn’t like him at all (I still kinda don’t) but I’ve opened my eyes a little to see his just a very, very, VERY, unique person in his own ways.

“ _ Hehe, petite tour de tournesol, a appelé le français une ‘langue snazzy’ _ .” Shuu giggles to Kaneki.

“SEE YOUR DOING IT RIGHT NOW!” I whine loudly because it’s not fun for me not being in the loop with them.

“Shuu.” Kaneki say making Shuu shut up in his tracks.

Yeah that’s what you get! You rich asshole.

“Yes Hide, Shuu doesn’t have the plant that your mother needs to get better.” Kaneki tells me in a soft tone probably making sure to keep me calm.

“Then this whole thing, coming here and trying to deliver this letter was a bust.” I say, then regretting it soon after hoping I didn’t hurt Kaneki’s feelings again.

“Well it’s not all for nothing Hide. We still know some people who might have it but it’s not going to be easy to get it from them Hide.” Kaneki breaths out. Seeming more tired with just saying that I have to go out again to find these people.

“Okay I’m fine with that but what's the big big problem here captain?” I ask hoping for the millionth time I don’t regret asking this.

“Their not bad people Kaneki.” Shuu says Kaneki trying to ease him into telling me who these fucking people are.

“Whatever, anyway Hide we have to go find them if you want to get ‘this’ plant for your mother. Are you up for this?”

“YES! Of course but who are this people are you speaking about? Like can I have a little heads up about this first before I go in this like a blind and deaf man in the ocean?” I ask Kaneki.

“We have to go find the Twin Green Witches of the north. Just saying their not the kindest people you’ll ever meet.” Kaneki says walking up to me and grabbing my free hand.

“We’re going now?!!” I ask as Kaneki starts pulling me away.

“No Hide, we’re going to your room and getting you into some clothes before you die.” He tells me.

I guess he has a fair point to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I know it's been like so long for me from not up dating BUT ! here I am alive still and breathing fucking Tokyo Ghoul like another person in this fandom.


	29. You bring the life out of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More talking about stuff maybe some goofing around with the love birds
> 
> Kaneki being an ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys! I know it's been longer then normally but I'm trying to write more so the story can go longer!  
> Also if any of you guys want to know if you read up to here it's about 144 pages! Like HOLY SHIT!

Kaneki shoves me into my bed (and when the hell did he know where my room was in the first place?).

“Wow Kaneki I know I’m gorgeous and all but no need to go shoving me on to the bed this early in the morning~.” I say smirking at my frantic lover.

Holy shit that’s the first time I said that. 

Well I didn’t say it but I was think saying it so it still kinda counts for me.

Kaneki just seems to ignore my little comments here and there but I can still see the faint pink dust that creeps up on his face from time to time.

“Hey Kaneki what’s the difference between these ‘Greens witches’ and you being a ‘Witcher’?” I ask rolling around on my clean bed with somehow my towel still on (like damn I must have tied that thing like a champion).

Kaneki doesn’t stop from looking through my clothes as I ask this question. I almost think he’s not going to answer until I hear a tired sigh.

“I guess it can go back to what happened to me when I was young Hide.” He says, throwing some more clothes around on my floor.

“Witches are born with magic in them Hide, able to use it at a every young age with no trouble at all and with me you kinda get some of the story behind that. But I didn’t tell you the full story either.” He tells me, walking over to the side of the bed with some of my semi-nice clothes in hand.

Oh shit I didn’t really mean to bring back bad memories! FUCK Hide why are you like this? Why you gotta open your mouth at times?

“It’s okay Kaneki, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. It takes time to talk about those types of things, of course I don’t get it because I’ve never had something like that happen to me but I want you to know I’m here for you and I’m here to listen to what you have to say.” I say sitting up on the bed to try and get my point across.

This is serious and I don’t want to act like this doesn’t matter because I’m acting like a goof here.

Kaneki sets my clothes down beside me on the bed. While making some room for  himself to sit down as well.

“Thank you Hide for leaving me room to keep it to myself but I want to tell you, I want to share things with you. Even if they are terrible things I’ll still rather tell you.” He tells me in a tender tone, trying to relax into the soft bed as I pick up my clothes.

“Okay Kaneki. Oh and do you mind if I change into ‘these’ as you talk? I’m just a bit cold after the adrenaline of being seen naked weared off.” Saying to try and lighten the mood for him. Maybe making it easier to tell me about such important things that happened in his life.

“Yeah it’s fine Hide.”

“Are you sure? I don’t know if you will be distracted by seeing my beautiful farmer boy body in all it’s glory.” I smirk at him but he just brushes it off like normal.

Good.

He turns to face the other side of the bed to give me a some leg room to change into my clothes.

“Once again going off of what I said about witches being born with inherent abilities at birth, I was surely not. Being born with two non-magical parents I had no ‘gate away’ to be able to easily use magic. When I made the ‘deal’ with the nymph she torn off her fingers to administer toxins into my body, one being so young might have saved me from dying in agony. I’m not the only one who’s been a Witcher in their life-time or tried to be one at least.” Kaneki’s words send a chill down my back as I pull up my pants.

There’s been more people like Kaneki? That’s absolutely fucking terrifying to know that people are trying to make more Witchers, and for what purpose do they have?

“They say being young can help your chances of surviving the toxins that are poured into our bodies but that’s only a good 2/10 kids.  What the toxins are supposed to do is ‘change’ the human body, mutating it in strange ways. I don’t believe people or anything living being at that matter are trying to make anymore Witchers anymore because of the actually low rate of living.” Kaneki sighs in frustration.

“Even if a Witcher survives the toxins in their bodies. Their normally too powerful for anyone to control or too strong for their new bodies to handle.” Kaneki breaths out, twisting his hair in his fingers probably pretending not to care.

I don’t say anything and let him continue.

“And what happens is that Witchers lifespans are almost 10 times longer than normal human lives or even witches lives to say.”

“Wait , wait a second here.” I blurt out before finishing buttoning up my shirt.

Rushing over to Kaneki on the side of the bed. I place my hands on his knees so we can be at eye level (hahaha get it? Because his short?? Yeah you got it). 

“Are you saying that you could be like 100 years old?” I ask curious with what his response could be.

“Maybe. I’ve stopped counting a while ago.” He says as he leans in father into my head space.

“Or what? Are you now concerned with my age Hide?” He tells me as he take the collar of my messly done button shirt between his fingers.

Well shit……. thats…..

No! Stand your ground Hide! Don’t let the hottest from him get to you! You're stronger then this! 

I stay where I am, not pulling away from the closes of our faces but I sure as hell feel the heat generating from the embarrassment gathering on my face.

“I guess I’m just into ……. older guys then~” I murmur to him.

Feeling my own breath echo off of his lips, glancing down to them and quickly back to his big eyes.

“Mhmmm…. You don’t say?” He whispers slightly.

But with the feeling of those words, they make me feel as if he just ripped the air right out of my lungs.

And I’m in love with it.

I lean in closer, wanting to connect our lips and -

“ _ Oh mon petit bélier et mon tourteau!  _ What has you two taking so long - OH~” Shuu yells as he slams open the door, slowly realizing that we were in the middle of  _ something _ .

I didn’t scream this time! But I sure clung to Kaneki’s lap for dear life as Shuu almost gave me ANOTHER heart attack.

“It’s alright Hide it’s just Shuu, but I don’t blame you. I would also want to hide from him if I saw that face too.” Kaneki tells me while placing a tender hand on my head, steadily patting my hair.

“That almost hurt my feelings Kaneki.” Shuu states sarcastically.

“Anyway I was coming in to tell you two that I shall be taking that journey to find the Twin Green Witches with the both of you.” Shuu says, waltzing his way more into the room.

I look up to Kaneki because the once nice hair patting was gone and I was really starting to enjoy it too but Kaneki just had a straight face, or more of a face that’s in deep thought (I’m not great with faces okay).

With a deep inhale and heavy exhale, Kaneki replies with a simple ‘okay’.

“ _ Incroyable _ choice Kaneki! When shall we leave? After lunch? Or should we wait until tomorrow morning so we have warmth from the sun on our side? Shuu ask.

I gently lean off Kaneki to sit up straight.

“Well I would like to leave as fast as I can. No offense to you Shuu.”

“None taken Hide.” Shuu reposes.

“Anyway yeah I would like that. The more time spent here is the more time my mum gets worse and worse without me.” I tell them in all honestly.

I know I’ve already spent too much time here in Shuu’s mansion and I  don’t want to waste anymore time with both of my thumbs up my ass (not literally though, I haven’t gotten that far with Kaneki yet. Anyway that’s not the damn point I’m trying to make here!)

“I agree with Hide, Kaneki. We should get moving soon enough before another storm comes along and were buried inside my home for awhile.” 

“Fine we’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning okay you two? I don’t want to hear any bitching and moaning about it ‘being too early’ or ‘too cold’ for any of you guys. Specially from you Hide.” Kaneki says as he points a accusing finger at him.

“What the hell did I do????” I ask him but he just ignores me and gets up from the bed and starts walking out the bedroom door with Shuu right behind him.

“GUYS! DON’T IGNORE ME!.” I whine, chasing after them into the hallway.


	30. In the eyes of the damned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey hey y'all! This was something different I wanted to do for a while but wanted Hide's character to develop a lot before I did this! So I really hope you guys like this chapter!

_ “Hello father, how are you feeling today?” I ask him. Probably for the third time today. _

_ Bringing a old cloth and bucket in hand, I start dabbing the sweat that has been gathered on his forehead from the fever that had suddenly stuck him about two weeks ago. _

_ “Ahh you're so kind to your old man.” Father utters weezly under his breath as he lays still in his bed. _

_ Trying his best to form a smile in his weary condition, so I also try to smile my best for him. _

_ “Aren’t you supposed to be hanging with your friends Kaneki? Why are yah cooed up with a suck geezer like me? Go have some fun son.” Father says as he drowley closes and opens his eyes slowly in exhaustions. _

_ “That’s pretty absurd to say father.” I tell him. _

_ I’m sure he knows I have no friends or anything close to that in this town. I don’t know why he brings it up all the time. _

_ “That’s some pretty big words yah usin there Kaneki. Growin up so fast if I blink yah might already be a well educated man by the end of this week!” He laughs lightly, trying not to go into a coughing fit. _

_ I leave it be and we fall into a comfortable silence, with small splashing sounds of the water as I repeatedly dip the cloth in the bucket. Twisting it off, watching as the extra water droplets roll off of it falling back into the wore bucket. _

_ Cleaning the dirt and sweat off of his body. I change father’s old clothes with fresh ones, making sure he feels some what better at this time. _

_ “Hey son?” Father ask me solfy as I’m drying off the wet cloth so it doesn’t collect mold. _

_ “Yes father?” I ask keeping my focus on the simple task at hand. _

_ “Why did you leave me?” He ask in an odd tone. I don’t think I’ve never heard him like this? Is it because of the fever? He almost sounds like he’s ….. daunting. _

_ “What do you mean?” I ask, as I turn around to face him. _

_ But as I turn he is no longer laying in his bed but face to face with me. Mere inches away from touching my face with his own. _

_ I jerking back from the sudden surprise from father. _

_ “Why do you move away from me son?” Father ask in an unrealistic somber tone. _

_ I move back farther from him, dazed and confused on why he just suddenly did that. _

_ This doesn’t seem like him. Father doesn’t just … just do ‘this’ type of stuff!? I don’t think he does at least? Could it be the fever? Is he delirious? _

_ “Why do move from m̛͕͍̯̳e͔͖̥, s͜o̭̱̦͢n͢.” He stats aloud for me. Not evening asking as question. _

_ He’s more demanding….. _

_ As I try to move away more from him I realize I can’t. The room in the past minute has changed into almost complete blackness, no walls, no floor, no shelves, just me floating in air as father sits on his bed. _

_ I’m floating in air? How is that possible?? _

_ “ _ **_W̴h͈̭̝̭̻̯y̨͚̱͍̦ ͏̫͕̳d̜o͍̫̗̩ ̘̲̥̖̖yo͕͚͝u҉̣̤̼ t͙̗̲̞͟r͏͚̭̖̣e̥̖͇͙̠ͅm̼̰̕b̶l̦̳̖̳̞̱͟e̛ f̨̨̭̥̟̹̘̩͞r̳͍̮̬̥̫̤͞ͅo̡̧҉̣m̵̗͈̱̮̦̻̭͉͠ m̴̸̴̦̬͙̲̜͕̼ę͠҉̺͈̲̦͈͉͇̤͓̜̞͕̯͕͖̲̭͠ͅ   ?̵̡̦̘̫̮͇̲̼͙̫͍͙̖̞̦͔̪̤̜͟”_ **

**_“S̛̠͓̻̖͕̮͑ͭ̕ơ̲̩̫ͮ̅ͧͨ̾ͬͥͬn͕̹͔̮̯̟̻͚̘ͤ̋͢.”_ **

_ He stats again at me. _

_ But as the words come from his mouth his eyes and lips start to split black slug, dark heavy droplets of tar stream down his face. His eyes are just pitch black holes were the eyes should be. _

_ I can’t breathe. _

_ I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe! _

_ I CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE! _

 

**_“W̷̧̛̮̘̭̥̍ͅH̨̱͙͓̦̖̙̜͐̉͐̑͊̈́ͪ͢Y̘͇̯͎̹̳̮̓̏̐͠ͅ D͖̠͓̙͖͙̠̳͈̾̃͛̈́̓̽̽̚͢Ḭ̸̤̝ͥ̿̈͆̚̕͡D̡͈͓͇̮͗͐ͤ̍̿́̓̓ͅ Y͓͈͇̦͗̀͊͐ͦO͗͒̾̓̇ͭͪͮ͞͏̭͔͈͙͖̝U̹̾̔ͣ̾͑̋͑̕ͅ L̶̻̟̲͙̙̰͈̤̇ͦ̏̅̿ͯ̐E͍̻̋͑̒̊͐̀̄ͬ̔͘A̡̧̳͖̘͛ͭ̂͐̐͡V̸̧̦̭̱͖̉ͪ̒̇͞Ë̛̙̠͚̦̂̓̒ͦͬ̒ͬ͠ M̶̧͆̌ͪͩ͑ͫͣ̃͂̔҉̞̲̹͈͉̥̼͚̤̤ͅE͙̤͚͔̲͙̖̣̖͚͈̩̝̖̳̝̮͋͌̒̐̓̀̓̓̂ͮ̊̄̍͂̽͝ K̷̵̫͕̜̖̮̺͇̝̬̳̃̉̽ͨ͟Ą̸̵̢̛̜͇̝̤̦̔̉ͦ̋̒̂̈̀̆̽̚̚N̴̠͚̫̟̦̯̲̭̟͙͕͍̙ͧ̑̇̄̓͛̔̿ͪͧ̐͂̿͋̽͐̕͢͢Ȩ̛̠̖͓̟̟͎ͣ̇͋͒̄ͤ̈́͛̋̀̂͒͞K̨̛̜̦̟̲̦̝͎͖̝͉̘̜͍̠̠̫̠̣ͨ̍̈̆͆̉̄̀̏ͩ͑ͫ͗̉̔ͥ͘͘͡I̸̧͈̜̘̪̰̦͎͙̺̗̩͍̖̬̦͉̹͚ͭ̽ͪͫ̿̈́̒̉̈͌͛ͦ̒́̚ͅ !”_ **

 

_ “I DIDN’T LEAVE YOU FATHER!” I spit back with cold tears and fear in my voice. _

_ “ _ **_I LOVE YOU FATHER! PLEASE BELIEVE ME THAT I LOVED YOU!_ ** _ ” I scream hysterically to him. _

_ But it seems not to work as he grabs me by my throat with his slimy, mudded hands. _

_ Squeezing tightly down on my windpipes with both hands. He hovers over me like some type of terrifying godly figure ready to sacrifice the sinner against God themselve. _

_ The wicked. _

_ The unforgiven. _

_ And the damned. _

  
  


_ “Y̛̳͍͙͓͍͖͚̳̣̭̲͖͈͐̈̌͒ͤͫ̓̽ͧͫ̌ͫ̑̓̂̒͟͟͝ _ **_O̶̓ͥ̐ͯ̐͋ͣ̅ͫ̌̋̒̆͋̇̄̔͏̨̙̠̻̲̫̮͈̙͉̘̺̹̳͓͍̥͢͝ͅU̷̝̗̣͔̥͍̝̮̐̉ͦ͐̍̾̌ͬͮ̆̈́͛ͩ̒͜͞  Ĺͨ͆̃͌̄͏͎͙̘͚͖̰̬̩̝E̻͖ͭ̔A̸͙͉͖̦̹̎͆̓͛ͭͫ̓̉Ḟ̡͎͚͖͔̻̦͡ͅT̵̤̗͌ͭͨ̒͑ͫẼ̶̖̺͚͕̜̪͔̜ͩ͂͗̆Ḑ̷̳̖̙͈̠͈̻̑ͪ̅ M͖̰̝̖͖̓̓̓ͬ̀́̏̓̓ͯͥ͋̃͛̚͟͝Ê̶̶̛͚͎̥̮̤̮̎̇͊ͥͥ̓ͦ̈ͧ͜͡ !”_ ** _ He hisses back to me. _

 

_ Coughing black tar into my mouth, tasting as if it’s the curse I get for living.  _

**_“NO FATHER!”_ ** _ I try to scream to him as I swallow down the tainted liquid.  _

 

_ “ _ **_Yͯ͋͆̇̂̑̎ͮ҉̕҉̨͓̺͇̥̙̜͎̮͉̠̲͍̺̼̩͉̹̼͖O̸̼̝͕͕̺͕͇̗̹̻̪̯̣͍̹̲ͦ̅̽̾͊̑̉ͯ̐̾͗͑͂͛́ͬ̚͘͞ͅU̧̮̩̞͙̜͕͇̲̯̟̟͍͎͔̖ͤ̅ͩ̉ͧ̀̆!”_ **

  
  


**_“PLEASE!”_ **

  
  


**_“M̢̩̺̠͇̩̖͓̟͕͖̬̪̳̹͓͖̖͕̿͊͐̈́́̎̿̾̈́̿ͦ̚͢Ǫ̑͛ͮ̊̇̋ͣ̐҉̹̝̭̖̰͙̜̕N̷̴̼̬̰̻̲̠͙̜̘̜̥̫̥̤͉̝̳̟̈́͛ͧͫ͊̂̃̅̾̔̃̉̎ͮ͐ͭ̍͛̋̕͢͠S̡̛̙̥̮͔͉̣͎̞͔̏͊ͪ̈́̍ͤ́̽ͨͯ̊͐̀̇͒̓̌͜͠T̶̐ͥ̂͐̋̏̋̈́̈́̄ͨ҉̧͖͔̟̭̱̼̭̻̙̠̬̝̠̯͎̼̭͙͎Eͣ̄̅ͦ͏̢͖͖̞͓̭̞̯̘͢ͅR͖̖͓̖̥̲̞̻͕͔̺̪̔͊̓͛͒̓̍̄̈̉ͮͫͧ̑͗̀̓̈́ͭ͟͠ !”_ **

 

**_*CRUCH*_ **

 

“Ah!” I gasp awake. 

Grabbing the bedsheets with whitted knuckles and sweat seeping through the clothes, I realize it was just another dream.

Just another one……

I look over to my side to see if I disturbed Hide but by the looks of it he’s still sleeping soundly.

Good.

I don’t want him to see me like this, to see me with such fear in my eyes, to see me in such a distressed state could make him worry when he needs to focus on his mission to get that ‘plant’ for his mother.

_ To help his mother. _

I slowly get off the bed and walk into my bathroom, closing the door gently behind me. I discard my clothing quickly because I can’t handle the sicking-sweat-soaked layers that cling to my skin.

As I finish with that I start the bath.

Waiting for it to fill I begin to pick at my blackened nails. Wondering if there's any dirty underneath them? I can’t tell anymore after so many years, so many graves being filled with mother earth’s soil, so many names forgotten.

“Yo͟u̵ ha̴v̸e͘n'҉t͡ for̷go͟tten̛ t̡̕h̶e̕͡ir n͠amȩs Ka͝n̻͡e͏̠͔̩k̨̼̝i͔̞͚̯̪̗͍. Y̘̗o҉̹̘̦u̞̥̪̩ j̽u͆̈͊s̅̈͛ͪt͗ͯͨ̈́͒͒ ͦ̈́̆́ͫ̈̊w͢i̧s͝h͟ you d͠į̛d̢.” A familiar voices calls out.

As if on cue she arrives just in time to drag me farther into myself. Something I’d wish was for another time as because today is when we leave for the Twin Green Witches.

“D̖̱͙̗͓͖o̝̝͖̥͈͜ ̡̝̟̝͓̟y͇̮o͏̠͉͙̟̫u̗̱̦͓̲͍̮͠ rͦ͐ͮe̎̊͊ͥ̂a͌̀l͌͒͆̓l̑̔̚y t̐̑̿̽̎h͐́̿́ͮ͆i̎ͦ́n͊̂̈́̀kͭ̏ͩ̏ t̻͚̳͉͖̻̗͢h̛̬̠͉a̰͇̯t̘ ̝̟̱͉y̭̥̭̪ͅͅo̹u̜̲͙̟̺ͅ,̭͉ ̡͚͈s̙p̞̠̣e̕c̥̥͝i̛̭̣̘͍̬̱̠al̷̳̲̮l̡̳͉͍͈̙͙ͅy̸͙ ͈̫̬̗̣y̩͚̘͙͝ou̥̰͚̭. C̢̬̭͚̲̻̯a̞͔̟n͝ ̮̝̫̻̙r̝ea̰̩̲̞̘l̬͇͡l͏y̹͓͕͇̥̯͕ ͇̭̙h̜̭͈̝͈̙̺͜e̪͡l̠͚p̠̹͕ ͏̫͇̼̠̰̰h͟͏i͢͞m̴̧ i̷n͢ ̡t̵h͡i͞s͏ 

̨t͠ime͘ of ne͞e͢d͝?̴” She coos from the glass mirror. 

Smashing her black mitts of a pair of hands against the inner mirror, trapped where she belongs.

Ignoring her I place a towel near the bath for me when I get out and need it.

I see that the bath is almost completely filled, stopping it before it could really make a mess and then later probably having to hear Shuu bitch about it.

I dip my toes and then lowering most of my scarred body into the steaming water. Feeling the uncomfortable hottest sting my pale skin, then seeing it turn pink with irritation.

_ Good _ .

Knowing, seeing, and feeling that my body can still sense these things reminds me that I’m still a living thing.

“‘T͡hing’.̡ I̕ w̢o͘uld w̕at͞ch͏ ͏what ̨you͟ say̴ K͝an̨e̷k̷i.” She purres from the mirror, matted hair covering most of her deadly face.

“I wasn’t saying anything actually, ‘ _ you’ _ were reading my thoughts.” I say back to her.

“I͡ ̡wou͏n̕de͢r̶ ..͏.̛...̴.҉.̴.. h͏o̢w҉ th͟at ͢b̢o̢y w͟o̷u͝ld rea͘ct ͠t̡o͝ ͞t̸hi̵s̕ ̕s̸ide of ͟y̷o̴u?͠” She says before disappearing from the mirror. Leaving no trace of her being in such a thing.

Tilting my head back to somehow relax myself but I know what’s going to happen next.

Feeling sharp nails dig into the inner flesh of my thighs and making their ways up to my lean stomach. The top of her head slowly bobs underneath the surface of the water, still having a thin layer of liquid coating her long plum hair.

Gradually she reveals herself in all her glory. Black skin as darker as any sin, eyes that could be mistaken for bleeding as to how truly red they are. Hair that covers almost everything, from her face to most of her body and the bathtub.

Bringing her prickly nails around the back of my neck to force myself to look at her.

How the beauty I saw in her has gone so many years ago…

“ I҉ ͟b̡eţ ḩe wo͘u͡l̢d b͢͜e͘͠  d͠i̶sg̵uste̡d͜  **_with y̧ou, K͟a͞͝ne̢͞ķ͘͡i͏̡._ ** ”

This is going to be a long day.


	31. Drowning in you sometimes makes me enraged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki talks but then small things happen but some hotty stuff happens too ;)
> 
> Also I was writing this and I think the song I put in the beginning of the chapter is pretty good for Kaneki in this chapter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all who read! I hope your enjoying the Kaneki POV kinda thing happening here but I do want to say I'm just doing this for this chapter and then I'm going back to the lovely Hide's POV again.

_[This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xr_85NYtXx8) is the song I was talking about_

 

“I wouldn’t say you're wrong about that Rize.” I say pushing myself farther away into the back of the tub, trying to retreat from her dangerous touch.

“Y̧ou҉ ar͠e ͜r͟e͟al̡l̸y̴ ̸n̷o ͜fu͢n w̵h͠en̕ ͘yơu͢ g̴ive͘ in͝ so̕ ea͏s͠ily, Kaneki̷. I liked ͡i͜ţ ̸bette͘r̡ ̸w̢h̶e͜n͡ y͢o͘u sob͝b͟ed͜ i̢ņto y̸our h͝an͏d͞s c҉a͢l͢ling out͟ f͟or ̵you͢r ҉fa͜th̢er'̕s fo͠r͠gi̛v̡eness͘.͜” She says pressing her long nails along the lines of my power seal tattoo lingering on my stomach.

“W҉h͡y̵ ͡d͞o͢n't you͏ b͏r̛e͠a͝k ̸this͜ sill͏y thi̛n͢g̶ ̢a͡n͞d͜ w̶e̡ ha͝ve͡ s̢o͞me̸ reaļ fun̨ arou̴n̕d͢ he̢r̴e.” She drags her nails down, cutting into my skin and revealing tiny bits of blood.

But like every time, it just heals over.

Again and again.

“Don’t you have something better to do then to annoy me in the bath?” I ask turning my face away to look out the window to see how far into morning we’re in.

The sun's not even up yet.

_ Great _ .

I gently (but focusly) push her off of myself to have room to stand up.

“I’m sorry but this play date is over Rize. You need to leave before Hide wakes up and sees your horrend self.” I call out to her as I step out of the tub and grab my towel.

“A͓r̗̤̟̘̬̮͇e̢̲̠͍n̫̹̤'̻̲̞̹͠t̰ ̫͟y͍̗͖̣͎̞͚ǫ̱u͓̰̻͟ j̵̜͖̗̼̤̻̮us̷t̛̥̹ͅ ̙tal̢̼k̮͙̱̪̫̬i̠̜̯͉͖̯͚n̪̪g̱̰͉͙̞̮ͅ a̘b̲̺͓̞̜͢ơ̗͍̖u͇͉̜̺̜͖͉t͈̺͈͇͉̣ͅ ̦͟y̻̖o̤̯̹̖͙̬̝ur̠͇̹s͓̞̖e̶̙͔̻̙̤̭͚l̺f̺̤̬͍̙ͅ?” She questions back.

I guess she could be right with that statement but I’m not letting her have the satisfaction of me saying she’s connect about that.

“Leave.  **_Now_ ** .” I say hopping she’ll just leave without further threats being thrown.

And to my enjoyment her head slowly disappears under the surface of the blue bath water. Not even a single air bubble comes up from the depths of where she came from and I’m glad that there’s nothing.

Sometimes….

Just sometimes…..I think that I’m just imaging her. That this is all just a really strange dream that I’ve been in for a very long time but in reality I’m still in my small cramped bed living in our crappy ruin down home with mother and father. 

And all of ‘this’ never happened.

_ Never happened……… _

_ Never-- _

“Kaneki are you alright in there?” I suddenly hear a soft voice come from the other end of the bathroom door.

**_Hide_ ** _. _

“Okay there has been silence in there for about …….. a few awkward moments so I kinda don’t know if you're really in there or not dude.” I hear him say nervously against the door.

Of course it’s Hide.

Wrapping the towel around my waist I walk over to the door and open it, but only to see Hide almost falling face first as he was leaning against the door.

Stumbling forward to try and find his balance, he evens out on his feet smiling weakly at me with apologizing eyes he mutters ‘sorry’ softly to me.

“Did you sleep well?” I ask extending out a hand for him to take hold of if he needs so.

Truthfully I really want to know if he’s sleeping fine through these nights. Because he still has those little lavender bags around his under eye sockets but it’s not as bad as he was a few weeks ago.

_ He looked so tired back then. _

“Thanks Kaneki.” He says as he clasps his hand on mine. “But---” He suddenly pulls me into what he calls a ‘bear hug’.

Nothing really beary about that.

“I think my sleep would be better if I woke up to see ‘this’ every morning.” He says placing his hands on my face to saying that ‘this’ is a great thing to wake up too.

He sure is a fool.

But a fool I can’t really let go of now.

He’s staring at me for quite some time but looks down for a instants and jumps a little back from me.

“Wow! Sorry there Kaneki! I- I didn’t mean to go and grab you when you're still not clothed haha….” He anxiously says while looking around the boring room to try and look anywhere but at me.

It’s cute to see him like this.The pure excitement of just seeing me is something so refreshing from someone trying to kill me.

“It’s okay Hide. I was just getting out really, do you need the bath right now?” I ask walking out of the bathroom to look for some fresher clothes to wear.

“Oh! Yeah probably do need one before we go on another wild adventure.” He tells me.

Adventure? I guess he’s trying to be positive about ‘this’.

I’m go glad he’s trying to be positive about ‘this’.

“Yeah you probably do and I can’t stand that stall muddy smell you give off when you sweat too much.” I taunt at him while grabbing at a pair of my black jeans.

“That’s not very nice!” He pouts at me.

“Well I never said I was a nice person Hide. I thought you new this?” I smirk back at him.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After waiting around for Hide to finished bathing, he finally comes out and fully clothed too? (when did he even bring clothes into the bathroom? Am I really spacing out that much?)

“Do you know if Shuu is ready to go or if we can grab some breakfast first? Because I sure could use some fancy-rich-boy food before we move out into the bark eating part of our journey.” Hide says as he falls face first into the mattiers (on purpose too just be clear here).

“Well why don’t we go and actually get up and see if he’s indeed awake and ready to go.” Saying as I slap him lightly on the back of his thigh.

Well I think it’s his thigh at least……..

To my curiosity (I can’t believe I’m doing this) I squeeze the flesh (of which I think it’s his thigh in this moment) and to my knew known knowledge. I find it’s his ass……….

What am I doing?

Hide’s not really saying anything but I do hear a faint pleasant hum coming from him.

“Hide.” I ask.

“Uhmmm?” I hear him hum again.

“Do you really.” I pause to give him another light squeeze. “Do you really want to find Shuu right now?” Asking him again.

I do want to know if he wants to see if Shuu’s ready to leave. But I also want to hear him say if he wants to continue what’s happening right  _ now _ .

_ 3 seconds _

_ 8 seconds _

13 seconds and no repose.

Well I guess I have to ask again.

While Hide’s still laying on his stomach I gently turn over to my side, placing my whole body onto his back. My stomach on his back but really meaning my hips on his ass.

_ What the hell am I really doing this? _

“So Hide maybe I didn’t ask clearly ..” I whisper to him as I move some hair out of the way of his ear.

“Do you want to find Shuu and leave right now or have some ‘quality’ time with me? Hide~.” I breath out against the shell of his ear.

“And of course we don’t have to do any of ‘this’. You and Shuu can just have some breakfast if you want that.” I tell him as I put more weight on him from behind.

“But if you want to stay Hide. I think you need to tell me now so I know it’s okay.” I breath out on the back of his neck.

_ 2 seconds _

_ 4 seconds _

_ 7 sec- _

“I- I want to stay …. P-Please Kaneki.” He says, almost slightly moaning in the process as I press my hips more firmly against him.

_ “Of course you can Hide~” _

 


	32. I just want to drown in your sweat, leaving me breathless and soaked with no regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The smut smutty things ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry about taking a lot longer to get this chapter out guys!!! I have a really hard time with trying to write smut and I feel like I have little to none knowledge about that stuff so it just takes me a bit longer with that writing style.

Hide’s POV

I’m laying face down on my bed with Kaneki on top of me…..

_ HOLY FUCKING WHAT!? _

Kaneki’s on top of me and his pressing his hips into my ass. I can’t believe this is happening! Like we haven’t done anything for a while so I’m pretty surprised we’re doing ‘this’ now.

Not saying I’m complaining at all…..

I bite my bottom lip to hold in my voice, I don’t want anyone (okay anyone but Kaneki) to really hear me like this right now.

Kaneki takes his hands on top of mine. Intracling them, making sure that each one of my long fingers is somewhat wrapped upped in his. Taking my hands and moving them forward in front of me, stretched outwards.

“I want you to keep your arms out like ‘this’ okay? I can’t hear your voice when your hands are in the way Hide.” He tells me in between breaths, releasing my hands so he could move some of my hair revealing my bare neck to place small kisses on me.

“Uhm ok-okay.” I stutter out.

When did I get so nervous? I know Kaneki, so why am I feeling like this? Damn it! It makes no sense to why-

“Ahh~!” Suddenly moaning as Kaneki jerks his hips forward. Making my whole body feel as if a frenetic static is running through my veins. Pushing me farther into the bed, making me harder and harder as he continues to pin me down in place. 

“Is this okay Hide?” Kaneki pants lightly into my ear.

“Y-Yeah it-” I inhale quickly. 

“It-it’s good Kaneki, fu-fuck it’s really good.” I somewhat stumble about with my words.

And all of a sudden I feel Kaneki’s hands curve around the little space that is between me and the bed. Smoothly running the tips of his fingers on the brim of my pants.

“May I?” He ask hesitantly dipping his fingers somehow down into my pants.

Thinking best not to really say anything but to show him in actions. And I know he said not to move my hands but I think he’ll like what I’m about to do.

I slide my hands downwards to grab onto the tops of his hands. As I help him guide them down, Kaneki lets out a throaty groan as his slips the rest of my pants off. Then probably throwing them somewhere in the room as I hear a tiny ‘thud’ hit the floor near us.

“Hide do you know how amazing you look right now? How breathing taking you are?” Kaneki say as he crawls back down to hover over me.

“Do you know how incredible it is to be with you right now?” He ask, bringing his arm around my hips to push me back into him.

_ Oh GOD! HAVE MERCY! _

He’s so hard against me as he leans over my back. Rubbing himself through the fabric of his jeans and my underwear, making the friction almost painful as the two come together.

“Hey Hide, is it okay if I-?” He ask carefully as he cups the bulge in my underwear.

Nodding my head frantically for him to start.

It doesn’t take long for him as he now gently slips off my underwear, making them crandle at my knees.

Delicately he start to stroke me, slow and soft movements as he runs his hand up and down my shaft. Making it hard for me to keep my balance, as my knees start to shake with pleasure.

I’m nearly brought over the edge but suddenly Kaneki lets go of me, causing me to slightly whine for his touch once again.   

“Don’t worry Hide, I’m coming back. I just need to get something really quickly.” He says, leaning off the bed and starts to dig through things.

I kinda feel embarrassed with my ass in the air and Kaneki not really paying attention to me (not saying I wouldn’t be embarrassed if Kaneki was on me right now). 

A few seconds later and Kaneki is once again crawling back over me.

Hearing a ‘pop’ of some type of jar--

Ohhhh it’s ‘that’ stuff.

When did he  bring that? And farther most TRY TO RELAX FOR FUCKS SAKE HIDE!

Yeah I guess yelling at myself in my head is really going to help me relax right now….

As he Leans over me, I feel his hand snake it’s way to touch me again. But this time I feel the cool jelly from the mystery jar Kaneki as open and spread along his fingers.

Making me shiver from the sudden cold wettest of his hand against my heated skin. A hard knot coils in the pits of my stomach feeling a bit overwhelming if Kaneki plans on continuing to jerk me off.

Leaning up on my hands I turn my head towards Kaneki.

“What a-about you Kanek?” I ask nervously.

“What about me?” He ask in response.

“You know……. I can’t be the one to have all the fun right now.” I tell him, a bit embarrassed to be actually saying this to him but it’s me being honest so I guess that’s what counts.

“Ohh~ and what do you want to do for me Hide?” He ask curiously as he slowly runs the tip of his finger over the slit of my dick.

Causing me to want to scream as some type of euphoria rocks my whole body, shocking me and probably Kaneki as I latched onto him.

Trying to calm myself before I fucking explode I turn myself around to face him. Lightly pushing him backwards on the bed so he can be laying down.

“I have a thing in mind.” I tell him to answer his question.

Letting my hands wander to the groin of his pants. Seeing the defined tent growing there, I stammer out a question of the sorts of something like ‘can I open that for you?’

God why am I so awkward?

Not even a slight doubtful look as he nods his head and says ‘Please do.’

And I do.

Unbuttoning the top button and sliding down his zipper I move down his pants a bit so he can have room to uhmm ‘breathe?’

I lean down onto my knees to get comfortable. I never done this before but I’ve heard that this feels good? I’m not fucking sure how but I’m just going with it.

Taking one of my hands. I wrap it around him, moving the precum from the tip and smearing over the head.

I guess it’s now or never right?

I bring my face closer to him and-

“Hide you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” Kaneki says before I can get to what I was about to do.

Taking his words in. I appreciate that he say it’s okay for me not to do something that I might not feel totally comfortable with but I do feel comfortable with this.

Nodding and looking Kaneki in the eyes I slowly start sink my mouth down on him. Making damn sure I don’t graze my teeth on him.

I hear his breath hitch as I finally get half way down on him until my throat closes around him. Looking up to him I almost get believe what I see.

Kaneki’s cheeks are completely pink and his eyes are so glazed over with lust I could almost think he was starting to cry. Shirtless with his skin glistening in the low light of the room, just covered in beads of sweat. 

_ God how could I deserve such a beautiful and amazing person in my life? _

Letting my throat get settled onto him. I start to bob my head up and down making sure I don’t gag on him.

After a few second I hear him inhale sharply.

“Can you touch yourself too? Please Hide? For me?” He says in the most alluring voice I ever heard him in.

I don’t really have to be asked twice with that one.

Bringing my right hand down to slowly stork myself in the same rhyme of my head.

Feeling again that strong knot twist in my stomach making it hard to keep myself from biting down on him. Dear god that’s the last thing I want to do to him right now.

So I quicken my pace with him but as I do that he starts to jerk his hips slightly forward down my throat. Moaning as he does so, I kinda think he can feel me as I do that because he’s starting to get somewhat breathless and barely closing his eyes.

_ Fuck I might go crazy if he keeps on looking at me like that! _

“F-Fuck Hide I’m so close.” He tells me as I start to really squeeze around my cock.

My knees are shaking so badly I don’t think I’ll last any longer like this.

And as I think about that Kaneki starts to shake violently and lets out a small cry as he cums in my mouth, within a few second the knot in my stomach releases and I cum onto the bed sheets.

I don’t even feel bad about doing that on Shuu’s stuff.

I really don’t.

Without realizing it I swallowed Kaneki’s cum.

_ I fucking swallowed Kaneki’s fucking cum. _

Wow.

Rolling over on my side to catch my breathe I hear kaneki move over to me.

“I can’t believe we did that in Shuu’s house.” He tells me.

“I can’t believe I love you so much I’d actually do that in Shuu’s house.” I smirk towards him.

“I don’t think you're surprised by that Hide.”

“Yeah you're right I’m not.” I say giggling as he grabs me to bring me into a warm hug with soft kisses.

_ How do I deserve him? _


	33. I would just like some water please!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide, Kaneki and Shuu have breakfast and not much happens but Hide yelling and no one listening to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo my lovely's! I hope you like this chapter I know not much happens but that's why in the tags it says "slow build". 
> 
> Also want to say YES there is such a thing called 'white whiskey'! It really does look like water and a company I know who makes it, is called "Death's Door" white whiskey.

So after that ‘equality time’ with Kaneki, me and him take another bath to clean ourselves up before heading out.

Well before anyone can see us in a gross-sweaty--mess for a matter of that fact…..

Getting dressed once again we start to head down stairs, seeing the lights have already been turned on. Why is that important? Because it’s probably like 5 in the morning and still fucking dark out that’s why.

Like who the hell actually wakes up at 5 in the morning? Unless you're a farmer (like me) or someone with an adventure to do (also me). I don’t see a real reason to get until 8.

Because sleep is kinda like seductive in a way……. well if you think hard enough about it. Promising of a better tomorrow, a better life and a better world.

Shit that got deep too fast. I really gotta stop doing that.

So anyway……….

As me and Kaneki make our way down the stairs we’re greeted by Matsumae who is conveniently was just waiting for us to leave my room. 

Nope. Not creepy at all.

When we’re about 15 feet away from her, she coughs into her gloved hand. 

And also it’s not a real cough it’s one of those kinda fake awkward coughs that people give you when your sealing a cookie out of the cookie jar and they're right behind you, and then they scare the living shit out of you.

Yeahh one of those types of coughs.

“Master Shuu was wondering if you two would like to accompany him for an early breakfast before the three of you leave for your mhm ‘trip’.” She says in a dull tone.

“Ah yes please Matsumae, that would be grateful.” Kaneki says with a timid smile.

What the hell was that?

Did Kaneki just get nervous talking to Matsumae? I’m not jealous but he normally doesn’t get nervous talking to people… Well I guess I haven’t seen him talk to much people for far. Only me and Shuu have I seen Kaneki talk to really and Kaneki is a lot blunter to Shuu then me.

Well maybe I’ll get to see that change!

Matsumae starts leading me and Kaneki to the dining room, opening the double doors for us and letting me and him walk into the room.

This time it’s not as intense as our last meal together.

_ Thank fucking God. _

Shuu is seated at the head of the table while the two seats on either side of him are up for grabs.

“ _ MATIN!  _ My dear friends! How was your sleep?” Shuu cheerfully says as me and Kaneki take our seats.

All I can think is back is when me and Kaneki…….

_ OH GOD!!! _

Suddenly feeling my face inflamed with embarrassment and things just get worse as Kaneki turns his face towards me.

“Wow Hide are you feeling okay? Your face is pretty red, are you feeling feverish?” Kaneki says with a shit eating grin on his stupid face.

_ Stupid cute face. _

FUCK DON’T DO THAT NOW HIDE!! WHY WE GOTTA BE LIKE THIS?

“ _ Oui!  _ Kaneki is right Hide. Are you feeling ill? Because you do look very red at the moment.” Shuu say in what I can’t dare say… maybe concern for me?

Trying to even out my flustered self to actually get a reply out of my mouth. I grab the glass of water in front of me to cool off my head.

Not actually going to really pour it on me head just taking a sip.

Why do I have to explain this to myself?

Anyway………

Taking a sip and then to my now realizing knowledge that this is not indeed ‘water’.

_ MY UNHOLY GOD THIS IS NOT WATER AND IT’S FUCKING GROSS! _

I fucking gag on the taste of whatever ‘this’ is in my drink, spitting it out back into my glass so I don’t spit it in someones face by acctiond. As I do that Shuu must of seen me make one hell of a face as he opens his mouth again.

“Oh _ ma petite tête de tournesol _ friend do you not like your drink?” Shuu ask in a somewhat innocent voice (which I bet he’s faking just saying).

Coughing into my elbow to try and somehow breath now!

“What the hell is that!” I swear grabbing my folk to strab the food on my plate to drown out this terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE taste from my mouth.

“That’s differently not water in my cup!” Saying as I chew this?? Oatmeal?

………

It’s ‘just’ oatmeal.

_ Good. _

“Well I thought some  _ Whisky blanc  _ would relax your nerves Hide. I know it helps me sometimes.” Shuu says as he brings his own glass to his lips.

“ _ Whisky _ what??” I ask completely confused with this AGAIN language I have no idea what he’s saying.

“It’s white whiskey Hide.” Kaneki finally tells me.

White whiskey? Where have I heard of that word before?

Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey…. Why does that sound so familiar-

“DO YOU MEAN ‘THIS’ IS ALCOHOL?????” I literally yell across the table shaking the glass in my hand.

“ _ Oui  _ Hide _. N'a-t-il jamais eu d'alcool avant  _ Kaneki?” Shuu obviously talking to Kaneki while speaking in that language again and just you know ignoring me right here asking the question in the first place.

_ “Oh, sa réaction je devine 'non'  _ Shuu _. Il n'a plus eu d'alcool avant.”  _ Kaneki replys to him taking a sip of his own glass.

_ Why do they do this to me? _

_ Why must I suffer so? _

“Fine. Whatever guys just talk in your secret language by yourselfs. I’ll be here eating my oatmeal.” I huff in annoyance as I shove another tablespoon in my mouth.

Doing that they just look at each other like what I just said disappointed them in some way.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

We ate in mostly silence after that. Matsumae then coming into cleared our plates. Some soft murmurs of ‘thank yous’ are said before she quickly leaves as fast as she came.

“We should start getting ready to leave before the sun is high in the sky Shuu.” Kaneki says as he dabs his mouth with a napkin.

“ _ Magnifique!  _ Should I ask Matsumae to bring one of the cars around? Or would you want to go on foot?” Shuu ask Kaneki.

Kaneki then looking deep in thought (even though he always kinda looks like that, just saying) turns to me.

“What do you think Hide? I know you're not familiar at all with this type of area but going on foot would be good in it’s own ways too.” Kaneki ask me.

That’s pretty true I’m still not used to this type of weather or woodland. When you grown up in a area that is mostly flat corp land you don’t see much woods.

But going on foot could be helpful in it’s own. I don’t know what kind of car Shuu has but hopefully it can make it through snow and dirt.

Ahhhhhhh! This is hard to really tell! If another storm comes when we’re on foot then we’ll be in serious trouble but if we go in a car that makes lots of sound that could tell other ‘things’ in the woods people are near.

Well I guess we’re not trying to be really sneaky about going to meet these ‘Green Witches’ if I think about it now.

“I think the car would be fine. Even if we get stuck in the snow we can always just go on foot then, right? And if we’re on foot if a storm starts we don’t really have shelter to hide in. But anyway we should still pack as if we’re going on foot if that does happen.” I say to both of them.

“I see that your  _ petit amoureux de tournesol  _ is somewhat good at thinking about a plan.” Shuu smirks at Kaneki while talking about me AS IF I’M NOT ACTUALLY HERE AGAIN GEEZ!

And whatever Shuu just said in that fancy fancy language makes Kaneki blush, he (FAKES) coughs in his hand to blow over whatever was said to make him less bashful.

“I would agree with Hide on that. Taking a car would be reasonable if a storm did hit, we should be fine with that little coverage one of your cars can have for us.” Kaneki says.

_ Hell yeah! I bet Kaneki doesn’t think I’m so stupid anymore! No fool could make a somewhat plan like that! _

As I’m not really paying attention to what either of them are saying as I’m mentally patting myself on the back, I hear Kaneki calling my name.

“Hide? Hide are you listening?” Kaneki ask me in somewhat announcement tone.

“Yeah totally listening here!” I say to him.

_ I totally wasn’t listening. _

“Mhmm okay good, so me and Hide will be ready in 10 minutes with our things. We’ll meet you out front.” Kaneki tells Shuu as he stands from his seat.

_ Wait, wait, wait! I don’t know what’s really happening here! FUCK HIDE THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A COCKY ASSHOLE! _


	34. You got to be aware of the horrors that live here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EVERYONE'S IN THE FUCKING CAR!
> 
> OR
> 
>  
> 
> THEY SHOULD BE..............

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys! sorry about this chapter kinda being shorter then the other ones but I've been kinda busy with a lot of doctor shit hahaha! But I really hope you guys like this chapter! I really appreciate all the Kudos and comments you guys leave me!
> 
> It really helps me out in writing even that doesn't make a lot of sense.

It’s been 6 minutes and me and Kaneki are outside in our full gear  _ (just normal clothes for me and … Kaneki’s normal get-up _ ) waiting for Shuu to bring the car around.

Now 8 minutes have gone by with still no car nor Shuu. This is just grea-

And as I was about to open my damn mouth to complain to Kaneki ( _ kinda like I always do _ ), I hear footsteps crunching on fresh snow turning around I’m faced to see a shit eating grin from the face of none other then Shuu himself.

“Shuu where’s the car?” I ask him.

“Oh! Did I not say Matsumae was bringing the car around for me?” He says as he pulls on some fancy ass leather gloves.

_ Well jokes on him! Those gloves will never really keep him warm in this weather! _

As he says that, I hear pairs of tiers from a car moving along the ground. What I see doesn’t really surprise me from what Shuu’s family can buy but I’m not saying it still doesn’t blow my fucking mind to see a brand new Bentley 4.25 litre model!

Like come on man! A mansion WHICH has amazing lighting and connected bathrooms to bedrooms, servants (I don’t really know why though? I might get it if you been more help with cleaning but cooking and stuff as that?) and finally this fucking car! And I remember Shuu saying this is one of many different cars he had!

As my mind kinda goes on a rant, the car stops in front of us and Matsumae steps out of the drivers door. Greeting us (or just Shuu for that fact) with a polite ‘Hello’. Handing Shuu the car keys as she stops to the side and slightly bowing her head while extending her arms.

“The car is all ready Master Shuu but please do make sure that this one last a little longer than the others. Your father does like his car’s in one piece.” She says as she lifts her head.

“I shall try my best, dearest Matsumae!” Shuu excitedly say picking the car keys from her hand.

The only thing that comes to mind from listening to the both of them is.

What.The.Fuck.

But before I can question anything farther, I’m being shoved into the car by Kaneki.

“Wow! Kaneki” I say.

“I know you love me and all but not in front of Shuu.” I say sarcastically to him, also throwing in a good side wink too for good measures.

The face that Kaneki makes can be only define a pure ‘disappointment’. While sliding a palm down his face.

“Jesus Christ Hide  **_no_ ** .” He whispers into his palm.

“Just sit down. PLEASE.” He tells me as he shuts the car door behind him.

And I do sit down and try to get comfortable ( _ which is not very hard in this type of beautiful car).  _ After a few moments Shuu ( _ way too happily _ ) jumps into the driver’s seat and starts the car.

“Are you ready my dear friends?” He coos, adjusting the mirror to see us in it’s view.

“I’m not ready to die if the Shuu cashes it.” Kaneki says as he leans into me.

“What was that Kaneki??” Shuu states at Kaneki, giving him like ? A sink eyes? More like baloney eyes if you ask me hahahah……..

I guess that wasn’t that funny.

Fine. Whatever. I still thought it was.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It’s been about 30 minutes on the road ( _ if you even want to call it a road)  _ and I think we’re stuck.

“I think we’re stuck Shuu.” Kaneki steals the words right out of my head. 

_ See this is why I love him so much. _

“ _ Non _ my friend I think we are not.” Shuu tells him with some confidence.

“I think we just need a  _ minuscule _ push that’s all.” Shuu says turning his head around from the driver's seat to face us.

_ That means ……….. we’re fucking stuck. _

“So will ‘you’ Hide go out and push us.” Shuu tells me to do, not even a question not even an ‘ask’. He’s just telling me to do it.

“But isn’t Kaneki stronger than me?” I say to him.

“Well very much so Hide, about 10 times stronger than me and you but if you look beside you--” He gestures to the side of me.

I turn my head to only see a sleeping Kaneki leaning against the side car window, with his mask in his lap.

_ Now that’s just kinda cute if you ask me. _

“Okay I will just try not to hit reverse and run me over dude.” I whisper low enough for Shuu to hear me.

He just gives me a thumbs up with a bright smile which does not give me much confidence in him but I throw one back at him too just not seem like an asshole.

I open the door as quietly as I can without waking Kaneki and doing about the same with closing it behind me. Walking around back I see we’re just stuck in some melted snow and dirt ( _ so yes basically mud _ ). 

Giving a hand signal to Shuu through the side door mirror. Holding up three fingers and counting off until one so he knows to hit the gas to move the car forward. When I strike one, I hear the car engine rev up as Shuu ( _ probably _ ) hitting the gas pedal. As he does that I’m putting all my weight into my heels to push forward on the back end of the car.

Feeling it move little by little I keep at it until finally the tires get free from the mud and the car speeds forward leaving me trying to catch myself from falling into the mud myself. Balancing myself out I glaze ahead to see how far the car went and --

“What the fuck?” I say out loud.

_ This can’t be possible. _

Walking forward a few steps to see if maybe I’m just mistaken here. Maybe I’m just a little tired from everything and now it’s starting to finally get to me. Yeah maybe that’s it!

But I’m rubbing my fucking eye’s and still nothing's coming into my view! This can’t be happening man.

As I look out the car is gone. No sign of it in sight, not even in the far distance.

It’s just  **_gone_ ** _. _

I hardly think Shuu would be enough of an asshole to just leave me here! Like specially with Kaneki in the car I doubt he’ll even let Shuu do that to me.

_ Right? _

Well anyway I still have to find them and -

* _ crack _ *

I stand as straight as I can be. Cracks in the woods are normal? So I shouldn’t be really scared haha…….

Maybe I should turn around just to check and see --

* _ Stab _ *

* _ Stab _ * * _ stab _ *

* _ Stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ * * _ stab _ *

“What *cough* fuck?”

Looking down to myself I see almost twenty spears injected into my chest. Blood soaking through my shirt and jacket at such an alarming rate.

_ What? _

I cough and it hurts, it hurts so much OH GOD! 

Blood coming from my mouth as the coughing just brings more blood from my insides, from my _fucking_ _inners_.

I start to wheeze for the air around me because I’m not getting any air! I’m shaking so violently I would of thought an earthquake was happening right now. 

I bring my shaky hands up to one of the spears, maybe if I just pull it out-

“AhhhhHHHH! FUCK!” I scream as my bloodied hand slip from the wetness of my blood covering the spear, making it move causing even more agony to burn within me.

_ This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening! This can’t be FUCKING HAPPENING!  _

_ I CAN’T FUCKING DIE LIKE THIS! _

_ OH GOD I DON’T WANT TO DIE! _

_ Oh God I don’t want to die…. _

_ “Mum… mum..” I call out for mum. _

_ I call out for her because I failed her. I failed to help her in the end, I failed to make her life easier, and I failed her as a son. _

Then I remember who else I failed. Remembering the words I told him.

_ “Rabbits die when their lonely Kaneki. And I’ll probably die if you leave too. Okay maybe I wouldn’t die but what my point is that I’m saying I love you and would like to have you in my life for a long time.” _

_ “I’m saying I love you Kaneki.” _

Bringing a hand up to cover my sobs from the memories of what I said to Kaneki that night. How much he opened up to me through this whole crazy time.

With the last breath in my lungs I wheeze out.

“I’m so sorry Kaneki.”

As things fade all to black.


	35. A hodophile I was not born of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the hell is happening ????????? Kaneki's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys it's me again coming back from the fucking grave to give you guys the new chapter! Sorry it's a little short but I still hope y'all like it.
> 
> I have a tumblr if any of you want to ask questions: http://nostalgically-sad.tumblr.com/

Kaneki’s POV

As I’m resting in the car. I suddenly jerk awake as the car unexpectedly jolts forward. Making me almost hit my head on the seat in front of me.

“OH! Sorry Kaneki!” Shuu says to me.

“We were just trying to get the car out of some mud I think. But we’re pretty good now.” He tells me turning his head slightly to look at me.

Or looking behind me?

“What are you looking at?” I turn around and look out the back window but don’t see anything, just road and forest.

Turning back to face Shuu, he seems less calm and more unnerved than before. Well maybe it’s --

Wait a second….

“Shuu…. where’s Hide?” I ask him questionably.

Shuu doesn’t answer me but he looks somewhat like a fish out of water. Gasping for an answer to bring to me.

_ He doesn’t know where Hide is. _

_ And I don’t know where Hide is. _

_ Oh no. _

“Shuu answer me where is Hide?” I say again. Starting to hear the strong waver in my voice from the prickling panic that is threatening to close my throat.

He finally takes his eyes off the back window and brings his gaze to me.

“I do not know Kaneki, I swear. I asked him to help push the car and which he did but as you just woke up I don’t see him anywhere.” He tells me.

_ He’s not lying. _

“Fuck.” I breath out as I push open the car door and make my way outside. I don’t even bother shutting the door behind me I could careless about how cold Shuu’s ass gets right now.

I don’t dare to yell his name in these woods not with the the things that live here. Instead I open the driver’s door trying not to let my angry upset me enough to actually rip the door off.

“Where were we stuck? Show me.” I state to Shuu. I know I’m being not truly nice here but when am I ever nice?

_ n͜e͎̟͖̯͈͎͍v̨̮̲̫̘ͅe̸̟̗̤̭͖r͈̼͓͎̥̜̘ n̨̠͚̗̱̬e̢͇̬̹̘͍͙̰v̶̖̮̰̙e̺̭̙̠r̛̼͉͔͕͚͖̗  _

 

They coos in the back of my mind. 

Fuck not now damn! I need to focus on where the hell Hide went and what the hell happened because Hide doesn’t go and do stupid shit without a reason.

_ A̢͍̲̯̱r͚͓̦̤͕̦̹e̹͙͝ ͉̞̙̳̠͝ͅy̵o̺͎̭̼̮̭̬u̖̟̙̩̬̣͝ ̥̼̠̯͚̼͠su͚͔r̘̕e?̥͚̞ _

 

Okay Okay even if the reason is small and maybe somewhat stupid but come on this is Hide I’m talking about! And fuck stop talking!

Shuu turns off the engine and hurriedly gets out of the car. Moving past me, he stops about 100 feet from where the car is.

“We were stuck right about ….here.” He breaths out pointing at a spot where heavy amounts of thick mud lay. And thanks to the mud there are shoe prints in it……. Wait ? Those aren’t shoe prints.

_ Their footprints. _

This isn’t Hide’s footprints, they're just too small to actually be an adults anyway. More like a child's footprints.

_ This just get’s worse and worse by the pasting minutes. _

FUCK! Focus on finding Hide here. Just focus.

Turning to Shuu but only see him sniffing the air around us.

“What do you smell?” I ask knowing him, the Tsukiyama family has some weird human quirks that I still have no idea how they do it to this day. 

And one of the quirks are sensitivity to smells.

This could mean something here.

_ It means I can still find Hide. _

“A *cough* strong smell of vanilla.” Shuu says while covering his nose with his jacket sleeve.

“Salvia?” I ask knowing damn well that nothing else has a strong smell of vanilla like salvia does ( _ well of course vanilla it’s self but you can’t just simply ‘burn’ vanilla _ ).

“I’m very sure it is.” He repose trying not to cough up a storm probably from the strong smell.

_ Why would someone be burning salvia? Did Hide smoke fucking salvia? But why would he? He got red in the face from the white whiskey and the blue lotus flower….. So it doesn’t make sense that- _

_ Wait! _

_ Salvia can have severe visual hallucinations and sometimes blackouts. _

_ This keeps on getting just fucking better by the minute. _

“Shuu new plan.” I turn away from him towards the woods.

“There’s a small village about 3 miles west from here and I’m sure some of them took Hide.” I say stopping to bend over and pick up some of the dirt, smearing it over my forehead to listen to the words of the forest.

_ To listen what had happen when I wasn’t there for him. _

_ Feelings and memories come flooding into my mind. Showing me actions of people with clothes filled faces hide behind trees as Hide moves the car. They burn bundles of what could be salvia in their hands filling the air with the vanilla scented drug. _

_ As the car jerks forward from the mud Hide is relieved from the work but then his facial expression turns horrid. Looking over his chest as if something was on him, tears then start to flow from his eyes as he sobs in pain. _

_ Clawing at his chest with his hands as if his life depended on it. _

_ Suddenly his eyes roll to the back of his head before collapsing to the hard ground with a strong thud from his stiff body. _

_ The people behind the trees come so fast to pluck his motionless body from the dirt, tossing his body onto a sled and going off in a hurry. _

“That’s all I need, thank you mother.” I whisper to the earth for her, telling her how thankful I am for her help.

Pushing myself up to stand, I face Shuu.

“The new plan is we’re going to find Hide and see who the hell thought it was a good idea to fucking do it.” the words hiss between my teeth as angry pushes itself through my veins.

_ I’m going to find him. _

_ And I can’t and will not mess this up so help me. _


	36. Don't peripatetic too much kid, you might fear what you find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HIDE IS AWAKE AND WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!??? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!!! IS WHAT HIDE IS THINKING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~ everyone! I hope you guys like this chapter and still like it as it goes forward because it's going to get a lot darker as this moves along. BUT! I am still going to have the humor and other nice soft things still in it.
> 
> And I want to thank all you nice people for liking this story and really just being nice to this story too. I can't say how much I appreciate it.

Hide’s POV

_ “May Gabia forgive this boy’s acts of sin and bring him to lightness.” _

_ What the hell? Who the hell is talking so early? It’s like way too early for talking, moving or really anything. _

_ Or thinking actually……. _

_ “May you, Gabia. Show him a new way of life to clean his soul of impurities.” _

_ Oh God! I’m trying to sleep here what the fuc- _

“Uck-.” I grumble from my dry lips.

“Shhhhh~ You're safe now. No need to fear anything young boy.”

Hearing a soft voice come from somewhere?? I open my eyes but after trying that the light burns too much for me to keep them open for long. Rubbing my sockets to help my eyes adjust to the light things just come in blobs at first.

_ Damn last thing I remember was the pain and - _

_ FUCK THE SPEARS! _

I slap my hands over my chest to see how bad it is, feeling if I have any holes littering my body but to only come up short.

_ What the fuck? _

_ There’s nothing wrong with my chest or arms? I don’t even feel any pain anywhere……... _

_ What the hell is happening? _

With a few more blinks, my eyes finally adjust to the light. I, myself are in a small bare bedroom in a white cot. Sitting up in the cot I now realize that someone is sitting next to me.

_ Probably the person who was talking earlier I guess. _

Cupping my hand over my eyes. I turn to my side to see who is there and to my surprise it’s a fairly small little girl with reddish-brown hair in a pulled back bun with bangs framing her round face.

“Ahhh~ Good evening sleepy head!” She says with a childlike smile that spreads across her face way to easily.

“Uhm Good evening to you too…...” I say back at her hesitantly.

“Not to be rude but where am I?” I ask her.

_ I’m still alive and that’s fucking great to hear (again) but where’s Kaneki? Shuu? That sweet ass car? I’m almost completely sure that Kaneki wouldn’t leave me behind, not so sure about Shuu though. _

“OHH! Sorry about that! I’m Roma, Hoito Roma. And you’re in the village of Gabia right now it’s a little west from the road we found you on.” She says tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

“What do you mean ‘found’ me?” I ask her another question unconditionally.

_ Fuck I shouldn’t ask so many questions so early. I still don’t know how these people work and what the situation is right now. Better not to seem so anxious around anyone for now. _

“Oh~ It was weird, we found you laying down face first in some snow about some ways from here. You were speaking nonsense when we turned you over and tried to talk to you. We couldn’t just leave you there in the snow so we brought you here.” She says extending her arms wide as she said ‘here’.

“Oh.. Thank you for helping me out.” I tell her softly.

She blushes and smiles at me, reposing with a kind ‘you're welcome’ back at me.

We fall into silence and  it starts to get pretty awkward I would say.

“Do you-”

“Can I-”

We both ask at the same time.

_ Wow great timing Hide…. _

“You go first.” I say to her.

“Okays~ I was wondering if you were hungry by any chance? You’ve been asleep for a while now, you gotta be a at least a tiny bit hungry.” She says with a ( _ what you might call it _ ) cuteness smile on her face.

“No it’s okay. I just want to-”

“No no I insist! Really! Come on and wash up in the bathroom across the hall and I’ll show you to the dining room after.” She says jumping up from her chair and wiping the blanket off my body.

“Come on silly, let’s go!” She says once more stretching her hand out for me to grab onto.

_ I should just be nice for now even if this seems a little off…. _

“O-Okay.” I stammer out, grabbing onto her hand as she pulls me forward with such force.

_ HOLy shit she’s strong! Good thing to know now then later on. _

She hauls me out into the hallway, showing me where the bathroom is.

“OKAY! I’ll be back in a few minutes to come get you after you’ve washed up a little but please don’t be long! I still want you to meet Sage Donato.” She says already starting to walk down away from where I stand.

“Who’s that?” I somewhat yell down the hallway at her, hoping that I can still get an answer but it’s too late. Her tiny bun is already turning the far corner and she’s gone.

_ Well fuck…….. _

Closing the door behind me as I step into the small bathroom. And I would have to say I’m taken back from the ?? decor I think they would call it.

_ Like holy shit this is a little much dude……... _

The whole bathroom is covered with pictures and paintings ( _ like a lot of fucking paintings……. just saying _ ). Their not just normal portrait paintings either but ones of violent and creepy ‘people’. Not even beast, monsters, or ghouls but real actual people.

And there’s one right across the toilet that’s not sitting well with me at all.

It’s about 24 inches long and 36 inches wide, taking up most of the wall around it. The color’s are……. well they're just dull to say ( _ if you ask me, honestly I’m more of a bright colors type of guy myself _ ) but it does remind me of Kaneki’s fashion sense ( _ and not saying Kaneki is violent and creepy! Just his clothes match the colors in the painting that’s all! _ ).

With all the dull color’s, there’s one that does illuminate the painting from the middle, just like how Kaneki’s hair makes him stand out from all the dark clothes he wears.

It’s white.

The painting is of the forest ( _ I don’t really know if it’s the forest we’re in but I’m just guessing here _ ). Probably in the spring time at the best because it has no snow and it’s raining from what I can tell.

What’s also shown is a stunning woman in flowlying garments wielding a huge sword. This is where all the white and lighter tones come in.

_ I guess it’s highlighting her beauty in some type of holy way, like pure as the first fall of snow? _

Yeah, yeah and you're probably like ‘ _ shit Hide why the hell does this make you feel weird?’ _ Well if you calm yourself I’ll tell you geez.

See it’s not the color’s or the woman really but what is  _ near _ her is what kinda freaks me out.

She’s hovering in the middle of a path in the forest with people reaching to her. Even some of the people have fallen in the painting, being trampled by the others that run with them.

Well it’s not really ‘to her’ it’s more for her. She doesn’t have her eyes open to see them nor does she have her arms spread to welcome these poor people.

“Fuck, it’s kinda makes me nauseous just by the sight of it.” I whisper to myself, trying not to feel so alone in this really weird situation.

_ I wish Kaneki was here. _

_ WAIT A MINUTE! _

_ Maybe I can ask Roma if she can help me try and find him and Shuu (I didn’t forget him either I’m not that big of an ass guys). _

Heading towards the mirror and sink. I start to wash up before Roma can get back and have me meet this Sage dude she was talking about.

Turning the knobs on the sink, adjusting it so the water’s not too cold or too hot. Finding the right temp, I splash some water on my face  also scrubbing, too making sure I don’t have any dirt or drool lingering on my face.

And as I’m turning the knobs off, I hear a soft knock on the other side of the door.

“Hide~ Are you done yet?”

_ That’s probably Roma. _

_ Yeah it probably is Hide, who the hell else knows your name let alone know that you're in this bathroom right now? _

_ Why do I argue with myself? _

_ Is that normal? _

_ ……….. _

_ Yeah it’s normal. _

Taking the end of my shirt and quickly wiping my dripping wet face on it. I open the door to see once again a child like girl way to happy to see my mug of a face.

_ Not even mum would be this happy to see my face. Kinda makes me feel uncomfortable. _

“Done~?” She coos at me with her hands behind her back.

“Yup pretty much.” I say back at her, stepping out into the hallway.

“Well let’s get going!” She says her hand grabbing onto mine pulling me along her side as she leads the way down the hall.

As we ( _ well just her dragging me actually _ ) move along through the hallway, I notice that there’s other doors in this place. But they have these janky locks on them that don’t really seem to belong on them.

_ Don’t say anything just keep moving on Hide. _

And that’s what I do.

Just keep moving.

“Are you ready to meet Sage Donato, Hide? He’s a amazing man with great hopes in you.” She hums with a light mood, not really helping me here.

_ ‘Great hopes in me?’ What the hell is he? My fucking dad? I think not. _

_ Well anyway I guess I could also just ask him too if he could help me find Kaneki and Shuu. _

Walking through this fucking maze of a place, we reach a pair of double doors. Roma letting go of my hand ( _ finally _ ) to knock firmly on the doors, stepping back to wait for something I guess.

As we wait, we hear a deep ‘come in’ come from the other end of the doors. Roma jumping on her heels quickly opens both of the doors, pushing her tiny body through. 

“Come on Hide don’t be shy now~.” She tries to whispers to me.

_ I guess it can’t hurt too much. _

Stepping into the room and the first thing I truly notice is all the books and scrolls spread across the place. Shelves crammed full of them too, not leaving any room for more if this guy wanted to put extra in.

Walking farther in. I see a older man sitting at a well kept desk looking through ( _ you guessed it _ ) more scrolls. As me and Roma gets closer to him, he slowly looks up to Roma and behind her at me.

“Oh Roma I see you brought our new friend.” He says standing from his seat.

Walking forward to me, I see he’s a pretty tall guy. Not taller then Shuu of course but not as short as me. Probably around 5’9 feet my guess.

Wearing a long black coat? Shirt? Can’t really tell at this point.

“Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you while you're awake. I’m Donate Porpora but please do call me Sage Donate.” He says putting out his hand.

“Uh hello to you too. I’m .. Hide it’s nice to meet you also while I’m awake and moving.” I say trying not to be totally awkward about this.

Putting out my hand to shake his, he grips my hand with a little too much strength for my comfort but whatever I guess. I shake back trying to match his strength but I’m guessing he feels like my handshake is like a limp fish like some would say ( _ like fucking mum would say _ ).

_ God I miss mum so much. _

“Welcome to the village of Gabia Hide. We’re glad to you have you among us now.” He says while placing his other hand on top of mine.

“Likewise.” I say to him, trying to crack a believable smile.

_ I hope he doesn’t feel my white lie nor my sweaty ass palms in his. _

_ I’ve never been a good liar but maybe this is the time to start learning to be one. _


	37. Feels like we're in still waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roma tells us about the religion of Gabia and Hide has a flash back to when he was younger (around 4 years old)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay everyone this is where the story is gunna get real dark real fast. This chapter I am saying a 'trigger warning' for talk of sexually forcing and victim blaming.
> 
> I still hope all of you guys like (not really like but it helps deepen the plot) this chapter.
> 
> And I'm putting a song in the beging of the chapter for Hide and his mum.

[Song for hide and his mum](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyyIyUD7PDA)

He stops shaking my hand ( _ thank god _ ) and turns to Roma.

“Have you shown him the dining hall yet Roma? I bet he must be starving from being asleep for so long, and you're such a young lad as yourself Hide too. I remember when I was as young as you I was hungry all the time.” Donate says is a humorous manner.

“Anyway we can always talk more later when you got some food into you.” He tells me walking back to his little desk.

“Oh I wanted to-”

“Come on Hide! Let’s go get some food. Oh and plus you’ll get to meet some other people around here. Hey maybe you’ll even make some great friends!” Roma says interrupting me mid sentence.

And she doesn’t waste any time by grabbing onto my hand again and pulling me off into the hallway.

“Okay~ Sage Donate! I’ll bring him back to you if you need anything from him! May Gabia shine herself upon you.” She says moving forward towards the double doors.

“May Gabia shine herself upon you too, young Roma.” He calls back to her before the doors could shut quietly behind us.

_ That’s about the fourth time I’ve heard the name ‘Gabia’ so far. Is it a person? A God? The village fucking name???? _

_ Guess it won’t hurt to much to ask. _

“Hey Roma? Who’s this Gabia you and S-Sage Donate were talking about anyway?” I ask as she still leads me somewhere down this hall in her fucking death grip.

She slows her pace and starts to open her mouth but she seems somewhat …… hesitant? almost about what to say. 

“She’s our glorious leader who founded this village. There many different stories about how she did it but the one I go by and also how Sage Donate goes by is the story of how she saved our poor people and founded this land by herself!” She say turning around to really dramatically grab both of my hand in her’s.

“Okay so one day, a very long long time ago. Our people were living in this very forest but it wasn’t as good as it is now. Well actually it was a lot worse than what it is now.”

“And so what was happening was our people were dying at a very fast rate, faster because they were dreadfully sick from some illness that struck them out of nowhere. We still to this day have no idea how they got so sick and it was not an ‘normal’ sickness that you would see around but a terrible and grotesque one.”

“One that at first it’s just a simple cough and shivers but soon enough they were bleeding from their ears and eyes. Groaning in pain from the lack of care they got, no one from outside of the village wanted to help them because they were too afraid of getting sick too.”

“But one day when all hope was thought to be gone a beautiful mysterious woman with long blonde hair came upon our sickly village and helped us. She helped when no one did, cared for all the sick and helped them move to this new area that she blessed herself.”

“She was our savior that came and delivered us from that disease many years ago. Helped us start making a living again. She’s truly a blessing from up above.” Roma says with a gentle smile spread over her tiny face.

I never grew up with much religion in the home. Mum just didn’t really think I needed to have one. She did give me some teachings of different types of faith but I do remember mum saying…

‘ _ You can believe in anything you want Hide, just remember if you believe in something that directly hurts people in anyway that’s not faith. That’s hatred, and hatred should never been in religion.’ _

I can never forget her words that night. When her eyes shined with tears in the moonlight as she told me that.

The same day she was yelled at from grandmama for having me without husband, without a father to name.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ “Hey mum! Hey mum! Where are you?” I call out from the front door of our comfy home. _

_ “You should be Ashamed!” _

_ I hear a loud voice echo from the kitchen room. _

_ What was that? Was that grandmama? Grandmama’s here! Hell yeah! Maybe I can ask her for some of her amazing bread and that means I can probably give some to the ducks out in the barn. _

_ Shutting the front door behind me, I walk my tiny legs over to the kitchen door. But before opening it I hear another voice. _

_ “Mama please just let me explain for a second-” _

_ That’s mum’s voice! She doesn’t sound too happy….. I wounder why? She almost sounds like she’s gunna cry... _

_ “No I don’t want to hear any more from you! How could you do this to our family? Disgrace us from the church! From our friends and community because you couldn’t stop your lustful ways! Having a child before marriage is a basterd! He is a bastard child do you not understand the simplest of things?” _

_ Bastard what does that even mean?  It doesn’t even sound like a nice word…. _

_ “Mama please!! One second!” _

_ “No! I don’t want to hear your mouth open again-” _

_ “HE FORCED HIMSELF UPON ME! MOTHER!” _

_ Oh no mum’s super angry, like geez I’ve ever heard mum yell that loud before. Not even when I ate the pie she made for my class. _

_ “What did you just say?? He what?” _

_ “He… h-he forced himself upon me mama. He- *sob* he didn’t listen to me. I said no and he-” _

_ “And what the problem here then? He liked you enough to come near you, so why didn’t you marry him and have a normal family? Why embarrass us on purpose like this? What did we ever do to you to do such a thing?” _

_ Mum sounds upset, she sounds like she’s crying a lot in there maybe I should- _

_ “Get up off the floor and try to redeem yourself for God’s sake. Acting like a child who’s not getting their way is not going to work on me young lady. I hope you know that me and your father talked and we think it’s best for you to .. how to say ‘give Hide away’ and start a new. In a new city where you have a clean slate with no problems.” _

_ “.....” _

_ Is mum going to give me away??? She wouldn’t! SHE WOULDN’T! _

_ “Get out of my home now ……..mother.” _

_ “How dare you! I was just helping you with this mess you made of your life!” _

_ “Maybe I did mess up my life, maybe it was all my fault! But don’t…. d-don’t you dare think Hide is the problem here mother! He is my son and I would never do that to him! I love him! He is my _ **_child_ ** _ and I sure as hell don’t need you in his life for him to grow up happily!” _

_ “Bah I don’t need to hear this from a dirty slut with a basterd child! Good luck living in the real world!” _

_ Before I could really move out of the way of the fast swinging door I’m face to face with grandmama. _

_ “Grandmama?” I ask feeling something I haven’t felt before. _

_ I wonder what this feeling is? _

_ I don’t like it very much…. _

_ “Don’t come near me you sinful boy! May God clean the sins from your dirtier flesh before you burn in the depths of hell.” She hisses at me before pushing right past me to the front door. _

_ “Grandmama what did I do wrong?” I ask for the last time. The feeling just keeps on getting stronger as the words push out of my mouth. It’s getting harder to stand it, like a rock in my stomach and dead thorns in my throat. _

_ She turns around at me, grabbing the front door to open before leaving. The look in her eyes is something I haven’t seen in anyone before, it’s something like fire. _

_ “You were born!” She says slamming the door shut as she disappears behind a old wooden door. _

_ As the shock of the words make my little legs tremble I fall back on myself. And  I think mum heard that too. _

_ I don’t know what to do. _

_ “Oh sweetie! No..” I hear mum say but don’t turn her way. _

_ She comes to the floor with me, wrapping me in her warm arms. Slightly rocking back in forth and whispering words of comfort to me. Trying to make it all better again. _

_ Ahh…. _

_ I know what this feeling is called. _

_ ‘Shamefulness.’ _

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	38. Who's the liar now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide get's some food but also meets a new face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys what's up? I hope you guys like this chapter it's lighter then the last one so I hope it's okay.

Remembering all of that just gave me a splitting migraine, too much feelings to process, too much things said.

Hahaha anyway……….

Roma has now lead me to this huge ass dining hall ( _ which I would say is an actual  _ _ dining hall _ ). About 10 times bigger than Shuu’s dinner room to be honest. It has around 4 long tables with people here and there on them. Eating plates of food…

**_Eating_ **

When I think about the food, my stomach lets out a noise loud enough for Roma to hear it.

And she just gives me the most shit eating grin I’ve ever seen in my life. Yes even past Shuu’s shit eating grin, and that says a lot.

“How about you find us some seats and I’ll grab the food.” She says rocking from side to side on the heels of her feet.

“Uh…. sure.” I say back, not really confident about being left alone in this type of situation. And what that means is answered with a simple word.

**_‘People’_ ** .

Okay see it’s different from when I came up here in this first place. I had to get that plant for mum, like I had to really put aside my social awkwardness for her sake that all. But that was also by myself and didn’t have to…… you know talk to many people.

Turning to tell  Roma I take back what I said, she’s already gone.

AGAIN!

_ What the hell am I going to do? _

Looking over what seems to be a  _ fucking _ sea of people sitting and chatting along to each other on mostly every table.

_ Dear God no….. _

I need to find a space that just has….. less people on them. Not saying I hate people here ( _ don’t get me wrong some people I just don’t like too but that’s not the point I’m making now _ ).

it’s just too many eyes moving, too many mouths opening and closing at a time, and too many people not saying what their thinking aloud.

_ Hahaha isn’t that just funny that I fear people the most? _

_ FUCK DAMN IT HIDE! JUST LIKE DO IT! JUST FIND A PLACE TO SIT YOUR TINY ASS DOWN! AND DO IT! _

_ Did I just say/think I had a tiny ass? _

_ I’m probably right though…….. _

Taking a deep breath in through my nose. I start walking over to a spot that looks not as terrible as the other ones. Parking my butt down I try to not draw anyone’s attention to myself.

_ Just wait until Roma get’s back, you just have to wait until Roma get’s back, just have to wait until- _

“And who might you be?”

_ Fuck me………. _

Looking up from my hands, I see a guy around my age ( _ maybe even older? _ ) leaning over the table with his hands in front of him.

“Uhm I’m Hide.” I tell him as he kinda looks me over as I say so.

_ That’s not the nicest thing to do when you meet someone dude. Like damn I know I’m not the best looking guy around but you don’t have to do that to me. _

“Ahh.. okay.” He says as he plops himself down across from me, tucking a few locks of his shoulder length hair behind his ear.

“Well it’s  _ nice _ to meet you Hide. I’m Nimura Furuta and I hope I’ll get to know you more as the time goes on.” He smiles at me putting his elbows on the table to cup his hands on his cheeks. Fingers brushing the corners of his eyes.

_ Is that a scar under his right eye? I wonder what happened it looks pretty deep…… _

I’m about to say likewise to him but a full ass plate of food slams its way in front of me.

“Hey hey hey Hide~. Your lucky I got there in time to find us some food, this was the last of lunch made.” Roma says cheerfully as she bumps her way to sit next to me.

“Ah thank you Roma..” I tell her softly

_ Hey maybe I don’t trust these people much but that still doesn’t mean I can’t thank her for feeding me. _

It looks like she’s about to start to pray ( _ Maybe _ )? But stops as she looks forwards, right at Furuta.

The smile on her face doesn’t falter but the look in her eyes says something else and I might not be smart at a lot of things but I know how to read people.

“And what brings your shining face over to these parts of the village, Furuta?” Roma ask pushing herself back to sit straighter in her seat.

“Did Dr. Kanou let you out to socialize for the day? Hmm?” She says as the curl of her lips tighten into a wider smile.

“Hahahaha! Oh Roma you know me so well~!” Furuta laughs brightly at her crude statement.

_ What the actually fuck is happening between these too?? And why the hell do I have to be somewhat in the middle of it? _

“The  _ real  _ reason I’m here is because I heard about the ‘ **_rescue_ ** ’ party that saved a poor boy from dying in the freezing woods. So I came out to see what all the talk was about, and clearly I have  _ seen  _ why.” He smirks at her as his eyes drift towards me.

And all in an instant the last of the kindness in Roma’s eyes disappears as the words come out of Furuta’s mouth but still she holds her smile ( _ even if it’s starting to look a bit painfully _ ).

“Ahh~ is that soo Furuta? I guess I have to talk to Sage Donato about that. We can’t have gossip going around the village and troubling the good folk, so please do tell who was talking? Or were you listening in too people's conversation again?” She says not even stumbling over her words as they seem to get more intense as she goes.

“You know Sage Donato doesn’t like people who lie, you should know this by know dear Furuta. People who liars are the true sinners of this world.” Roma tells him as she lightly plays with her silverware.

Furuta doesn’t wince at her somewhat passive aggressive statements, but instead he just smiles even brighter ( _which I have no idea how that is even possible???_ ) at her. He starts to stand from the table slowly but before walking off he gently places his hand on top of him.

_ WHY IS EVERYONE JUST TOUCHING ME??? I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS TYPE OF SHIT! _

“Hide if you need  _ anything,  _ and I mean  _ anything  _ please just come to me and I’ll help you out~.” He tells me as he slips his hand off of mine ( _ thank fucking god for that too _ ).

Before walking completely away he turns around slightly to Roma.

“Oh and Roma, I do agree with you with that ‘ _ liar _ ’ statement you just made. But I do wonder… what would Gabia think if one of her dearly devoted underlings was a liar? Would she punishes them for the acts against her rules? What are your thoughts?” He ask her almost mockingly.

Roma doesn’t comment back at him, just smiling along at him as he waits for an answer he's not going to get and I think he knows it.

“Ah if you can’t think of an answer right now that’s okay, I’m a patient man and you know where to find me Roma~. Oh and may Gabia shine herself upon you..” He says then walking off before Roma could even say that little ‘ _ Gabia’ _ prayer back to him.

_ What the hell was that? _

Looking back at Roma she doesn’t seem fazed at all.

But looking much closer, one of her butter knifes have been folden totally in half! It’s a fucking metal one too! MY GOD! I DIDN’T EVEN SEE HER DO THAT!

“Uhm?? Roma are you okay?” I ask her, hoping maybe that me asking her will get her mind off of whatever she’s really mad at.

“Hmm? Oh yes Hide I’m fine just a bit hungry. Let’s eat and I can show you around the village a little more after, okay?” Roma says as she puts her hands together.

“Let us pray to Gabia for this meal in front of us.”

“Uhhh…”

“Don’t worry Hide I’ll help you through so you don’t mess up the proper prayer for her.”

_ I don’t really want to pray to anyone but I’ll just go with it because of her………. _

_ Just for now. _


	39. He was the color of the morning sky and the people changed him into the rain that fall from it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide talk an then Kaneki's POV and some Shuu talking his ear off
> 
> Then back to Hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guys!! Sorry this is slow as shit but I promise things will get excited again! Okay and if you guys are like 'oh this chapter was deleted why is it back?'
> 
> Well I'm gunna tell you Why. I felt like this chapter didn't have enough stuff in it so I went back and changed some stuff and grammar too.
> 
> I'm sorry guy but I hope you like the changes!
> 
> Please forgive me!
> 
> Also for the young boy Shuu is talking about the average weight for a 5 foot 5, 12 year old boy in the U.S is around 135 pounds so about about 61 kilograms and for height it would be 168 centimeters but being in the beginning at 150 pounds is also 69 in kilograms.
> 
> And after the weight loss in he was about barley hitting 52 kilograms.
> 
> I did fucking math guys.

“Ahhh~ that was really good wasn’t it Hide?” Roma ask me, dabbing her mouth with a wore cloth napkin she pulls from her pocket.

“Uh yeah it was very good thank you Roma for the meal.” I tell her politely as I do the same with one she gives to me with a kind smile.

“Ohhh no no Hide, thank Gabia! Without her we sure wouldn’t have any crops to harvest this bountiful meal.” She gladly tells me.

As she picks up my plate with her’s, she tells me just to sit still for a second while she goes to the kitchen to clean up a bit. I nod but knowing the anxiousness that plagues my young body will come back with a vengeance.

_ God I’m like a little kid that needs his hand held at all times! Why the hell am I like this? I’m 20 for fucks sake! I’m old enough to get marrie-. _

_ ………………. _

_ Well you can actually get married at 16 so I don’t know why that would be the first ‘grown up’ thing to come into my mind. You can even drink at 16 now a days so I guess I’m far behind everybody. _

_ Hahaha ……… I guess I’ve wasted some precious time haven’t I? _

As I’m waist deep in my thoughts I don’t see Roma walk up beside me until she coughs into her hand.

“Oh-oh.. Sorry I didn’t see you there Roma!” I apologize as I move out from the table to stand next to her.

“It’s alright! Now let’s go look around the village a bit! I bet you’ll like it a whole lot here!” She says once again grabbing my hand ( _ which I still don’t know why everyone is so fucking touchy, like I’m okay with some people but come on guys! _ ).

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_ Kaneki’s POV _

“ _ But  _ Kaneki do you know what kind of village it could be? I know me and my father have been approached by some very trustworthy clients about a town that has caused some trouble for the past two years.” Shuu tells me as we walk through the thick snow of the forest.

“What kind of  _ trouble _ are you talking about here? Also that’s pretty rare for you two to be given a  _ look out watch   _ assignment from a former client that hasn’t been killed from the both of you.” I say back to him, noticing the snow seems to get thicker and thicker as we tread on.

“Ah yes that is true but I’m being serious here  _ Kaneki _ .” Shuu states at me.

“And so am I, Shuu.” I say right back at him.

_ Does he really need me to tell him I’m being serious right now? Like how long has this fool known me? _

_ Ab҉̘͓̺o̻̯̱͙͓̪̬u͓͚̖̬̬t̜͟ ̼͍̟̱̕sin͢c͞e̛ ̛h̢e was̴ bo̵rn̷,̸ ̡so ąbou̵t͝ m҉h͢mmm͜ 2͢2 ̴year̵s͏?̷ ̸At̵ the̢ best? _

 

_ Yup that seems about right. _

“ _ WELL  _ we didn’t find much wrong with the small town itself at first…. But after a while things started to get how some say ‘very strange’ to put it lightly. And yes  _ strange  _ to you means very different things so I’ll explain further for your.” Shuu tells me and I can just hear the smug tone coming from each word that slides out of his mouth. 

“ _ Ohhhhh _ please do tell  _ Master Shuu _ I’m literally dying to know.” I hope he can hear the pure sarcasm because this is getting old already and I don’t really have time for it.

Hearing a heavy sigh from him he starts to speak again.

“As I was saying….. After sometime watching the town, me and father noticed people acting strange. Not just the older people who would most likely get a illness or something but the children most often for this case. An explain would be a young boy I saw from time to time, playing with the other kids like nothing out of the ordinary not until he got older.”

“He didn’t really act any different from the other boys but I guess some might say he was too uhmm ‘open minded’ with the other boys at times, which I don’t see what the problem was but I somewhat forget people have different opinions than me.” He huff in the air dramatically.

_ I still can’t believe he’s like this at times……. _

“After what I saw, I think someone told on him because suddenly he wasn’t around the town at all. Not around the dining hall, not around the school, not even around his friends and family. And on that part was the strangest I think. His friends yes, indeed seem to notice and ask where he was but no one told them anything. With that his friends went to the boys home to his family. They didn’t seem fazed at all that their  _ own _ child had gone missing.” Shuu tells me as I stop in the snow so he could catch up with me.

Turning towards him I say “Well that’s not a big surprise Shuu, parents aren’t always concerned with their own children whereabouts.” I say to him.

He doesn’t say much to my comment but I think that’s do to him getting out of breath from the non-stop hike we’ve been on for about more than a hour.

Looking around to see if there’s anything for him to rest on. My eyes fall onto a log. Walking towards it, I clear it off with my hand so we can sit comfortable without snow soaking up our clothes and freezing our asses off.

I wave Shuu over to the log, hopping this will help him catch his breath a little.

“Ahh thank you. And yes Kaneki I know that but this was just ……  _ different _ . This child had a supporting home, and I mean supporting as food, shelter, hugs and kisses from mother and rough housing and bonding time with the father. It looked like he had a nice home so it’s just strange when such parents don’t even bat a single eye at him going missing that’s all.” Shuu says as he gently sits himself down next to me.

“And one day, that same little boy that had been gone missing for a whole year. Just re-appeared out of nowhere. Like he just came out of  _ le damn _ mist.” He says making a dramatic hand motion to show how baffled he is with this information.

“And  _ oui _ , I know things like that happen but just hear me out again  _ Kaneki _ .” Shuu eyes me when he reaches the topic of re-appearing out of nowhere.

_ I guess he finds it funny uh? _

_ Well I guess that makes two of us now. _

“This boy wasn’t the same happy child he was the past years before he had gone missing Kaneki. He  _ changed  _ in ways that was somewhat off.” He tells me in a hush tone, like as if someone might be listening to us ( _ which is probably true you don’t know who the hell or what the hell are in these woods) _ .

“ _ What? _ Did he have magical powers?” I poke lightly at him, but it seems not to go far.

“ _ No _ , he just barely went out, no longer hanging out with his friends or even a boy that he grew very fond of in his young years. I would go even has far as to say that, that little boy romantically loved him….” He says, taking a small pause before speaking again.

“But coming back like I said he just  _ changed.  _ Not just emotionally but physically too. This boy wasn’t the slimmest in the group of children but nothing is wrong with having  _ ventre supplémentaire _ on himself but that’s not really the point I’m making. This boy was about 150 pounds guessing here but when he came back at the age of probably 12 he was barely hitting 115 pounds at 5 foot 5.”

“He also seemed to have grown to have a phobia of being touched, in anyway shape or form to specially males, not just ‘people’ but just males. Being touched on the shoulder, patted on the knee, or even a simple handshake would cause this boy so much distress that he would throw up,  _ excessively _ .” 

“And  _ that _ being a big cause for him not to go out much anymore, from the fear of that happening over and over again. And which for a time it did happen. As more time went by he became more thin and tired as the days grew longer and longer.”

“You remember that good friend of his I was talking about?” He ask me, probably making sure I’m paying attention to him. I give him a light nod to insure him that  _ yes _ I am listening.

“Well one day he actually visited that boy but I can tell you it didn’t end good. The thing I can remember the most was how that sickly looking boy smiled like nothing was wrong at all. Like he wasn’t starving or getting little to no sleep, or that maybe the love of his life was in tears in front of him, begging him for what was going on.”

“His dear friend actually told him he liked him and asked the boy why he changed so much, what had happened when he was gone that past year. The boy just kept on smiling and said ‘ _ I was just really sick so I had to go away for awhile but it’s okay now they say I’m all better.’  _ I have never seen so much fear in a young boys eyes as I did that night when that boy told his friend that.”

“The next day wasn’t as good, even if you could say that any of it was  _ good  _ in the first place.” Shuu ironically remarked.

“The day after that night, that boy’s friend was found dead in his own bed. The details of how it happened I don’t know but once again it didn’t seem to faze the parents. But it did unfortunately faze the boy I’ve been talking about and within less than 2 and half days that boy jumped from the church building falling to his death.” Shuu says as he pulls his coat closer to his body, noticing the small shivers that linger longer on him.

_ I sometimes forget that other people can get cold easily or maybe he’s not evening getting cold, maybe it’s just the memories of a sad boy killing himself.  _

Looking down, I let Shuu’s words sink in a bit more.

_ Okay so something is wrong with this town obviously but that doesn’t really explain why they went out of their way to take Hide? I’m sure Hide didn’t meet many people while he’s been up here, hopefully in that small time he didn’t make any enemies.  _

“But Kaneki I also want you to know that’s not the first time this had happened in this particular town. But it is the first time a person coming back from being missing died by their own hands. Or at least did it in a public state of view.” 

“Why I’m telling you this because I am afraid for Hide’s safety.  _ Yes _ I don’t particularly care for him much but you do. And I would like to see him stay in your life for awhile.” Shuu tells me as he stands from the log.

“So let’s go get him Kaneki.” He reaches out his hand for me to grab hold of.

“Yeah let’s go get him.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_ Hide’s POV _

_ As Roma tugs me along around the small village. I gotta say it’s not half bad? Like I’ve been to now to the bakery, the dining hall, someone home (probably Roma’s maybe), said ‘hi’ to some people I have no idea who they are. And that’s about it for now I guess. _

_ It’s getting pretty late in the evening, even though it was a pretty nice day. Plenty of sunshine and little to none snowfall so I would say it’s been good but I still need to ask Roma about helping me find Kaneki and Shuu. _

_ The faster I find them, the faster I can meet those Green Witches and get that plant for mum. _

_ I really hope she’s doing okay. _

_ I really hope this isn’t a waste of time…. _

“Hide.. HIDE!” Roma yells, waving a hand in front of my face.

“Oh! S-sorry about that Roma, I was just spacing out a little hahaha.” I try to laugh off the bitter thoughts that engulf my brain from time to time.

“Oh… It’s alright Hide. I was just going to ask if you would like to head back for now and try to get some sleep?” She ask somewhat sweetly, probably wondering what the hell I was thinking about in this oh so joyfully time.

_ Wow Hide, stop being an ass she’s just trying to be nice to you. _

“O-hh that sounds nice. Uhm do you know where I could stay? Is there any hotels around here?” I turn around to see if I can somehow see any from here which is a ‘no’.

“Ahaha no silly! You’ll be staying in the room you woke up in, which is in my home if you didn’t already know. And no need for you to pay anything! I’m glad to have your company.” Roma tells me in a soft voice, waving to me as she starts to walk off towards probably her home.

As we walk, we fall into a comfortable silence ( _ which I think is the first time we just …. didn’t talk and just did something instead _ ).

After about 4 minutes of light walking we reach her home. Going inside she reminds me of where the bathroom is if I forgotten already and if that I need anything just ask her.

“My room is the last one down the hall on the right but please do knock if you need anything.” Roma tells me as she stands in the doorway of the room I’m going to be staying in for now.

“Ah thank you Roma, I’ll do that if I do need anything. Oh and thank you for showing me around and really being kind to me. I truly appreciate it.” I tell her.

“Ahahah no need to thank me Hide, I mean it. I’m just glad we found you today or you would’ve of died out there!” She laughs a little probably trying to keep the mood light before sleep.

_ Which is greatly respected. _

“Well goodnight Hide. May Gabia shine herself upon you in the night and help you sleep steadily through your dreams.” She reminds me.

“Ah...ah you too Roma.” I hesitantly say, trying not to seem so awkward with the words of her religion.

“It’s okay Hide, I know you're new around here but don’t worry. You’ll truly accept Gabia into your heart before you know it.” She says before slipping out of the room and closing the door behind her. Not even giving me a chance to say anything more.

_ Mhmm okay that was a little weird but I guess I can’t really be the judge of that here. _

_ Maybe I just need some more sleep? My mind's been a little shaky lately so sleep should help with that. _

_ I just hope I can start looking for Kaneki and Shuu tomorrow. I miss him, okay not so much Shuu but differently Kaneki. _

_ I wonder what he’s thinking about now? Does he know I’m gone? Is he looking for me? _

_ Would he even want to look for me? _

_ Fuck Hide! Of course he would! _

_ I’m not doubting him here but I don’t know. I don’t see why anyone would really want to look for me. _

_ Would he feel lonely without me? _

_ Would he just forget about me? _

_ I hope not……… _

_ I’ve just been really tired of being alone lately. _


	40. The man who wielded fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide thinks too much at night and just needs to take a piss like always and just can't seem to catch a fucking break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while but I finally crawled out of my fucking cave of self-doubt to bring y'all this new chapter of Hide getting the shit scared out of him and Kaneki trying to just fucking find the poor dude.
> 
> And also I made a tag on tumblr for this story! If you guys just wanna just post other stuff in the tag. The tag is kaneki!witcher.
> 
> my tumblr is you wanna ask stuff is: nostalgically-sad  
> so hit me up if you wanna talk about sad shit.

Hide’s POV

_ It’s been around 15 minutes and I can’t seem to fall asleep no matter what kind of sleeping position I go in. Which is pretty fucking crazy for me because that normally works…….. well it does when I’m at home. And when I’m with Kaneki that’s just kinda different I guess. _

_ Thinking back when I first stayed a few nights with him were (yes difficult but let me think/talk here damn it!) kinda bad with the nightmares but I’ve always had some types of weird dreams here and there in my life. _

_ So they don’t bother me that much... _

_ But anyway with Kaneki ……. With him it just feels  _ **_‘right’_ ** _ in a real way. Like how some people say you can find a little bit of home in a person, well I feel that with him. _

_ But sometimes I don’t want to think about that. _

_ It’s just kinda overwhelming to have these types of feelings to have for another person. Sometimes it feels like my chest is going to cave in on itself just from the faintest thought of him but it can be so polar opposites at times. _

_ Being as if he was the morning sunrise, lingering on my skin on a winter day. Feeling the warmth spread across my body and into my veins. _

_ I feel that’s a dangerous type of feeling to have for someone who will leave you one day. _

_ Not saying I want to leave Kaneki at all here, but sometimes I just get into a thought and it multiplies so fast I’m an hour deep into the unwanted fucking parts of life. _

_ Just everything and anything is so temporary it makes living and loving someone so dangerous it's like drinking a bottle of poison. The poison giving you such a euphoric feeling through the whole time you drink it that you really don’t want to put it down. _

_ Yet at some point you think ‘is this the best for me? Should I just stop and throw away the bottle?’ _

_ And the trick is that you're drinking the poison for all of your life, so when the time comes for you to die it’s the same point when the bottle empties and drys out. You still lived a full life and there were ups and downs but you enjoyed every minute of it.  _

_ So why not drink the bottle too? _

_ I know that doesn’t make much sense for you maybe but for me it’s a lot like loving someone in this world…... _

_ For dying for something that you love. _

_ For dying for someone that you love. _

_ I guess I’m just going on about shit right now that I haven’t really had a time to just lay back and think about for awhile. It’s kinda ironic that I’m thinking about love at a time like this. I’m a 20 year old kid (yes I don’t see myself as an adult yet until I actually do something with my life) who’s had no relationship experience what so ever. _

_ Wow doesn’t that just sound shitty. _

_ God okay I’ve thought/talked enough I gotta go to the bathroom…… _

Lifting the blankets off myself and throwing my legs to the side of the bed, gently so not to make too much sound around the small room I’m currently stay in ( _ I don’t want to be that type of guy who makes noise in the middle of the night and wake everyone up. I’m not a douche bag). _

Anyway……….

Steadily tip-toeing my way to the door of the room, leaning my ear up against the wood to just make sure there’s no one on the other side so you know I don’t walk out/in on someone who’s talking about something that could be important for my ears to hear.

Hearing nothing, I firmly grab the doorknob and start to twist it. Praying that this fucking door isn’t as old as it looks.

And to my glee it doesn’t make a single sound ( _ thank fucking god for that too _ ).

Opening it slowly, I peek my head out of the crack of the doorway to just double check to see if anyone just so seems to be wandering around at this time at night like  me. 

Seeing no one around. I open the door more so I can slip myself through it, closing it almost completely so no one just so seems to actually get up and see I’m not in my ‘ _ assigned’ _ bed.

_ Which I don’t know why I’m so scared of being caught trying to go to the bathroom late at night like a totally normal human being. I just feel like it’s probably the best to do. _

Staying close to the walls as much as I can ( _ which fun fact, staying closer to walls or floors with furniture make less noises I’ve found out through many years of walking around in my creaky old home). _

Working my way through the home I finally spot the glorious-creepy-painting bathroom.

_ Finally! _

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ Oh wow! I didn’t know I had to go to the bathroom so badly until I did. I remember hearing it’s pretty bad to actually hold in a pee for a long time. _

_ That’s why I never hold one in. _

_ I don’t wanna explode from holding it in for too long. _

_ That’s also a fucking lame way to die too. _

_ Just saying. _

I’m about to start making my way back to my room when I notice a fair amount of candles have been lit around the hallway ( _ which weren’t lit when I was out of my room before I took a piss…… I just thought I should be clear with that here). _

_ I guess Roma might be scared of the dark……… _

Going back to tip-toeing my way to my room again, I stop suddenly because I swear I could hear a faint voice of someone calling out.

_ Sounding like someone is calling out to somebody, not really to me but just ‘ _ **_someone_ ** _ ’.  _

_ Okay okay I know shit like this has happened before and I know I’m surely not the bravest of the bunch of grapes in the vein of life…….. _

_ But I have to check it out. _

_ If that was me calling out for someone I know I would want someone actually coming to help me. _

Slowly ( _ but somewhat fastly _ ) tip-toeing my fucking feet past my room door, hopefully working my way to the front door of the house as quietly as possible.

_ Sometimes I wish I could transform into a mouse of something as cute and small like that because no one would hear me in situations like these! _

_ I don’t know I just thought it would be pretty cool! _

_ GOD! _

Fuck anyway…. finally making it to the front door, I grab my shoes and slip them on ( _ better be safe than sorry with going out in that fucking cold I’ll tell you _ ).

Opening the front door I regret not taking my coat with me ( _ which I have no idea really why I didn’t just fucking grab it before opening the door…. maybe I just thought it was a waste of time _ ……………  _ waste of time my ass _ ).

Feeling the late winter breeze on my skin really shakes me to my inner core ( _ I still can’t believe people live in this shit all the time _ ). Pulling on the sweater Roma let me wear I push my way through my senses and get out of the house.

Hearing the faint calls of a person in the fair distance, I start walking. Also I’m pretty thankful that people have lit lanterns on their front steps throughout the town. Basically lighting the way for me.

It’s still pretty dark in the town I can’t lie about that but with the lanterns and the unusually bright moonlight I’m doing pretty okay-ish in the blackness of the night. As I’m making the corner of the last house before the village ends down the street. I see a group of people surrounding a person kneeling before them.

“Shit!” I accidentally swear under my breath. Moving as fast as I can to go back to the corner of the house before anyone can see me. Slapping a hand over my mouth to make damn sure I will not say anything.

Sitting my ass on the ground I slowly turn my head toward their direction to hear and see better if I can.

“ _ I’m sorry! I truly am! I- I I can fix myself! I’ll do better please!”  _ The person on the ground says kneeling before them on her knees, it almost seems like she’s trying to be quiet but her emotions are getting the best of her.

“ _ Wellll  _ I don’t think that’s going to happen deary~. This is the third strike, and you know what happens on third strikes don’t you?” A man from the group steps closer to the woman.

_ And he’s a beefy guy too, and a hell of a lot taller then Shuu for that fact. Towering over the woman as she was a small animal of some sorts. _

“ _B-b-but I can change!_ _Please Yakumo! Just this one last time! Think about what Gabia would really want! She really wouldn’t want to -”_

“ _ What Gabia would want?  _ Have you lost your mind, woman? HAHA! Gabia would want  **_me_ ** to shine her righteous upon the wicked sinners of this world no matter what the lose! Because ridding the world of the people who go against her will just make a better world!” The man says as he bends down to practically breathe the words onto her face.

_ What the fuck is he talking about?? What Gabia wants? Does he mean the religion these villages follow? _

_ That doesn’t make any sense now? The way Roma said stuff about it was good not this type of crazy ass shit (Okay maybe sometimes it’s was creepy but not this bad!). _

The man (probably named Yakumo) stands back up from his feet to only stare down at the woman. Reaching out his hand to the side palm facing up.

_ What the hell is he doing? _

But suddenly I am too aware of what he’s doing. As one of his  _ buddies  _ place a longsword in his hand.

_ No. _

“Now let us pray for her, so she may go to the paradise which she is free from this disease that has taken over herself. Let her body be clean as the day she was born.” The man Yakumo says.

The woman begging at his feet, clawing and sobbing as the words are spoken to her as if she wasn’t even conscience.

_ No. No. _

The man swings the blade over his head as he kicks the woman backwards into the snowy dirt.

Oh no no no. FUCK NO! NO! NO! NO!

“ _ PLEASE YAKUMO NO! I JUST LOVED HE-” _

Before the woman could say anymore words. The sword in driven into her mouth going out the other side of her head swiftly. Hearing the cracks of her skull fragments being broken apart from the sword in a sickly manner.

Feeling the food from early come up way too fast from the bottom of my stomach and into my mouth as the scene unfolds from my eyes.

Chunks of vomit and acid breakthrough my hand that was shielding my mouth. With the puke streaming down my hand and chin, I try to swallow back down.

_ Oh god, oh fucking god why the hell did he - he do that! It just went right through her! FUCK THAT’S NOT SANE! _

_ Shit I’m gunna be sick again! _

I fall forward on my hands and knees, carelessly vomiting all the rest of contaminants lingering in my pitiful stomach.

*crack*

_ What the hell? _

I look down and I see my left knee just broke a twink laying on the ground.

“Did you hear that Yakumo?”

_ Oh fuck no…… _


	41. A stranger with a mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going off what happen last chapter with Hide snooping around the town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllloooooo everyone! Sorry it's kinda late with this chapter update. I'm trying to ease the story into things and trying not to rush anything at the same time.
> 
> It's also a little shorter then most chapters but HEY GUYS WE'RE UP TO 200 PAGES!!!! THAT'S FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!

_ Oh no, Oh no, OH NO! _

“It was probably a rabbit, you idiot. Yakumo don’t worry-”

“No I heard it, I’ll go have a check. But now clean up this filth while I’m gone and do it  _ before _ the blood can dry and set not like last time. It’s always a big pain in the side when that happens.”

_ FUCK! That Yakumo guy, dude, beast, whatever! Is coming and I need to think fast! _

_ Think Hide! Think Hide! THINK! _

Hearing the crunch of hard snow under a pair of boot pulls my head out of my ass And before I know it I’m already running as fast as I can back to Roma’s house.

Feeling the cold air burn and constricts my lungs, hectic breathing somewhat makes things worse as I pump more air into my leg muscles to make them move.

_ Okay Hide, maybe running in the middle of the road is probably not the smartest ideas. So let’s go behind one of these houses and not make us a big fucking target for the murder trying to find us? _

Listening to myself, I quickly side swipe a corner between two houses. Stopping for a second to catch my breath and listen in if that guy, Yakumo?  is still seeing what made that noise (it was me yes, but still hoping that he’ll just go back).

As I stand here, I just now notice how dark it is in between the spaces of these two houses.

_ Well fuck now I’m starting to get more anxious. And I don’t even know how that’s even possible. If this guy comes I might not even see him going for me. _

_ God that’s an unnerving thought to have. _

I push myself against the wall frame of one of the houses, making sure at least my back is covered.

I try to be quiet and listen but it’s real hard when my heart is ramming itself against my chest.

_ So I better stop that before I end up fucking died. _

Taking a slow puff of air in and out through my nose, trying to calm myself as best that I can ( _ which is not a lot at times _ ). Balancing my breath out, I finally start to relax somewhat down from the fear and adrenaline.

_ Holy shit that was….. Was something fucking horrifying! I - why the hell did that man do that? What was his fucking goal with that? Save her from what????? I don’t understand. She didn’t even try to attack him and what was she- _

As I’m thinking myself into a panic again. My thoughts are stopped fast as a hand smacks it’s way onto my face, covering my mouth.

“ _ Shhhhh!” _ The person hushes into my ear.

_ “You’ll get us both killed you fucking idiot if you make any more noises. So for the both of us, I’ll let go of your mouth but just please stay quiet Hide.”  _ The person whispers to me.

I nod my head to indicate that ‘ _ Yes I’ll stay quiet so please take your fucking hand off of me _ ’ to them. They breath out a long sigh as they gently remove their hand from my lips.

“Did you really lick my hand?” They ask me in confusion.

“ _ Well don’t put your hand on my mouth then _ .” I mutter back to them in a somewhat irritated tone.

“True enough I guess……..” They say back to me.

After what seems like a few minutes have gone by they speak once again.

“Well it seems like big douche has left or got bored trying to find the ‘rabbit’ a.k.a  _ your fucking ass _ . So I’ll take you back to Roma’s house.” They say as a hand grabs onto mine ( _ why does everybody have to grab my hand or some part of me all the time? _ ).

_ It’s still fucking dark in this somewhat ‘suburban’ alley so making it really hard to see anything, which is fucking difficult for me when this person just starts calling the shots and I don’t even know what they look at. Who says they're really on my side and not that Yakumo guy’s side? _

I rip my hand away from their grasp. “ _ Why should I trust you?  _ No offense or anything but I don’t even know  _ you _ , and it’s a little more creepy to know you were walking around when wh- when  _ that _ just happened.” I say to them as we stand barely touching at the edge of the alleyway.

“Fine.  _ Yes _ you don’t know me but I’ve heard enough to know about you, and if  **_they_ ** find out you were out here snooping around in their glorious nightly duties. Then they’ll probably, hell not even probably. They will do worse to you Hide.” They say in a low whisper.

_ Who the fuck is this person? _

“What do you mean do worse to me? They saved me from the freezing cold. Yeah maybe Roma and Sage Donato might be a little weird here and there but that doesn’t really mean anything.” I say to them.

“Is that what they told you? That they ‘ _ saved’  _ you?” They say right back to me.

“What the hell do you mean by  _ that _ ?” I ask confused as all hell. 

But as I said that we hear footsteps.

_ Fuck not again! _

As too I’m shocked in the moment to actually think of something to do, the person with me lunging forward and grabs my hand again to pull me back into the darkness of the alleyway.

We both stay still as statues until the footsteps are completely gone.

As that happened they let go of me from their hands.

“Okay obviously this is not the right time to start talking to you, like a fucking meet and greet. So it’s best for the both of us to go home or whatever you're staying in to be somewhat safe. Well at least for now.” They say to me as they walk to the edge of the alleyway.

In the very dim light in the alley I can barely see as the stranger with me slightly turns their head side to side, probably checking to see if the road is clear.

“The road looks clear enough to walk you back from where you're staying at. So let’s get going before something happens that we don’t wanna be around for.” They say over their shoulder to me.

And as the moonlight starts to really shine it’s way upon us, I can finally make out what they look like.

He kinda looks like if I ever had a older brother.

Semi longer-ish hair that slightly waves outwards, it’s even a type of orangey brown like my own. He’s even a bit taller then me, scaling a maybe 5’8 feet.

“ _ Who are you? _ And why are you telling me anything let alone even helping me?” I ask.

“ _ Ahh  _ my bad. I’m Nishio Nishiki and why am I helping you? Mhmm that’s a good question. But we don’t really have the time for that now.” He says at me.

“Now let’s get you back so you don’t fucking die from frostbite and I’ll have to tell everyone why you’re dumbass didn’t wear a coat on a night walk.”

_ What the hell type of guy is he? _

_ And is he someone I can trust? _

_ I just don’t know…. _

_ But he seems better than any other people that are around here. _

_ So I’m guessing he’s all I got for now. _


	42. A wicked good time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki and Shuu go on a ride.
> 
> A ride being Kaneki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what guys I'm really sorry about this being soooooooo late. I've been doing a lot of stuff (which I never do) and I had a shitty time and kinda had a little breakdown and needed some time to myself and I know this chapter is short but it's hard when your sad and don't wanna do stuff.
> 
> But I'm not giving up on this story!!!! So I hope you like this chapter even thou not a lot happens

Kaneki’s POV

Me and Shuu still make our way through the forest to the west of the village ( _ that Hide’s supposedly to be in _ ). It’s gotten darker as the hours creeped past us, making trees start to form shadow like beings in the low light of the sun.

_ But it’s not like their real anyway, right? _

_ Not like those shadows have thoughts and faces so it’s nothing to be truly afraid of, don’t you think? _

_ W̻h̻̙o̵̮ͅͅ ḁ͍r͏̼̪̬̻̙̦ẹ̱̖̳̱̮͢ ̫̦y̟o̪͙̫̬͕̲̺u͚ tr̼̮̯̟͙̲y̡̬i͝ͅn͕̲͝g͇̜͙ͅ ̢͕̻͚t̖̗oͅ ͡fo̢̱̪ol͚̝̹͎̝̞?̱͉͙̣̠ _

_ Obviously myself. _

As I’m talking to myself and the other’s in my head, I hear Shuu trying to call me back to the reality we live in.

“Kaneki are you listening to me?” I toon back in to hear him say that as he walks closer up towards me.

“I sure am.” I say slowly nodding my head back to him as I heave my way through more almost knee length snow.

“Well I wanted to tell you that maybe I should try talking to these villagers before they see you.” He says skeptically.

“I mean Kaneki,  _ petit bélier.  _ No offensive but I don’t think many will take kindly to………. Uhmm  _ your ‘appearance _ ’. If I’m right, then these people will not take kind to a Witcher or even a normal Witch for a matter of that fact coming onto their land.” Shuu tells me.

_ He’s not wrong at least. _

_ This is probably why I’ve stayed with him for so long. Alway honest with small little details like this, not to afraid to speak what’s on his mind. _

“Yeah you're probably right with that too. I don’t need to put Hide in more trouble than he’s already in just because of how I dress.” I tell him weakly.

_ Do I really dress that badly that people are just too fearful to come up to me? _

_ Ye̫͚ͅs͠. _

_ Y̦͞es y̨͈̟ǫ̞̬̘̖ͅu͇͙ ̼͎͔͢d̜͡o̻̹̬̲͔͍͓. _

_ Thanks I really needed to hear that. _

_ “Or……..” Shuu says somewhat doubly. _

_ “ _ Or what?” I ask back.

“Or we can hurry back to the car and which I had the  __ pleasure of asking Mastume to pack some extra clothes for you and Hide. So maybe you’ll be presabully after we got some proper clothes on you.” Shuu suggests.

Mhmmm….. He’s got a good point there.

But I don’t really want to squeeze myself into another one of Shuu’s tight fitting clothing.

If just going back means I get to go in the village myself without causing some sort of riot then I just it’s time to tuck myself again.

“Okay sure let’s go Shuu. But I’m not going to walk all the way back because that will only slow us down, plus the sun is fading from this day already.” I tell him and I can see the sews and grooves starting to move in his head.

“Kankei  _ no. _ ” Shuu says.

But sorry for him it’s too late.

I’m already grabbing him with both hands and lifting him over my back.

With a small running start, I push most of my body weight into my legs and push myself and Shuu off the ground and into the open skies.

Shuu cringles closer to my back probably thinking I might drop him like last time.

_ I wouldn’t let that happen again but he doesn’t know that. _

As the altitude from my jump begins to slow us down, it gradually starts to aim me for one of the tallest trees in this part of the forest ( _ how lucky for me) _ .

_ Literally falling from the sky I probably should look for a tree branch that will be strong enough for me to land on. And Hopefully it won’t break. _

And just about as Shuu threats start to become more serious, I find a sturdy looking branch halfway from us.

Landing on it perfectly  _ (and with little snow hitting my back _ ) gripping the base of the tree tightly with my free hand. Making sure to keep my balance as Shuu adjust himself more evenly on my back.

Feeling grounded, I bend my knees and push off again. But causing the tree to fall back from the force of my strength.

Whispering an ‘ _ I’m sorry’ _ to the fallen tree as I glide through the air.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After about 4 more times like that we safely make it back to Shuu’s car.

“Okay we’re on the ground now ……”

“You can get off my back now Shuu,  _ really _ .” I say to him, hoping his fears of heights didn’t give him a heart attack.

“That wasn’t so bad was it now? I --” I start to say but slowly seeing Shuu made me stop completely.

_ He forgot to put on a hat this time! Which might not be a lot to you people but Shuu’s hair is the worst I’ve ever seen it. _

_ And that says a lot about him. _

He’s hair is sporting in all directions. Up, down, side to side, and even curly.

Holding in my laughter and making the deadest face I can pull out of myself in this moment. I gently slap my hand on his shoulder ( _ surprising I can reach that high). _

“That’s a good look on you.” I say and walk away.

_ Hide would've thought that was the funnest shit ever. _

_ God how I wish he was here. _


	43. I hate the look on your face while I cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki is uncomfortable in most clothes and Hide just feel bad about so many things.

Kaneki’s POV

_ I look fucking ridiculous. _

“I look fucking ridiculous Shuu, don’t you have any different types of clothing in that suit case of yours.” I ask him as I try to adjust the tight collar that currently rings around my neck with a uncomfortable force.

“Hmpf! In your size?” He laughs.

_ Why do I have to deal with him? _

“I’m afraid not  _ petit bélier _ . Your size is uhmmm  _ very different _ from people in my household. Matsumae had to hand make these herself!” Shuu says dramatically.

“But doesn’t she already do that for most of the clothes laid about in your house?” I ask knowing that I’m right with this answer. 

_ He can’t fool me so much anymore, I’ve known him since he was shitting his pants. _

_ Which I am so very glad he doesn’t do anymore. _

“ _ C'est suffisant  _ my dear Kaneki,  _ c'est suffisant. _ ” He tells me in somewhat defeat.

“Anyway let’s start up the car and get going. It’s already night and this is not the safest place to be right now.” I say to Shuu, opening up the passenger car door.

Getting myself comfortable as I can be in my seat, Shuu jumps in as well. Closing the driver's door behind him.

“But I don’t think really any place is truly safe Kaneki.”

_ I would agree with him on that but I hate being right about that type of things. _

_ Because now I have someone in my life and I ‘want’ the world to be safer. _

_ Safer for him. _

 

* * *

 

 

_ Hide’s POV  _

 

_ Waking up this next morning is something almost surreal. _

_ Okay I know, I know. I saw Kaneki eating someone and I didn’t do much then just bat my eyes and twirl my hair about that shit but is different! _

_ That fucking women was killed,  _ **_Killed_ ** _ guys. _

_ Not someone dying from old age, not someone having a heart attack, she was  _ **_killed_ ** _ by a man who she was pleaded her fucking life for. That’s a truly terrifying thing to watch. I…… There was something I could do but I didn’t. _

_ I didn’t do shit and I have to deal with this ‘feel’. _

_ This feeling of knowing I could've done something, ANYTHING really but I didn’t. _

_ I just watched like a fucking coward. _

_ A  _ **_‘coward_ ** _.’ _

_ Fuck, Hide don’t go down that path! Come on we still need to find Kaneki and Shuu and get out of here in one piece. _

*knock* *knock*

_ GEEZ MY LORD! _

“Y-yes?” I say, as I hear gently knocks coming from the door.

“It’s Roma, just wanted to check if you were awake by now. Anyway breakfast is going to be served in about 15 minutes in the dining hall. So if I were you, I’d start thinking about getting ready about now!” I hear her say from the other side of the door.

“Okay! Thank you for letting me know!” I call back to her from the comforts of my bed ( _ Yeah I’m lazy and emotionally drained so let me just laze around for a little more gosh _ ).

After saying that I think I hear her small footsteps leaving down the hall, probably going back to her room.

Sitting up from the warmth of my bed is something I don’t personally want to do but I have to get things done and get fucking answers today.

_ No more semi-nice-kind-hearted-Hide anymore! _

_ Fucking detective Hide coming out. _

Throwing off the blankets that cover me, I stand to now make the bed again ( _ probably shouldn’t of thrown them off of myself because now it’s just more of a pain in the ass to fix) _ .

After fixing the bed, I try and find some clean clothes but to my disappointment I find nothing.

_ And I just said I was going to start to be detective Hide……… _

_ What the actually fuck man. _

Finding nothing, I guess I should just wash up first and then ask Roma if she has any clothes that I can ( _ once again _ ) borrow.

Slipping past my door, I head down to the ( _ creepy painting _ ) bathroom before anyone can really see my morning features at such heights so early.

 

* * *

 

 

After the shower I think I have little to 6 minutes left before everyone’s ( _ probably _ ) going to be hurrying down to the dining hall to get their full of food.

_ Which I would say I am no better because that’s what I’m going to doing anyway hahahaha. _

Wrapping a towel around my waist before even daring to go out into the hallway ( _ like that would be so fucking crazy if I just ran naked around Roma’s house, I don’t even do that with my own house _ ). Stepping out in the hallway I feel a cold rush of air that it chills be to the bone, feeling goosebumps ritty my body as I move towards Roma’s door.

I knock softly on Roma’s door, hoping not to scare her so early in the morning. Within in seconds the door opens and the small girl stands in front of me.

“I would ask you if you're ready but I’ll doubt that would be true.” She smiles at me.

“Oh nah, I just need some clothes if you have any laying about really, it would be much appreciated.”

“I’ll see what I have for you.”

Walking off back into her room, I stand awarkaly in the doorway (half fucking naked for a matter of fact too). Hearing some fabrics being tossed around, I hear a ‘Oh!’ from the room.

Swinging the door open, Roma hands me a set of clothing.

_ Thank god! Now I don’t have to be naked……. Well I guess nothings wrong with being naked but like I don’t want people looking at me……… Well actually I don’t want people to look at me a lot anyway. _

_ There is no win here for me damn it! _

Saying a ‘thank you’ to her. I walk back into my room.

 

* * *

 

 

Having a fresh set of clothes on, me and Roma head over to the dinner hall for some good old breakfast.

Finding our seats from yesterday are free. I take a seat while Roma says she’s going to get me and her’s food.

Looking around I feel  _ uneasy  _ again _. _ The images from last night are still fresh in my mind, and with that he sting of guilt rings around in my stomach. 

_ Fuck can I even eat like this? _

Everyone seems like nothing has happened at all. No one crying, no one comforting one another, not even heart filled words for the dead one. Like some girl screaming for her life wasn’t fucking killed in the dead of last night. She was scared and alone, with no one listening to her. She died in the freezing cold.

Like no one cared.

_ This is so messed up! _

Wait a second…..

Roma is running towards the table with the food in her hands.

“Hey! We have to go back to my house. I just got news of a bear lurking around the forest next to us.” She says with an apologetic smile.

_ I don’t really get why we have to go back to her home? Like they have weapons, I know this. So why can’t they kill the bear if it becomes such a big problem? _

_ This just doesn’t seem right….. _

_ But I should probably just go with it. I don’t want to seem like a ‘problem’ person for these people now. _

_ There is no opinion for me to say no anymore to them.  _

“Okay, that sounds fine to me. Best to be safe than sorry right?” I try to give a believable smile but it feels like it falls flat on my face.

Getting up, we start head back to her house. While passing on by we see a crowd of people. I don’t think of much of it with all the tiny markets around this place but a lot of people are around  _ something _ . Arriving at her home, I take one more look back and I could swear I saw a head of white hair.

_ Is that……? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL THOUGHT I WAS DEAD !!!!! WELL I'M BACK WITH MORE BLACK HONEY !!!!!!!!


	44. Where is he?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kaneki's pissed and Shuu is trying to get the talking done for both of them. Where the fuck is Hide?

Kaneki’s POV:

 

“State your business here, please.” A man with a hard stare ask them.

Me and Shuu stand in the front of the village with our backs to the forest. Something I  _ just _ never like to do. The forest is an unforgettable being and I sure don’t want to learn that again.

Shuu is talking to some man at the entrances of the village, and he doesn’t look happy or pleased to let us in at all. And I’m not surprised by this because I already know they have Hide, and I’m not leaving until I’m walking out of here with Hide around my arms.

“Oh  _ mon bon monsieur  _ we’re just here looking for a friend. Have you seen a boy about _ -” _

_ Fucking Damn it Shuu stop speaking in a language they don’t know.  People get dangerous over things they don’t know anything about. _

“ _ What _ did you just say?” The man says in a irritated voice.

“ _ Oh  _ I’m sorry sir. I didn’t mean to upset you in anyway or form. You see, me and my friend lost a person in our group during a travel. We were hoping if you’ve seen anybody with tan-ish skin, orangy hair that is normally pulled back, and about in his early 20’s.” Shuu says kindly to the man.

_ I think this is the kindest I’ve ever seen Shuu act…. _

_ It’s creepy. _

“We’ve haven’t seen anybody  _ ‘new’ _ around in these parts. Specially wondering around the forest. If I were you, I would assume the poor fool is dead by now.”

I glance up at Shuu to see if he can also taste the bullshit on the back of his tongue too.

“ _ Well  _ could we please just have a look around just in case sir? We were around about 5 miles from here where we lost him, so he could of ended up close to here.” Shuu says trying to be the most reasonable person right now.

_ Because I sure am not going to be reasonable if they’ve hurt Hide. _

_ I swear on my god forsaken soul, I will show them how unreasonable I can be. _

_ C̩̭̤͕͖ḁ̞̜̮͈͉l̮͖̰m̧̳̜̱̳̞̹̤ ͖̞͕͡d̼̪̫͕̞͞o͔w̴̞̮ͅͅn͇̠. ̡͇̳͔Y̱͙̜̣̫o̢͚̳̝̞̗̩̻u̞̖͡r̴ ͖͜b̧̬̪̳̣ͅei̻̭̗̪͕͎ng̯̕ ̦̙̪̺̦̟̼͝ọ̼̩̠̜ͅv̤̬͇͕͢e̢̺r̷͈̦̫͙̰̙a͙̯̺̳͔̭̦l̴̻̞l̪͙̬̖͈ ̺d͠r̝̩̻̤̮̘̙a̫ma̮̙̟̻͙͍t̥̩̹i̺͎͙̖̼̰̤͡c̸͓̳̻̤͈̪.҉̰̮̠̙̲ _

 

“I would have to ask someone much higher up on the scale than me. It’s not my power to let outsiders like yourselfs into the sacred village of Gabia. So please follow me.” The man says, walking more towards the middle of town.

As we walk, people who are roaming around the streets turn their head towards us.

_ Yeah I get it, Shuu with his fancy suit and tall stature will alway turn heads no matter where he is but I get the feeling they're looking my way.  Fucking Shuu said I wouldn’t be too ‘out’ there here but I guess dressing me like a fucking bear cub doesn’t really help me. _

We walk up to someone’s front door. The man knocks harshly, his knuckles rushly hit the door over and over until someone on the other side calls out that their coming.

A tall man opens the door with a distasteful expression on his face.

“Yes what is it?” The other man says.

This other man looks as if he breaks trees in half on the  _ daily _ . His bulky and huge shape could almost tower Shuu’s height and body weight.

“W-well Yamori these two men have said they lost a person from their group. They were asking if they could take a look around the village to see if he could possibly be here.”

This ‘Yamori’ man looks behind the other timid villager to see me and Shuu standing here. His face doesn’t change anything but his eyes shine in a way that makes me fuel with anger.

_ Yeah I know you have him here you fucking white snake. Just hand him over before this your village gets cursed. I don’t mind losing a few fingers for that type of magic. _

“Ah will come in gentlemen. Don’t want to be in the cold all day do you? Come in, come in. And we can discuss this  _ ‘matter’ _ .” The man named Yamori said to us.

I wonder if Shuu’s nervous. Because there’s a split second where he doesn’t move inwards the home. But it was only so short until he follows the gesture to come on in.

_ Following close behind both of them, I try to stay a little more closer to my purple headed fool. Even if I don’t like him most of the time, I can’t just let this kid die. _

Yamori lends us to what’s probably his living room. With one brown couch leaned up against the wall with a simple wooden table right infront of it. Hardly really many chair expected three around the room. 

Nothing out of the ordinary here unless you count the multiple animal heads that shatter the otherwise pale blank walls. 

_ It would be almost better off if it was more filled with creepy and disgusting things in this room. It’s too normal, too dull, too unnerving. _

Shuu and I take seats in the chairs while Yamori sits on the couch comfortably, spreading his legs wide and arms out around the upper part of the couch.

“ _ So  _ you’ve lost a group member in the forest? How’d that even happen?”

“Well  _ we  _ don’t fully know how it  _ happened _ , but he was helping me move my car from a patch of mud and melted snow. But after the car was pushed from the back, I went back to go get him and he was just simply gone.” Shuu explains to him in a calmly manner, sitting up straight in his chair, eyes caring and head forward to show no hostility.

_ It’s probably best for me to not talk. Shuu truly knows how to act the part of distress person looking for a lost friend. _

“ How  _ unfortunate _ .” Yamori says back to him.

“Indeed sir, that’s why me and my friend here where wondering if we could just take a quick look about the village if that’s not too much trouble?” Shuu says swaying a hand towards me to say that ‘yes this is my friend so please be nice to him.’

Yamori looks at me for a quick second before leaning forwards towards me. His face huge and eyes too wide apart too look normally ‘human’. I can smell his breath before he can even open that trap of his. It reeks of lies.

“What a  _ pleasure _ to meet you. I’m Yamori the head guard here in the village of the Goddess Gabia.  _ May her light shine upon you and your dear lost friend.”  _ He says extending a hand out.

_ Like fucking hell I’m gunna shake that hand of his. _

I don’t move in my seat, I don’t move my eyes from his eyes, I don’t even try to speak to him.

“Oh I’m so  _ sorry _ Mr. Yamori! My friend here is mute, he can not speak any words. I should've told you in the beginning of this talk” Shuu says surprisingly quick.

He drops his hand and leans back into the couch lazily, still keeping his eyes on me. A sickly grin forms on his pale lips.

“What? Was he born that way? Ha, must of had a sinner of a mother if that’s so.” Yamori says without skipping a beat.

I can feel my infested blood run cold in my body as the words slip from his slimy mouth.

_ I must hold my tongue. I have to hold it until we can even get some information on how to find Hide and get him the fuck out of here. I can do it. I can hold it. _

_ Y̯͔̺̪̲̙ͅo̠̪͠u̴͍'̶̫̦̼͚r̸e̲͖ ̧̝͖͖̮͈j̬̘̩͟u̼̖̩͔s͎̗͚̬t̝ ͚̰͙͟g̲̪o̶͖̖̖̘i̳̮͚͓n̠̖g͉ ͕̗͕͇̱̞̰t̪͙͝o͏͚̞͈̩͈ ̬͚̼̦l̻̙̹̱̻͘e͓͕̼͕t̪ ̝̹̟̱̩̬͡ͅa ̞̺̯̯͈͡h̰͍͎̰͇̭ͅu͔͓̻͍̺̰ͅm͞a̦̪͝n̟ ̬͟s̞͔̺͚̘a̲y̨̰̟͚͙̮ ͘s̘̥̜͎u̞͖c̪͍h̙̟͉ ̷͍͔̣̲̙a͉̟̯̪̼̠ ̱̘̟̕t̡͓h̠͚̜ͅi͍ṉ̢̬̤̳̯̲g͇̫̣̳̱͠ ̜͙a̴̟̟̙͕̲̖͉b̳̖̠o̧͎u͔͎t͕̞ ͉̬̹̗͇̹̯y̨o̷͍u̵̥̰̗͇̜̬r̴̪͖ ͙̗͕͖̥͞m̡͈o̬̗̘͙̥̬̜t̩̣͜h͔͎͟e̵̳̰̪̻r̸͖̣̝̯?̷̘̭̤̞̱̘̭ _

_ D̘͡on̼̺͍̣̘̰̭'̛͉t̛͔͚ ̠y̢o͔̭̖̝͚͜u ̭͖͇̰̖̪lov͓̦̯̪̩̼̟ȩ̣̬̣̱̩ͅ ͠y͍̳͔̭̼ou͖̱̳͜'r̪̩̖̯̗̩̕ę ̧̙͉͚͚̬͖̼m҉͍͎̗o̷̩̘̹̳͈̩̙t͙̹h͜e̖̪ͅṟ̢͎,̘̭̩ ͇̼̗K̴͙̱̞a̷n̪͈̥̝̱̦ẹ̙̜̹͉͠k̻͉̹̦̩̮͓i͏̠͇̘̜̜̳?͡ _

__

“ Maybe some of your mother’s sinner blood flows through your veins? If you need to set yourself free of those sins young boy, maybe Gabia can shine some great light on you. You just need to ‘ _ ask’ _ , and you shall be given.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey lovely people! ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ Hope this chapter is okay! Lots of talking and being balls of fiery anger. Thank you all again for sticking with this story after such a long time of not writing!


	45. Who comes at night?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki and Shuu see a new face. Hide gets a word in with Roma but regrets it.

Kaneki’s POV:

 

I stare dully at the man whose name well now and forever not give me a headache. Shuu too my side doesn’t even look slightly surprised by the words Yamori just said to me. I can’t say I’m not surprised as well.

“ _ What?  _ Is he deaf too?” Yamori ask Shuu with an amused tone.

“No, no he can hear you, sir. But going back to the matter at hand, could we possible loo-”

“ _ Well _ if he can hear me then they didn’t he just answer my question?” Yamori says interrupting Shuu.

_ I bet Shuu is using very muscle in his body not to pop a damn blood vessel right now. _

Shuu looking over at me now. No doubt he doesn’t have much of an idea what to do now in this situation. Can’t say I blame him. This man probably knows that we know that he has Hide.

_ Why not attack us right now? Get it over and done with? I think that would be the fastest way to do this but Shuu said it would be best not to do that. Specially with the people that live here only to survive here. That have no real reason to be like this fucking pest right in front of me. _

_ I guess I have to answer him in some way. _

I finally nod my head.

“ _ Ohhhh _ look at this! He truly isn’t deaf!” Yamori laughs in excitement.

“Okay,  _ okay.”  _ He says calming himself down.

“You two may look around the village. But _please_ do spend the night, we have cots for you two to sleep on. It’s already past dust and the night will be upon us any minute now. It would be _our_ pleasure to have such fine people like the two of you’s to stay here.”

Looking over to Shuu he just kinda shrugs his shoulders. Turning back to Yamori, I nod again.

“Great!” He slaps his hands together.

“I’ll get someone to help you around the village so you two don’t get  _ lost _ . He knows every part of this place so I promise he’ll be a big help.” Yamori says as he walks over to the window and pulls on a set of strings.

You can hear a chime from the other side of the window. Waiting a few second, we all hear a knocking sound coming from the front door.

“Come in.” Yamori says in a loud echoing voice.

After that we hear the opening of the door and footsteps start to thud their way towards us.

“You rang?” A man with black shoulder length hair says to Yamori.

“Yes, I did. These two men are  _ looking  _ for a lost member of their group. They suspect that their friend is somewhere around this village, so help them out a little.”

“Okay-okie boss man.” The mysterious guy says, turning his way towards me and Shuu.

“Hello there fine gentlemen! I’m Nimura Furuta, and will be helping you out in this  _ dire _ situation that you two are in. Hope we can work good together!” I guess the man Furuta said to both me and Shuu.

Yamori stand next to Furuta and paps his shoulder.

“Well Furuta, show these two the rooms they’ll be staying in for the time being. Night is coming and you two don’t want to lose anybody else do ya?” Yamori tries to say in a humorous voice but only falls flat on my ears with a threatening tone.

Shuu and me follow Furuta outside into the snow. We’re about 40 feet away from the Yamori home. I turn my head slightly back and see the enormous man still waiting in the front door area.  _ Watching us _ .

_ Ah, you fuckin lug think I’m going to just stay in a room for a whole night while Hide could be in danger? _

_ Think again prick. _

 

* * *

 

 

Hide’s POV:

 

Roma and me go into her home. She quickly places the two plates of food on her small dinner table.

“Sorry we have to eat in here Hide. Normally bear’s leave us alone during most seasons.” She says with a frown placed on her face.

“Nah it’s all good Roma! Bear’s will be bear’s I guess. I don’t mind just eating with you here.” I tell her.

_ But don’t bear’s do that weird thing during winter seasons? _

_ Yeah, yeah I remember now! It’s called hibernate and normally bear’s sleep for a while during this time of the year. _

_ Why is Roma lying to me about this? Could've it been a wolf and not a bear? But still, that’s a pretty hard thing to mix up……… _

We eat in silence. Nothing is said more about the mystery bear nor on when we could go back outside.

We finish the meal and Roma grabs my plate for me.

“Hey Roma?” I ask her, out in the open as if she maybe not answer my words.

“Yes, Hide?”

“When could I start looking for my friends? I know you guys have been doing so much for me but I don’t want to over stay here. I know this might seem like it’s coming out of nowhere but it’s just …….. I just miss them, Roma.”

She doesn’t respond right away, which makes me anxious and start to regret my words.

“Well actually Hide, I wanted to tell you that Sage Donate was already instructing a research team when we found you in the snow. We thought you probably had a group that you got lost from.” 

_ Now I just feel like a dick. _

“Wow, that’s really amazing of your guys……. I-it really is Roma. I truly appreciate it.” I tell her.

“Ahh~ it’s alright!” She says happily with a warm smile.

“I enjoy your company Hide, I really do. I think Gabia made it your destiny to come here and meet our people. To even meet me.” She says in a soft voice while she scrubs at the plates in the sink.

“Gabia surely is a blessing.” She whispers to herself, thinking that it wasn’t loud enough for him to hear her.

After that Roma and him go their own ways. Saying the normally ‘goodnights’ and ‘see ya’s tomorrow’.

Laying in his assigned bed. Feeling the warmth of the covers and blankets, sleep starts to fill my eyes and I can already feel myself fall slowly into sleep.  

*cluck*

_ What the hell was that?........ _

_ It was probably Roma in the next room. _

*cluck* *cluck* *cluck* *cluck*

“The hell?” Whispering to myself. I look over to the window and see a shadow on the other side.

_ Someone’s outside of my window….. _

**_Someone’s outside of my fucking window in the dead of night!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rain before the storm is surely falling my friends. Get your fucking hats and raincoats for this shit's gunna hit hard soon.
> 
> Just want to say thank you guys for all the likes, comments, and everything else!


	46. the mission of Gabia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the hell storm begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably one of the longest chapters I've written in this story so please enjoy!

Hide’s POV:

 

I really don’t want to go outside… Like every fiber in my body tells me ‘ _nah hide, my dude. That’s some creepy bullshit happening out there. I wouldn’t do it if I was you.’_

And yet here I am slowly pulling on a coat and opening the front door to go outside.

_What the actually fuck am I doing?_

Looking around to see if anyone was somehow outside in this weather ( _you can never be too carefully you know?)._ Seeing no one, I turn the corner of Roma’s home to go where the window of my room would be located.

_I am a strong boy…… wait I’m fucking 20 years old, I’m not a boy! I’m a fucking man! Okay let’s start that again………….._

_I am a strong man and can do this. ‘_ **_I_ ** _’ can do this._

Walking into the darkness of the side of the house, I can see a darker figure lingering in the shadows. Walking more forward I’m somewhat relieved and confused to see once again he man call Nishiki.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him in a low whispered voice.

“Oh I’m just on a night walk and happened to feel a bit lonely so I was wondering if you could keep me company.”

“Ahhh dude that’s so sweet, hell yeah I will.”

“ _Fuck no_ , I was _joking_ Hide.” He sighs into his hand.

“That kinda hurts my feeling Nishiki. I thought you really wanted to hang out.”

“We can do that later, first we need to talk about something.” Nishiki says while grabbing me by my coat, to make me come closer to him.

“People have come to this village today.” He says as if that’s such a rare thing to happen.

“Yeah and? This is a village in the woods, I would be surprised if no one came into this village to get things.”

“Okay Hide you can _‘think’_ that but this is a place that no one wants to come to unless it’s the only thing left for them to do. This place isn’t **_normal_ ** _._ This village is in the middle of the forest because of reasons you shit.”

“Okay, _okay_. So what’s the deal with these two people coming here? I heard from Roma that a bear was spotted around this place so was it them that brought the bear here?”

“What the fuck are you talking about a bear? There aren't any bears around at this time of the year you dope.”

“Then why would Roma say that there was one then -”

“She was lying to you Hide. She was lying so you wouldn’t see the _‘new’_ people that came in to the village today.” Nishiki says roughly in my ear, probably trying to keep his voice down while trying not to let his emotions get the best of him.

_I knew something was wrong in the idea of a bear coming around here but I just feel more concerned now that to fully know that she was straight up lying to me._

_What the actually fuck man! Why does it seem like everyone wants to deceive me!_

“So okay, she was lying to me. I get that now. So tell me who these people are, what they look like?”

“I couldn’t get a good look at them because I’m pretty sure the head boss thinks I’m up to something so they got me working on indoor shit all the fucking time now. But I got a look at the small one.” Nishiki takes a breath in and out before he talks again.

“They were wearing a huge fur coat and hat that almost covered their whole body. So that made it even harder to see what they looked like but. They did take off their hat and I was surprised to see such a young person with pure white hair.”

_White hair! That’s fucking Kaneki! My boy!_

Grabbing Nishiki this time by his coat, surprising him and a little bit of myself in the process.

“Where did they go??” I ak a little bit too loud for Nishiki’s liking.

“Okay calm down there commander.” Nishiki says while gently taking my grip off of him.

“I saw them go with that bastard Furuta, which is not a good thing. I do think they are camped out in one of the houses around here. But the bad thing is I don’t know which place it is.”

“Well then what are we waiting for?? Let’s go find them.”

“Hide it’s not that easy. Yamori and his little _‘holy’_ gang is always walking around this place no matter what time it is. If we’re gunna do this when we need to make a plan.”

I look down at the ground in frustration.

_Fuck! Of course we need a plan. I can’t really just do this on a whim, I can’t forget what happened to that woman. I…… I need to stay safe but i- if they find out what Kaneki is ….. I can’t let them hurt him._

_I can’t let anyone else hurt him like how he’s been hurt in the past._

“Yeah, _yeah okay.”_ Saying more to myself then to Nishiki.

“So we need to make a plan but how long is that going to take? If anyone finds out who that person with the white hair is, I - I don’t think there going to let him leave this place alive.” I say in a shaky voice trying to steady myself.

“Hey buddy I would more worry about yourself but if they mean that much I’ll try to think of something as fast as I can -”

**_*BOOM*_ **

Hearing a giant crash in the distances me and Nishiki jump and scramble on each other to hide more into the darkness of the small alley.

“ _What the actually fuck was that!”_ Nishiki hisses through his teeth.

Hearing more crashes and some types of explosions in the air around us. We start to hear screams and yelling of people’s voices in the area.

“Fire! Fire!”

“Everybody! There’s a fire at Sage Donate’s church!”

“It’s burning to the ground! WE NEED HELP!”

_What the actually fuck is happening!_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kaneki’s POV:

 

We don’t walk much until we’re right in front of a massive building with too many colored windows and a looming force that comes with it.

_How is it not surprising to me that they actually brought us to a church….._

Furuta swings open one of the huge red double doors and motion us inwards. We follow his movement and go in, while he shuts the door behind us with a thud.

_K̫̳̙̬͉̳i̵͚͎̺̳͇ṋd̛̪̜̹͙͈̖a͓̺ ͏̟f̱e̤̗̭̦e̻̮͡ͅl̳̪͙̙̣s͇̫̩ ̴l̮̗ͅi͏̙͓k̛͚͔͈e̙̝̪ ̶̹̻̩t̝̱̳̙̤h̯̳͈͔̟̮ḙ̴ͅi̻̰͝r̢̹͍̫͔͙͕͎ ͎̠̳̲̯̲͟s̱e̴͔͔͖̝̝͇l͞l҉̹i̸̘͈̲n̛͈̜͓̲g̞͈ ͉͓ͅy̵̜̪̲͇o̼u̵̦ ̭͍̟͖͖̞i̮͈̺̮n̠̤̜t̗̫̰͍̲̝ͅo̦̳͔̹͇͠ ̝̞̫̳̺͖a ̲t̳̲̣̲o̸̺̖̣̻̯̯m̩͕͍b͍̠̞̯̺͈_

_D̺̦o̤̣̜̹͢e̺̭̼̹ͅs̷̝̖̳n̥'̡͕̜̤̱͍̪̗ț̷̲ ̯̹̻ͅi̝t̫̫̜̬ ̻̣͕̕K͍̻̥͎͚͘ḁ̙̣ņ͎͍̘͉͙ͅe̪̮̝̜̝k͕̝i̘͍̤͓̬?͢_

“Okay! I’ll show you to your rooms and give you gentlemen some blankets and other things. But first I would like you two to meet a special person first!” Furuta says with a uneasy excitement in his tone.

Me and Shuu don’t say anything and just go with it. We have to somewhat agree with these people for now, so things can go somewhat easier to get Hide the fuck out of here.

Furuta walks before me and Shuu, bringing us to stand in front of another set of double doors. Furuta knocks against the door and waits for sign to be able to come in.

“Yes.” A hard voice comes from the other side.

“Good evening~ Sage Donato.” Furuta says smiley as he and the both, me and Shu walk in with him.

 _Donato_?

“Are these the two men looking for their dear friend?” the old sage says to Furuta.

“Yes, indeed they are.”

“Well it’s nice to meet both of you. I am Sage Donato the leader of this beautiful church you are currently in.” He says with hand extended for us to shake.

Shuu again being the more reasonable one here, takes the older man’s hand and shakes it. But me? Of course I didn’t even touch the his hand. It doesn’t seem like he minded anyway, because he just smiled even more.

“Ah is this the mute?” Sage Donato says to Shuu and Furuta. Shuu nodes his head and Furuta give a quick ‘yes, sir’ in response to him.

“That must be so hard for such a young man as yourself have to grow up with. It must of been even _harder_ for your parents to deal with.” Sage Donato says again with a overly friendly smile.

Not seeing any response coming from me anytime soon, he turns his attention to Furuta.

“Well please make sure these two are comfortable and get them something to eat and drink. They must be starving from the long travel and stress from this whole situation.”

“Sure thing!” Furuta says gladly.

_I guess we’re done here for now._

Furuta says his final goodbyes to Sage Donato and leads us further into the back of the church. We go into a small room that’s filled with books and a singular table in the middle, two cots to the side of the walls.

“This is where you two will be staying tonight. I’ll be back with blankets and food, so please be patient.” He says before going out the door, leaving me and Shuu alone.

We both don’t say anything to each other, we don’t know who could be watching or even listening to us right now. So we wait until Furuta comes back to the room.

_Which is about fucking 15 minutes later._

Furuta walks steadily with his arms full. Setting down two cups of what I think is tea and a plate of food. Then going into the closet of the room and bring out two blankets.

“This is about it. If you need anything else just go down the hall to the right and there is a door where I’ll be staying in. Don’t be shy now~.” He says sweetly.

“Ah thank you so much mister Furuta.” Shuu says, trying to be kind to him. And I just keep my mouth shut like I’ve been doing. Then Furuta leaves us for the night.

Shuu being the normal human he is, slides the food over to where he sits at the small table.

“Can you check if it’s tea Shuu.” I ask him. He doesn’t get confused, he doesn’t hesitate, he picks of both cups of teas a sips them.

“It’s tea Kaneki.” He says softly.

_I might not always get along with Shuu but he is loyal to his word. Which is something hard to come by._

“Thank you.” I tell him before picking up the tea cup and bringing it too my lips. The tea is almost unbearable terrible. They must of put sugar in it but I guess I can bare it. I need to at least have sometime of fluid in my system.

Me and Shuu drink and he eats in silence. About 5 minutes go by and I’m actually getting pretty tired.

_That’s kinda weird.. I haven’t even felt tired most of any night in my life? Is it the stress? Haha this being more stressful than the other things that have happened before in my life?_

_Wow why am I being so bitter? Why am I thinking like this?_

_T̛͇̺h̫̤̞̬͈̱̩ȩ͈̮̗͓̯͖̺y͍̼ ̼̥̪̰ͅd̷r̥̕u͚͎̤̗̞g̡̭͇̹ͅg̮e̠̗͙̪͎̼d͍̳̦͠ ̸͙̘y͎̬͙̲͖o͈̭ṵ̮͚̱̭͇ ̹̞̻̯̮̳͇K̲̜a̛̲͕ͅn̜̫̻͎e̟k͇̩̰i̵̪̹͚̩͕͖͚.̧_

 

_They what me?_

_Wo͓͎̺ͅw̰̬̲̘͔̩ ̟̳K̠͉̬̦a̦̬̜̞͍͝ͅn̺̘̹̮̹̟͚͜e̳͎̟k̥̺̭͎̰̦̺͠i̗̝̞͟ͅ ̙͎͖͍͡a͚͕͢r̼̬e͇̫͡n̞̰̫̬͔̘'̝̲̱̯͝t̯̖̱̻͝ ͓̗̝ͅy̸̭̯͎̥̲ͅͅo͍͙͠u̳̪͍͈͍ͅ ̮͍̱͈͎̯̟f̻̤ụ̩̠̥͠c̳̦̥͎̱̹͟k̰̹̻̯̟̮̖in̷̦͎ģ̳̗̮̙̫̻ ͇̱̠͎͍̟̝s̫͈̝̫̮̯t̥̩͈̘͎̭u̸͔ͅp̝̣i̦̥̲͠d̮̰?͙ ̳͙͕̟̤̪͢ͅT̰̰̩̤h̗͉̖̗e̩̰̫y̗̻̹ ̵͓̙͍͖͖d̫̯̺̟̥ͅr͚u̦͖̞̟͕g̛͓g͖̝̜̣̺e͠d̵̝̠͔̙̭ ̙̟͓̳͚̪y̶̫̭̫̗̰̤̻o̖̠͍̻̣͇u͉̯͍̥͎̹.̮͉̲͍̪̪ͅ ̦͍͚̲̱̘̼J̼͇̥̩͎͓̱u̙͍̙̩s̠̣͓͉͘t̢̜̹ ̷̻̺̺̘l̳͈̯o̗͚̼̞͎̠o̫̜͝k ̛͔͓̩a̻͙̗͔̣͠t ̪̤͡S̷̤͈̲̱̠̜h̩̕uu̯͉̝̠̣̙̝_

_̱̙̜o̶̦͖v̧er͡ ̲̺̻̦t̤̝͖̘̬̺̱͞h̙̦͓͟e̯̺͕̤̥͡r͏̯͎̜͉̺e̸̩.̤_

 

Slowly pushing my eyes over to where Shuu is. He is completely passed out.

“Shuu?”

“Shuu wake the fuck up….w-we have to get h-Hide.” I say but it’s hard. It seems like my mouth is hard to move and form words. I reach over to push him or just at least touch him but I fall flat on the floor.

_Fuck the world's spinning around me and I can’t move so good. Fuck Fuck. Where’s Hide? I gotta get Hide._

“Well it seems that drugs still work on you.” A voice comes from the opening of the door.

“ _Wh-Who?”_

“I knew you could speak.” the voice calls out.

I lift my head up off the floor to see Sage Donato looking over my limp body.

“Time to take a long needed rest Kaneki. And maybe we can talk later if you be kind enough I’ll let you.” He says leaning down near my face.

“Goodnight little Witcher.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

_W̼͚̩͘a͍k̸͉̯̱̩e̳̰̠̞̮ ͍̭t̩͞h͟e͏͉͉̲͈ ͏͔͍f̖̙͎̘̗̤͡ͅu͏̠̙̫̺̟̮c͔͖̣̝̮͎̞k͉͚ ̧̜̫͚͎̖͖̹u̯̻p҉̞̝̠̥͕ ̣͉̗̥̦Ḳ̢̮̦̤̤͇͉a̼͉̘͇̙̝n̡̪͈̻̠e̡̩k̖̞͓͚̞͠i.͍_

_I͏̬͍ ̥͕̠̭s̸̳ḁi͈̲̳d̤̪ ̸̗͖w͈͎͓̙̣̪̙a̖͇k̸͓͉̜e͕͔͓̲͝ ̠͕̣̳͜t͇̺̮̖h̦̠͎̻̮̭͢e͘ ̦̘͕̪̯̣̬͜_ **_F̥U̻̥͕̯̦͟C̪K̲̳̩͠ ̷͚͙͉̮U̜̟̣̲P̝͔̩̖͞_ **

 

I wake with a struddle because of Rize fuckin screaming in my ears. I would say I started looking around to see where I am but I can’t see shit. I try to move but find my arms and legs are strapped down with strong, and my eyes are most definitely blindfolded too.

_This is just great._

_Just fucking great._

_Wait a second? Do I hear?_

_Breathing?_

With that thought I hear footsteps on hardwood floors make their way towards me.

“ _Good morning Kaneki. Or should I say Northern Witcher.” A familiar voices breathes on the shell of my ear._ Then without skipping a beat, a cold hand untie what is possibly a blindfold off of my head

_Ah gee thanks buddy I love having my sight back and breathed on like some horn dog with a girl._

The blindfold gone I can finally see my surroundings.

And to say the least. It doesn’t look good.

I’m strapped down with what could be normal leather straps but of course they would have some sort of spell written on them ( _I fucking knew they didn’t just pray on their knees and wish for simple things)._ From the look of the room it’s probably the main part of the church but all the long elegant windows are covered with black cloth.

All over the room is filled with lighted candles with one fire pit next to me. There are people in the room, I can clearly see that but all of them wear black cloth just as the cloth that covers the windows. Their shadows dance along the background with the only lighting source from the flames.

As I look up. I see ‘Sage’ Donato’s face.

“I’m so glad the Witcher could finally show himself during such a time in the year. Normally your a hard one to find in the snow.” He says twisting the blindfold in both of his hands.

“But after my people spotted you and that _‘boy’_ walking around in the mountains, I knew I could see you again. It’s funny because what has it been? 27 years? 29 years? I can’t even remember clearly anymore.”

“35 years…” I say.

“35 years huh? It’s been 35 years and still, you look exactly the same from that day we meet. I wonder how someone like you could really live in this world. A person who doesn’t age like the rest of us, someone who could heal and do such magical things live and breath in this world of human beings.” He says louder, for the rest in the room can hear his words.

“But I guess that’s why there are such things as devils and demons. To harm us! To rape, to kill, to feed off of us innocent humans!” He words echo off the hollows of the room as he turn towards the many people that make it up. They even start to whisper in agreement.

_What a bunch of horse crap._

“That is why we must burn this _Witcher_! To save ourselves! To save our children from damnation and a life of greed and sin! Yes, he might be the first of many evils but Gabia will light our way to rid this world of these creatures of the night!” He yells in a heavy voice and the people start to call out and chant his name.

I start to laugh.

I start to _really_ laugh.

“You people think that just burning me and some other poor fools souls will save **_yours_ ** ? That must be the most backwards logical I’ve hear in decades! If this _‘Gabia’_ you speak of had any intentions of letting you all live a nice life then she would of let it happen by now! Instead you sick fucks kill innocent people just to save the skin on your own damn backs!” I yell back at them in my own damming voice as the straps hold me in my place, scrapping at my wrists raw.

Before I can open my mouth again, Sage Donato hurrys his way towards me and slaps me across my bare cheek.

“ _Shut your mouth devil!”_ He says angrily as spit falls out of his snarling mouth.

“Gabia has many works in her ways but she must also both faith in us to help her with those works! She can not all do this cleansing alone! _‘We’_ as her followers must help her in anyway! Even if that means getting are own hands dirty with the blood of the sinners! She will save us because we are doing **_God’s work_ **!”

The people have seem to fallen for his amazing act because they cheer for his crazed words.

With that, he start to call people to grab things and start the ‘mission of Gabia’ he calls it. People move around the room and closer to me. Sage Donato grabs my head and slams it back down on whatever I’m on and straps a leather strap around my throat.

“Lift his shirt and expose the skin.” Sage Donato calls out to the others.

And as on cue, my shirt is being ripped off of my body. Exposing my upper half of myself and the tattoos that lingering on my stomach.

_Well them seeing that isn’t going to give me much room of saying I’m some fucking devil._

“Yamori! Come up here and do us the honors please.” Sage Donato says holding a pitcher of something.

“It would be my pleasure Sage Donato~.” The man Yamori says as he makes his way over to me, taking the pitcher from Donato’s hands.

Yamori leads his giant self down. Face sweaty from all heat from the fire in the room. Bringing himself closer to my own face.

“Do you believe in rebirth from pain _Kaneki_? Because after this, you’ll be looking for God.”

He moves away from my face and takes the pitcher and pours the fluids onto my stomach.

“ _FUCKKKKKK!!!”_ I scream from the depths of my throat.

_It burns! It burns! It burns so much!_

I look at my stomach and see the horrors that bring with it. My flesh and organs have crave inwards from the liquid that is eating away at it. No more lingering tattoos, no more hip bones, no more intestines that hide under my pale skin. Just the melted flesh mush and the smell of burning skin in the air.

“Does it hurt Kaneki? I bet it does!!” Yamori hysterically laughs as he just pours more on me. My screams don’t even sound like mine anymore, as the pain rips through my body and my lower half is almost gone entirely.

_Ķ̗̭̖͇͖̱a̻͟n̼̗͕̰̯̲e̠̞̜͘ͅk̴̩͔i̼͇̼ ̨̥̲̥̜y̡̲̲͙o͓͇u҉͙̼͇ ͢g̟o̠̰̘̱̳͚͞ͅi͖͖ņ͍͎͔̬̦g̨͖̳ ̲̱̳͍̥t̹͉̞o͕̮ͅ ̨ͅd̪i̯͎͍̰e̻̜͡ͅ ̼͇̯̤̥̰a̷̫̪g̺͉͉̝̺̫̗a̡̙i̛͓̥͓̞̝n̨̹̫͔̣. Ą̖̰l̖͓l͠ ̖̯a̙̗l̴̯̤͈ơ͓̲̮ne ̴͎̙̤t̰̦̹̙͈o͕͓̜̣̼o̦̯ͅ ҉̰͚̙̯̠̝͕j̦u̫̦̫̘ͅs͏̩̳ͅt̥̼̥͜ͅ ̪̦̗̜l̢͙̟͓i̱k͙͉͉͈̘e̬ ̮̬̰l͙͎̦̗̦̠͢a̟͉̖̺͜s̶̰t ̲̮͞t̨̻ͅi͖͓̮̺̬͈̖͡m̘̟̹̖̲̗e͇̝̟̟̮̳͖._

 

_Ã̜̆̌r͖ͦ̆͞e̸̱n̼̮͋̑̓̓̈́̀͗'͐͗͟t͇͇̪ͦ̾͊ ̰ͥ̑ͬy̌̈̀̑ͨ̇̎ò͖̣̻̗̺̻͛͗͗͛͘ŭ̬̪̅̾͌̊̂̒ͅͅ ̭̽ͬ̊a͉̪͈̞͂ͩn̓͏̣̞g̨̭̖̜̺͆̀r͛ͩ̓̔y̼̖̖ͧ̄ͩ̑̎͝?̶̣͓ͯ̅ͯ̓ ̥̹͙̥̪̤͒͜D̢̘̰̼̙̘̳͛͊̏̇o̰̖̦͉n̤̼̯̹̔̃̈́͠ͅ'͍͕̮̣̠͍̅̈́ͧͦ͐̃̕t͙̹͇͎͓̠͒̈́̎͊ͤ̑ͨ ̘̤͚̱̦͙̤ͣͭy̠͈̍o̶͚͕̦̦̝͔̹͑ͬ̑̾͊̑ư̲̰̂̓ ̘͈ͥ̔̚͞w̸̔̋̈́͂͋a̞̻͇̘̯̦̹͋ͬ̆n͖̼̪̺̩͖͌̓t̛̼̫̲ ̵̝̰̼͑ͤ̀ͨ̍̊͊ͅt̘̼͇̮̖̠̭̊̏ͤ̐̔o̟̲̞ͮ̈̅͐̓͆̏ ̃f̺̙͎̤̽i͍̰̙͉̫̟͌̔̓̄̈́g̵̺͚͋̓̎ͪh̹͙̹ͣ͐͘t̻̠̩̮̃̌͑͠ ̰̙͇̤̱̻̻̂̎ͥ̃ͬ͌ͧb̫̫̖̺̲͡a͉͓̦̦̎̑̊̊c͎̼̘̣̪̄͑ͬ̍ͅk̘̤̻͐̐ͧ?͕̜̹͙̮ F̧̠̃̐͆o̲̦̹͌͂͑͗͌͛̾r̡̫̬̪͖͎ͪ͊ͪ̍̒̏ ͇̠͓ͩ̀ͅo͈̒̋̽̈̒̒͂ͅn̠͓̘̜ͣ͆̕c̱̼ͪ̊͆͋̀̆̔e̼͎̟̣̒͒̒̿̅ ̶̩̜̍̏ͨ͗í̛̪ͮ̊̍̐ͦ̃n̴͂ ͉̳̺͇ͦ̎ͯͧ͒̅̅y͎̬ͪ̔o̘̘͓ͦ̓̐̌͌̃ͨu̺̝̳̜̯̖̎̋͑ͫr͛͗̄͊̓̓̈́҉̦̦̖̤͔̺ ̛̲̯̺t̯̳͇̳̍ͫͨ̋ēͬ͏r̖̦̣͗͒̃̋ͭ͑r̎̌ͯ̆͑ͪi̩̗̗̳͔ͪ͟b̗͎̳̩̎̋ͭ̽ͅl͔̰̰̺͓̹ͫ͌ͬ̌̇e̳͙̩͈͈̍͋͌̚͜ ̫͉̪͎͉̞̟͞l̺̝̱͐̊̚ȋͦͤͣ̀̾ͮ͟f͍͚ͧe̳̮̺̊ͩͭ?̮̟͚̯͈ͫ͆̀̐ͧͩ_

I can taste the blood that flows out of my mouth and out my nose.

_I wish Hide was with me._

_I just want Hide to be next to me! To hold me!_

_Why is that so unfair!_

_Why can’t we just go back to laying in bed together and just not care about this fucked up world!_

_Ḋ̪̲͐̆̏͋̑ͮo̮͍̜̗̼͎ͬ ̻̠̞̮̻̉̏̉̐̋̒y͓̯̪̺͆̈͂̊ͥo̦̍̽ͯ̃̒̓u ̶̰̬̅ͨ͆̄ͦw̝̖̭͇͊͘ă҉̭̘̮n̟͔̿̃̈́̐t̾̍ ̅̀̃ͩ̚̚͞m̬͙͋̌ͮ͆̊o̡̥ͦ̀̾ͩ̃ȓ̙͎̗̊͑ͅe̢ͤ ͚̤̖̠͈̺ͫͅp͓͈͈̪̑ͥ̄̈ͤ̚o͚̠̟̅ͧ̑̃̋ẇ̛͖̹͕͓̖ͬ͗ͥ͌̾ͅe̱̜̦͍̽̏̊̏̅ͥ̎r͇͓̫͚̭̜͛ͯͪ̀ͤ ̩̼̥̤̈́̈́ͯK̥̹̙̗͙̝̟a̗̥̓̈͋ͧn̼̙̙͕͉̳̔͂ͬ̾e̬̗͉̜̔̋̍͌̀͌̍ͅk̳̙͉̗̬̰̰̒̌ͯͥ̾̽̈́iͨ̑̊̉̇̈?̷̣̱̪̌̂ͩ̄̊_

_̞̩̙͓̫̩͙͓̠̇ͧͮ͗ͭ͝I c͓͖ͮ̓̋̂̌ạ̢͕̲̳͈̏̍̿̐ͯ̒̆̿n͕̹̗̫̄͟ ͛̒͐̿̑̏̑̚͏̭̜̩̠͉ḡ̴͈͙̖̯͔̣̪̲̊i̊͛ͫ̆͆̑͗҉̣̮̪̣͍̻̱v̇̇ͤ̅ͧ̇͊͆͞͏̱̞͖̙͕͔é̶̶̱͖͚͠ ̤̦̦̠̯͉̦̪͒̕͞i̒̌҉̯̩͝ţ͍̩̪͔̉̂̃̊ͫ̇̀̃͟ ̾ͪ҉̗t̡̓̌ͬ͏̤̤ỏ̳̊̇̍̓̕ ̴̷͙͈̳̯̳̦̟̦̐̄̄y̶̝̩̼̳̞͙͙̝̾͑ͤ̽͆̋̚͟o͐ͦͭͤ͊̂̎ͫ͏̫̱͍̠̹ͅṵ̧̻͕͖͓̲̲̞̀̔͘ͅ_

  

_I want to save Hide………_

_I need to save him…_

 

**_J̧̛̺͇͖̼̘̘̠̼̟͔͎̺͇̙͖͍͂̾ͮ͐͐͑ͮ͢͢͜ͅu̶̱̘̰͍̬͉̘̘̜͓̹̠͓̞͓̇̎͐ͫͮ̎̋̽ͣ͐̔̒͛̌͘s̸̷͔̟̖̠̠̈ͪ̌ͥͬͤ̓͡͞t̸̻̲̪̙̬̥͕̩̮͔̭̤̙̰͇ͣ̀̒̓͛̃͑̿͗̔ͬ͑̃ͯ̑̚̕͜͠͠ ̴̱̲̘̖͕̘̩̯̬̌ͮ̒̌͗̌̄͋̈́ͣ̚̕͠͝s̨͗͆̋̾͐͋̊͋ͨ̈ͮ̌̾̈ͦͭ͂҉̜̞̬̘̼̪̰̺͈̤̥̥̪͍̳͎̝̹a̷̱͎̗̻ͩ̏̄̓ͫ͌̓ͬ̍ͦ͟y̰͚̘͈̤̫̲̹̺̯̆̆ͥ͝͞ ̞͉̭̭̠̩̭̫̪̬̺͚̤̜͕͙͇͛̾̆̀ͥͪ̿ͤ͐̋ͩ͐ͭ̂ͯ̅́ͩ͟͟͝ͅt̷͉͍̟̜͙͉̞̳̜͙̹ͪͨ͛̽̂̚͘͞ͅͅͅḩ̭̤̲̳̻͚̠̭̰̹̝͕̬̩͉̣̂͛ͦ͗̊́͒͛̚̕ḁ̸͖̝͍̝̫̙̹͕̖̫̹͎̤̰̼͖͈̳͗̽̔̓͒̄ͩ̋̑͊̂̚͘͡ť̛͈̖̯̙̭̫͉̫̟͔͕̬̟͍̰ͯ͑ͯ͆̀̚ͅ ̵̖̠̗̤̘̘̬̜̤͕̱̳̰̞͙͍̪̇̍̑͒͐̆͒͌ͩ͗ͤ͛̚yͥ̓̾ͥ͊̀ͭͦ͏̘̠̱͚͚͖̤͈̪͡o͕̤̖̝̙̙͕̖̪̝̼̥̭̯̲̯̘̦͑̄̃ͪ̆ͮͫ͛̍ͭ̂̅̅͑͢͟ͅų̶̸̳̯̝̬͇̱̟̻͓ͤ̀̓̇̎͗͢ ̶͔͎͎̟͓̭͙̼̪̼̖̟͍̘̻̞ͬ͛́͋̇ͣ̄͊ͨ̿͘n̘͈̥̬̻͕̻̩͙͕͇̩͔̍͛̄ͨ͞eͩ̑ͨ̀͊ͫ̍͂̆͋ͭ̂ͫ̆̌̉̚͏̲̝̻̖̩̩̼̕͠ě̓̔̎ͧͬ̋ͩ̑͟͠҉͈̱͙̜͍̠̮͖̘͔̗̯̼̳̼̖͞ͅd̨̫̥̖͚̮̾̇̒̒̋ͣ̊̑͜͢ ̵̧̡̺̠̖̞͈̖͉̳ͯ̄̊̔ͩ̍̅̐ͫ͑̉̓̉ͮ̋͋͢ͅm̸̨͛̿̃ͥ̿̉́́ͣ̕͢҉̞̩̮̫̗̞̖͚͎͍̞͖̫̜̹e̸̐̂ͩ̾ͯͩ̿̎̄̇͒̏̓ͥ͏̷̴̯̬͍̱̮̺͚͉̝̮ ̢̻̹͍͉͎͕͙̦͇̫͙̝̖͓̥͆̐ͭ̽ͤ̐ͬ̕ͅK̢̻͉͖͕̦̦ͬ͋ͭͤͮ̎͟͞a̗̻̤̖͕̙̫̯̙̬͙͓͖̰͕͎ͮͭ́̔ͬͮ̕͜n̟̞̺̳̙͔͎̻͓̭ͫ͒̄̽͘ȅ̷̮̩̯̬̻̙̟͇̖̭̳̜͍̼̭͈̺͔͋̆̈́͗̇̃̉̾ͣ̆͐ͦ̀ͮͩ͐̕ͅkͬ̓̏̀̍̚҉̙̩̞͓̺͞į̷̫̣͓͖̮͚̼̮̣̦̝̬̗̝̬ͫ͂̐̾͗̔̆̚̚͘ͅ_ **

  


_I need to save him! I need to save him! I need to save him! I need to save him! I need to save him! I need to save him!_

_I need this!_

_GIVE ME THE FUCKING POWER!_

 

**_Ä͗́ͬ̓ͭ̊̈̿͊ͨ̑ͯ͢҉͓̥͈͉̤̗͚͇̞̗̬͖̬͘͡s̭̥͚͉̣̯̖͍̥̻̞̤̮̩̙͈̠̗ͤ̈̂͋̔͑͋̅ͫ̎͋̎̋ͨͪͭ̄̅͟͞ͅ ̷̩͓̭̇̔̃̈́͂̀͛ͫͧͮ͌͆̂͗̄ͭ̍ͤ̚͞y͊͌͒ͭͨ̅̊̐͊̌̐̈ͤͬ̋̌̑ͫ͏̘̱̤͉̘̬̣͔̤̜̹͇̣͔ǫ̰̤̜̤̲̳̦͊̍ͫͩ̓ͧ̏ͩͤ̅̚͢ͅu̾̄̿͌ͯ͆̈́̓̃̈́͌̋͌̚͏̷̠͍̫̫̦̻͖̹͔̳͓̫̤͙̜͜ͅ ̷̛̺̬͕͎̩͚͎̪̣͉̥̯̙̳͕͕̦̠̌͑͒ͪ̊ͯ̽̿̇͋͡w̒ͧͣͫ͋̿ͧ͌̏̓̆̂҉̷̙͙̗͉̺͚̪̻͈͉̕͘i̘̯͇ͧͧͮ̔̀̐͗̇̇ͣͣ͂͑̚͘͠s͎̠̠̙̺͔̟̲ͦͩͯ̓̋ͨ̒ͧͯ̈́ͣ̿̚͘͡͠h̴̜̦̳͖̦̠̼̞̰́̏ͮ͠͝ ̢̛̝̺͖̳̮̖̰̗͊̾̈́͜͟K̉ͤ͐͋̔̌̓̑̔̚͏̴̨̲̗̘̺̟͎͉͎̜̞̥͍͔̩̻͙̼̤͘ā́̽ͤ͐ͥͮ̾̄̇ͨ̋̚͏͉̘͓͖̼̳̫̮͚̻̠͚̟ͅͅń̶̸̜̻̘̝̦͋͋̊̂̅͘͟͡ͅeͣͨ̾ͮ̀ͫ̄͐ͤ̋ͨͫ͗͒ͤͫ̂͡͝҉̴̗̱̫̟̹͚̪͎̣̘͖͇k̵̨̖̹̭̼̬̜ͮ̋͂͆̒̔̀͢͝i͇͖̬̤ͯ̇ͥ̍̕ͅ_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how did y'all like that fucking mess??????


	47. There's not enough fire in hell that burns like the ones right in front of us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide comes back from the alley and finds kinda what is somewhat going on in the village.
> 
> He's not happy.

Hide’s POV:

 

“ _ What the fuck was that???!” _ I ask Nishiki, no longer keeping my voice down.

“How the hell am I supposed to know Hide? I’m not the fucking keeper of this place!” Nishiki looks more worried than he actually sounds.

The appalling screams and yells coming from the other side of the village are becoming more and more louder as the seconds tick by. Before evening thinking, my feet are moving on their own and I’m running towards the horrific scene that is becoming more clear as I get comer to it.

People are desperately trying to get the flames out with buckets of water. At the same time others are trying to help the people that are still trapped inside, people who are still burning alive.

I’m already grabbing buckets of water with the other villages and flinging it on the flames.

_ I have to do something! I have to help these people! No one fucking deserves to die like this! Fuck! Fuck!  _ **_Fuck_ ** _! Where are more buckets at??! _

As I’m hashly searching for more water I hear a feminine voice call out to me.

“ _ Hide! _ ”

Turning around I’m face to face with Roma in her nightgown, cheeks red from the bitter cold and out of breath.

“Hide what is happening?!” She practically screams in my face from over all the other sounds, her features confused and scared.

“ _ I don’t know _ ! But help me here” I scream back at her, putting a bucket in her arms.

“Hide! We need to get safe! You need to get safe! Let the people here deal with the flames!” Roma drops the bucket and grabs me by the shoulders, shaking me as if I’ve gone mad.

_ The fuck is she doing? We need to help these people! _

_ “ _ We need to help them Roma! Their burning alive for fucks sake!”

Before I even feel it sting, Roma backhands me and takes the air in my lungs too, feeling shocked and at a lost.

“Listen to yourself Hide! You will die if you try to save all of them! We need to get to a safer place in the village! Now!” She says as her glossy bloodshot eyes stare into my own, pleading with me.

“People need help Roma! I can help them! I can do this! I’ll be fine let me just-”

“ **_Please_ ** _ Hide!” _

I turn back to face the inferno behind me. Seeing it’s flames grow up to the night sky, as if they were reaching for something to hold on too, something more to burn.

_ I want to fucking scream at myself to just make an decision already. But I can’t! Of course I can’t! I’m stuck in between saving my own damn skin and other innocent people’s lives. _

“a̵̸̘̼̗̪̘̝̺͠a̶̸̱̱͚̮̙̮͍͙̱̠̘͞a̧͏̠͚͉̪͠a̵͏̬͕͕͎̥̦̟̮͇͙͡A͏̶̷̟̱͕̜̙̳̩͓͎͖͙͎͘͟A̶̧̡̗̪͈̘̩̝͙̲̠̠̼̜͍̮̲͇̜A̸̡̨̨̙͙̬̟̜͓̦̝̫̫̼̱̺͎͔̣̯͔̺͢A̷̡̹͇̠̹̗̩͍͈͓̻͈̰͘͟ͅͅA̖̖̲̗̠̹̝̖̦͚̺͈̲͔̞͟͟Ą̰̤̪̲̭̺̮̕͡ͅA̷̘̲̩̬̼̠̭̰̙͔̫̖͓͢ͅͅA͈̩͍͍͎̰̗̥̮̞̯̺̭̩̥͢͠͠ͅA̛̰̼̥̰̲͖̕A̵̷̧͖͉̺̠͇͖A̛҉̦̳̭̙̼̣̯͙̬͚͢͢͡A̵̛͏̸҉̖̹͈̗̳͖̤͈̟̖H̷̢͉̥̬̠̩͎̩̖̱h̶̨̛̤̙͓͚͙̘͕̻͚͖̰̭̫̮͇̼͉̱͟͝h̶̡͕̭͖̣̳̼̞̤͚̫̺̱͎͢h̛҉̳̺͔̗̯͈̩̖͉̲͉̝̣̤͉͙̤͝͠ͅh̨͚̘̠͉̲̲̝͎̫͚͚̱̦͔̼̺̯̼̭̕h̶̬͕͉̹͖̣͕̼̣̻͍̼͜!”

 

I stop dead in my tracks as I hear an unnatural cry come out of the blaze. My blood runs colder the the winter night that I stand in, and I think I stopped breathing as well. But a warm hand grabs onto mine. I look up to see Roma again.

“ Hide we need to go!” She says again as if saying it more will make my numbed body move with her.

But her words are left in the air as I look into the fire again. But this time I see a dark figure coming out of the flames, or more like it was a part of the fire itself.

“ _ No…..” _ I whisper to myself. Lord I don’t even think I’m just saying the words just to say words anymore! It’s more like I’m trying to convince myself that this can’t be true.

_ God tell me this can’t be true! _

But it is, and I have to face it.

As the sweat rolls off my face and the heartbroke cuts into my veins.

I see my friend. My little part of home.

I see my companion. And my lover whom I want to spend all my life with.

I see an angel.

And I see the devil.

Kaneki is surrounded in the red and orange flames of the fire, as if it clings to him. The fire doesn’t seem like it’s burning him but his stomach looks as if the skin has turned as red as the fire itself. Both of his eyes are black as the void with red dots in the middle.

“ Kaneki…?”

His head twitches in a unnatural way, as if there were something crawling in his ears. Regardless of the fire I step forward. I have to touch him, I have to know his okay, I need to know this is really reality right now.

I need to know because I’m so  _ fucking _ scared right now.

But this isn’t about me right now. This is about how Kaneki is clearly in need of some help.

He might as well be the only one I can truly help. And for the love of God, he is the only one I really want to fucking help right now.

“H-hey b-b-buddy? What’s up with the magical stuff going on? Trying t-to impress me? You didn’t need to do that for me dude.” I take more steps forward to him. Feeling the heat from the fire curl around me.

He doesn’t say anything or show any sign that he can hear me, but that’s fine. I just need him to know I’m right here with him. To show him that I’m safe. That  _ he’s _ safe.

I take a deep breath in and lick my lips anxiously, bringing my gaze towards his.

_ I can do this! _

“So what are you doing here? Were you looking for me? Gotta say I didn’t imagine we meet like  _ ‘this’ _ . I kinda thought it would be more like dorky jokes about how lonely you’ve been and nice slow kissing. Yet life is kinda weird in how unpredictable it can be but I know you know too much of how that is Kaneki.”

I’m almost in front of him, just a few feet away.

_ Just a few steps closer…… _

As am about to touch the outside of Kaneki’s forearm with my hand, a knife  flys past the side of my face and stabs Kaneki right in the eye. I’m left shocked to see that Kaneki doesn’t even flinch at the brutal attack.

“What the hell????!?!” I turn around quickly only to see Roma with more knives in her hands.

_ Where the fuck did those even come from???? _

“What are you doing Roma??? I know him!” I yell at her.

“Hide that  _ thing  _ is not something you can be friendly with. You need to move away so I can deal with it.” She says in a low voice, something I haven’t heard from her in the time we spent together.

“Roma you don’t know what your talking about here! I know him! He’s- he’s m-my lover!” As the cry of words leave my lips and echo in the night air, Roma’s demeanour shifts. 

“He’s your what?”

“H-he’s my lover, Roma. I love him. Just let me calm him dow- aahHHHHH!!” I scream as a horrible pain shoots up my right thigh. I fall to the ground, clutching at my thigh. Seeing a knife has made its way into the muscle and flesh of my leg.

 

“ Ḑ͎͇̞̳̪̹̟͇̤͍̟͓ͧ̽̇̔̔̀͐͛͗ͦ̃ͪ̈́̉ͪͨͧ͗̕͠ͅͅo̼̘͓̞̱̮̖͙͈̻̻͆̈́̔̇̅̂́͜N̛͇̜̼͓̲̻͎͔̩̳̻͖̫͈̒ͥ̈́͆̋̎̄͋͞ "̔͗͌̄̿҉̣̗̤͍͎̻̮̝̼̜̻̦̬̰̬͘͢ţ̸ͬ̈́ͭ̎͌̈́͜҉̻͇̹͉͕̞͔̼̝̟̱̩̤̘̯̫̟͈͟” 

I turn my head to look up at Kaneki, the words that just escaped his lips sounded so foreign to me. Something crossed between a growl and a cry from a choked animal.

_ My god it doesn’t even sound like him….. B-but I know it’s him! It’s always going to be Kaneki! _

_ It has to be Kaneki! _

Kaneki’s only blacked out eye is fixed on Roma’s amused gaze, flickering to the knives that linger in her hands. I’m in a pure state of disbelief from watching as Kaneki bring up a hand and slowly pulls out the knife from his eye socket. Dropping the knife to the ground with a soft thrud.

His injured eye socket spills out blood down his pale face. The most disturbing part. Is that the blood seems to move back into the socket, gradually gliding its way into his skull as if he wasn't just  _ fucking _ stabbed in the eye with a knife. He blinks a few times and somehow, another perfectly formed eye rolls back in its rightful place.

“See that Hide!” Roma yells at me.

“No  _ human  _ could do such a thing. No innocent being could just do that and not even be fazed by it! Not even wince at it! He’s a monster that has corrupted your mind and body Hide! You need help! You need our help to heal you.”

Through the throbbing pain in my leg I scream back at her.

“What the  _ hell  _ do you mean heal??” I yell at her, my blood boiling under my skin. Words too familiar from childhood memories start to come back to him.

**_“You need help Hide. We can help you fight with the ‘urges’. Those impulses that plague your pure mind.”_ **

**_“Your sick Hide.”_ **

**_“What a fucking freak!”_ **

**_“How could a boy act so ‘normal’ and like other boys?”_ **

**_“Maybe if you have sex with her it could fix you.”_ **

**_“What’s fuck is wrong with you??”_ **

**_“I bet he was raped by his father just like his mother, that’s why he likes boys now.”_ **

**_“We can’t be friends anymore Hide.”_ **

**“** **_What an disappointment that you turned out like this.”_ **

_ Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!  _

**_SHUT THE FUCK UP!_ **

“You have no idea what he’s done for me Roma! YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW- HO- HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE HIM!” I howl back at her with every straining sweltering muscle in my body as tears fall from my eyes.

With all the adrenaline pumping through me, I tear out the knife from my thigh as I still lay on the cold hard ground.

“Don’t you start fucking looking me over with judgements until you looked at yourself in the goddamn mirror Roma!” I yell at her, shakily standing back on my own two feet.

“Well that’s a real shame Hide. I thought we could of really helped you on the right path but it seems like your too far gone for that type of treatment now.” She says as if it really truly makes her sad to say those words.

_ What a fucking joke. _

_ Some really not funny fucking joke to say. _

“We could’ve had something too” She says tossing up some knives up in the air, grabbing them midfall.

“I guess this is goodbye.”

Before I can shield myself, four knives are thrown towards me and I close my eyes for the pain to come.

……….

…….?

..?

“Huh?” I say out loud, because I’m pretty confused right now on why I don’t feel any knives digging into my flesh and hitting my bones. Slowly blinking open my eyes, I see that the knives are frozen in the air, only inches from piecing myself.

“ D̢̹͈̖͂ͣ̏̈ờ̜̒n̨̺͕͙̺̼͒ͦ̊́ͩ̌̍͘͞ͅ'̵̝̖̫͇̬̻͛̃ͣ̅̊̆̀͟t̥̦͎͈̬͖͚͆͐ͨ̃̄͋͝.”

“Ṭ̭̻̬̭͕̳̔ͭͩǫ̧͓̦̟͕̿͛̈́̾̒͆ͬų̧̟̙ͨͤc̡̜̺̩̮̜̪͍̀̓͐̏͞ĥ̵̳̼̪̲̗͙̩̼ͅ.”

“ **Ĥͧ̿̉̓̏̓͑͆ͭ҉͘҉̭̳̜̞͔͍̥ȋͣ̓̿ͤ̄ͭ̏̈̇̀͢҉̛̫͖͖̲͕̫͈̙̥̝̗̟̞ͅm̛̮̬͇̱̦̔ͧ̀̒ͥ͐͝** .”

 

Roma just laughs in amusement.

“Touch him? No. I just need to buy sometime that’s all.”

“Buy sometime for  _ what _ ?” I ask her.

“For them~” She smiles wickedly at me.

As she says those words, Kaneki is thrown across the dirt road like some type of rag doll. I quickly turn behind me to see the being who could do such a thing. And I gotta, I’m not happy to see the faces that greet me.

“Thanks Roma. I really owe you this time.”

The man who I saw slice a woman through the head just a night ago stands only a few feet from me.

_ Yamori. _

He stands with hot blisters burnt over most of his face and body. To his side, he holds up Sage Donato, who is in much worser conditions than himself. Sage Donato’s face is burnt to the bone, exposing his top and bottom row of teeth, the raw meat from his face is still slipping off. Not even sticking to the muscles anymore.

“T-T-Take ca-care of th-that m-monster! K-kill it! A-and ma-make sure i-it can’t co-come b-back!” Sage Donato breathes out heavily.

“ Sure thing~.” Yamori says as he sets Sage Donato carefully down on the ground but before Yamori can move, Sage Donato grabs Yamori by the arm and whispers something in his ear.

Something I can’t make out.

Yamori nods and Sage Donato lets go of him.

“ _ Now _ let’s have a little fun K-a-n-e-k-i~.”

_ Fuck what am I going to do? Fuck what is Kaneki going to do?? _

_ Fuck! What can I even do? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guy! I hope you like this chapter. I feel like I kinda get whats the ending going to be but that's still far off from now!
> 
> Just wanna say I really appreciate the comments and likes and anything you guys leave!


	48. One day I hope I can forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Roma fucking throw down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all I was so hyped that I wrote another chapter!! HOPE Y'ALL LIKE IT!!!!

Hide’s POV:

 

Before I can even say anything, Yamori is already spriting his massive body towards to where Kaneki landed.

_ Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! _

I try my best to run after him with my bum leg but I’m stopped quickly by another knife slicing through the air, almost cutting off my damn ear.

_ Of course she’s still here! _

Turning swiftly around to face Roma in the short distance that separates us.

“ _ Ahhhh~  _ Hide! I’m so hurt you forgot about me so fast! Come on let’s have a nice chat!” Roma whines aloud.

_ Damn it! I was kinda hoping she would just run away but I guess that’s not going to happen anytime soon. _

“Well I couldn’t really  _ ‘forget’  _ about you, Roma. You stabbed me in my fuckin leg 10 minutes ago. How could I  _ ever _ forget about that?” I say bitterly back at her, clutching the knife in my hand.

“I’m hoping that you won’t forget about me, Hide. I want to make so many ‘ _ good’ _ memories with you~.” She smiles back at me.

_ Fucking bring it! _

She only takes careful steps forward to give herself enough swing momentum to throw the knives faster than I can really see them, but thankfully the animal part of my stupid brain moves my body away from the danger.

“ _ Fuck! _ ” I swerved out of the way, crashing to the hard ground below me. 

“ Fuck, fuck!” I totally forgot about the pain in my leg but sure enough the burning fire comes back into light once again.

“Come  _ on _ Hide! You have do better than that!” She laughs at me.

I scramble on the ground to just  _ fucking _ get out of the way of this mess. Roma’s laughing, the roaring of the burning buildings in the background, the fighting going on between Yamori and Kaneki. It’s hard to figure out what the hell I can do in this situation.

_ Their still there! _

Looking up I see the knives that are still frozen in the air.  _ Their really my only help with this fight against her! _

Moving as quickly as I can. I throw myself towards the knife's while trying to keep out of Roma’s range of fire. Which is pretty fucking hard!

As I’m about 20 feet away from touching the midair knives. I guess I really haven’t noticed that Roma has been getting gradually closer into my space, until a swift leg swipes under both of my own.

Falling flat on my back and knocking the wind out of me. Roma takes this opportunity to hold me down with all her body weight. Straddling me, I try to flip her off of me but instead she gives me two right punches in right in the faces, causing my head to spin and so does the world with it.

Feeling the warm blood from my nose and mouth already pool and drip down my bruising face. While in a daze Roma speaks to me.

“Hide if you stop now you could really survive this whole situation, you know? Like we could all forget about happened here and just go on with our lives, like normal. Doesn’t that sound better then fighting?” She says sweetly as she holds my shoulders down with her bare hands.

With the little sense I have left in myself from the punches, I try my best to speak.

“Go on with  _ ‘our’ _ normal lives? You mean  _ ‘your’ _ normal lives?? Even if I somehow did say yes to that, you guys wouldn’t just let me walk out of here all sunshine and fucking roses! You guys are fucking psychos!” I say holding the blood in my mouth before spitting it right in her face.

She doesn’t even move or looked shock from the action I just did. But instead she just wipes off the blood with a thumb, looking almost bored with it.

“You know what? You're absolutely right Hide. And I would've enjoyed every second you screamed from the pain that you got in the last moments of your life.” 

_ She going to fucking kill me! _

“I guess that’s not going to happen, so this is goodbye Hide.”

_ She REALLY FUCKING GOING TO KILL ME! _

“ My Gabia shine some mercy on your sinful soul.”

I suddenly remember I still have the knife clutched in my sweaty palm. Without a second thought. I put all my strength into my hand and reaches up, andI strike her.

“Huh?.....” She says, as if she doesn’t feel the blade of the knife lodged firmly her right eye socket.

She drops the knives in her hands and touches the knife that I stabbed her with. 

“Y-y-you thi-think tha-t’ll s-stop me H-i-de?” She smiles widely at me.

“I-’ll fu-c-k-ing ki-kill yo-u!”

She grabs me by my throat and squeezes  _ tightly.  _ The lack of airflow to my lungs are starting to make me see black spots everywhere. I try to pry her hands off of my neck but I’m too weak to actually do it.

_ I’m just too fucking weak again! _

_ Too weak to help Kaneki! Too weak to help mum!  _

_ And too weak to even save my fucking self! _

_ Why is the world so fucking unfair!! _

With the last of my strength, I grab hold of the knife that is connected to Roma’s eye and pull it out of her.

_ Why IS THIS WORLD SO  _ **_FUCKING WRONG_ ** _! _

I take the knife and stab her again, this time in the other eye. Her grasp on my neck weakens and this is my only time to move!

I push her off of myself and grab her. And stab her again. Not caring where, I just do it. Hearing flesh tear, clothes rip, and bones crack as I just lose myself.

_ I have to save them! I have to save them! I have to save them! _

_ Mum! Kaneki! Shuu! EVERYONE! _

_ I HAVE TO SAVE THEM ALL! _

_ I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING DIE HERE  _ **_ALONE_ ** _! _

“Hide…”

_ I HAVE TO DO THIS! _

“Hide she’s gone.”

_ OR EVERYTHING WILL BE LOST! GONE! _

“ **HIDE** .”

A firm hand shakes my shoulder, bringing me back into the reality that I’ve made. Fuck…….. And it’s so ugly.

The knife, my hands and clothing are soaked in blood. 

**Roma’s blood.**

I pull my gaze away from Roma’s unrecognizable body, to see Shuu kneeling beside me.

_ “ _ _ Cher Seigneur,  _ Hide are you alright?” Shuu’s voice sounds worried but I can’t connect on why he’s so worried for? Me? Why would he be worried about me? This isn’t my blood.  **This isn’t my blood Shuu.**

“I-I’m okay Shuu.” I try to stand up and Shuu offers a hand but for some reason I can’t bring myself to hold it.

While standing up I look around and see that the fire is still burning, and now has spread to other homes and buildings. I can’t bring myself to care either.

But something is missing.

_ Where’s Kankei? _

Before I can open my mouth and ask, Shuu beats me too it.

“Where’s Kankei, Hide?” Shuu says to me.

It takes me a second to understand the memories that float back to me before the  _ stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab,  _ **_stab_ ** .

“Hide.” Shuu shakes me again in the shoulders.

_ My eyes feel to dry and dull Shuu. I just killed a girl, I didn’t have to kill her Shuu. But I did, and now I feel so  _ **_gone_ ** _. So numbed out Shuu. How am I going to face Kaneki every again, Shuu! _

“Hey Hide?” Shuu ask in a soft voice.

“I remember when I was a young boy, my father brought me to a mission with him one day. I was around 9 years old with no real meaning of life and death yet.”

“Father has to assassinate a small group of people who were robbing killing families in a nearby town. When we got to their hideout, we went in and father didn’t have any trouble dealing with them by himself. I was there to be a body counter and see if they had the things from the killed families.”

“ I gathered all the things from the lost families and counted the bodies. But I guess father didn’t have the right number, because a man came from behind me with a knife. I knew father was outside and wouldn’t be able to hear if I screamed in time. I felt scared, terrified, and alone.”

“I always carried a trench knife with me but never used it, never had too. So I had two options in front of me at that time. Kill him and walk out of the hideout alive or die by this man’s hands alone in a home I didn’t know.”

“Why are you telling me this Shuu?” I ask him in a hush tone.

“Because Hide, what you did had to be done to save yourself from death. It was you or her. And there shouldn’t be any regrets in saving yourself to live a longer life.” Shuu says to me.

I feel his words but it still doesn’t make what I did anymore wrong then it was. But I must accept it no matter what now. I killed Roma to save myself, that’s that. And there’s no turning back.

I meet Shuu’s gaze and only see him. No pity, no angry, and no judgement.

“Let’s go find Kaneki.” I say to him.

“Yes, let’s.”


	49. Let's go home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Shuu are looking for Kaneki
> 
> but where is Kaneki?

Hide’s POV:

 

“Where was the last time you saw him?” Shuu ask me while we run.

“Well I had a knife in my leg and it kinda seemed like Kaneki, wasn’t much like…….. You know ‘Kaneki’ at the time.” I tell him.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Shuu says, suddenly stopping in his tracks. 

“What do you mean  _ ‘Kaneki’ _ wasn’t acting like Kaneki?”

“Like he’s eyes were both black with red in the middle. Almost as if it was bruised and blood was seeping into his scrotum.”

“Hide  **_no_ ** , it’s sclera!”

“Well same thing!”

“They are surely not! They don’t even sound alike Hide!”

“Can I finish Shuu? Or do you not what to hear what was wrong with Kaneki? Hummmm???”

_ “ _ _ La merde que je dois traiter.  _ Yes Hide, please continue.”

“Thank you. And to go on, Kaneki just wasn’t responding at all to me, no ‘hello Hide’ or ‘Where the fuck have you been Hide’. Nothing at all. Oh! and his stomach was all red and I don’t know how to really make this sound normal but it looked  _ scaly _ .” I say to him, trying to make my words totally not sound batshit insane.

“Scaly? Like what? A snake?”

“No, Shuu. Like a  _ dragon _ in a story  _ scaly _ .”

He takes a few seconds to digest what I told him. Then he grabs me by my shirt, holding me a little bit too tightly in his grasp. 

_ Why is everyone always have to be grabbing at me???? _

“We must find Kaneki, and fast!” He says, letting go of me and running off in full force the way I told him they could’ve gone.

I don’t ask questions.

I just run.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kaneki’s POV:

 

I can’t really remember where I am, or how I got here.

But I only know that it’s not good.

Yet in the moment I can’t seem to bring myself to really care about that.

My whole body feels weightless as I float through this place of here and not here.  Of everywhere and nowhere. What people call an ‘endless void’.

I don’t know how long I keep on floating on for but suddenly, I’m being pulled down somewhere.

My feet hit ground? Well it’s solid so I’m thinking it’s ground at least. Everything is still dark and bleak so nothing has changed overall.   

I start to walk.

I don’t know where I’m going but at least I’m moving forward and not floating in the blackness of this frozen space. As my feet move, the floor seems to be wet, or maybe more thickly? I can’t say much because of how I literally can’t see anything but it feels like stepping in cold mud. 

At least this sensation is more familiar to me then the floating one.

While still on that thought, I’m shoved back  _ hard _ . Falling backwards, I thought I would hit the non-visible ground but no. I’m falling back as if I was falling out of the damn sky. 

I actually see something in this place, and it’s right below me.

As I fall fast, the little light in this place seems to grow bigger as I get closer to it.

“Humm.”

“I thought heaven was supposed to be nicer than this” I say, knowing that no one will hear my words.

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Hide.” I say holding onto a choked sob.

I fall, and fall until I hit it.

Until all I see is white.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hide’s POV:

 

Me and Shuu have been running through this whole damn town and we still can’t find them.

My panic has skyrocketed to a new fucking high.

“Where the hell are they?” I say, cursing at myself.

Shuu looks just as lost as I am, and that doesn’t give me anything to less worry about right now.

_ I should of been there for him! Now we can’t even find him in this fucked up village! _

Shuu and I stop for a second to catch our breaths. But I kinda reconsider that thought, because I don’t think that would be a great thing to do with every building on fire and smoke and ash are everywhere.

“I don’t think there here anymore Shuu. They might have moved into the forest.” I say to Shuu but he only reposes with a questionable look at me.

“Come on dude! If they were here then we would at least hear them or--”

Just as I’m about to go on with my sentence, a few trees fall and crash down near the area just about north of us.

_ Found him! _

Without talking me and Shuu already start running towards the sounds of screams.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kaneki’s POV:

 

“Kaneki………. “

“Kaneki, come on and wake up. It’s time for breakfast.”

_ What? Breakfast? _

_ Why does that sound so unpleasant? _

Opening my tired eyes, I’m waken to a bedroom.

My bedroom. 

Looking around I see that I’m covered with a heavy handmade quilt. Sitting up in the tiny bed, I lay my hands flat on the quilt and feel it under my palms.  _ It’s soft. _ Without hesitation I bring the edges of the quilt up to my nose and inhale the aroma.  _ It’s so warm. _

Abruptly, there are knocks at the door.

“Kaneki what’s taking you so long? Breakfast is ready! Get you tiny butt out here if you want any!” A voice calls out before the door slides it’s way open. Exposing the person behind the door.

Mother?

With her short black curly hair and comforting brown eyes, she smiles at me and opens the door all the way.

“Hey sweetheart, what’s taking you so long? Did you have another scary dream?” She ask, walking forward to me. Placing a warm hand on my head and looking into my eyes.

“You know mummy’s here to protect you right? I’ll always be here to help you when you need it Kaneki.” She just smiles at me. Like nothing else matters but her and me.

A sudden sadness washes over me, and I can’t stop the ugly tears to fall from my face.

“Oh! Baby! It’s okay! It’s okay! Mummy’s here.” She says sweetly. Bringing me closer into her chest, cradling me tightly.

“It’s going to be alright.”

I don’t know how many minutes go by until she finally lets me out of her grasp. 

“Come on little man, lets go get some breakfast, humm?”

I nod my head and she picks me up in her slender arms. Walking through the house is chilly but with mother holding me, that always makes me feel warmer.

She pulls out a seat and sets me down at the dining table. Looking at the table, I see in front of me there is a plate full of my favorite foods for breakfast.

Fresh egg omelet with bits of bacon in it, with a side of cottage cheese and apple slices.

Mother pulls out a chair for herself and sits next to me.

And we begin to eat.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hide’s POV:

 

Me and Shuu finally arrive at the scene where Yamori and Kaneki have been fighting at.

Or were fighting at.

Yamori lays face first underneath Kaneki. His own body bloodied and injured beyond repair. Limbs bent in directions that are not possible, showing tips of broken and fractured bone tearing through his own flesh and skin.

The worst thing is, he’s still not dead.

Kaneki just stands there motionless, as he hovers just above Yamori. Legs on either side of Yamori’s broken self. As if a predator waits for its prey to make a move.

Yamori is cursing about how he will rain ‘holy wrath upon Kaneki’ when he goes to heaven and meets Gabia. Yet Kaneki doesn’t move at all. Staring blankly at Yamori’s back.

Without much hesitant on my half. I start to walk forward to them. Knowing too well that Yamori doesn’t pose a threat anymore.

“Hey Kaneki…. Is this where you been at this whole time?” I say, taking more steps forward.

_ Normal conversion now. Try to be a little funny too. I know deep down he secretly digs that stuff. _

“You know me and Shuu have been looking for you? We were worried dude.”

More steps.

“Like I said before Kaneki. Rabbits die when they get lonely.” I shine a smile at him, but still nothing. Not even a blink.

As I’m getting closer to him, I can see all the blood that covers him. But there’s no wounds on his body, there’s not even a scratch on him.

_ Is that your blood Kaneki or is it his? _

_ Or could it be both? _

Yamori can see me now and I’m 100% sure he doesn’t like what he sees.

“S-so the great R-Roma fal-ls to a weakling like y-ou?” He says bitterly.

“Ha-ha….. W-wish I was th-ere to see i-t. Ro-ma was al-ways a t-ough girl, pl-aying where sh-e shou-ldn’t be p-playing. Fuck-in-ing brat she w-was at th-hat. At leas-t I didn’t d-die before h-her. S-so that’s a w-win.” He breathes out heavily. 

I don’t say anything back to him. Even if he’s a monster, it doesn’t mean in a fucked up way he’s still a human being.

Most monsters are humans in the beginning anyway.

“Shoul-d’ve kno-wn this w-was never going to h-help any-thing.”

“Help what? Help the innocent people that you’ve hurt or killed? I doubt that did anything but make them suffer even more.” I say to him, while looking at Kaneki.

He doesn’t say anything more, his eyes are open but dulled to a point where I know he has already passed in silence.

I can’t say I’m overly happy or sad. I’m just disappointed that any of this happened. That these people thought they were doing a justices by their actions. It’s really sick how people think that way.

_ Why the hell is the world like this? _

I turn my full attention back on Kaneki again. Seeing that nothing as changed with him, it only makes me more anxious.

“Hey Kaneki…. We can go now. It’s alright, I know things don’t seem alright right this second but we can go and … and catch our breaths a little.” I say, trying to not let my emotions get the better of me.

I gently let my hand up to his. It’s ice cold to the touch but I still hold it.

“Come on Kaneki. Let’s go find those Green Witches and…… and go home.”

“Let’s go home Kanek.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kaneki’s POV:

 

We eat in silence.

The food taste ……….. Uncomfortable in my mouth. The eggs taste too much like semi-solid puke and the bascon is as if it were uncooked and left out in the sun to rot. Same goes for the cottage cheese and apples. Cheese tasting like it was spoiled the moment it touched my lips, and the apples slices as they were dried dirt.

I still eat most of it.

A sound of a couple of boots echo in the hallway. Coming closer I see that it’s father.

“Ah~ Welcome home honey.” Mother greets father in a happy tone.

She stands up and gets his plate of food and sets it down at his chair at the table. Before he sits down, he lovingly kisses her on the cheek. She blushes and he smiles.

I don’t know why but I feel …. Sad to watch their actions. As if I haven’t seen them act this way before.

_ They always act this way. _

_ Don’t they? _

Mother and father start to talk about how the neighbors always leave their chickens out at night and how dangerous that could be for them and the rest of the town.

They talk and smile, make jokes, and look longing at each other.

_ m͠e a̸n͘ḑ S.͜.̶.̛.̵.͜.͜.̡.͠. ̛h͘a҉v͟e͏ be͟e̶ņ lo͝o̴k͟i͠n͢g̢ ̸fo͞r you͠ _

I turn my head around to hear where that voice came from but see no one in the house but me, mother, and father.

_ R͞abbi̕ts ̢d͠ie...͜w͡h̶...͠.̶.͠.͜..͟e̷y͜.̵..̕....҉.͢get.͟lonely҉ _

There it is again but still no one is in the room but me and them.

_ Wait? Rabbits? Haven’t I heard something about that before? _

_ … _

_ Isn’t it that rabbits die when they get lonely? Was that it? When did I hear of that before? _

A flash of a face I don’t remember comes back into my mind. It’s a boy’s face. Tan skin from the sunlight probably, with some underlying freckles here and there. Orangy-brown hair that is tied back to bring out his features more, warm dark brown eyes that seem to shine. And lastly a smile.

But it’s more than just a smile.

It’s Hide’s smile.

_ Hide _ .

The sadness that rushes back to me is unbearable.

“Oh sweetie! What’s wrong?” Mother turns her head my way.

“Huh?”

“Your crying son.” Father says to me.

I touch my face, and sure enough. There are tears dripping down my chin. I take the sleeve of my shirt and try to wipe them away.

_ W͜e ͝c͏a͟n͘ ͜go ̸no͏w͟ _

“Are the neighbor's children picking on you again Kaneki? I told you dear that you should really talk to them.” Mother say to father.

“No, no mother. It’s not that.”

“Then would you like to talk about it? Mummy and daddy are always here for you.” She and father smile at me.

_ It's ͏a̷lri͜ght͝ ̸now. _

I smile back at them.

That’s the only thing I can really do.

Their just not real. Their not how my mother and father really acted on a day to day routine. But it  _ feels _ so real. Like they never fought with their fists or screamed until their throats were raw. Like they always loved each other.

And they always loved me.

_ Co̕me͜ o͏n K̛a̢neki̸. _

“I’m just so happy, that’s all.” I say to the both of them.

“But I feel like I’m needed right now.” I tell them.

“Well if your needed then you should go Kaneki. Help the people who care for you the most sweetie.” 

_ L̨e̴t'͟s g͝o͞ ̸h͏om͘e _

“I will. Thank you mother and father for your time. I-... I really enjoyed it. But this is goodbye.”

“Well goodbye sweetie.”

“Goodbye son.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey guy! I know this chapter was a bit slow but I still hope y'all liked it!!! Thank you all for the likes and comments! It means a lot to me.


	50. Does the teacher always know best?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing much happens but a little twist

Hide’s POV:

 

As I’m about to shake Kaneki by the shoulders to get  _ something _ out of him, he becomes stiffens and starts to falls forwards.

“Oh! W-wait a second dude!” I say catching him with both of my arms around him. 

But I totally forgot how damn heavy he is, so he pulls me down with him.

“A little help here!” I call out to Shuu from the weight of Kaneki on top of me.

Shuu rushes over to us and helps me get Kaneki off of myself so I can breathe easier again.

“Thanks.” I tell him, sitting up from the ground.

Kaneki’s eyes are closed and he doesn’t look about as dead he was a few seconds ago. I don’t know why but I feel so relieved by the sight of him just passed out and sleeping.

_ But does that really mean he’s going to wake up? _

Because I’m the biggest asshole in the world, I bring my face closer to Kaneki’s and stare  _ hard _ . It doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything so I pull up my hand.

“Hide what are you doi-”

“Shhhhhhh! Let me do this dude.” I tell Shuu in a hush whisper.

As I’m about to bop the nose, a hand grabs my wrist and makes me scream a little.

_ Just a little. _

“Can both of you please  _ not _ .” A groin comes from the sleeping body.

Kaneki slowly blinks open his now normal eyes, and looks up to us. He starts to stand up but needs support from both me and Shuu.

“Thanks.” Kaneki says in a low tone to the both of us.

“No problem Kaneki.”

_ “Pas besoin de me remercier, petit bélier.” _

And with that, we start to head back to the village.

As we walk towards the village I can see that sunlight is beginning to spread it’s way over the faraway mountain tops and into the land below. 

_ I can’t believe it’s already morning. I knew morning was going to come don’t get me wrong. But it just feels so surreal that it’s actually happening right in front of my own eyes. _

_ In it’s own way, I really didn’t think I’ll see another sun rise……….. _

We finally reached the village. Walking through the place, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting ‘ _ this’ _ but I at least thought that some houses were going to make it. Looking around as we pass on through, all of the houses and buildings are burnt to the ground. Unless you really count the homes that are still standing but are missing most if their straues. But another thing gets me too.

_ Where the hell is everyone? _

I don’t see anyone at all, not even a single body from the fire. Noone in the houses, noone in the streets, just all  _ empty _ .

_ Maybe they ran? Without some type of leader or a home what could possible be really holding them here? _

_ Nishiki……… _

_ I really hope he’s somewhere safe... _

We’re almost to where the entrance of the village is, but are stop short to a pained laughed that comes not far from us. I turn my head to look around only to see that Donato is leaning up against a burnt side of a wooden door frame.

“Ha-ha-h, y-ou thin-k that t-this wel-l sol-ve anyth-ing?” He chuckles to himself. Staring at him, only makes the image of him is truly uneasy. The way his lips are gone from his face, the way his teeth move and pull the remaining muscle and tendons as his jaw moves to the words that spil from his bony mouth..

“Y-you thi-nk th-that t-his will b-be the l-ast of som-e o-one like m-e? Ma-ny m-more will wan-t th-at p-power of yours, K-Kaneki. M-many w-will com-e for yo-u. An-d wi-ll come f-for you t-oo.” Donato says, pointing a shaky finger at me with the last of his words.

“Th-ey wi-ll c-come for th-e bo-y an-d us-e hi-m ag-ainst y-you. B-better ha-ve a ni-ce tim-e be-fore he’s gon-e Kanek-i. Don’t wa-ste th-e time yo-u ha-ve le-ft he-re. If y-ou do, t-then y-ou’ll reg-ret it l-ike last tim-e.” He says with what might be a humorous grin.

Kaneki doesn’t speak a word to Donato, neither does me or Shuu say anything.

Donato starts to cough harshly, not being able to have the energy to move his hands to block the fluid that comes out of him. The black liquid that flies out is studdling to me. It’s definitely not blood, but just pure black slug that he’s coughing out

“A-hh I-I guess I’m jus-t get-ting ol-d no-w. N-not bein-g abl-e to hea-l like I us-ed t-o. W-we can’t al-l be per-fect like y-ou K-Kaneki. P-probably th-ougth I didn’t reco-gnize yo-u w-when you walk-ed ri-ght into m-y room huh? B-but h-how coul-d I forge-t m-y tea-cher’s f-face?”

I turn to look at Kaneki but only find his facial features are of pain.

“I g-guess it’s m-my fa-ult fo-r usin-g s-o mu-ch b-black mag-ci t-o becom-e lik-e yo-u.” Donato says.

“You were a damn fool Donato.” Kaneki finally speaks to him.

“Yo-u mi-ght be r-ight on th-at. Bu-t at l-east I don’t re-gret it, lik-e I kn-ow y-you do. I’ve ne-ver di-d, an-d at th-e en-d of m-my lif-e I sti-ll don’t.”

“You could’ve become a great mage but yet you wanted power. So much power that it blinded you.” Kaneki says looking straight head, with his fist balled to his side

“A-and yo-u didn’t ge-t blin-d t-oo?” Donate says before coughing heavily again. More black slug covers his chest and face.

“A-hh I gu-ess th-is is good-bye fo-r n-now Kan-eki.”

As Donato says those word his whole body catches fire.The fire coming from nowhere, nowhere would there be a flame even still burning that hard enough to do that to him. But he doesn’t scream, he just looks on head towards Kaneki. The corners of his eyes wrinkle, as if he was smiling.

His clothing and flesh evaporate almost immediately, leaving only his bones to linger behind. But even then with the flames still on them, it doesn’t take long until they turn to ash as well.

My eyes strain on Kaneki’s face. The way his eyes are downcasted on the spot where Donato sat. The way that only ash and burning out flames stay there.

My mind is filled with too many questions. Too many what if’s, too many what are’s, and just too many things I don’t know yet about Kaneki himself. 

_ And fuck do I want to know how he’s feeling right now. _

I only kept still as I waited for Kaneki to say something or start walking again. Yeah,, I have so many questions I want to ask him right now but it’s not the time. It might not ever be the time to ask about somethings about his past.

And I have to accept that about him.

Kaneki doesn’t say anything but he does start to walk towards the entrance. Without anything else, me and Shuu follow suit after him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

We make it back to Shuu’s car in complete silence. All of us get into the car, me and Kaneki in the back with Shuu in the driver’s seat.

“ _ So _ shall we continue the travel?” Shuu says staring at us through the rear view mirror.

I don’t respond to Shuu but instead ask Kaneki if he’s okay to move on right now.

“Why are you asking me that?” He says while looking out the side door window. Probably to not look me in the eyes

It hurts that he can’t even really look at me.

“It’s okay Kaneki. We really don’t have to go right now. A lot of things just happened, like come on. We’re all are acting somewhat too ‘normal’ for a bunch of people who almost died last night. If anything, we could all use a break.” I say to him as he still stares out the window but I can see that his eyes are looking at me through the glass.

“You don’t have to answer right now. We can wait until you have an answer.” I tell him, giving his knee a little playful bump with my own knee.

A minute goes by and he speaks.

“We should go. The faster we get this plant for your mother Hide. The faster you can get back to her, and help her.”

“Are you sure your okay to do that now?”

Without hestainet he turns his face my way. Giving me a great view of his beautiful eyes ( _ Damn I missed these eyes).  _ He leans forwards into me, cupping a hand behind my head as he brings our lips to meet.

The kiss is slow and meaningfully but ends all too shortly.

“I’m sure Hide.” Kaneki whispers against my lips.

“I don’t think I quite got that. I think I need another reminder.” I grin back at him but he only rolls his eyes at me.

_ Fuck how I missed this so much. _

“Okay Shuu. We’re heading to the Green Witches place now.” Kaneki yells towards the front.

_ “Je l'ai  _ Kaneki.” Shuu calls back.

The car starts to move steadily.

Kaneki doesn’t face me but slips his hand into mine.

_ I guess it’s time to move on again. I just hope it doesn’t bite us in the ass later……. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY!! Sorry for taking a little longer to post this chapter. Been super busy and tired a lot but I've now figured out the ending of this story. A big thanks again for all of the readers, comments, and anything you guys do for this story!


	51. I don't want to lose this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole gang finds a magical place.
> 
> And a moment with the love birds acting like real dorks
> 
> Also there is a song I'll post in the beginning of the chapter to go with the little speech Hide gives.

 

[Song for Hide's feeling speech during this chapter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_U6iSAn_fY)

 

Hide’s POV:

 

It’s been roughly 2 hours and the ride is still not over with. But at least everytime I ask Shuu how long we have he says ‘not much left now Hide’ or like some other words in that fancy language he does sometimes.

Kaneki is still by my side.

I think he’s actually awake now because even though he has his eyes closed, I think he’s just really worried if something goes wrong again that he won’t be awake for it right away.

I can’t help but feel a plague of guilt wrench my stomach.

As I’m about to linger into those thoughts again, Kaneki sits up.

“Shuu stop the car.” He calls out to him from the back.

Stopping the car, Kaneki tells us to get out and that Shuu can shut off the car as well. Stepping out of the car I was kinda hoping that these Green Witches would be around a area with more ….. Well you know green. What surrounds us is just more snow and ice.

Kaneki is turning he head back and forth as if he was looking for something.

“Are we really in the right place Kaneki?” I ask him as I shiever from the cold wind blowing through the forest.

“Yes, we are. It’s just that……. Ahh there it is.” He says before going over to a thick rooted tree covered with snow like the rest of them. Wiping away the snow, revealing a strange pattern on the tree. If I didn’t now think everything had some type of weird meaning to it. I would of thought it was just some bear markings.

Kaneki taking out his own knife from his pocket and slicing it through the two patterns in half. An environment changed happened so fast I almost thought I might of been dreaming for a second. The once snowy area with chunks of ice and frozen trees are now gone and replaced with flowers blooming, trees flourishing, and small animals moving about the green land.

“Woooow! Kaneki how did you do that???” I jump next to him and ask in ah looking all around us.

“I didn’t do anything Hide. Just took the barrier off for a while but it’s really only a matter of time before they noticed I did so.” He says back to me calmly.

“But I am impressed they expanded their territory so much in so little time.” He says looking around as well.

“How much time has it been then?”

“About 100 years.”

“God I forget how old you are at times.” I whisper under my breath.

“What did you just say-”

“Come on let’s get moving then!” I grab his hand and pull him forward into the grassy field ahead of us, not leaving any room for him to say anything back. Shuu follows as well only shaking his head slightly.

As we walking farther and farther into the glowing forest. The trees open up to a shining field with so many flowers I don’t even think I’ve ever seen so many flowers in my life before.

Without thinking, my grasp on Kaneki’s hand tightens and I start to run more towards the field with him tagging along beside me.

“W-wait a second Hide!” Kaneki calls out next to me trying not to stumble over his feet.

But instead of listening to him, I just wipe myself around to face him. His cheeks are flushed with pink and he looks a little flustered in the moment.

_Probably still not used to me giving him so much affection. Specially with me being gone, without being so close to me for so long I wonder what he’s feeling……..?_

I let go of his hand but only to bring both of my hands up to his face, cupping his cheeks in the most loving way I can. He looks caught off guard with my actions but not in a bad way.

I gently rub my thumbs slowy across his cheeks. Leaning forward towards him, I bump my forehead on his.

“Hey Kaneki?” I mutter to him.

“Have ……… have you ever felt like things were never quite right in life? Like things just made sense in a way that you understand it in a logical way but it always kinda felt overall fake…? I’ve kinda felt that way with my own feelings. I know everyone has feelings but having feeling for people you meet through life without knowing them your entire life just never made sense to me.” I say quietly exhaling my words.

“I never really understood strong feelings for other people expect for taking care for and loving my mum. I never understood how people could find someone in life as a partner they loved and wanted to see them do the absolutely best they can in life.”

“I’ve always felt alone with those feelings. I felt like I was broken for not getting close with anyone, for not wanting to like anyone……… But you made me change Kaneki. You opened my eyes now to see that I want to see you being happy, living beautifully, and doing your best in life.”

“Because Kaneki you make me feel like even though the world is so wrong at times, I still want to live on with you. And I know it’s not much but I want you to live on with me too.”

As Kaneki’s hears the last of my words, his eyes become red and glossy but do not shed a single tear. He brings his hands up and cradles my own face with the palm of his hands.

“Hide your so corny.” He sarcastically whispers against my lips and I can’t help but feel like that’s his own way of saying ‘you just said a lot of embarrassing shit but I love it.’

I laugh.

Oh fucking god do I laugh.

He must think I’m fucking crazy because I’m laughing so loudly and carefree that I hug him suddenly, we both trip on each other legs and fall to the ground.

We don’t let go though. We hold each other, laughing and giggling like children as we roll around in the soft grass of the field.

We stop rolling and I end up on top of him, still holding onto his face.

“My god Kaneki, I love you.” I say in mid-laughter.

“I love you so much.” I say again but in a quieter tone.

Feeling my ever emotion pour right out of me in this moment of this……

This……

_In this small moment I’ll always remember being with you._

We stay like this for I don’t know how many minutes, but I gotta say. I really appreciate Shuu for letting me and Kaneki have this time together.

We needed it.

“Come on Hide. Let’s go get that medicine.” Kaneki say to me.

I carefully get off of him and help him stand up again. We look around for Shuu and see he’s sitting not far from us, smelling some roses from a huge rose bush.

“Come on Shuu, let’s get this over with.” Kaneki calls out to him.

Shuu picks a rose off the bush and stands up to walk over to us.

“Are you saving that for them?” Kaneki ask Shuu as he holds a beautiful red rose in his hand

I lift an eyebrow at them.

_I’ve never known that Shuu had someone in his life but I guess that’s just one more thing I didn’t know about him._

_How I want to learn more about these two. I guess in do time things will change._

“ _Je sais qu'elle va adorer ça. Surtout en cette période de l'année où les roses ne fleurissent pas comme ça._ ” Shuu says in a warming tone, looking directly at the rose in his hand.

Even though I have no idea what he just said, it sounded like something good.

We walk across the whole field. Which is pretty big because the clear blue sky is already setting. At the end of the field I can see a house. Well I think it’s a house at least, it’s hard to say with all the vines and leaves covering it.

We get closer and closer, and now I can see that it is indeed a home but with so much green on it I guess I don’t feel too stupid for thinking it wasn’t.

Kaneki steps up to the door and knocks again the wood. The door itself is strange yet beautiful in a sense. Craved with many patterns and words that I can’t understand.

No one answers…..

Kaneki is about to knock again but the peephole on the door suddenly turns into a eye.

_I’m some what not surprised anymore after everything._

The peephole eye moves around in its spot looking at all of us. It takes a few seconds before the eye is done? looking at us and we hear a ‘click’ of the door opening.

“Look, look sister. The Northern Witcher is here.”

“Well, well sister. I do wonder what brings him here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all hope you liked this chapter, I know it's a little slow like the last one but things will speed up again! I still want to thank everyone who comments and and likes this story. It really sometimes surprises me that so many of you guys like this story.


	52. Conjoined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuu and Hide meet two new faces!
> 
> Kaneki is secretly very protective of Hide who doesn't even know it.

Hide’s POV:

 

Hearing two voices echo from inside the home but not seeing anyone at the door to greet us.

_ Kinda rude but it’s better than trying to kill us at this point. _

“Come in, come in.”

“Yes, come in. We haven’t had guest in a while.”

The two voices call out to us from inside the home.

I look over to Kaneki but he just steps right through the dark doorway. Shuu and I give each other a quick look over but shrug our shoulders and follow suit behind Kaneki.

As we enter the home it’s extremely dark. With no lighting nor window shades drawn back for the little sunlight from the setting sunshine to come on in.

“Take off both of your shoes.” Kaneki tells me and Shuu, while taking off his own.

Without much light to help us, I fumble with my shoes and try to balance myself as I do so. Seeing that Shuu of course is having no trouble at all with balancing on one foot at a time. He sees me staring and gives me a little smug grin.

_ Show off. _

We all place our shoes next to the front door. Thank god the environment has changed so much or I would of been freezing my tiny toes off.

“Kurona, Nashiro show yourselfs.” Kaneki calls out.

“So needy, right sister?”

“So needy sister.”

The voices take back to each other. The door behind us slam shut making me jump and panic.

_ Fuck not again with this shit! My heart has aged probably 27 years after all the sshitty tress it’s been through! _

With the door slamming shut, the room begins to light up.  _ Literally _ . The things that we didn’t notice in the spacy room suddenly come into light, as many candles and lanterns light themselves up in seconds.

The room around us is filled with many books overflowing in shelves, jars with many strange labels on them, crystals of different kinds, some furniture here and there, and plants coming from all over the place.

Hearing the soft tap-tap of bare feet against the ground. I turn my attention to the hallway opening.

Two girls looking about my age walk close to each other, coming out of the darkness. One with black hair, and one with white hair. Both having little scars under one of their eyes, each scar on the other side of the other ones scar. Wearing a big long grey cloak with………

_ Wait? _

_ Why is their cloaks stitched together? _

Having a better look as they come closer into the lighting. I can see that both of them have no other arm. With looking down I can only see two pairs of bare feet poking out of the end of their cloaks.

“Sister look! The Witcher actually has friends!” The girl in the black hair calls out bubbly.

“Sister that's rude to assume that they are  _ actually _ his friends.” The other girl with white hair says back to her.

“I guess with age, you two try to make things more humorous.” Kaneki says to them dully.

Thinking that they would get upset with a comment with their mhmm... ‘age’? But it turns out they just smile and continue to walk closer to us.

“And what does that say about you? Dear Witcher of the North.” The girl with white hair says to Kaneki as they make their way into my own space.

_ Too close. _

They both look at me with amused eyes. But with them so close I can see now that they aren’t just sharing clothes, or standing close to one and other, but they are connected.

Conjoined twins.

_ I think I’ve heard of people being born like that before. Usually their normally abandoned by their family because of the birth effects on their bodies. Their parents not wanting shame from other people, so they just up and leave their babies somewhere else, for someone else to deal with.  _

_ Hearing that twins like that could only make money by selling themselves to circuses and acts.  _

_ How unfair that is. _

_ How lonely that must be….. _

“And who might this be?” The girl with black hair says, snapping me back into the moment and out of my thoughts.

Her face is close to mine and I’m getting a little nervous with the lack of space they're giving me. But I don’t think I really have the courage to say anything about it.

But abruptly I feel a sharp tug on my collar. Being pulled back and out of the closen of the two girls faces, I’m drawn into kaneki with his arm around my shoulders.

The two girls almost looked shocked from the act from Kaneki. But I gotta say I am too.

_ But that doesn’t mean I don’t like the sudden affection from him. I’m actually feeling a heat rise in my cheeks.  _

_ God I hope they don’t see me blushing. _

The girls straighten their backs and look at each other. They bring up both of their hand on there side of them. Then they start to whisper in each others ear.

“Sister, sister. Do you think?”

“Oh yes sister. I do believe the mean Witcher has found one.”

“ _ Excusez-moi mesdames  _ we can all hear you two.” Shuu says bluntly from beside Kaneki and me.

_ I kinda think they wanted us to actually hear them…. _

They break up their little gossip party and turn their heads back to us.

“Oh how shameful of us sister!” The girl with the black hair says dramatically.

Kaneki doesn’t take anytime to move about in their home, and dragging me along with him. We move towards what is probably the living room and we all take seats on the many different furniture in the large room.

Kaneki and Shuu sit on either side of me, sticking myself right in the middle of  both of them. Kaneki though pulling me a little bit closer to himself, putting a extended arm behind me but not touching me.

The girls take a seat from across from us.

“So are you going to introduce us to your ‘friends’?” One of the girl’s says as she twirls a finger through her snowy hair.

Kaneki sighs with irritation but still does it anyway.

“Hide these two are the Green Witches of the North. The one with black hair and ugly personality is Kurona. And the other one with white hair and equally ugly personality is Nashiro.” Kaneki rises a hand to them with a smirk tugging on his lips.

“And Kurona and Nashiro, this is Nagachika Hideyoshi and this is Tsukiyama Shuu. Be kind to them.” Kaneki moves his hand towards us and with the last sentence seem to be more threatening if I’m not wrong.

_ Why does it have to be threatening? Does Kaneki not trust them? _

_ Have they done something to him? _

With Kaneki saying that, I reach over the distance between the girls and me to lean out my hand for them.

“Yes, I’m Nagachika Hideyoshi but please do just call me Hide.” I say with a smile.

They stare at me in ahh as if this hasn’t happened to them in a while. Which hurts my chest with just the thought of it. They smile tenderly at me, and one by one. Kurona and Nashiro take my hand and shake it in theirs.

Pulling back into my seat. Kaneki takes the hand that was resting behind me and putting it against my back. Feeling him draw little circle as he begins to speak. I relax into his touch.

“I’ll just cut to the important stuff now. Hide here was told that you two have a very special plant that could help a person for him. A plant that can heal the dying.” Kaneki says strongly to both of them while still gently gliding his fingers along my back.

_ The dying huh………. _

“Maybe you want something from him but I would like to say you two will get nothing from him. If you want anything for this powerful plant then just take it from me.” He say firmly.

“We’ll give it to you.” Nashiro calmly says.

_ Huh!? _

I’m really fucking taken back on how fast they’ll just give us something so special so easily. God I guess I really don’t get this type of stuff at all.

“But.” Kurona say.

“We need Hide to talk to  _ her  _ first. Of course we’ll be gladly be willing to give the boy the plant then.” Nashiro finishes her sister’s sentence.

Kaneki stops rubbing circles on my back. I turn my head slightly towards him to see that his eyes are narrow.

_ He’s angry. _

“Why does he need to talk to that bitc-”

“I’ll do it.” I interrupted him before he could say anything more.

“ _ What?” _ Kaneki says loudly.

“ _ Oh merde. _ ” Shuu whispers.

“I said I’ll do it. I’ll go talk to this … whoever they are and get it over with. I haven’t been able to do a lot Kaneki, I know this. And if they’ll give me the plant just by talking to someone then I’ll do it.” I tell him in a calm voice, looking into his worried eyes.

He looks at a loss of words for what to say to me, and I don’t blame him. I’ve really been useless with this whole thing. If I really just need to talk to someone then it’s the only thing I need to do for my mum.

Kaneki exhales a breath that his probably been holding in.

“Fine. If you truly want to do this Hide then…….. Then I won’t stop you.” He tells me.

“Hey it takes a lot to kill an idiot like me Kaneki.” I smile at him and give him a quick peek on the lips.

He smiles back at me but the anxiouse look on his face doesn’t disappear.

“Okay.” I turn my attention back to the girls.

“So who do I have to talk to?” I ask them.

They look at each other with huge grings on their faces.

_ Well that doesn’t make me feel so good. _

“The Queen of the fairies, the ruler of the magical creatures of this land.” Nashiro says.

“The powerful one who many have fallen in battle from. Who some say are truly quite a monster in theory.” Kurona says.

“Eto the green fairy of true earthly power” Both of the girls say in unison with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey everybody!!!! Hope y'all liked this chapter and how I did Nashiro and Kurona personalities ꒰⌗´͈ ᵕ ॣ`͈⌗꒱৩  
>  A lot of talking happened but that could be a good part? Tell me?
> 
> What to thank everyone again for liking, commenting, and hitting this story! It means a lot to me.


	53. Froot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki get's to talk to the twins
> 
> Hides a dork with eating food all the time.
> 
> Kaneki get's touchy when he wakes up with hide by his side.
> 
> The twins ship Hide and Kaneki.
> 
> And they start another journey 
> 
> Also I'm going to be posting a song for when the gand enters the forest with the all the creatures and faeries.

[The song for when everyone enters the forest at night and the creatures come out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXZcqKyV0Ww)

 

Kaneki’s POV:

 

_ I can’t say I’m mad at Hide for choosing to do this decision but you know what? I’m not mad. Not at all. _

_ I’m just so fucking worried what’s going to happen with this talk. _

Kurona and Nashiro don’t lie about trading things for other things. I know this from experience, but what if the talk doesn’t go well? Eto already has a hard-on for messing with anything I have a deal with in.

Eto has always been cunning with her words and thought-process. That’s what fairies do all the damn time. But Eto? Eto takes it to a next fucking level.

Which is why I’m so worried for Hide.

As Hide and Shuu eat some of the food Kurona and Nashiro prepared for them. They call over to me.

“Witcher, Witcher. We would like to talk to you.” Kurona sing-song says to me.

“Right, right sister. We do need to talk to you before anything.” Nashiro says back.

Looking back at Hide as he just stuffs his face full of fresh berries and fruits. He sees me looking and smiles at me with all of it in his still in his mouth, giving me a thumbs up.

_ He’s just a dork. _

_ But fuck do I love him so much. _

Turning back to the twins I just nod. They move more into the home and I follow right behind them. We walk in silence until they stop at a door and open it for me.

“Thanks.” I say to them before walking in the room.

They shut the door behind them as they enter too. The room is a mess like most of their home but it gives its own charm I think. Like there is no empty room for thoughts of the past to creepy up on you. It feels comfortable.

I lean up against the only wall the isn’t covered with pictures or a bookshelf. Crossing my arms on my chest gives me little comfort with this situation. I feel better when my arms aren’t dangling on my sides uselessly.

“What do you want to-”

“We heard that you destroyed the Gabia village?” Nashiro says cutting me off from my words.

“Yes, we definitely did sister. So is that true Witcher? Did you?” Kurona ask me.

“I wonder? Where did you hear that information?” I ask back to both of them.

“Oh silly Witcher. The forest, she speaks many tales and truths.” Kurona giggles as if I’m stupid for not knowing that myself.

_ It’s not like I’m alway asking her to tell me others business and troubles, not like you guys. _

_ I don’t want to waste her time like that. _

“That’s right sister. Word from the forest says they got a hold of that boy you're fond of so suddenly. Said that you followed back to their village and went on a rampage and buried it to the ground.” Nashiro says in a light tone.

Not the full story but it’s not like they need to know anything more than they already do know.

“Yeah you could say that.” I say to them boardly.

“Well we must thank you Witcher. Right sister?” Nashiro say to Kurona.

“Oh yes! Yes! You did a great job swiping them out. They were destroying the forest by making so many homes there. Taking and not giving back to her was wrong of them to do. That’s why it will be better that they are gone now.” Kurona says with a giddy smile.

_ This is why I don’t like them. They think that people nowadays actually know of the forest Goddess. They think that people should only follow her and her words, and who don’t need to be casted away. _

_ I believe in the forest because I help her and she helps me. But I also believe that people have their own beliefs, and if it’s not hurting anyone then why tell them their wrong? _

_ Like I don’t feel guilt for doing what I did to them? _

_ I sure do feel it. _

“Is that all you two wanted to talk about? If not we should get going. Eto gets stronger in the night and I don’t want her not liking Hide and trying to go after him. I’m in no shape to fight her now. Not again.” I say leaning off the wall and moving past them to go for the door.

“Ahh sister, does the Witcher seem a little paler than normal?” Kurona says aloud to Nashiro.

“Your right sister! I wonder whatever could be the matter with him? Witcher do you feel ill? I bet you do. We can smell it you know.” Nashiro says with a overly creepy smile spread across her face.

I don’t say anything but open the door and slam it shut behind me as I walk out into the hallway. I stand outside of the door and breath in and out. I bring up my hands and pull off both of my gloves to see my hands.

Once just black fingernails has now spread to the middle of my palms. Turning my skin black and numb to the touch.

“ _ Fuck! _ ” I curse under my breath.

_ Fuck not now! _

_ Not now! _

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hide’s POV:

 

“My GOD! I was so hungry!” I say patting my tummy which is now full of fruits and delicious berries the twins gave me and Shuu.

“That way good.” Shuu says dabbing his mouth with a napkin which I have no idea where it came from.

But it’s Shuu so I can’t really be surprised with it.

Looking around I don’t see Kaneki or the twins.

_ Wonder what their up too? _

_ Probably talking about magical stuff and showing off their magical powers to see whos the best in the forest. _

_ Wait!  _

_ Are their like teams of magic? Like do Witches and Wizards, and Kaneki (cuz Kaneki said he was the last of the Witchers up here) get together and just do sports but instead of normal sports it’s like magical sports? _

_ If not someone should get on that. _

While being in my thoughts of games they could possibly play. I see Kaneki make his way back into the living room by himself. I smile and straighten up in the couch but he only gives me a weary smile back.

_ Wonder what they were talking about? Because it seems like he’s not in a great mood now. _

_ But I guess it’s up to good-old-young-Hide to help him out! _

He is about to sit down on the couch but I stop him by opening up both of my arms stretched out wide in front of me.

“Hide what are you doing?” Kaneki ask me with a raised eyebrows.

“I’m low on energy.” I say blankly.

He looks so lost.

“But…… You just ate? How could you be low when food gives you energy?”

“I’m low on Kaneki energy.”

It takes him a minute to digest my words. And I can tell you when he fully understands what I said because his whole face gets red and flustered with embarrassment.

Even if he is red as a summer tomato, he still bends down and goes right in between my arms, giving me a nice hug.

I feel him start to pull back but instead of just letting him go. I pull him closer to myself and into my lap.

“Hide is this humiliating.” Kaneki says but doesn’t move from his spot on my lap. Instead he just burying his face deeper into my shoulder.

_ “Oh petit ram bien sûr aime son tournesol.”  _ Shuu says flirtatiously.

Whatever Shuu said just made Kaneki take a deep sigh into my shoulder and mutter ‘shut the fuck up Shuu’ quietly.

I’m guessing it was a good thing?

Kaneki doesn’t move from my lap for a while. Which I enjoy deeply because it sometimes seems like we don’t do this enough, so it’s really nice when it does happen.

As I’m about to ask Kaneki when we should all start to get ready, the twins emerge from wherever they just where. Walking into the living room they both give me sassy devilish smiles. But only Kurona going over the top with a wink as well.

Feeling a little bit too bashful with that. I gently shake Kaneki a little to speak to him.

“Hey Kaneki. I think it might be time to go and do the super dangerous talk thingy with the fairy person.” I whisper to him.

He slowly leans off of me and rubs his eyes a little. Must of fell asleep on me.

_ Damn that’s too cute. _

He stands up and pull me up with him as well.

“We’re ready.” I tell the girls.

Kaneki doesn’t say anything but he does cling to me. Which is a little different from what he normally does but maybe it’s because he just woke up. Maybe he gots the sleepy cuddles in him.

I feel the blush engulf my face before I can even try and stop it.

“Great, great! Shall we go sister?” The one who I think is Kurona with the black hair looks beside her to her sister.

“Oh yes sister! It’s been too long since we’ve seen little Eto! It surely will be a treat to see her again.” The other girl who I’m 90% sure is Nashiro says lively.

We all head towards the front and most of us grab our shoes. But seeing that the twins are still barefooted.

“Don’t you two have any shoes?” I ask them.

“On silly boy! The earth is our element!” Kurona says as she brings up the foot on her side, wiggling her toes in the air.

“We don’t need such things as shoes. It only blocks the flow of energy to us if we do wear them.” Nashiro says to me.

_ I guess that makes sense in a way? I don’t know much about their magic or just magic in general but if you want something to flow better you wouldn’t want something blocking the way. _

We all go through the door and outside into the fresh almost spring night air. It’s amazing that this is all the twins doing. I could almost forget that it’s still winter. With that, the twins close the door behind them.

And we’re off 

 

 

* * *

 

 

The Twins I have to say are the smart ones here because their the only ones to bring a any lighting with them. Both holding lanterns in each of their hands. Guiding the dark path ahead of us.

As he go farther and farther into the forest we start to hear noises.

“What that?” I say out loud, curious of the small beams of light of what I thought were stars but are actually moving about through the treetops.

“I sometimes forget that your not used to these things. Well those are fairies Hide.” Kaneki answer beside me.

As we walk more, the more soft feminine giggling happens and lighter the forest becomes in the night.

It seem like the forest itself is alive now. With small figures of what I believe are to be fairies are flying through the sky and getting closer to us. Some even fly up to me. Their small naked bodies are outweighed by the largeness of their beautiful wigs

Around us are more beings of the forest. Small people that aren’t much bigger the the length of a school ruler hide behind overgrown mushrooms. Their hair long and covering their bodies but their black eyes still stand out.

Deer with the antlers of colorful crystals come from the little darkness that is left in the forest. 

I’m in true ‘ahh’ as in all around us are creatures and being I could only imagine in a story book about a far away fairytale. 

_ I guess in a sense. This is my own fairytale. _

“Sister, sister. Look who it is.” Kurona calls out happily as a child.

“Your right sister. We must be here.” Nashiro says back to her.

I turn my gaze forward to see the beauty that unfolds in front of me.

A set three large rocks with glowing flowers lay not far from us. Many of the beings and creatures we’ve seen so far gather beside the area. 

As we get closer to the rocks I see a girl lying about on them. A very small girl in that fact. She almost seems smaller than even Roma. The way her long unruly green hair glows from the lighting around her makes her feel otherworldly. Makes her seem powerful.

The only thing that makes me want to turn away is the lack of clothing she has on. Her nakedness is something I’m really not used to but I guess it goes back to what the twins said. The fact of something like clothing could block her powers makes it seem more understanding.

It’s truly amazing.

“Well isn’t it the Northern Witcher, Son of the Tsukiyama mansion, and the Green Witches. What bring your lovely faces to my side of the forest?” The girl or more like woman says in a charming tone.

“And who is the boy?” She say, as her gaze falls on me.

“What a pretty face he has too~.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY??????????? Y'ALL MUST BE OVER HERE LIKE 'DA FUCK'?????????
> 
> Hope you guys like this. I was really on a roll with starting this chapter, while also watching the football game that just ended (which was crazy)


	54. The day is gone but I can't forget how we used to lay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This shouldn't be goodbye Kaneki."
> 
> I'll post a song in the beginning for the 'moment'.

[Kaneki's song to Hide at the end](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJKX8oNaHH0)

 

Hide’s POV:

 

The being who I think must be Eto lifts herself up effortlessly off the platform of rocks. When the twins called her the fairy queen, I guessed I pictured her with more characteristics of a  _ ‘plain’ _ fairy.  Knowing to me that, yes. I’ve never seen a real fairy but doesn’t mean there aren’t stories and drawings of them that I’ve haven't seen.

Eto with no wigs like the others tinier fairies that fly around us. She moves through the air with ease.

“And who might this be?” Eto says as she floats in front of me, still inches off the ground.

With the smooth words coming off of Eto’s lips the twins seem more than happy to answer her question quickly.

“He is the boy who the Gabia village wanted so badly.” Nashiro says in a sweet tone.

“He is the one that also captivated the Witcher’s heart too~.” Kurona says to Eto leaning forward into our talking space.

_ WHAT THE FUCK KURONA! _

I shoot her a look but I hardly think she would even be fazed by it.

Eto doesn’t seem shocked by either Nashiro and Kurona statements. If anything I would say she almost looks amused with it.

“You don’t say?” She says strangely quiet, studying me with her strong emerald eyes.

_ Something in her voice tells me she already knew about both of those. I wonder if she can look at people who wander the forest? Like from above in the sky? Shit that doesn’t make any sense…….. _

_ But what has made any sense these past few months? _

“I would like to say ‘thank you’ for coming to see me  _ Hide _ .” She smiles eerily at me.

“Well to be fair. I didn’t really have a choice to say ‘no’ in it.” I tell her. But in that split second her smile widens a little bit too much.

“ _ Ahhhh~  _ But you did have a choice Hide. You could’ve said ‘no’ to this little meeting we’re in now. Could’ve stayed in that little southern town in the middle nowhere that you and your mother live in. Could’ve just let your mother die without taking the risk of coming to the north. You always had the choices in front of you, it just seems like you picked the ones that helped others the most.” 

I’m a little speechless right now. Not just the fact that she actually knew that me and my mother live together AND in a town in the middle of nowhere but that she’s technically right.

I did have choices this whole time. But I guess it never occurred to me that I could've said no to all of this.

No to Kaneki, no to going to the Tsukiyama mansion, no to seeing the Twins, and saying overall no to Mr. Uta’s letter.

I’ve could of stopped these meetings and new people by a simple ‘no’.

It’s a little scary how words and choices can affect the future so much.

As the her words drive deeper into my mind, I feel a tight squeeze on my hand. Looking to see that’s it’s Kaneki doing it. I try to give him a good smile but my mind is still on the thought of how I could’ve never meet him.

And that really terrifies me. 

I turn my head back to Eto.

“So what did you want to talk about anyway?” I ask her in the best confidence I can muster up.

“Oh! On that, I actually I just wanted to meet you. I have no real need to talk about information on you or anything. I already know everything that is.” She smiles fondly.

_ Huh? _

_ HUH????? _

I feel like my jaw drops about 4 inches from my face.

“B-but Nashiro? Kurona?” I turn my face slowly towards then in shock.

I can only see that their in a giggly fit right now. Trying their best to hold in their laughter from busting out from within their mouths.

_ This isn’t really funny. _

“Ah we did say you needed to talk to her!” Nashiro says in mid-laughter.

“But we never indeed say that she would speak back to you!” Kurona laughs even louder.

_ I’ve been played like a damn fiddle! _

I take my free hand and rub it down my face in utter disappointment. 

_ What the fuck! I got all hyped over this and nothing really came out of it?? I made myself think I would have to have some kind of epic mind battle with this fairy! _

A hand softly touches my shoulder.

“But we did promise after that we would give you the plant. Right, sister?” Nashiro says looking over at Kurona.

“Right, sister!” Kurona says, wiping a few tears from her eyes. Obviously from laughing and not at anything sad of course.

I swear to god I’ve never had such a rush of relief swipe over me. I look back at Kaneki to see him only having the most petties face I’ve ever seen, as he stares downs the twins. He sees me and mouths a ‘I’m sorry’ with a tired smile.

“Here you go Hide.” I hear Eto say.

Looking back at her, I see that she holds a strange looking flower in her hands. I could only really describe it as a weird cross between a Woodfordia fruticosa and a Hawthorn flower. The parts that really remind me are the bright orange color and little circler flowers that look like Woodforida’s on the stem. And with the white coloring of the hawthorn flower on the top of the stem.

“Thank you so much.” I slowly take the flower from Eto’s long fingers.

_ “Je pense que cela convient mieux.”  _ I hear Shuu behind me say ( _ well it could be Kaneki but he doesn’t really do that fancy tongue stuff to me anyway……… that sounded bad even if it was in my head) _ . Turning around, I see he’s got a long jar with holes on the top.

_ Holy shit! _

“Holy shit!” I say aloud now. He hands me the jar and I carefully put the flower in it.

“Thank you Shuu. I guess I didn’t really think that far into actually getting the flower. But really it’s the best idea so I don’t destroy the little thing.” I say rubbing the back of my head sheepishly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kaneki’s POV:

 

I have no say I’m not surprised that it turned out like this. Hide getting the plant without much hassle or going through what he called early a ‘mind-battle of the decade’.

I already knew Eto wouldn’t ‘fight’ Hide. If she did want to, then she would’ve gotten to him the first step he took in the forest.

But I just felt like we could've gotten here a lot less stressful and mind-bending if Nashiro and Kurona didn’t make it sound like Eto really had some kind of bussien with Hide.

I think if she did, then that would be fucking ridiculous and terrifying.

Like what would a ethereal fairy want from a human?

But at last, Hide has gotten the flower and now we’re about to go back to Nashiro and Kurona’s home. They offered and all of us are too tired to really say no to the two.

“Oh dear Kaneki~ may I talk to you?” Eto calls out to me as I’m walking with Hide by my side.

_ Of course she can smell it………. _

_ I guess I would be more worried if she didn’t _

“I’ll come back later, okay?” I say to Hide. He gives a few nods and goes back to talking to Shuu about how he talks in two different languages or in Hide’s words the ‘fancy words’.

Walking back, I sit myself down on one of the three rocks that Eto also lays upon.

“So does the boy know?” She ask getting straight to the point.

_ I guess that’s what I like about her the most. _

I tilt my head back to look up into the darkness of the night, the billions of beautiful stars that shines reminds me we’re just small beings that live here on this planet.

It gives me a sort of comfort.

“No, he doesn’t.” I reply back to her.

“He will find out one way or another Witcher. It’s just in do time now.”

_ I know she’s right. Hide will find out what’s happening and he will feel like it’s his fault it ended this way. _

_ He will blame himself. _

“I know he will, because he’s a smart kid.” I say back.

We sit in silence for some time. I’ve never thought of Eto as a being who I would sit like this with. In the night talking about my undoing.

_ Maybe it is time? _

I look at Eto. I would if she ever had someone she loved? Or even cared for? Being such a power magical creature means living far past the ones you might start to care for.

How lonely that must be.

“I’m not that lonely for a mere Witcher to take pity on me.” She laughs dreamly.

“The differences between you and us is that. We’re already tied to the afterlife in many ways, but for you. You who are not tied like us. Are scared to die because you lack the knowledge we have. Human’s fear that they’ll never see the ones that brought you so much joy in the living world. But when we finally do die. We embrace it like no other, because we know that we’ll find the ones we loved.”

“Don’t be afraid Kaneki. Because when the boy goes in his older age, it will be harder for you to find him there.”

 

 

* * *

 

Hide’s POV:

 

I didn’t think that the twins would have a shower but they do and I’m thanking them forever in my thoughts. I almost forgot how a good a hot shower felt like after everything.

Everyone’s kinda already asleep.

Shuu ended up getting the only guest room in the home but I can’t complain because he deserve it. And the twins have their own room of course and I’m just laying on the couch.

I guess I would be asleep too at this point but Kaneki hasn’t come back yet. I’m not super worried about Kaneki taking more time talking to Eto because they have history together? 

_ So they must trust each other a little bit right? _

_ But he also had a history with Donato……… Damn it Hide! I thought we talked about thinking like this again! _

I just pull the blanket higher over my head in frustration. As I just lay like this for a minute I can smell the blanket. It smells like vanilla and firewood ( _ Which I would say smells fucking great. So fuck you if not _ ). 

“Hide is that you?........” The most beautiful voice calls out quietly.

“Maybe it is…. Or maybe it’s someone else?” I say back in a whisper.

“Guess I’ll have to find out.”

_ What? _

I feel the ends of the blanket lft up from my chilly toes and I can almost see Kaneki’s white hair at the end of little tunnel of the blanket. I softly close my eyes because there’s no use in keeping them open when it’s pitch black in here.

I can feel him crawl his way up under the blankets on top of me. Laying one leg to my side and one between my own.

_ Wowz…… Why is my heart beating so loudly? _

I feel both of his hands cup my face. Then they move around a bit, feeling the texture of my skin, the way my cheek bones form around my face, the way my jawline moves with every breath I take.

“Ahhh. It is you Hide.”

“How did you know? Like that’s kinda impressing that you could tell it’s me just by the way my face feels.” I breath out. 

“Hide I can see in the dark.” He replies 

“Oh that’s no fun…….” I say pouting.

He takes backs his hands from my face ( mhmm I just noticed they still have gloves on). He lays his head on my chest. A plague of nervousness runs through me because I wonder if he can hear how fast my heart is pounding. But the nervousness slowly starts to fade as I can hear his soft breaths going in and exhaling out. I bring up my arms to run my hands along his back.

His back moves up and down as he breathes steadily.

Even in this small moment I feel like I don’t deserve this type of happiness. This overwhelming feeling of wanting him to stay with me even if I don’t deserve his love. But with every breath he breathes, it just gives me more and more reasons to need him.

_ My god I need him so much. _

I almost feel the need to cry build up in me. It’s not a sad cry but one of those cries that you can’t believe that something this good is happening to you.

“Hide?”

“Y-yeah Kaneki?”

“I need to tell you something… but it’s not a good thing.” He whispers almost too softly for me to hear him, thank god he’s so close.

“Mhmmm okay. Is it that you can’t come with me down back south? I kinda has a feeling of that because your so used to the snow and cold you’ll probably melt or something.” I dryly say as a joke.

Silence.

“My god is it true??” I say worriedly.

“No Hide. I don’t melt in heat.” 

“Ahhh that’s good. Because I really want you to meet mum. I bet she’ll love you so much, might want to wear a different outfit instead of the one you wear all the time with the ram skull. That might spook her a bit.” I say lightly.

No response or snappy comebacks.

I’m starting to get really worried.

“You know you can tell me Kaneki. I might get upset but I won’t get angry at you.”

“I think it would be easier if you did get angry at me.” He exhales roughly against my chest.

His words hang in the air and it feels a bit too heavy for me to understand what he means.

Minutes pass and still nothing comes from him.

“Kaneki?”

Nothing.

He must be tired from everything. I can just ask another time I guess. Not like we’re in a rush or anything.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hide’s POV:

I lean my head against the car window. Feeling the reminding chill from the northern winter that still raging on outside of the twins barrier.

The goodbyes to the twins were short and sweet. Nashiro and Kurona gave me a bracelet with I guess a magic charm on it. Well that’s what they said at least. It’s supposed to give me the ability to find their home in the forest if I ever come back up here.

We’re almost to the Tsukiyama mansion to say goodbye to Shuu. I’ve asked him if he wanted to hang around a little longer, maybe see the southern places a bit but he told me he must tell someone that he cares for something important. He had a really gentle smile on his face when he said that to me.

“ _ Réveillez les garçons amoureux _ . We’re here you two.” Shuu says as he pulls up to the gate. Pushing the little button that once baffled me not to long ago. 

The gates open and the car rolls the car on in.

Shuu parks the car in front of the mansion and already Matsumae is waiting for us outside

All of us get out and Matsumae says a ‘welcome back master Shuu’ with a ‘welcome back to you too Hide and Kaneki’.

I give her a excited wave and Kaneki just gives her a simple head nod. Me and Kaneki don’t go inside because we plan to leave after saying a goodbye to Shuu, so we can get to that little town’s hotel I stayed when I first came up here before the sun goes down.

Matsumae takes the keys from Shuu’s hands and steps into the car, driving off to probably put it back in its proper place.

Shuu slowly makes his way towards us.

“So this is it?” I say to him.

“Ahh only if you never come back that is! I plan to see you again soon _ jeune tête de tournesol. _ ” He smiles brightly.

“Maybe in the summer dude, you know when the weather isn’t trying to kill me all the time.”

He laughs pretty hard at that, which I take pride in because I haven’t made him laugh a lot during this whole time.

Kaneki and Shuu walk away from me a bit. Probably to get some stuff of their chest about this whole thing. They start saying some words in that fancy language that I know now that people call it ‘french’. 

But something seems a little off because Shuu doesn’t look happy and starting to look a bit sad, evening looking behind Kaneki towards me and back at him.

Their words die down and they seems to start like they understand something more now.

_ I really wish I knew what they were saying….. _

But I don’t push it too far into my thought stream. Their words where between them and not me. If Kaneki wants to tell me anything then he would but maybe I should bring up the thing he wanted to tell me last night. He seemed pretty distraught about it.

Kaneki makes his way over to me, looking more tired then he did before.

“Let’s start to go Hide. Don’t you want to get to the hotel before sundown?” He says softly.

“Yeah totally dude.” I say while placing my hand in his.

“Even ever you are ready. I’m ready Kaneki.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hide’s POV:

 

“Do you need a break Kaneki? We could stop and rest if you need one.” I say while stopping in front of him.

He hasn’t looked too good these past few hours. Ever since he woke up from the twin’s home this morning. He just didn’t look all there.

He shakes his head at my words.

“N-no I don’t I just need-”

Out of nowhere Kaneki starts to cough.

Pretty hard for a matter of fact.

_ I’ve never heard him even sneeze before…….. This coughing sounds bad. _

Suddenly he falls to his knees and into the cold snow.

“Kaneki!” I say jumping to his side.

He continues to cough but now things are starting to come out of his throat. The same black liquid spills from his lips just like the kind that came out of Donato’s.

_ No….. _

The black slug covers the white snow in front of Kaneki. He shakes and heaves as the coughing seems to be never-ending now.

_ I don’t know what to do! I don’t even know what the fuck is going on! _

Kaneki finally stops coughing but falls to the side of his body.

“Hey buddy!! Come on! You gotta tell me what’s going on so I can help you!!” I grab him and say. The worry filling my every nerve is on fire as he’s body feels so cold and limp in my arms.

He’s eyes are so glossed and red it’s hard to see where he’s even looking.

“Hey Kaneki?? Did you fall asleep on me?” I shake him a bit to see if I got anything out of him.

But he doesn’t move, only his shaking starts to get worse at the seconds fly by.

“Kaneki come on??? Remember the rabbits? I remember you saying about how stupid that was to say, remember?” I particularly cry out for him to answer.

I feel so lost and hopeless as he doesn’t do anything.

_ Fuck! Fuck! FUCKK! _

_ I should’ve know something was was up! FUCK! _

“Don’t cry Hide.”

I’m immediately snap open my eyes.

Kaneki looks so bad and so tired right now. The black liquid covers a parts of his lips making the rest of his face look even whiter than normal.

“What’s wrong Kaneki??”

“I used up too much magic Hide.”

“What? But aren’t you a Witcher? Can’t you make more magic??” I ask him, completely lost with fear.

“The fight in the village. I over used Rize’s power to fight and heal myself. But the thing is I already use her power in my body. By using more of it in such a short time I pushed my body to it limits.” He wheezes out.

“Even a Witcher can’t do everything Hde….”

“B-but what about going to see my mum? Didn’t you wanted to see her? Kaneki come on I bet we could even use the-”

“No, Hide. You need that flower for your mother. It won’t work on me anyway, the process has already started.” He tells me.

_ What? _

He shakes as he tries to take off both of his gloves to only reveal his hands have both turn black as night. Pulling up his sleeves as well to show the same change in his skin color.

“My body is decaying from the inside out. There's no way to fix it. No herbs, no medicine, no magic that could help me prevent this. It was only a matter of time really. I guess in the end, it came at a bad time.” He chuckled weakly to himself.

“B-but but!” I shake my head at his words.

_ They hurt! They hurt so much! _

“Hide…” I hear him say as he brings once again a hand up to hold my face.

“This might be the end in this life Hide. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end forever. I believe this won’t be goodbye.” He looks up at me, wiping away some of the tears the steam down my face.

_ Don’t! Don’t say this Kaneki! I need you! _

_ Fuck I need you so much and I’m too much of a fucking coward to say or do anything to help! _

“Am so sorry Hide. I was so scared to see the disappointment in your eyes that I hid the fact that this was happening.”

“But I need you to know that it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t. I might look pretty bad but I feel warm and loved. That’s because of you Hide. Your love is something I’ve never had before, it was bold, it was passionate, and it was so warm. So warm at times it felt like I was melting.”

The discoloring in his skin is already starting to change his face.

“I love you so much Kaneki……. I’ve - I’ve never had someone like you before. Someone so kind, someone so beautiful, I don’t want to let you go!”

“Your not losing me Hide……. I’m only going away for a bit…..”

“I’ll …….. Find you…….. Again……………. So we can ……. Finally …...go…..h-home.”

The black coloring of his face has now engulfed him. Every part of him is black like the night and it hurts. It hurts so much because he’s not talking anymore. His chest isn’t moving like it did when were laying together anymore.

As in an instant, His body becomes britty like fine ice and starts to chip away. Falling into his body as if it were hollow on the inside.

As if there was nothing in there to begin with.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hide’s POV:

 

I drag my legs onto the paved road.

_ I guess I finally made it back to this town in time……. _

I see that the tavern’s lights are still on, it must be open. Never in my 20 years of living did I ever want a drink so badly like in this moment. 

I walk on through the doors and grab a seat at the bar. Still uncomfortable stools but the familiarity makes me feel a bit of melancholic feeling.

“You look like shit.” I hear a voice call out to me.

Looking up from the wooden bar, I’m greeted by the first person I meet here all those months ago.

_ Touka. _

“Haha yeah I kinda feel like it too. Could I get a shot?” I laugh and try my best to not show the sadness that flows through me at the moment.

“A shot of what? Have to be more specific there.” She knocks back.

“The hardest and cheapest stuff you got.”

She looks at me for a second too long but goes and gets my shot anyway. And I’m so fucking grateful for that. She comes back with my drink and puts it in front of me. I just stare at it. I’ve never liked alcohol but the feeling of numbness would be favorable right now.

Tokua starts to clean a few glasses and we sit in silence. There’s not a lot of people in the tarven right now so it’s more relaxing than the first time I came here.

“So I’ve heard a few things this past month.” Tokua says casually, still cleaning off a glass and starting one after another.

“Mhmmm and? Is it good?” I ask her in return.

“Well-” She trails off and her gaze moves across the bar. Landing on a girl who I think is another barmaid.

The girl waves at Tokua. The girl has short hair with a hazelnut color to it, deep dark eyes but yet so caring and lively.

“It’s better now than it was.” Tokua smiles to herself.

I was about to open my to say something to Touka but a hand slaps me on the back.

“Well, well, well isn’t it Hide.”

The feeling of dread wakes me up and I turn around to only be shocked by the face I see.

“Holy shit.” I say

“Holy shit indeed my friend.” Nishiki says with a smile spreading across his face.

“Where? How did you?  _ HOw _ ?” I say to him.

“Sometimes when shit starts to hit. You have to run like hell’s coming for you. But really I ran so much I thought I was going to die. Thank god this girl found me!” Nishiki says as he pulls a girl over to his side.

“This is Kimi and she found me passed out in the snow that night. I guess I forgot how cold it was with the fear biting at my ankles. But I’m glad to see your ass around here. I thought you were dead to be honest.”

“Yeah me too.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hide’s POV:

 

“Mum! Mum! I’m home!” I call out for her while closing the door behind me. Dropping my suitcase to the floor.

“UP HERE!”

I walk up the stair and through the old familiar hallway of the home I grew up in. Passing the room I’ve spent so much time in, so much time hiding away in. And stopping at a single red oak door. I twist the handle slowly.

“Mum?”

“Ahh welcome home Hide.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter will be soon. So do not worry young ones.


	55. No one can do anything truly alone, you must let others help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 40 years later in the future.
> 
> I'm putting two songs in this time just because I couldn't pick between them.

[The ending song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oERCotgzFa0)

[another song for the ending](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q34dZ6VmI04)

 

_ 40 years laters _

“How long do you think their going to get here love?” Yoriko asked Tokua as she sets the table for tonight's later dinner.

“Hell if I know! They should’ve just came with us when we came down on the train. It would’ve been so much easier to have everybody here by now.” Tokua says angrily as she shoves the huge thing of homemade lasagna in the oven.

She still has so much spirit for even being a 55 year old woman. I guess after she got married to Yoriko her love kept her young.

Seeing them together always makes me have so much hope.

“Ahh sister it’s not their fault! Their just as old as Uncle!” Hinami calls out to Tokua while me and her sit in the living room.

“Hey I’m not that old yet Hinami! Your words hurt me sooo!” I say to her holding my chest as if they really hurt me.

Hinami once 8 years old when we met for the first time in that hotel many years ago has also grown up. Finding out Hinami didn’t have parents made me sad to the core but knowing Touka was taking care of her and in the end making her just like a sister helped her become who she is today.

Yoriko walks over to us and sits down as well.

“Are you going to visit them today Hide?” She smiles gently but I can see she the sadness in the corners of her eyes as she ask the question. 

“I sure am! Probably just have to get my butt off the couch to go do it though.” I say excitedly. 

“Do you want us to come with you?” Hinami says to me. I know she means good but I’ve always done this alone. I feel like if they did come with me I would just stand there quietly in a daze. I really just need the alone time, specially now.

“No it’s okay Hinami. I don’t mind going alone anyway.”

They don’t push the matter. After the years they understand that this is something that still deeply pains me.

“Well whatever. Just don’t stay out too long. I didn’t make a whole meal for 5 people just for the main person to skip out on it.” Touka grumbles as she takes a comfortable seat next to her wife.

“Ahh you do care for me!” I say to her.

“Well no shit.” She whispers softly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I walk slowly as the fall weather seems to move through the air. Times have changed and so did I. After mum died 12 years later even after giving her the flower. It still didn’t save her from aging process like everyone else.

I stayed down south for a year just making money but the emptiness that lingered in the household I grew up in was too much for me. So I did the next best thing, I went back up north.

I went back to see the twins first. I decided that I didn’t want to do nothing in my life so I asked them to teach my magic. They told me that I was too young to learn anything but after begging and saying I would do all the chores in the house they finally said yes.

I gotta say I didn’t think learning magic was going to be so hard at first. Things blowing up in your face, having to learn a whole new language that no one normally knows how to speak, and learning that I can’t always save people no matter how much magic I know.

In the end I learned a lot and that was all thanks to them. Eventley they said I needed my own home to live in, my own space to learn and grow more. Telling them that I had no place only gave me a big laugh in my face from them.

Of course I would never get on the level of magic that they have been on because they asked me where I lived. I still can’t believe they somehow made the same exact same house I grew up in out of a few seeds and words.

My walking slows to a hult. As I see two headstones laying next to one another. I dust off the leaves that have fallen on them and set some flowers that I’ve picked on the walk over here.

The headstones don’t have their names on them but you can tell which is which. One made out of rose quartz and the other made out of rubellite. I thought rose quartz for mum because of the meaning in it, encouragement, inner-healing, peace with oneself, and unconditional love.

For him I thought a little harder with this one. Life force to nurture and heal emotional troubles, living happily with others by your side, passion, joy, and love.

“Hey guys.” I say out loud knowing that I won’t get an answer back from either of them.

But that’s okay.

It’s okay….

“Touka and the girls are here to visit me. They keep on saying I’m getting too old to move around anymore. They might be right…….”

“But I guess that’s what aging does to you? Right? People get older, things change, people change, and life goes on.”

“Nishiki and Kimi are coming up too. They don’t have the time like they used too. Their getting pretty big in the medicine and health stuff of the world. Their doing so good in their life….. I’m really happy they have each other to lean on because they didn’t always have that in their lives.”

“We’re going to have a big dinner in the house tonight, probably sit around the fire like how we used to. Right, Kaneki?…… I can still remember when we first met, god how stupid and young I was back then. But I was also so in love with you too.” I exhale and breathe in the cold air. Feeling the slight burn from the weather in my lungs.

“I really wish we had more time.. I wish you met mum too, Touka, Yoriko, Hinami, Nishiki, Kimi too…… I wish you met all of them Kaneki. I bet you would’ve been a big grump about it but maybe you would’ve gotten used to them later on?”

“Sometimes I feel like I can feel the ghost of you around the home when I’m alone Kaneki. Maybe after learning magic I’ve gotten a touch with the afterlife? I think that would be a little ironic in a sense……..”

“I wonder if you see me cry alone in my bed at night because I don’t see you beside me anymore. The haunting touches that you left with me are the only thing I can really hold on too. The memories of the kisses, the touches, these feelings of love that I’ve never had.” I say to the headstone, gripping at my coat.

“There's a point I’m trying to make but I can’t really get to it. Because saying those words hurt me so much more than being alone without you. I want you back but that’s really selfish of me to think that way, isn’t it?”

“I want to scream and curse at the world so much Kaneki. I hate it so much for taking you and mum away from me. I want to throw a tantrum like a fuckin child but what good will that do for me? None, that’s what it’ll do for me.”

“Even though, everyone around me is caring and so kind to me….. I just can’t get the thought of you out of me.”

“I just miss you guys so much ……”

I sit in silence as the night starts to darken as the minutes fly on by. I stand and take a long gaze at both of them.

_ Time really does changes us huh? _

“Thanks guys for letting me talk. It helps because no one else understands…… I’ll see you two later.” I say before heading back to the house.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Where the hell have you been??” Touka looks at me as I walk through the front door.

“Ahh sorry, sorry. I guess I lost track of time talking to them again.” 

Her angry fades as my words slip from my lips. The fire in her eyes settle into just small ambers of the flames within her.

“Idot….... It’s getting colder out this time of year.” She says as she walks up to me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.

_ It’s warm……….. _

“Come on. Nishiki and Kimi are already here and unpacking their stuff in one of the extra guest rooms, so there'll be down soon after that. In than mean time, go and try to relax a little.” She says, pulling away from our hug.

I nod to her and she gives me a tiny smile in return. 

I walk into the kitchen to see Yoriko pulling out sets of baked biscuits out of the oven. I have to say she knows me pretty well after years of hanging out with me, knowing when I’m down she makes my mum’s homemade recipe of buttered biscuits. But it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to eat this past year.

But I always appreciate her trying.

“Ahh! Your back Hide!” She says says happily, setting the trays of biscuits on top of the shove..

“Would you want one? There best when there warm.”

“Maybe later Yoriko.”

“Okey dokey then. Oh and could you get everyone ready for me? It’s about dinner time.” She says taking a spatula and carefully running it underneath the biscuits to make sure they don’t stick.

“Sure thing.” I say before stepping out into the living room.

_ No one’s in here? _

“Guys! Dinner is ready! If you wanna eat probably best to come down and get some before I eat it all!” I yell up the stairway. I start to hear footsteps and I guess that’s my cue to go back to help Yoriko in the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay, okay everyone join hands. Who wants to say the pray tonight?” Hinami says aloud to everyone before they start to dig in on the food.

“I think Hide should do it. He knows how to do it the best.” Kimi says as she places one hand in Nishiki’s and one hand in Hinami’s.

“I agree.” Yoriko says, looking at me across the table.

“Okay then..” I say.

I take a deep breath in and remember the words that Nashiro and Kurona said before every meal.

_ “ _ _ Earth who gives to us our food, _

 

_ Sun who makes it ripe and good, _

_ Dearest earth and dearest sun, _

_ Joy and Love for all you’ve done _

_ Give thanks to the Mother Earth. _

_ Give thanks to the Father Sun. _

_ Give thanks to the plants in the garden, _

_ Where the Mother and Father are One.” _

“Let’s dig in!” I finally say to them.

Minutes slip away as mindless chatter starts up and food is being passed around the dinner table. Laughter, smiling, and food being shoved into mouths are the only things that are happening here in the moment.

And it’s beautiful.

It’s so beautiful that I can’t believe that it’s happening. Like a painting moving on itself, so colorful, so lovely, so unbelievable. I can’t fake the pain that aches in my chest with knowing that he’s not here to see everyone like I am seeing right now.

That he didn’t get the chance to have ‘this’ experience.

_ Ahh I’m doing it again…. _

I guess my thoughts have been harder to catch when they get bad like this. But all of them are happy and together which is the only thing that truly matters now. 

I feel my eyes get heavy and a sudden tiredness hits me.

“Hey are you alright?” Yoriko says as she places a gentle hand on my own.

“Oh I’m just getting really tired that’s all. Probably going to head up to bed soon.” I say with a weak smile on my face.

“Oh... Okay, you seem pretty tired too. It’s been a long day so maybe a rest will do you good. See you in the morning then?”

“Y-yeah see you in the morning. See you guys in the morning guys!” I say to all of them as I rise from the table.

“Hey don’t worry about the dishes Hide. I’ll get them dude.” Nishiki says as he gives me a lopsided smile.

“Thanks..” I tell him.

 

* * *

 

 

_ (flashback) _

_ “Hey Hide!” I hear one of the regulars call out my name as I dry a glass. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Some dude is here to talk to you. Don’t know what he want but it seems important.” _

_ Mhmm I wonder who the hell has anything important to tell me. _

_ “Okay I’ll be out in a second.” I yell out to him as I set down the glass and wipe my hands on the cloth. _

_ Walking outside I don’t see anyone out here waiting for me. Was this a prank? If it was then it was a terrible one. _

_ “Good evening Hide. Long time no see.” _

_ I turn around to see a face I almost forgot to remember to think about. _

_ “Isn’t it Mr. Uta. It’s been a well.” I say crossing my arms. _

_ “About 11 years I would say so.” _

_ He doesn’t look like he’s aged a day and I’m a little more suspicious about that then I should be. _

_ “I guess your wondering why I’m here, wondering why now, and this time.” _

_ “Yes, indeed I am wondering. Glad we’re on the same page here.” I tell him truthfully. _

_ “I wanted to thank you Hide. Thank you for changing the people around you. Fixing what I couldn’t.” _

_ “I don’t follow what your talking about Mr. Uta…” _

_ “Ahh I guess you wouldn’t know that now at least but that’s fine. But you did change people in the past, you're just too stubborn to actually look hard enough to see it.” _

_ “Anyway I have to leave but I wanted to tell you that.” He says as he somehow pulls a full length staff from his coat pocket. _

_ The hell? _

_ “I’ve done a lot of wrong in my life Hide. Made mistakes and hurt people who I wish I haven’t. But that’s why I came to you. I knew you would know what to do in the end.” He turns and points the staff outwards. Suddenly a bright red door appears out of nowhere. Standing on its own. _

_ “Hey! Wait! What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything!” I yell and start to move after him as his stepping into the door. _

_ “Perhaps you’ll look back to this day and know what I’m talking about….”  _

_ I run towards the door and try to catch it but before I could even get a single finger on it, Mr. Uta shuts the door and it disappears as mysteriously as it appeared. _

_ And I’m left more confused than I was before. _

 

 

* * *

 

I lay in bed as the memoirs of a different time wash over me in interrupted sleep. But their not sad this time, no. Their more eye opening then they were before.

At the age of 61 I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I wish I did more of. Speak up against more people, help more people, but like Kurona and Nashiro said to me.

_ “You can’t always save people Hide. It’s impossible to think you can do that.” Nashiro says as she displays different gems on the table before us. _

_ “Yes Hide, sister is right. Not even Gods and Goddess save everyone, no matter if their good or bad. Beings always die in the end.” Kurona says to me as she places a gem in my hand. _

At that time their words made sense but I was a fool to ignore them.

But I get it now.

No human or magical being could do anything alone. They need help from the earth, the sun, the moon, spirits of the magical world, and specially the people who care and love for them.

And I feel like such an idiot to now just get that. To know that I couldn’t do anything without the people who stay and move around in this house right now.

Without Touka and her mean yet encouraging words to move along. Without Shuu to show me to never judge a book by the way it looks. Without Yoriko who showed me that peace could be found in anyone. Without Hinami who showed me that anyone can learn new things no matter how old. Without Nishiki who showed me that no matter where you are it’s only a matter of time before things will change for the better. Without Kimi who showed me that without a family at birth that doesn’t mean you’ll always be alone. Without mum who showed me that no matter the hardship, I will get through it.

And finally, without Kaneki…… I wouldn’t ever know what true love feels likes

Without any of them I wouldn’t have gotten this far on my own.

I smile as the feeling of the blessings from all of them remind me that I did have a good life, even if it was sad at many times.

My eyes slide close and I feel the warmth for within cover my whole body. I breath as sigh of relief as I know it’s time now.

It’s time to go.

“Thank you everyone……..” I whisper to the night hoping all can hear my words.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I feel a slight breeze and warmth of the beautiful sun shine on me. Hearing the wind slowly move the trees around me.

I blink open my eyes. I don’t know how I got here but I feel like I’ve been here. I sit up from the ground to see a never ending field full of bright colored flowers. I look around to see that they truly are never ending all around me, going in all directions.

I stand up and feel that there’s no pain in my joints or any of my muscles. I look at my hands and see that there are no more wrinkles of the years of age, no more calluses and scars that used to cover my wore hands.

_ So this is it? _

I move through the tall flowers and grass that lingers around me. I don’t know where I’m walking to but I guess that’s the point now? Having no true destination in mind.

I walk and walk through the flowers and finally there’s something different. A hilltop. I don’t know why but I start to walk up the tall hill. Its steep but I’m not out of breath, no wheezing, no needing to stop and take a rest.

I make it to the top and there's this beautiful tree just perched on this hill with nothing else here.

_ Wait a second. _

From waking up not so long ago, I guess my eyes are still blurry from it. I wipe at them to make sure this is correct.

That this isn’t some type of mistake of my own vision playing tricks on me.

Because there’s someone's sitting in the middle of the tree roots reading a book.

Their hair is pure white.

They see me watching them in totally ahh. They mark where they left off in the book and close it softly, setting it down beside them.

“Welcome home Hide.” Kaneki says with an amazing smile that I’m been waiting and missing to see.

I can already feel the tears fall off my chip but I don’t care anymore.

Nothing matters anymore but this moment.

“I’m home Kaneki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank every single on of you guys for everything. This was my first ever story to write, I know there are a lot of grammar errors and other stuff but so many of you guys just dealt with it and I have to thank you guys for that.
> 
> All the comments and likes are amazing and I could ever put into words how much it means to me.
> 
> Thank you all for being in this journey of Black Honey with me.
> 
> I couldn't do it without any of you.


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